Rise

by Heather MacKinnon

   When he was seated on a small rolling stool, he clasped his hands and gave me a reassuring smile. “So, Abraham told me a little bit, but I’d like to hear from you what’s been going on.”

   I took a deep breath and launched into the story of how I’d been feeling for the past week. I explained that I initially thought it was because I was away from Abraham so long, but after I got sick with him right beside me, I knew it was something more.

   He nodded slowly as he listened. When I was done, he spoke up, “Have you noticed any changes in your appetite? Things that used to taste good that don’t anymore or vice versa?”

   I nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s happened a couple of times lately.”

   He pursed his lips. “What about your emotions? Have they been a little wacky this week?”

   My eyes widened. “Kinda, yeah. I feel like I’m always crying lately. Why? Do you think you know what’s going on with me?”

   He nodded and reached into one of the drawers behind him before handing me a plastic cup. “I have a hunch, but I won’t know until I do a couple tests. Can you provide me with a urine sample?”

   I shrugged and took the cup. “Yeah, sure. Where should I go?”

   He stood up and helped me off the table. “There’s a bathroom across the hall. When you’re done, you can bring the cup back in here and then have a seat in the living room. I’ll come get you when I’m ready.”

   I shrugged again and did as he asked. When I made it out to his library/living room, I found Doreen in there reading what looked like a textbook. She saw me, and her smile spread across her face.

   “Hey, Ellie! What are you doing here?”

   I took a seat next to her on the big cushy couch. “Haven’t been feeling well lately.”

   She frowned and closed her book before setting it aside. “Oh? That’s not typical for werewolves. What’s going on?”

   I told her what I’d explained to her mate but this time, I included the symptoms the doc had asked about, too. When I was done, there was a glint in her eyes and a small smile on her lips.

   “Did Kyle have you give a urine sample?”

   I frowned. “Yeah. He said he needed to run a test and for me to wait out here.”

   Her smile grew across her face as she stood up. “I’m going to go check in with him. I’ll be right back.”

   She was gone from the room before I could protest. Now I was alone, I had a moment to try to understand what was happening. It was clear that both of the Monroes had a hunch as to what was going on with me, yet I was still in the dark.

   I probably should have done some research of my own before I came down there. But what was I supposed to Google? Reasons a werewolf throws up? I snorted and shook my head. My life had become so much more complicated than it had ever been before.

   I heard a door close softly down the hall before two sets of steps thumped toward the living room. When Kyle and Doreen came into view, they both had huge smiles spread across their faces.

   “I have good news, Ellie,” Doc Monroe said. “There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, I’d be willing to bet you’re perfectly healthy.”

   I frowned at the glowing couple. “Okay,” I said slowly, “but there has to be something wrong, right? I shouldn’t be throwing up like this all the time.”

   The couple shot each other looks before Kyle crossed the room to sit next to me. He took one of my hands in his and the smile was so wide, I swore I could see every one of his teeth.

   “The reason you’ve been so sick is you’re pregnant. Congratulations!”

  Chapter 42

   “I’m what?!” I screeched.

   There was a bang outside the front door before Wyatt yelled, “Ellie!” and came bursting inside. He ran into the middle of the living room, crouching low while his sharp eyes took in the scene.

   I jumped from my seat and hurried over to him. “Wyatt, I’m fine!”

   He slowly straightened out of his stance and narrowed his eyes at me. “You yelled.”

   A nervous laugh escaped my lips. “Sorry, I was just surprised. I’m fine, I promise. Can you please go wait outside again?”

   He looked around the room once more, taking in the doctor and his wife before he nodded. “I’ll be right on the other side of that door if you need me,” he promised.

   I gave him a grateful smile that I knew was paper thin. The moment the door was shut behind him, I turned on the Monroe’s.

   “I’m what?!” I asked again, my voice only slightly softer than before.

   Their smiles had dimmed the smallest bit as they looked at each other and back at me. Doreen took a step forward. “The test was positive. You’re definitely pregnant.”

   My eyes widened as I staggered toward the couch. Once the backs of my legs hit a cushion, I let my body sink. “This can’t be possible,” I mumbled as my mind raced at the speed of light.

   Doreen walked over and took a seat next to me. “Do you remember when your last menstrual cycle started?”

   I turned wide eyes to her as I wracked my brain. “I don’t remember,” I whispered. Clearing my throat, I spoke up again, “With the move and the new job, I wasn’t even thinking about it.” I jumped from my seat and paced the length of their living room. “This isn’t possible. Your test has to be wrong.”

   “I did two tests, Ellie,” Kyle said from across the room.

   Another hysterical laugh escaped me. “But I have an IUD!” I yelled. “I can’t get pregnant.”

   Doreen stood and held out a placating hand. “It’s possible it could have dislodged.”

   “How could it do that? Why would it do that?”

   Doreen shrugged. “Werewolves don’t use IUDs. It’s not practical because we shift into wolves every month. Yours probably moved during one of your shifts.”

   I let out a groan as I continued to wear a track in their carpet. “This can’t be happening. I can’t be pregnant,” I muttered.

   Doreen sighed and grabbed my arm when I got close enough. “Ellie, just take a deep breath and calm down. This isn’t a bad thing.”

   I looked at her incredulously. “Not a bad thing?! How can you say that? I’m not ready to be a mom! I can’t have a baby!”

   Doreen winced and shook her head. “There’s undoubtedly more than one in there.”

   I could feel all the blood drain from my face as I remembered that conversation I’d had with Ms. Elsie a while ago. She’d said werewolves came in pairs. In fact, she said since Abraham was one of five, there was no telling how many offspring he’d produce at once.

   Holy shit.

   I could be pregnant with a whole fucking litter.

   I wrenched my arm from her grip and started pacing again.

   “I can’t do this. I’m not ready. I can’t be a mom.”

   Doc Monroe sighed from across the room and spoke up, “Well, you do have options, Ellie. It’s your body, and it’s your choice.”

   I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him. “Are you talking about abortion?”

   He looked uneasy, but he shrugged. “If you really don’t want this pregnancy, that’s an option you could look into.”

   My stomach sank as this new information infiltrated my brain.

   I could abort.

   I could end this pregnancy.

   I could pretend like this never happened.

   I began pacing again, all these thoughts racing around my head like cars at the Indy 500.

   “However,” he continued, “I think that’s something you should at least talk to Abraham about.”

   My heart nearly stopped.

   Abraham.

   Holy shit, Abraham.

   What would he think? What would he do? What would he want me to do?

   I reached up and pressed my palms to either side of my head. There was too much going on up there. I couldn’t think strai
ght. I didn’t know up from down. I had no idea what I was doing.

   Suddenly, I was exhausted. Like bone-deep tired. I shuffled back over to the couch and sat down with a huff. Bending over, I let my head fall between my knees as I took deep breaths.

   “I see this was unexpected, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Ellie,” Doc Monroe said. “Children are a gift. And for what it’s worth, I think you’d be an excellent mother.”

   I laughed incredulously and speared him with a look. “What makes you say that? I can barely keep my cat alive. How am I going to raise a kid without killing it?”

   “Kids,” Doreen corrected softly from next to me.

   I groaned and let my head fall between my knees again. “I can’t do this,” I repeated for what felt like the tenth time.

   That was all I could think about, though. That I couldn’t do this. That I wasn’t prepared to be a mother. I didn’t even know how to be a mom. My own was about as useless as a glass hammer. How could I think I’d be any better?

   Doreen wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “I don’t know what you’re going to do, but it’s clear your IUD is ineffective and needs to be removed immediately. If you want, I can do that right now.”

   I looked up at her and nodded, my whole body so stiff, I wasn’t sure if the gesture was apparent or not.

   She smiled softly and stood up before grasping my hand and pulling me to my feet. Leading me back to the examination room, she instructed me to undress from the waist down and have a seat on the table with a blanket across my lap.

   I did as she asked on autopilot. It was like my body was going through the motions while my mind sprinted in another direction.

   I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. It was actually inconceivable to me. I’d had an IUD put in, so I never had to worry about that possibility. I’d promised myself years ago that I’d never have kids because I didn’t want anyone to have the kind of life I had. How could I subject someone else to that?

   There was a knock on the door before Doreen popped her head through. “All set?”

   I shrugged. “I guess.”

   She smiled softly and asked me to lie down and place my heels in the stirrups. It might have been awkward having a friend get up close and personal with my lady parts, but I was beyond that right then. My head was so clouded, I barely registered as she located my IUD and gently removed it.

   “Just as I thought,” she said from the foot of the bed. “It wasn’t where it was supposed to be and was rendered useless.”

   I chuckled once humorlessly. “Clearly.”

   Her smile was thin as she finished up what she was doing. Finally, she stood and walked over to me. “I think while I have you here, we should do an ultrasound. It’s probably too early to see much, but it should give us an indication of how far along you are.”

   My heart thundered in my chest as my palms began to sweat. This was too real. Too much. Too fast. But I knew she was right. I needed all the information I could get so I could make a decision.

   Since I couldn’t rely on my emotions or my foggy brain, I’d have to resort to cold, hard logic.

   I nodded. “Okay, that’s fine.”

   She smiled again and rolled a machine with a monitor over to me. “It’s too early to do an external ultrasound, so we’ll have to use this wand,” she said, holding up something that looked like a thick drum stick.

   I shrugged and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get it over with.”

   She talked me through the procedure and soon she began clicking buttons on the machine. A smile spread across her face as she turned the monitor to me.

   It looked like an old black and white television that wasn’t getting a signal.

   “See there, there, and there,” she said as she used the mouse to point out little black blobs on the screen.

   “Yeah?”

   “Those are gestational sacs. You’ve got three of them.”

   I swallowed harshly and closed my eyes. “What does that mean?” I asked, but I knew. Damn it, I already knew.

   “You’re pregnant with triplets,” she said. It was as if she was giving me the weather report and not the single most significant fact I’d ever heard.

   “Triplets?” I croaked.

   “Yep. It’s clear as day. We’ve even got three little fluttering heartbeats.”

   My head whipped toward the screen as I tried to see what she was seeing. “How can you tell?”

   She used the mouse to point out little flickers in each gestational sac. “Those are heartbeats. It looks like you’re measuring about seven weeks and three days.”

   “What does that mean?”

   “Just that you’re a little over halfway through your first trimester. It’s the hardest as I’m sure you’re aware of.”

   I leaned back on the table and stared up at the popcorn ceiling. “This is why I’ve been so sick? It’s morning sickness?”

   “Yep! That should clear up in a few weeks. We can get you some candies and stuff to help with the nausea, though, if you’re interested.”

   “That would be nice,” I whispered.

   Triplets.

   Not only was I pregnant, but there were three of them in there. Three lives that were now my responsibility.

   Doreen finished up with the exam and left the room so I could get dressed again. A few minutes later, she knocked on the door with some pamphlets in her hands.

   “I know you’re not sure about what you want to do yet, but I thought you could use some reading material on the subject.”

   I took the papers from her and skimmed through them. Half were about pregnancy and half were about abortion. I swallowed harshly as my stomach sank.

   I looked up at Doreen and she must have seen the terror on my face because she reached out and grabbed my hand.

   “What would you do?” I asked her desperately.

   She pursed her lips and shook her head. “I’m not you, Ellie. This isn’t my decision. This is yours. No one can decide it but you.” She paused and looked down at our clasped hands. “But, if you decide to terminate, you’re going to have to make that decision fairly quickly.”

   Terminate.

   Terminate.

   Terminate.

   The word blared through my head, getting louder each time.

   It was so final. So abrupt. So decisive.

   I met her soft brown eyes as I felt mine fill with tears. “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.

   She tsked and pulled me into her arms as the tears raced down my face. “It’s okay, Ellie. Ssh, ssh, ssh. It’s okay. You don’t have to decide anything right now. You have some time.”

   I pulled away from her and wiped angrily at my eyes. “I don’t think there’d ever be enough time for me to decide this. It’s an impossible decision. Either I terminate my pregnancy, or I have three kids that I’m bound to mess up.”

   She frowned. “Why would you say that? I think you’d be a great mom.”

   I laughed, but it was cold and emotionless. “If you’d met my parents, you’d know why. They were awful people and let strangers raise me. How can I be a mom when I don’t even know what one looks like?!” My voice was becoming shrill as the hysteria bubbled up inside me.

   I felt the need to pace again and fisted my hands at my sides.

   Doreen shook her head and grabbed one of my fists between both her hands. “Ellie, we aren’t our parents. In fact, I believe we can be better than they were. We’re able to see where they went wrong or where they went right, and do things differently when it’s our turn. You know how terrible your parents were and I know you’d never be anything like them. Why can’t you believe that, too?”

   I pulled my hand from hers and wiped at my still-flowing tears. “I don’t know the first thing about kids, let alone babies. I’m not prepared for this. I can’t do
this.”

   She smiled patiently. “All new mothers feel that way. Don’t worry. Your instincts will guide you. Besides, you have a whole pack at your side. We wouldn’t let you mess up too badly. We’ll be there every step of the way no matter what you choose.”

   Those choices spun around my head while I tried to weigh them out. But it was impossible. I couldn’t make that decision. I could never make that decision.

   I stood up and wiped at my face again. “I think I need to go.”

   Doreen stood as well and folded her arms across her chest. “Are you going to talk to Abraham?”

   I shook my head. “Not yet. I need to figure out what I’m going to do first.”

   She pursed her lips into a thin line. “I think Abraham would be a big help in figuring out your next step.”

   I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I tried to imagine what his reaction would be.

   Would he be happy?

   Would he be mad?

   Would he be scared like me?

   I could guarantee one thing, and that was he’d be as surprised as I was. We’d been banging like bunnies for months when, for most of that time, I’d been completely without protection.

   I cursed myself with every bad word I knew for not thinking of that sooner. Of course an IUD could come dislodged when my entire body shifted into a wolf and back into a human as often as it did. I was an idiot for thinking that would be a reliable method of birth control. This was all my fault.

   Doreen walked me out to the living room where the doctor was waiting for us. His mate filled him in on everything that happened in the exam room while he listened intently. When they were done, they both turned to me expectantly.

   “Listen,” I said, but I couldn’t meet either of their eyes, “can we please just keep this between us for now? I need to get my head around it before I tell anyone else.”

   They looked at each other before focusing on me. “Okay, Ellie. If that’s what you want, we’ll keep quiet.” Doc Monroe paused and eyed me for a moment before continuing, “I do have to warn you though, your increased level of hormones will be noticeable very shortly.”

   Oh, what fresh hell was this?