A Heart Worth Mending

by Amanda Canham

  ‘It’s not like that,’ he assured them.

  ‘We’re not… We work together. That’s all,’ Kelli added quickly.

  ‘Oh, okay,’ Stacey looked supremely disappointed. ‘Are you sure? Because Ana said-’

  ‘Dammit, Ana!’ Travis cursed beneath his breath, though the words were loud enough for them all to hear. ‘I’m going to have words with my meddling sister!’

  ‘You will do no such thing, Travis Reed!’ Stacey admonished good-naturedly. ‘She cares about you, and—’

  ‘And Stacey may have been encouraging her a little,’ Cameron added with a laugh. ‘What!’ he turned towards Stacey as she batted his arm. ‘You were.’

  ‘Moving on,’ Stacey said, clearly ready to change the subject. ‘You look familiar, Kelli. Have we met before?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ The woman certainly didn’t seem familiar to her.

  ‘Are you sure? Maybe…did you go to university in Sydney, by any chance?’

  ‘No, born and bred on Tamborine Mountain, uni on the Gold Coast. I’ve barely left the Sunshine State.’

  ‘Huh. Maybe I’m…oh, wait, I know,’ Stacey’s eyes lit up with recognition ‘I saw you when I was out with Teegan one night, before I was all the way out here,’ she patted her belly fondly.

  Kelli’s heart started to pump harder at the mention of that name. If this woman was friends with Teegan, then she’d know Jimmy. And if she knew Jimmy, then she’d know, at least in part, what happened to him. It would only be a matter of time before she started to treat Kelli differently: to walk on egg-shells around her, to smile sadly whenever she looked at her, to watch what she said around her.

  One, two, thr—

  And there it was. Horror, sadness, and sympathy replaced the excitement in Stacey’s gaze as she put the final pieces of the puzzle together.

  The last thing Kelli wanted was sympathy. She didn’t deserve sympathy.

  ‘You’re Jimmy’s sister. Oh, dear, Kelli, I’m so sor—.’

  Thankfully Stacey’s words were interrupted by another woman as she approached their small group.

  ‘Here we go, one beer for Doctor Cam, and one refreshing, sparkling water for the woman with the waddle.’

  Kelli’s relief was short-lived. Although she still couldn’t see the woman, she knew that voice. It was achingly familiar and instantly brought memories of Jimmy to the fore of her mind. But her ears must have been playing tricks on her. It couldn’t be her. Why would she be here?

  As soon as the men parted to allow the woman entrance to their circle, Kelli could see she hadn’t been mistaken.

  ‘Kelli!’ The woman gasped, the beer bottle slipping from her fingers and smashing on the ground at her feet.

  ‘Teegan?’ But Kelli didn’t need the other woman’s nod of confirmation to know who it was - her brother’s titian-haired girlfriend. No, fiancée, Kelli clarified as her eyes drifted to the engagement ring resting on a chain around Teegan’s neck.

  Images flew into her mind, memories flashing through it as though they were on fast forward: of Jimmy, bursting with pride when he’d come home to show her the ring he’d picked out; of him rehearsing his marriage proposal speech, pacing backwards and forwards in their living room as he tried to get his words in order; of the night he actually proposed, all his bubbling confidence disappearing as he nervously tried on four different ties before he left to pick Teegan up.

  And the next day he was gone.

  Dead.

  ‘What are you doing here, Kel?’ Teegan asked, but Kelli could barely hear her. It was as if she spoke the words from a great distance away.

  Kelli’s breath started coming in short, sharp gasps.

  ‘I’ve been trying to call you. We need to talk.’

  She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t face her. She wasn’t ready. Kelli hadn’t spoken to Teegan since the funeral, and even then the words were few.

  Yes, she was a coward. But how could she stand here, next to Teegan, and make small talk after she’d deprived the woman of her soul mate? How could she?

  The answer was simple. She couldn’t.

  ‘I…I…I’ve got to go,’ Kelli got out, backing away from the group, slowly hedging around the crowd of party-goers, heading towards the gate.

  ‘Kelli!’

  She heard Travis call after her but she didn’t stop. She needed to get out of there. She could feel the pinpricks against the back of her eyes, the tightness across her chest. The tears would come soon and they wouldn’t stop. She didn’t want anyone to see her pain.

  She slipped past the gate and up the path, the pounding footfalls of Travis close behind her.

  ‘Wait, Kelli,’ he called out again but she kept going. Her car was there, just there. But so were the tears trying to cloud her vision. She couldn’t let them break through. She had no right to cry. She didn’t deserve any form of relief from this pain.

  Her fingers dove into her white clutch, searching for her keys. Finally she found them and depressed the unlock button; the familiar beep-beep a welcome relief. She crossed onto the bitumen, heading for the driver’s side door. She grabbed the handle, yanking the door open only to have it slammed back against the car from behind her, Travis’ hand keeping it firmly closed.

  ‘Kelli, tell me what’s wrong.’

  ‘No, I can’t. I have to go,’ she told him, refusing to turn around, fighting back the tears trying to burst forth.

  She closed her eyes, pressing her hands against the lids, hoping to stop the tears but it didn’t work. Instead, memories from that day flooded her vision. She saw the dry, pale green bush; the sheer, rocky cliff face. She could almost hear the rush of the water as it flowed through the gorge.

  And Jimmy.

  Again and again she saw Jimmy. She saw him whole and healthy and smiling as they trekked through to the gorge. And then he was there again after it all happened, and he was neither whole, nor healthy, nor smiling.

  He would never be whole or healthy or smiling again.

  She pried her eyes open, but the image was still there, burned onto the back of her retinas. She wasn’t sure she could keep going any longer. This pain, this guilt, it was too much for one person to bear alone.

  ‘I’m not going to let you go until you tell me what’s wrong,’ he insisted.

  Maybe she should tell Travis. Maybe he would understand. She might not have known him long, but he seemed to get her in a way few people did. Maybe he wouldn’t judge her, or feel sorry for her, or treat her differently.

  Maybe all she needed to do was trust him, just that little bit.

  She turned round and looked up into eyes filled with concern. She could do this.

  ‘The woman in there, Teegan,’ she spoke the words softly, hesitantly at first, but her courage fortified with each word she uttered, and her voice grew stronger. ‘She’s Jimmy’s Teegan. My dead brother’s fiancée, Teegan.’

  His eyes filled with compassion, his voice soft as he tried to soothe her. ‘Ah, Kel, it must have been a shock to see her.’

  It was the last thing she needed.

  ‘That’s not it. You don’t get it. Nobody gets it,’ she cried out, punctuating each point with the slam of her palm against his chest.

  He captured her hands, holding them against him, keeping her close. ‘Then tell me.’

  She looked at him, his concerned eyes blurry through the unshed tears. ‘I can’t talk to Teegan. I can’t even look at her.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’m the reason she’s so sad. I’m the reason she doesn’t have Jimmy.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he asked, his eyes scanning hers, searching for the truth.

  ‘Jimmy… Jimmy didn’t just “die”. I killed him. Travis, I killed my own brother.’

  Chapter 4

  The clanging of glass upon glass rattled as Travis upended another collection of empty beer and wine bottles into the garbage, but he barely noticed. Neither did he notice the stench of stale, sun-warmed alcohol a
s it slowly dripped down the side of the bin. His thoughts, his entire being, were focused on replaying the events of the night before.

  How could Kelli blame herself so entirely for her brother’s death?

  He’d spoken to Teegan after Kelli left. She’d been concerned about Kelli. Teegan was still grieving herself, and she’d given him a bare-bones account of what happened.

  It was terrible, a shocking accident.

  But the way Kelli spoke about it, the raw pain and torture in her eyes... She didn’t think it was an accident.

  I killed him. I killed my own brother.

  He heard the words again, spoken in her husky, pain filled voice. She’d stunned him with her grief, with the enormity of her over-whelming guilt. She’d pulled her hands from his while he was still absorbing the immensity of her pain, and jumped in her car. Before he’d regained enough of his wits to stop her, she’d driven off.

  He’d been tempted to go after her, to make sure she was all right, to hold her, to shield her from the pain. But he hadn’t. Because he knew sometimes, in the depths of pain and grief, sometimes you just need to be alone.

  It didn’t mean he couldn’t go after her today, check up on her, make sure she was still breathing. He didn’t know if she had anyone else in her life doing that; didn’t know if she had other siblings, friends, relatives, caring for her. She’d mentioned a mother, but from her tone it was clear they weren’t connecting.

  But she wouldn’t want pity. The strong, proud woman Kelli was wouldn’t accept that.

  Travis dumped the last load of bottles into the recycling bin and trekked back up to the house, washing away the garbage grime in the kitchen sink, before he started pulling out pots and pans, banging them on the countertop as he went.

  He had a plan, but to pull it off he’d need the help of his sister. And to get her help, he needed her up and out of bed.

  He loaded the kitchen bench with the perfect hangover cure: bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms and anything else he could lay his hands on. Grabbing the large wooden chopping board from its hidey hole above the fridge, he dumped it on the hard granite surface with a loud thump. That finally seemed to do the trick, because he heard the slow thump-thump-thump of his sister padding down the hallway.

  ‘Morning, Sunshine,’ he greeted her scowling face with a beatific smile of his own.

  ‘What is that God-awful racket you’re making?’ she grumbled, sliding onto a stool and slumping, face onto folded arms, on the counter top.

  ‘It’s called breakfast,’ he answered, completely unmoved by her sour mood.

  ‘Breakfast? What time is it?’ She raised her head briefly to squint blearily at the timer on the microwave. ‘Are you crazy? It’s barely nine o’clock. I’ve got at least another two hours before I have to face breakfast.’

  ‘Now don’t be like that,’ he scolded laughingly as he unpeeled and chopped the mushrooms.

  ‘Why not?’ she grizzled, the words muffled as she buried her head back in her arms.

  ‘It’s too beautiful a day to waste in bed,’ he answered, moving on to slicing the tomatoes.

  ‘Says the man without the hangover,’ she mumbled without moving.

  ‘Says the man with the Nurofen,’ he countered, holding out two capsules and a glass of water for her.

  ‘Oh. Well, thanks, I guess,’ she murmured, emerging from beneath the shag-pile of ungroomed hair to swallow the tablets before resting her head on her arms again. ‘How come Pierce isn’t being subjected to this torture?’

  ‘Pierce isn’t here,’ Travis informed her, winking at his sister knowingly when she popped her head back up in surprise.

  ‘That dirty, dirty, dog,’ she exclaimed, but couldn’t prevent the giggle of glee. ‘Was it Carla? Or Sammy? No, it was Bridget, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Not my place to say,’ Travis grinned as his sister’s gossip metre went into over-drive.

  ‘You’re no fun at all,’ she grizzled, but at least stayed sitting up for now.

  He placed a couple of pans on the hotplates and started heating some oil, then returned to slicing up the bacon rashes. He could feel Ana’s eyes trained on him, calculating, thoughtful. The question, when it came, was hardly a surprise.

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘What about me?’ he returned innocently.

  ‘You disappeared for a while there.’

  ‘Did I?’ he concentrated on moving the mushrooms and bacon strips into the hot pans.

  ‘So did Kelli,’ she continued, her eyes piercing his when he finally turned back to her. ‘What did you two get up to?’

  His mind flew back to the pool room, Kelli’s lips close to his, her breasts round and plump and begging to be touched. He shifted uncomfortably under the sudden onslaught of heat, and pushed the images away. Not something he would be telling his sister.

  ‘We…no, actually, she was searching for dead bodies,’ he said instead. After all, it was the truth.

  ‘What?’ Ana stared at him in disbelief. ‘Are you pulling my leg?’

  ‘No.’ He flipped the bacon and switched the oven on to a warming temperature.

  ‘Why on earth would she do that?’

  ‘I think she wanted to make sure I wasn’t a closet axe-murderer,’ he answered, shooting his sister a laughing glance.

  Ana was silent for a moment, digesting that tit-bit of information. Finally she smiled, pushing her hair from her eyes and looking more than a little self-satisfied.

  ‘What?’ Travis asked, suddenly suspicious.

  ‘Nothing,’ she assured him, smoothing her hands along the granite bench, but she was unable to stop the grin spreading across her face. He pierced her with a look, his eyebrow raised in pointed query.

  ‘I think it’s a positive sign.’

  ‘And how, pray tell, do you come to that conclusion?’ The inner workings of his sister’s mind completely astounded him.

  ‘Well, clearly she’s interested in you. She’s trying to ferret out all your secrets before giving you her heart.’

  Travis let out a long-suffering groan, and turned away from his sister. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to seconder her help today. If she could turn an innocent little joke into-

  ‘What was it you wanted to do today?’ Ana piped up before he had a chance to change his mind.

  ‘I… ah…’ but he couldn’t think of an alternative quickly. Besides, he wanted to see Kelli today. He needed to assure himself she was all right after last night. ‘I was thinking we could head down to the beach,’ he answered after his momentary hesitation.

  ‘Oh?’ Ana’s eyes opened wide. ‘Really? We haven’t been down there since—’

  ‘I have,’ Travis interrupted. ‘I told you I went down the Coast when I came back from holidays.’

  ‘Yeah, but, that was clearly because…’ But his sister trailed off, not willing to finish the sentence under the intensity of his glare. ‘Okay, a trip to the beach I can handle. As long as you don’t expect me to do anything but lie in the sun and recover,’ she added, smiling brightly, trying to brush past her faux pas.

  ‘You can do whatever you want, as long as you come,’ he said and turned back to the stove, removing the bacon and mushrooms and adding the tomatoes and eggs. ‘One or two eggs?’ He asked Ana over his shoulder.

  ‘One, thanks.’

  Travis cracked three eggs into the fry pan before sliding two pieces of bread into the toaster. ‘I thought we could ask some of our friends to come with us. To the beach,’ he added, purposefully concentrating on the eggs in the pan.

  ‘Friends? Don’t be silly, you don’t have friends,’ she said teasingly, cackling when he threw her a mock-offended look. The laughter turned to squeals of horror when he threw a piece of bacon rind towards her. ‘Okay, okay. You have plenty of friends. You just don’t normally—’ she broke off suddenly, the self-satisfied grin returning as a few things clearly locked into place in her mind. ‘Doesn’t Kelli live down the Coast?’ She asked slyly, carefully removi
ng the bacon rind from the rat-nest of hair currently surrounding her head.

  ‘Maybe,’ he said with a shrug, turning back towards the toaster as the bread popped, discreetly hiding the faint blush creeping up his skin.

  ‘These friends we’re inviting to the beach, is it more specifically just one friend?’ She asked and he kept his back to her, not wanting to see the triumph on her face.

  ‘It can be more than one,’ he answered, shrugging nonchalantly. At least, he hoped it came across nonchalantly.

  ‘But definitely one particular friend?’

  Keeping his head down as he piled food onto both plates, he nodded.

  ‘Why don’t you ask her out, then? You don’t need a chaperone,’ she insisted, pulling out the juice, and an array of sauces from the fridge.

  ‘I’m not interested in her that way. I just think it would be nice—’

  ‘Bullshit!’

  Ana had her take-no-prisoners gaze directed on him, so there was no point denying the truth.

  ‘Okay, fine, I’m attracted to her. But I’m not going to date her. I can’t!’

  ‘Why the hell not?’

  ‘Because I work with her.’ As far as Travis was concerned, that was reason enough.

  ‘So?’

  She still didn’t get it.

  ‘I’ve had enough rumours circulating the workplace to last me a lifetime. I do not need to go through that again.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t tell me you’re still letting that bitch—’

  ‘Ashlee is not a bitch. She’s the mother of my child.’

  ‘That doesn’t stop her being a selfish bitch, Trav.’

  Travis massaged his suddenly throbbing temples. ‘Can we please not have this conversation again?’

  Ana was silent for a moment, her eyes squinting at him before she finally gave in with a huff. ‘Fine.’

  ‘Anyway, it’s not just about the rumours. Kelli’s still…she’s not…she can’t…’ However he tried, Travis didn’t know quite how to word it.

  ‘Oh, is this about her brother?’ Ana asked sombrely. ‘It was terrible, what happened to him.’

  It was on the tip of Travis’ tongue to ask Ana what she knew, but he thought better of it. Even his brief words with Teegan had felt like some kind of betrayal of Kelli, as if they were gossiping about her. Which was probably stupid, but he’d experienced enough people talking behind his back in the last year to never do the same to another.