A Heart Worth Mending

by Amanda Canham

  But she wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t.

  So rather than melting into him she straightened her spine, lightly shrugging out from his hold.

  ‘Dinner’s ready,’ she threw over her shoulder as she killed the heat on the stove top and deftly stepped away from him to serve the pasta into the waiting plates.

  ‘Oh-kay,’ he stretched the word out, and she could feel his eyes plastered to her. But she couldn’t turn around, because then her barely-there resolve would simply crumble.

  ‘You are hungry, aren’t you?’ She asked as she cracked some pepper over the dishes.

  ‘Not for…’ But the words trailed off. Kelli looked over her shoulder in time to see a flash of hurt before he masked it with an insincere smile. ‘Sure,’ he said instead, grabbing the cutlery and leading her to the dining table.

  ‘Is everything okay with you?’ he asked once they sat.

  ‘Yes. Of course,’ Kelli answered, her smile matching his.

  ‘It’s just…You seem…’ He struggled to find the words.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ but she could see he wasn’t buying it. And he deserved more than that. ‘It’s just… I just… I’m not ready for anything…’ she trailed off, waving her fork in front of her face, hoping he got the gist of what she was trying to say, because she couldn’t get any more words past the lump in her throat.

  He reached forward, grabbing hold of her manically circling wrist, caressing her pulse point with his thumb. ‘It’s okay, Kelli. We don’t have to rush. Not into anything.’

  ‘Really?’ The taut wires that had been wrapped around her chest since his phone call started to loosen.

  ‘Really,’ he confirmed, his eyes seeking and holding hers, a world of understanding in his gaze.

  After a moment more, he released her hand and picked up his fork. ‘Food looks good.’

  ‘Let’s hope it tastes as good as it looks.’

  ‘I’m sure it will.’

  Despite Kelli’s concerns, the dish was perfect and they chatted while they ate. The awkwardness slipped away as they fell into the easy conversation they always shared. Travis would throw the occasional thoughtful look her way, but Kelli was pleased with the way she deflected anything too deep. Once they’d finished eating, they made quick work of clearing away the dishes.

  ‘Movie time?’ he asked once the kitchen was again sparkling.

  ‘What did you get?’ Kelli suppressed a yawn. She was always pretty shattered by the end of the week, but she didn’t want to leave. Not yet. Even if she wasn’t ready to move on, his company was better than the empty apartment full of memories she had waiting for her at home.

  ‘Django.’

  ‘Ooh, that’s supposed to be really good.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s what I heard. So you haven’t seen it?’

  ‘No. I was supposed to go with Jimmy, but he ditched me and turned it into his first date with Teegan.’

  ‘Harsh,’ Travis laughed lightly. ‘I take it that’s a yes, then?’

  ‘Yes,’ Kelli smothered another yawn. ‘But if I fall asleep you have to wake me up.’

  ‘Is that likely?’ Travis asked as he loaded the DVD into the Blu-ray player by the wall.

  ‘Hopefully not,’ Kelli answered as she dropped onto the leather sofa directly opposite the massive LED television mounted on the wall. ‘I really want to see this movie. But I have been up since five-thirty. All this commuting is driving me mental.’

  ‘Have you thought about moving to Brisbane?’ he asked quietly as he dimmed the lights, dousing the room in darkness, the television screen providing the only source of light.

  ‘Not really.’ Kelli focused on the screen. Moving to Brisbane meant saying goodbye to the apartment; saying goodbye to Jimmy. Not something she was ready to do.

  ‘I understand. But if you’ve got some late appointments or early starts, your welcome to crash here,’ he offered as he settled beside her on the lounge.

  ‘Really?’ Kelli raised her eyebrows. The offer was nice, but if there were strings…

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got a spare room. Unless, of course you want to stay with me,’ he offered, the first hint of a genuine smile since dinner. She could just make it out in the darkened room.

  ‘Food for thought,’ she said, switching her gaze to the TV before she took him up on the offer there and then. But she couldn’t help the grin of pleasure settling on her face when the movie started.

  As the credits rolled, Travis looked down at the delicate, pointed feet resting in his lap, occasionally twitching as Kelli slept. True to his word, he’d woken her the first time she’d fallen asleep.

  And the second.

  By the third time he didn’t have the heart. She was clearly desperately in need of rest, so he’d let her be. He’d cop the fall out in the morning, if there was any.

  Keeping his eyes firmly averted from the bunched up skirt around the tops of her legs, he scooted out from beneath her feet. No good would come of seducing her while she slept.

  Leaning down, he gently picked her up. Cornflowers and sunshine surrounded him like a breath of fresh air as her hair spanned out around them. She squirmed in his arms, grizzling at the disruption but quickly settled, her head resting against his shoulder, nuzzling into him.

  He couldn’t help but smile at the movement. Even when she was sleeping, she was a fighter.

  Something inside him flickered, like a light going on, a strong bright light that burst the pain that had haunted him for too long. It was almost enough to weaken him; his legs trembled beneath the weight of it.

  He held on tight to Kelli, planted his feet firmly here, in this life, and found the strength to move forward.

  At least as far as the spare bedroom.

  Ever so gently, he laid her out on the queen size bed and pulled the doona up over her. She rolled over snuggling beneath the covers and he fought the urge to join her.

  He ran a shaking hand through his hair, almost overwhelmed by the strength of his desire for this woman. It wasn’t just a physical desire for her anymore and he wondered, had it ever been?

  He was so at ease in her presence. As though he’d finally come home. He couldn’t remember relaxing this much with Ashlee, even in their good times.

  He could see possibilities with Kelli. Sure, she had a wall around her, but the glimpses of her he saw when she let them fall…If he could break through her barriers, he could see a future. He could see a thousand maybes.

  But was he even ready for one?

  Chapter 7

  Rolling over in bed, still half asleep, Kelli stretched her limbs, trying to get comfortable. But something didn’t quite feel right.

  What was it?

  She was still dressed, which was part of it but not quite. Kelli’s eyes flashed open, her mind instantly alert. This wasn’t her bed!

  Moonlight streamed across the room, highlighting the modern, striped doona cover and sparse furnishings. The last thing she remembered, she was sitting on the sofa with Travis watching Django. Leo’s character had stubbed out his cigar and then…nothing. She must have fallen asleep.

  Damn and blast! She’d told Travis to wake her. How difficult was it to shake her shoulder and send her packing? Then again, given the inherent risks of driving drowsy, he’d probably thought it was safer for her to crash the night here than drive down the coast half-asleep.

  How did she get in here, though? Maybe Travis had carried her. Now wasn’t that a delicious thought? She curled over, cuddling the doona and the idea close to her chest.

  And to think, he was probably lying in a similar bed, mere metres from her... Oh, damn, she was never going to get back to sleep now.

  Sliding out of bed, Kelli smoothed the creases from her shirt and skirt. She was going to have to search the house in the dark to find her belongings, or maybe not. There, lying on the bedside chest were her wallet, keys and phone. And on the floor, by the door, were her shoes. Travis must have put them there.

  Picking up he
r belongings, Kelli slipped on her shoes and made her way out the bedroom door. The house was so quiet she tried hard not to make a sound as she tip-toed down the corridor. The first room she passed had its door wide open and she could see Ana passed out on top of the doona, her shoes still hanging on her feet, her bag still strapped to her waist.

  Then a loud, snuffling snore sounded from further down the hallway, drawing her attention. It was such a male sounding snore; it could only be one person.

  Travis.

  Kelli followed the sound down the corridor. Unable to resist the temptation, she pressed her ear to the door. She’d never have picked Travis as a snorer. And a loud one, considering she could hear the limitation in his breath through the closed door.

  Well, it really was her duty as a sleep physician to confirm her suspicions. At least, that’s what Kelli told herself as she pushed the door open.

  There, lying in the dappled moonlight was Travis.

  A very naked Travis.

  All thought of diagnosis and treatment fled from her mind as her gaze ate up the firm, muscular legs; the broad, well defined chest lightly covered in whorls of dark hair thinning to a light trail down past his navel, down towards…

  Her eyes widened, heat coursed through her body. Her cheeks were so hot she probably glowed like a beacon. She needed to get out of his room. If he woke now, if he caught her standing at his door perving on him, he’d…he’d…Images flashed through her mind of what he’d do, of what they would do if he woke.

  She tried to swallow, to push the images away, but she couldn’t. Her mouth was parched, her breathing ragged as she stared down at him, her hands itching to touch him, to grab him right around—

  A sharp snuffling gurgle burst through the room, snapping Kelli from her daze.

  Her gaze flew from his body to his head as he twisted, rolling on to his side, his sleep disturbed by his own snoring.

  And Kelli did the one thing she had to. She fled.

  Come Monday morning, Kelli was a ball of nerves as she stood at the nurses’ station in the middle of St Mary’s Respiratory Ward, almost-waiting for Travis to arrive. Technically, she was still completing the paperwork from her morning rounds, but she’d taken a lot longer than usual to write the brief notes.

  ‘Morning, Kelli.’

  The ball of nerves exploded into a swarm of butterflies playing volleyball in Kelli’s stomach at the greeting.

  Flicking her gaze up from the chart, she tried hard not to stare at Travis lushly filling out his standard white medical coat and formal business suit. And to think, all that scrumptious body could have been hers this weekend.

  ‘Hey, Travis,’ she greeted warmly, but not too warmly, and hoped the rampant hormonal thoughts were masked behind her pleasant, professional smile. ‘How was your weekend?’

  ‘Same as always,’ he said with a shrug, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. ‘I think my friend ditched me.’

  Oh, dear, so he was a little put out over her disappearing act. Maybe she should have left a note, or a text, or something when she’d run out in the middle of the night. But she’d been afraid to contact him over the weekend, worried that if he called her she’d come running. And she didn’t trust herself to be alone with him. She’d only just managed to keep her hands to herself on Friday night, and that was mostly because she’d passed out during the movie.

  ‘I’m sure it wasn’t personal,’ Kelli told him quietly, dropping her gaze back down to her chart.

  ‘Really?’ She could feel his eyes glued to her, but she couldn’t face him. Not yet.

  ‘Mmm-hmm,’ she nodded her head, thankful her golden curls were falling forward, giving her partial coverage from his penetrating gaze. She needed to change the subject, and fast.

  ‘So, um,’ she closed the chart and capped her pen, giving herself time to pull her wits together before facing him head on. ‘Have you had your snoring looked into?’

  His eyes widened in surprise at her words, his nostrils flaring. ‘My what?’

  ‘Didn’t you hear me?’ she smiled, knowing very well that he had. ‘Maybe you need your ears checked, as well as your snoring.’

  ‘I don’t need either checked, thank you very much. I’d just thought I must have mistaken what you said, because I don’t snore.’

  ‘Oh, I believe you do.’ She smiled winningly at him. ‘But never fear, I know a good sleep physician that could steer you in the right direction.’ She finished this with a discrete tap to her nose.

  ‘Is that so?’ he cocked an eyebrow, his eyes looking her over from the top of her cascading hair, down the long white coat to the polished black heels on her feet. ‘Maybe I would be tempted if I actually snored. But I don’t.’

  ‘Care to prove it?’

  ‘I don’t need to. I was married for over ten years. I think I’d know if I snored.’

  ‘Well, I was going to suggest you have a sleep study -’

  ‘What? Here? No way do I want anyone here watching me sleep.’

  ‘Not even me?’ Kelli rounded her eyes, all innocence, as she tapped her pen lightly against her lips.

  Travis rested an elbow against the bench in front of them and leaned in close, so only Kelli could hear him.

  ‘Now something tells me you’ve already seen me sleeping,’ he murmured, just above her ear. Sharp tingles of delight shivered across her from the warmth of his breath, and a light flush across her skin confirmed her guilt. ‘Did you like what you saw?’

  ‘You mean, aside from the snoring?’ Kelli leaned back a little, desperately needing to regain the upper hand. She flicked her gaze up and down his body in a quick once over before returning to his eyes. ‘Wasn’t too bad, though I think I might need to make a more thorough inspection next time.’

  His eyes dilated, the blue of his irises almost disappearing in the molten heat of his desire. Kelli noticed his breathing quicken and it took all she had to stand still and control her own breathing.

  Damn and blast! She couldn’t even control her mouth around him! What was it about this man that sent her thoughts skittering straight to the bedroom?

  ‘Anytime,’ he offered, when he was finally able to speak again. ‘Just say the word, and I’m there.’

  ‘Not before you have a sleep study,’ Kelli lightly tapped her pen against his shirt, trying to draw the conversation back from areas she’d forbidden herself from. Professional. She needed to keep this professional. ‘You really should get that looked at.’

  ‘Fine. Just not here.’

  ‘Funny you should say that. I do believe those new portable devices are arriving this week. You know, the ones your friend was interested in. They’re always looking for guinea pigs to test out new equipment.’

  ‘I think Ana is earmarked to test them.’

  ‘Perfect.’

  ‘No. No. No,’ Travis declared, horror stamped across his face at the idea.

  ‘Why not?’ Kelli thought it was the perfect solution.

  ‘I am not having my sister set me up.’

  ‘What if I set you up?’

  ‘You?’

  ‘Yes, me. I worked my way through med school as a sleep tech. I’m a bit rusty, but I’m sure I could make do.’

  ‘Excuse me, Dr Reed,’ Kelli and Travis swivelled their heads simultaneously at the interruption. Anita was standing on the other side of the nurses’ station, a patient file in her hand. ‘This is Mrs Miller’s chart. She turned up at the ED this morning, same symptoms as last time. I’ve settled her in to room five.’

  ‘Thanks, Anita,’ Travis took hold of the chart and started flicking through it, a slight frown forming on his face.

  ‘So, are you up for it?’

  ‘Up for what?’ he asked distractedly, barely glancing up from the chart.

  ‘The sleep study,’ she reminded him. ‘You kind of need to practice what you preach.’

  ‘Yeah. Okay. Let me know when they’re in,’ he nodded, though she was pretty sure he wouldn’t remember agreeing to th
e task.

  ‘What’s wrong with your patient?’ she asked, curious at seeing him so completely lost in thought.

  ‘She’s a frequent flyer. This is her fifth admission in as many months. She has hyper-inflation of her lungs; no history of COPD or any other lung disorders. Occasionally she responds to medication, but I’m running out of options.’

  ‘Hmm… Can I have a look?’ There was something about the case that tickled a thought in the back of her mind, but she couldn’t quite grasp it yet. Kelli flicked through the pages of notes, but there was no new information. Nothing she could grasp on to.

  ‘What’s her social history?’

  ‘Uh… She lives alone. Two adult children, I believe. Her husband…’ Travis leaned across Kelli to flick through the file. ‘Ah, that’s right. She’s a widower. Her husband died almost two years ago. Heart attack.’

  ‘Does she have a history of mental illness, maybe anxiety or depression?’

  ‘Not that I’m aware of. Why?’

  ‘It’s something I was looking into last year. It’s not common, but sometimes hyper-inflation of the lungs is associated with anxiety, particularly in fifty plus women. It might be worth looking into.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘No worries,’ she answered as the pager at her waist beeped. She glanced down and saw a message from Jan upstairs. ‘I better get out of here. Looks like my first patient has arrived, and I don’t want to end up in Jan’s bad books.’

  Travis watched Kelli walk away, amazed by the change in her. He’d come in today, not really sure what to expect. After she’d disappeared without a word during Friday night he’d honestly thought that would be the last he’d see of her.

  Clearly he’d been wrong.

  And not only had she turned him on before ten am, she’d intrigued him with her insight into his patient. Pushing aside his desire for this force that had swept into his life, he returned his attention to Mrs Miller’s chart. There was no recorded history of anxiety or depression, and he had several letters from her G.P. But if the disorder was undiagnosed, if she was self-medicating by over-breathing. At the very least it was worth doing an anxiety measure.