In Too Deep

by Taryn Belle

  Nicola gave his hand a squeeze. Alex had given her the perfect response, so why didn’t she feel reassured?

  * * *

  Nicola spent the morning trying to convince herself she was imagining Alex’s distance, but she found herself distracted both on her dive and as she dressed for her hike with him.

  In her tiny bathroom, Nicola tied her hair back into a ponytail and took a look at herself in the mirror. She had skipped the makeup, but she would be lying if she told herself she hadn’t chosen her attire with some thought. She wore black short shorts and a khaki tank top, an outfit that was reminiscent of their first meeting on the road—utilitarian but also understatedly sexy in its own way. She’d done this hike a few times before and remembered it as being breathtakingly beautiful, but she couldn’t help where her imagination took her when she thought about being all alone with Alex out in nature.

  When Alex greeted Nicola with his usual good humor and charm, she started to relax. Everything was fine—it had all been in her head after all. They chatted about her morning dive as they made their way up the road in the open Jeep, the wind whipping Nicola’s ponytail around her face. She loved this drive, the way the vegetation thickened into a tropical forest as they climbed. Far below she could see the white crescent of beach contrasted against the turquoise water.

  “Did you manage to get some work done?” she asked, placing her hand on Alex’s thigh as he drove.

  “A little,” he replied, but his voice sounded grim. She stayed quiet, focusing her eyes on the dirt road ahead. There was definitely something going on with Alex that he didn’t want to talk about. Was it what she’d told him last night? It may have been easy enough for him to tell her it was all fine when she was acting emotional, but now he’d had time to reflect. Was he having second thoughts about her? If so, what about those two mind-blowing sessions last night—had she been a fool to think they were anything more than just a couple more lays to add to his belt?

  Nicola took her hand off Alex’s leg and held on to the Jeep’s roll bar instead. The ongoing silence between them sounded louder than anything Nicola had ever heard before. She couldn’t stand it. She wanted to tell Alex to pull over, and then get out of the car and walk home. She was on the verge of saying so when Alex opened his mouth and spoke again.

  “I’m looking forward to this hike,” he said. “I’ve heard the view is incredible.”

  Small talk. Tourist talk.

  Nicola folded her arms, furious with herself for being such a girl right now. Was she really so insecure that she needed to feel completely connected to a man emotionally and sexually 24/7? What was so wrong with the obvious topic of the mountain they were at this very moment on their way to see?

  It was awkward and off—that was what was wrong with it. But at least he was trying.

  “It won’t disappoint,” Nicola responded, and then pointed to a road branching off to the right. “You can park just off there.”

  Alex pulled off the road and killed the engine. In the distance, Nicola could see a team of men at work on the island’s only cell tower. Alex followed her eyes and then glanced down at his phone on the console. “Guess I won’t be needing that today,” he commented.

  “Probably not. The tower goes down almost every time there’s a storm. The internet’s usually spotty on the island, but now it’ll be nonexistent.”

  Alex pocketed his phone anyway, then patted his pockets for his wallet. Nicola willed herself to get out of the Jeep and start moving, but the sick flip of misery in her belly held her in her seat.

  “Listen,” she said, turning to face Alex. “I’m getting the feeling... We don’t have to do this. You don’t owe me anything. I know last night was a lot for you to process. If this isn’t working out for you, I totally get it. You’re leaving in three days anyway.”

  She tried to read his face, but whatever it revealed just bewildered her more. She saw surprise, confusion and something else—guilt?—but it was all overlaid by a carefully curated expression of calm.

  “I’m sorry,” Alex said, pulling his eyes away from hers to look at the trees. He hung a hand over the steering wheel, and Nicola thought he looked tired. “It’s not that. I’m just...dealing with some stressful stuff at work right now.”

  “Then maybe you should be in your hotel room working instead of climbing a mountain. If it’ll get your head straight,” Nicola said levelly.

  Alex sat silently for a moment, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and staring off into space. Then he reached for the key and started the ignition. “You’re right,” he said, turning the Jeep around to head back down the hill.

  * * *

  Nicola was going to cry for the third time in two days, and she hated crying. She’d managed to hold herself together all the way down the hill on the drive home despite the looming, endless silence between her and Alex, and she’d managed to hold it together when he gave her a chaste kiss goodbye and promised to be in touch in a few hours. She’d even managed to hold it together as she walked away and let herself into her house, but now that the door was closed behind her, all bets were off.

  Nicola’s head pitched forward as a sob tore from her throat. She lifted her hands to cover her face as tears trickled through her fingers.

  It was over. It had to be. Something had caused Alex’s feelings for her to change, and the only reasonable explanation was that he wasn’t telling her the truth to spare her feelings.

  It isn’t all about you, you know. He said it was about work.

  But her instinct told her otherwise.

  “What the—”

  Nicola pulled her hands away from her face to see Kiki standing in front of her, still wearing her nightshirt. Her eye makeup was smudged under her eyes, like she’d fallen asleep in a hurry. When Nicola saw her she shook her head rapidly, still crying, but Kiki came over and put her arm around her shoulder.

  “Oh, honey...” She led Nicola over to the sofa and sat her down, then dropped down beside her. “What happened? Did you tell him?”

  Nicola nodded vigorously, still unable to speak. Kiki plucked a tissue from the box at her elbow and passed it to her friend. “It...went...fine,” Nicola said between hitching sobs, dabbing forcefully at her eyes. “He said he...didn’t care.”

  “It’s okay,” Kiki said soothingly. “Just take your time. What happened then?”

  “I don’t know!” Nicola burst out in frustration. “I have no fucking idea! Everything was fine—like really fine—and then today...” She shook her head. “He’s been totally distant. We were supposed to go hiking, but we drove all the way up to the mountain and then turned around again. He says it’s just work stress, but I don’t believe a word of it. He’s acting totally off with me.”

  Kiki held Nicola’s hands in hers. “Maybe he’s telling the truth. Guys can get really weird when their work isn’t going well. It’s, like, their entire identity or something.” She paused. “What does Google have to say about him?”

  Nicola blew her nose loudly. “We promised we wouldn’t.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “No. I may have sort of suggested it. I didn’t want him finding out about me until I was ready to tell him myself.”

  “Oh. Right.” Kiki drummed her fingers on the back of the sofa. “But things are different now. He knows about you—is it really fair for you not to know about him?”

  Nicola shrugged listlessly. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Who knows? It might put your mind at ease,” Kiki said, already reaching for her iPad on the coffee table. “Maybe we’ll find out he’s a serial killer who targets beautiful scuba instructors—in that case you’ll be grateful he’s gone off you.”

  Nicola watched as Kiki swiped her screen to life and then scowled at it. “Internet’s still down,” she said, dropping the cover over it again. “He’s here on business, rig
ht?”

  “Yeah. He’s trying to buy some guy’s company.”

  “So maybe it’s not going well?”

  “It’s not. Alex told me so himself. And I met the guy he’s here for at the party last night—he seemed like a total slimeball.”

  “Slimeball, huh? So what exactly is Alex’s job title?”

  “I haven’t asked for details. You know what I’m like. I don’t like to get into that kind of thing with guys until we’ve been dating awhile. Especially if they’re wealthy—it feels like I’m digging around for income intel or something.”

  “Most guys would never think that.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “You’ve had some bad experiences.”

  “You fucking think?” Nicola jumped up and threw her arms out, but then she sank down again. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help. I’m just...super stressed out. And sad.” She took a deep breath as a fresh wave of emotion thickened her throat.

  Kiki tried switching tactics. “Well. We know he works in media, so maybe—”

  “Wait.” Nicola blinked at her. “That’s more than I know. How do you know that?”

  Kiki gave her a furtive glance. “Um, just from chatting with Dev last—”

  “Dev?”

  Kiki gave her an innocent shrug. “He likes to be called by his first name. Anyway, he seemed very proud of Alex. Kept going on about how he’d had to take over Echelon after their mother died, and—”

  Echelon.

  Nicola knew that name. She racked her brain, and then she jumped up again. “Oh, my God. Are you telling me that Alex works at Echelon Media?”

  “He more than works there, honey. His family owns it.”

  Nicola stared at her friend. “You can’t be fucking serious.”

  “Why? What is it?” Kiki asked in surprise.

  “Hand me the phone,” Nicola said furiously, reaching out for their landline.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE OCEAN’S WATERS were choppy with whitecaps, its normal clear blue dulled under the cloud cover that had moved in again. Swimming on his back, Alex gazed up at the sky and saw thunderheads rolling in from the south. He turned himself toward shore and started swimming in. His pulse was regular. His belly wasn’t filled with the cold anxiety that had always gripped him whenever he’d tried swimming in the ocean over the past two decades. Thanks to his last dive with Nicola, it seemed he was finally leaving his fear of the ocean behind him.

  Nicola. He’d hated seeing her upset today and knowing he was the cause of it, but he was also confident he’d be able to more than make it up to her once they finally talked. He hauled himself onto the beach and reached for the towel he’d left on the sand. He dried off his torso, grateful that his swim had helped clear his head. Getting a little space from Nicola had been the right thing to do. Alex was an optimist by nature, and he knew what made him tick and what made him stumble. He’d known that if he could just start thinking straight again, he could figure this mess out. Alex had realized this morning that if he was going to tell Nicola the truth about who he worked for, then he needed to have a plan of attack ready to present to her for what action he was going to take to right his wrong. And now it had finally begun to take form.

  Until last night Alex really hadn’t given any thought to the logistics of Echelon’s many media outlets. Of course he knew they produced news, sports, lifestyle, food, gardening, home renovation—and yes, a celebrity news show. But Alex’s actual job was so far removed from the workings of these programs that he’d never felt like any of it involved him directly. He spent his days crunching advertising numbers, analyzing sales reports and researching potential acquisitions, not sitting on TV sets reviewing performances. It had never occurred to him that one of their programs might be destroying lives until Nicola had done him the favor of putting a real-life face to the problem. He was willing to admit that it had been irresponsible of him not to put more thought into the ethics surrounding his family’s business, and he would agree with her that it needed to stop. And then he would do more than that—he would tell her that when he returned home, he was going to meet with his father about selling off Celebrity Life. Of course, Alex was certain he’d have a fight on his hands, but it would be worth it. His actions would prove to Nicola that he was sincere. She had taught him a valuable lesson, and he wanted to be sure she understood that.

  And Star*ucker? It seemed that that problem had taken care of itself. Alex hadn’t heard anything from Brissoli since the party. Though Alex knew his father would be less than impressed with him when he came home empty-handed. What else was new? Alex was used to his father’s disappointment in him. By the time Alex had driven back to the Palms, let himself into his room and changed into some fresh clothes, he was feeling much better.

  He was just getting his laptop out when the landline beside his bed started ringing. “A Miss Nicola is on the phone for you,” the front desk operator informed him when he picked up.

  “Please put her through.” Alex grinned. He couldn’t wait to talk to her now, to make things right and get this whole thing off his chest. “Nicola,” he said happily.

  There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, like she was crying. What the—

  “Your company is Echelon Media? Is it true?” she asked tearfully.

  Oh, God. No.

  Alex’s mind raced. “Nic—”

  “Just answer me. Is it true?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Then it was your TV show that destroyed my life. Please stay away from me,” she said.

  The phone went dead in his hand.

  * * *

  The knock came at Nicola’s door within five minutes of her phone call.

  “Nicola!” Bam, bam, bam. “I need to talk to you. Please!”

  Nicola sat perfectly still, staring at the door with wide eyes. She still couldn’t believe the nerve of him. After baring her heart and soul to him last night, he’d sat there and played the fucking innocent like his family’s company didn’t own the TV program that had ruined her.

  “Nicola! I know you’re in there. I’m not going away until you open up!”

  And then today. Okay, maybe she could forgive him for not telling her within five minutes of her meltdown last night, but he’d had all day long to cop to the truth. She’d even offered him the perfect opportunity when they’d parked for the hike.

  “Come on, Nicola. We need to talk about this. I will out-wait you. You can’t stay in there forever!”

  So when would he have told her? Ever? Or was he just planning to take off in three days and be done with her? A bit of vacation fun and then sayonara—

  Nicola jumped as Kiki strode out of her bedroom, this time dressed in a hot-pink terry-cloth romper and baseball cap, and yanked the front door open.

  “Kiki!” Nicola protested, jumping up off the sofa.

  “What? I can’t listen to this shit anymore. You two do need to talk. Ciao for now,” she said with a salute, and then she was gone.

  Alex stared at Nicola from the open door. His face looked as pained as she felt, but she wasn’t going to be sucked in. Each and every time Nicola had been played a fool in her life, it had been at the hands of a man. Never again.

  “May I come in?” Alex asked.

  Ignoring his question, Nicola rose from her seat and slowly walked toward him. She stopped when she was still several feet away, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you know what I used to dream about being when I grew up?” she asked him in a low voice.

  Alex held her gaze. “What?”

  “A teacher. Not a doctor, not an astronaut, not a Hollywood fucking movie star. A teacher. Some might say I dreamed small, but it never felt that way to me. The happiest day of my life was the day I walked into my first classroom. I was a teacher-on-call, so broke I had three roommates
and ate toast for dinner every night, but I didn’t care. I’d worked my ass off to put myself through college and I’d gotten out of my home state. My life was going to be the one I created, not the one that had been handed to me. And for eight years, it was. Then the bloodsuckers showed up and took it all away.” She shook her head. “Do you know what my goal was after the scandal? And I’ll give you a hint—it wasn’t to be a scuba instructor on a Caribbean island for the rest of my life. Hmm?”

  “What is it?” Alex repeated miserably.

  “To stay hidden. To stay hidden away from the world on this goddamn island so no one can ask me if I really had sex with ‘the Matthew Beck.’ And so no one can ask me what it’s like to have the world know what my crotch looks like.”

  Alex swallowed hard. “Nicola, I am so sorry. I should have told you. But I—I didn’t know. I mean, I knew we owned Celebrity Life, but it’s not like I really have anything to do with it. My job is at an office downtown, far removed from the studios. It’s not my job to know what they’re reporting on.”

  Nicola’s eyes narrowed and her upper lip twitched as she advanced on him again. “So basically what you’re saying is that it’s not your job to oversee the programs your company produces. That whatever connection there is between Echelon and Celebrity Life is—let’s say, tenuous at best. Your company owns them, but it’s not responsible for them.”

  “Um. Right,” Alex responded uncertainly. “I mean, those who seek fame do know that it comes with a price. It’s kind of part of the deal.”

  Nicola was in his face by now, her hands fisted at her sides as she glowered up at him. “Then you’re even worse than I thought. It’s people like you—people who pass the buck to the paparazzi, the reporters, the public’s insatiable demand for celebrity fodder—who are destroying privacy and breaking up families. Oliver no longer has an intact family, and that’s partly on you. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.”