The Essence of Fate

by Alison E. Steuart

  This is why Jackson and I call her No Filter Nana.

  Charlotte tries to hide her laugh behind her hand, unsuccessfully. Then adds, “Well, I hope Ian and I don’t have ugly babies, for your sake, anyway.” She pats Nana’s hand in mock reassurance.

  “No chance of that. McAlistairs don’t have ugly babies,” she succinctly replies. “The cousin I’m referring to wasn’t a McAlistair, and I think her husband might have been the missing link.”

  Charlotte and I both bust out laughing. “You must be talking about the Petersons. They did have a little bit of a caveman thing going on,” I agree.

  “A little bit? I don’t know what she ever saw in him. Her sister and I used to joke that he must have had a big—”

  “Nana! We don’t need to go there…again.”

  “Okay, fine. You can fill in the blanks, though. It’s the only logical explanation.”

  Charlotte is cracking up. She thinks Nana is hilarious, but she finds the banter between the two of us exceedingly entertaining. She says Nana loves bringing out my “prudish” side, and I can’t help but wonder if that was an actual conversation they had at some point.

  “Yes. We can. And we will leave it at that,” I end with my usual head-tip and raised eyebrow that I only use on Nana. She smiles at me with that little twinkle in her eye that spells triumph.

  The rest of the evening was “delightful,” as Nana said. The sushi was fantastic, and we ended up staying longer than usual, talking and laughing about random topics.

  Charlotte and I have become very comfortable in our relationship, regardless of its newness. That is one of the reasons I’m anxious to have her move in with me, because the next step is me getting down on one knee. I haven’t told her, but I already consider her my wife. She’s mine, in the deepest way possible, and I look forward to making it official.

  Once we are home, I bring it up again. “I’m looking forward to this weekend,” I say, pulling her into an embrace, looking down at her as I gently move her hair behind one ear.

  With a blank expression, she asks, “What’s going on this weekend?”

  “Charlotte.” My voice is low and slightly impatient. “You know we’re packing up the rest of your stuff and moving you in here…completely.”

  Her eyes close, and she lays her head on my chest. “I know, Ian. I was just teasing you. Although, I won’t lie and tell you I’m excited about packing up what’s left over there, because I’m not. When is the last time you moved?” she asks, popping her head up to look at me.

  “Mmmmm…it’s been a while,” I say honestly.

  “Yeah? And I bet when you did, someone else packed and moved everything for you.”

  “Yes. That may have been the case. I can arrange that for you, too. But you won’t let me. I have offered, several times.”

  “No. I can’t stand the idea of a stranger packing up my things. It doesn’t feel right.” She lets go and walks into the kitchen. “It’s okay. We can probably get it done quickly. There really isn’t that much left over there that I need. I can probably get rid of a bunch of stuff. I’m just complaining because there’s a very long list of other things I’d rather do with you this weekend.”

  “Really? Do any of them involve you being naked and coming undone in my arms?” I walk to her, cornering her against the counter. Bending my head down to the side of her neck, I run my nose along her soft skin ending in the hairline behind her ear. Goddamn, she smells so fucking good.

  “Yes. Most of them do, as a matter of fact,” she replies as her lips connect with mine. She puts her hand on my ass and pulls me to her, pushing herself against my hardening shaft.

  “You do realize that I’m about to make you have multiple orgasms right here on the kitchen counter, don’t you?” I say as I unzip the back of her dress.

  Leaning forward, she kisses along my neck then takes my earlobe between her teeth for a delicious bite and gentle suck that forces a growl from my chest. “I’m counting on it.” Her voice is deep with desire. “I’m still wet from earlier. I need you to make me cum again.”

  Her body relaxes, giving itself up to me on instinct. Then, on cue, the physical evidence presents itself… her eyes turn a glossy onyx, her skin flushes that rosy pink that spikes my heartbeat, her lips soften as they part on a quick inhale. I’m completely addicted to this.

  I lean down and pour all my love into a passionate kiss that leaves us breathless, then I give her what she wants—again and again and again.

  Twenty-Five

  Charlotte

  The weekend is coming quickly, and I’m trying not to be anxious about it. I keep focusing on my excitement and how much happier I am now that Ian is in my life, but there is still that leftover emotion that’s so negative and unbelievably powerful, though I try hard to keep it locked away.

  I don’t talk about it with anyone and it can be an exhausting roller coaster, but I keep telling myself that it won’t be this way forever. That it’s because Ian and I have only been together for a little more than five months and it’s still new. That usually does the trick, and I jump easily back onto cloud nine, but this week has been a bit of a challenge. My insecurities are weighing heavily on me, and I know it’s because I’ve committed to moving all my stuff over to Ian’s. It’s symbolic for me in a way that most people could never understand.

  Erika swears that once I’ve made the move, I’ll be fine. It’s the leap that’s freaking me out. She’s probably right, but it doesn’t make me hate the feeling any less.

  A knock at my office door snaps me out of my worry. I expect Tracy to peek her head in to see if I’m available, but instead I’m greeted with Jackson’s handsome face and smile that warms my heart. His deep voice echoes through the room. “Sorry to drop in on you like this. I was in the neighborhood.”

  Getting up from my desk, I walk over with open arms. “I’m so happy you did!” Giving him a hug, I finish by asking, “How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long. How’s Becca? She’s overdue, now, isn’t she?”

  “I’ve been great, and yes, she’s about four days overdue, and she’s not happy about it. I can’t blame her. She looks like she’s about to pop and has a hard time getting around. I check my damn phone every five minutes to make sure I didn’t miss a call!” His face lights up, and I can’t help but feel his excitement.

  “That’s so wonderful, Jackson. I can’t wait to meet your baby girl.” I turn toward the chairs in front of my desk. “Here, sit down.”

  And we both do. I am very much at ease with Jackson, I always have been, but today something is up. “Okay. So, tell me why you really stopped by, because I know this isn’t as random as you’re making it out to be.”

  Through a deep chuckle, he says, “It may not be so random, but I was in the neighborhood.” He looks up with a smile that could disarm a highjacker. “Ian told me you’re moving in this weekend.”

  “Yeeesss…” I say, drawn-out and questioning.

  “He may have also mentioned that he felt like you had issues with it, and I wanted to come by and see if maybe you needed someone to talk to. If anyone knows how Ian’s pressure can affect you, it’s me.” His expression is serious now, and I can tell he is genuinely concerned.

  I have a slight ache in my chest thinking I’ve made Ian uncomfortable enough that he has to talk to Jackson about it. I’ve been trying to keep all of this burden to myself and not let it leech over to Ian. Looking down at my lap, fingers automatically picking at lint that doesn’t exist, I say, “The only issues I have are ones with deep roots attached to old insecurities. Other than that, I’m totally fine. Thrilled, actually.” I finally look up and try to smile, but the caring look of concern on Jackson’s face puts a lump in my throat that I try hard to swallow down before it escapes.

  “I thought that might be the case. You need to understand it’s perfectly normal and perfectly understandable. I think the key is to accept the fact that you’re human. Anyone in your shoes would have inse
curities and doubts. You’ve overcome a lot, Charlotte. You’re in a good place now, and even though he is controlling and intense, you’re with a good man that is more in love than I ever thought possible.” He laughs at that last comment, and I understand why. It’s honestly a factor in the equation of my insecurities. The whole too-good-to-be-true factor.

  “I know. I tell myself the same thing all the time, and most of the time it works just fine. But I’ve come to discover that my fierce independence was created as a self-defense mechanism, and moving in with Ian, regardless of how much I love him and want to be there, stirs up images of my mother and her dependence on my father…and ultimately where that led her.” I’m back to fiddling with my hands on my lap so that I don’t have to look at Jackson, which I know will only make me cry.

  “Have you told him this?” Jackson asks—the most obvious question.

  “No. I don’t want him to see me as weak or as someone with issues he might find burdensome. Our relationship is amazing, and I’m so happy. I don’t want to do anything to mess it up.” I laugh insecurely because I know how silly it sounds.

  “Charlotte. First and foremost, nothing about you would ever be burdensome to Ian. I know the man, I know his integrity, and I know how much he loves you. So, get that out of your head right now.” He’s giving me the stern father look, and it’s anchoring me, putting me at ease.

  Continuing, he says, “Have you discussed contributing to the household expenses? Setting up something you’re comfortable with so that you’re not completely relying on him for everything?”

  “No. I don’t ever bring it up because my head is stuck in the sand, hoping the issue will simply disappear.” Admitting it out loud makes me see how cowardly I’ve been. I should have trusted Ian more, trusted myself and our relationship. “But you’re right. I need to be honest with him. He deserves that. And…I think it would better if I were contributing somehow, though I know Ian won’t like the idea of it, but he’ll respect my feelings.” A heavy weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I take a deep breath for the first time in days.

  “I know it’s not always easy to let down your armor when you’ve protected yourself with it for so long, but communication is key. I think deep inside you know that.” The sound of his voice, that comforting tone, is magically releasing all my tension.

  On a laugh I tell him, “I know I’ve said it many times, but you really could make a lot of money with that voice.”

  He sits back in his chair and laughs out loud.

  “I’m serious! It’s like what you’d think God’s voice would sound like.”

  His eyes bulge and he leans forward again. “Well, there’s a compliment if I’ve ever heard one. Becca would probably think it’s hilarious.” We laugh together then he continues. “I’m really glad I stopped by. Something told me it would be a good thing.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” Reaching over, I place my hand over his and squeeze. “Thank you so much. I really do feel so much better. I’m looking forward to talking to Ian about it this evening.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says with a genuine smile. “Also, before I go, I wanted to thank you for the gift basket you and Erika brought to Becca’s shower. It was a huge hit and she hasn’t stopped talking about it.”

  “Awww…I’m so happy she liked it! Erika and I had fun buying everything and putting it together. We may have gone a little overboard, but once you start shopping for cute baby stuff, it’s kinda hard not to buy everything,” I respond, laughing a little to myself thinking about how ridiculous Erika and I must have looked while we squealed and oohed and awed at everything we came across.

  Laughing, he agrees, “That’s the truth. She’ll be the best-dressed baby in town!” Giving me a big hug, he says his goodbyes. “Now you get back to work and I’ll talk to you soon.”

  A few hours pass before my phone pings with a message from the dry cleaners that my clothes are ready. Good timing because I want to stop by the health food store, just around the corner from there, before heading home. Wrapping everything up, I stop by Tracy’s office to drop off some schedules and detail specs for next week’s banquets.

  As I’m putting everything on her desk, she walks in behind me and startles me with, “Oh! There you are… Not sure you’re going to be excited about this, but that Brazilian God-like creature from the Novas Alturas group is in the lobby wanting to see you.” She pushes her glasses up and hugs the stack of folders she is carrying up to her chest. Good-looking men make her very nervous, but she also knows that Gabriel had a thing for me not long ago.

  “It’s okay, Tracy. I’m actually heading out for the rest of the day. I’ll see what he needs. Hopefully they just need accommodations of some kind.” I hold up my crossed fingers and wink.

  “Yeah…that’s not really the vibe I get from him. It’s more like a lost puppy kind of thing he’s got going on, and it doesn’t really fit the package. Kind of freaks me out.”

  “Really? That’s interesting. It will definitely be awkward if he’s here specifically to see me. I’ll take care of it, though, not to worry.” I pat her shoulder in reassurance on my way out.

  As I approach Gabriel in the lobby, the bright sunlight behind him has his face shadowed so I can’t read his expression. But once I’m close enough, my stomach sinks from the look of longing in his eyes. Dammit!

  “Hello, Gabriel! What brings you here this afternoon?” Just be cordial and ignore the vibe. Ugh…

  Reaching down to take my hand…of course…he kisses my fingers while looking directly into my eyes—almost through them—and I have to force myself not to tense up. “Charlotte. You’ve managed to take my breath away again. Your beauty only intensifies each time it graces my vision.” Most women would probably think that compliment, given in that deep, accented voice from a man as good-looking as Gabriel, would be swoon-worthy. But for me it’s like an overly sweet dessert that gives me an instant headache.

  Taking my hand away as quickly as possible, I respond with, “Always the charmer, you are,” huffing through a fake laugh. “I’m heading out for an appointment. Is there something we can do for you?” We, not I…hopefully that was as obvious as it was meant to be.

  “I’m sorry to catch you at a bad time. We have a group coming in from Brazil, and I was hoping your lovely resort could accommodate them.” I can tell that he has more to say, but before I can cut him off and move onto the safer ground of business, he finishes with, “And…I thought we could maybe…visit, catch up…I don’t know, maybe have lunch or a drink.”

  I know my mouth just dropped open, at least for a few seconds. I cannot believe he asked me that, knowing I am in a serious relationship with his business partner. So much for being a gentleman. Bloody hell.

  “Gabriel, I’m going to chalk that up as a cultural faux pas and let you off the hook. But you do understand that—at least here in the States—it’s considered wrong to ask someone else’s girlfriend out to have lunch or drinks…right?” I’m giving him the please-tell-me-you’re-with-me look. “And it’s especially bad when it’s your business partner’s girlfriend.”

  I swear I see his eyes flash with anger, but only for a second. Nonetheless, it makes my stomach tighten with apprehension, and I’m not altogether comfortable with this situation. I can hear Sibel tapping on the window I closed on her. She’d prefer to take him by the ear and drag him out the front door, give him a swift kick in the ass and tell him to get the hell out of here. Not a terribly bad idea, except he’s Ian business partner on a major project and that would make waves that could bring the whole project down.

  “Please…I apologize.” He puts his head down and his hands behind his back. “I didn’t know you and Ian were still that serious. After all, he’s a very busy man, and, well…he’s rich and good-looking…and…has so many wo—”

  Before he can finish, Sibel smashes through the window and snaps, “What the hell does that have to do with anything, Gabriel? And where exactly are you going with t
his?” My voice is loud, a few notches below yelling. “Because you need to understand something. You’ve crossed the line once and I let you get away with it. However, you’re about to cross it again, and I have no intention of letting you get away with it a second time.” My spine is straight and my hackles are up. How dare he make that kind of suggestion!

  Sibel isn’t finished. “This is what’s going to happen.” I take a step closer, finger pointed toward his chest. “If you truly have clients coming in from Brazil that need accommodations, you are going to contact my assistant, Tracy, and she will handle everything and ensure their stay here is beyond stellar. Next…you are going to turn around and leave this property, and don’t you ever come near me again. You are clearly the last person that should be questioning anyone’s integrity, so keep your fucking mouth shut about Ian.” I’m fuming at this point, and when he tries to say something, I hold up my hand and shake my head. “Not another word, Gabriel. Get out.” With a sharp 180, I turn and walk back toward my office.

  Once inside, I lean against the door, my head dropping back with an echoing thud. That was the last thing I expected to happen. There hasn’t been anything to make me suspect Gabriel would do something like that. I’m so shocked by it I don’t know what to think. Why would Gabriel think I would be interested in his advances? Surely it’s a universal understanding, you don’t hit on your friend’s girl. Then why the hell would he come here, now…after all these months? He’s never indicated that he was interested in pursuing me since Ian and I announced we are together. What’s different? Does he know something to make him think otherwise?

  As my insecurity starts to rear its ugly head, I drop to the floor and sit there for a minute, adrenaline coursing through me. Don’t do this, Charlotte. You know Ian is faithful to you. He’s asked you to move in with him for Christ’s sake. Shake it off.