Find Me

by Tory Jane

I stomp my foot. “You are fucking with us. Not funny. We’ll elope, I swear. Vegas here we come. We’ll come home with wedding photos posing with an Elvis impersonator.”

  My mother sits up straight and tries to look prim and proper. “A compromise, then? What are you two thinking? Do you want a long engagement?”

  Jack walks out with a bourbon and immediately says, “No long engagement. As soon as possible. I’d like something small, intimate, and festive. You know I love the water. My preference would be a beach wedding or at the river house on Johns Island. Maybe in May?”

  “I’d love to see Jack in a linen suit, barefoot, open collar shirt.”

  “And Belle in a beautiful, vintage white dress, with flowers braided in her waves.”

  “Thom, they want a hippie wedding.”

  “A natural, elegant, simple spring wedding. Do you think you two can plan something like that in the four to five months? Don’t worry; we don’t want any tie-dye or a Phish cover band.”

  “Allison, what do you think?”

  “Girl, we’re on it.”

  “Okay, you can plan our wedding, but you have to promise to consult with me. No surprises. Do you swear? Mama? If you cannot behave, Jack and I have discussed writing our own pornographic vows.”

  “I might like to hear what you two come up with,” Wallace laughs.

  “Darling, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. This day has been a long time coming. You, Jack, and Charlie need to be relaxed, in love and comfortable. I know you, my Belle. Trust me. Let us do this for you. Who knows? Maybe you'll be pregnant by then?”

  I shake off the pang of fear and Jack holds me.

  “Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Allison.”

  I study both sets of parents and see them with fresh eyes. We are blessed. We have parents who genuinely love and desire each other.

  “I’d like to make a toast. To our dear parents, you are true role models. You have shown us how to love. We can only hope to pass that on to the next generation of Tucker-Cliffs. Thank you. I love you all so much.”

  We all raise our glasses. “Cheers!” cries Jack.

  ***

  Wallace is falling asleep. None of us can drive. We need to carry all of my loot inside. Our party is winding down, and it's only 9:00. We're a mess, but a happy mess.

  After much debate, we decide that Wallace should be with her family by midnight and for New Years’ Day morning. She swears she’s perfectly content to sleep on the couch or in one of the guest rooms. Wallace is drunk.

  Jack manages to arrange an Uber for her and waits with her outside until it arrives. He then wrangles her into the car and gives the driver specific instructions. Meanwhile, just in case, I call Ben and let him know that his wife is about to arrive drunk and slightly belligerent.

  After many hugs and kisses, my drunk parents stumble home, and Jack's parents scurry off to their bedroom. I don't want to think about it. Maybe Jack and I need earplugs tonight. I'll put some music on and hope for the best.

  Jack and I lock up the house and trudge up the three flights of stairs. How did we become the responsible ones in this family? By the time we make it to our room, we're exhausted.

  Wait. I'm newly engaged, and he promised good lovin’ at midnight. He had better wake his ass up.

  I point my finger in his face, slightly wobbly. “I’m going to take a quick shower, but remember what you promised me.”

  “Woman, I know what I promised you. You better be ready.”

  I squint at him. He doesn’t look remotely capable of living up to his promise. It’s questionable if I am.

  He lies on the bed and waggles his eyebrows at me. “Don’t be long, Bella Belle.”

  I might be a while. I drag my bag of Sephora products and new perfume, lotion, and body wash in with me. I cannot wait to feel like myself again.

  I luxuriate in all my goodies. I shave my legs and underarms and then think about Wallace’s announcement tonight that she gets Brazilian waxes. Should I go there? I want to ask Jack what he thinks. I compromise and spend more time than usual grooming, removing everything but a triangle.

  Afterward, I slip into one of the new silk chemises and skip the panties.

  The whole process arouses me. I want to feel Jack's wondrous mouth on me. Excited, I stroll back into the bedroom, trying to appear seductive.

  The man is fast asleep. Fully dressed and lying on top of the covers. I try to wake him with kisses. Unbutton his shirt and take off his pants. Nothing. My lover is dead to the world.

  I curl up beside him, and I'm asleep in minutes.

  I wake to the sound of fireworks and the feel of hands sliding up my legs.

  He runs his hands over my silk-covered body. I’ve discovered the beauty of lingerie.

  “Happy New Year, Bella. You are delicious. Can you wear this all of the time? So smooth and you smell so fucking good. Baby, I am going to eat you up.”

  “I thought you were asleep, old man?”

  “And miss making love to my fiancée at the stroke of midnight?”

  He disappears to the bottom of the bed again, begins to caress me from my toes, up my calves, my thighs, and starts to slide my chemise up.

  “Belle. What did you do, naughty girl?” He chuckles.

  “Well? What do you think?”

  “Belle, it’s your body. I love you no matter what. I do love my kitty with fur on it. This is a pleasant surprise, though.”

  He looks up at me with a wicked glint in his eye. “Sweetheart? Do you remember the fantasy I told you? You, up on your knees, spread wide and my mouth on you? Will you give me that?”

  I can only nod, my mouth watering in anticipation.

  He flips me over and raises my ass in the air. He has me up on my knees. He piles pillows under my stomach, until I'm comfortable, back arched and completely exposed to him. “You should see how beautiful you are, Belle. My god, I understand the appeal now. Open up for me. You are bare and smooth. Your tight little pussy. And that ass.”

  He dives in, and I'm in heaven. His fingers and mouth are a frenzy of motion. He slides my juices everywhere until I am slippery with need. At the same time, he plunges a finger inside my ass and two in my pussy and starts thrusting and rubbing. The membrane inside of me is so thin that I can feel as his fingers touching.

  Faster and faster, he thrusts and rubs. He's moaning into me, sucking, biting, and licking. He's relentless, and it's better than it's ever been.

  I’m whining and mewling for him. “Jack, I love you. I love your mouth.” I can feel it building. A tidal wave of pleasure washes over me.

  “Hot damn, Belle. I have never felt you so aroused and wet. I need to be inside you.”

  He flips me over and covers me with his body. I discover he's nude and hard. He wipes his face with the sheet and kisses me hard. He's kissing me and rubbing me, and soon I relax, and I'm right there with him again.

  “Bella Belle. Let me in. I need you. Are you ready for me?” He grabs my ass again and slides in, and we are moving together in a fluid motion of need and desire.

  I'm lost in love and desire. My brain has stopped functioning.

  Nature and instinct take over. My body knows what to do, how to move with him.

  He grabs my arms and holds them over my head. He has me pinned under him. “Don’t stop, Belle. Swivel your hips.”

  My body arches under him, and my pelvis is doing a dance of its own in perfect rhythm with his. Thrust, pivot, swivel. I feel it again. The wave is coming. “Jack.”

  “Oh god, yes, Belle. You are perfection.” He never stops moving.

  I feel it again, the flow of lubrication and the massive orgasm that takes me over. I’m bucking up against him. He moans in pleasure.

  He’s still moving, softly, gently. “Happy New Year, my love.”

  “Mmm…Happy New Year. More. I still want you.”

  “I can feel you. You’re squeezing me. I love it. Belle, you are the sexiest woman I have ever known. It gets better and
better between us. I’ve never felt you so relaxed and uninhibited. I wonder if I could beat our record tonight?” he teases.

  “I could go all night with you. It's trust, Jack. Trust, love, and overwhelming desire. I want us to be like our parents, playful and feisty into our eighties. Will you still want me when I'm grey and wrinkly?”

  “It's not your body I desire. Well, not entirely. It's you, Belle. Of course, I'll always want you. My love and desire for you continue to grow. I may need Viagra, but I'll want you as long as you'll have me. I'm yours.”

  As we talk and he continues to move, I can feel him stiffen inside me. I squeeze him hard, and he pulsates with pleasure. “More please.”

  He is tender and unhurried. Kissing me and running his hands through my hair. Stimulating my senses. He picks me up and wraps me around him, deep inside of me.

  I’ve always loved this position with him. We are face to face, our eyes locked, our bodies perfectly aligned.

  He climbs up on his knees, and I cling to him. He moves me over him, the muscles in his arms taut and defined.

  I am the aggressor. Clutching and moving faster. He lies back and stretches out his legs. I am on my knees over him. I look down and watch our bodies pull apart and come together. I tease him, raising my hips to squeeze just the tip of him. He wants to take control. I can tell he’s fighting it. He allows me to play.

  He grins at me. “Are you having fun, Belle?”

  I lower my hips and grind into him, gripping him inside of me.

  His jaw clenches. “Belle.” he cries gruffly.

  I stretch out and straddle him, take his arms and pin them down as he did to me. I dance on top of him, moving my body, my pelvis, swiveling over him. I find his pelvic bone and grind myself against him.

  He starts fighting for control, bucking his hips and plunging into me. “Yes, Jack.” I move with him, and we wrestle for dominance. I do not give up. I hold him down hard and kiss his neck, lick his nipples. He moans. I lick, suck, and then bite as I ride him hard. I release his arms and let him touch me.

  He reaches up and rubs my breasts, lifting his head to do the same to me, and I love it. He continues to kiss and suckle, but moves his hands down to my ass and moves me over him. No longer leisurely, he is desperate. He's pumping unrestrained as he spreads me open for him. When he slips a finger inside me, I lose it. He is relentless.

  He flips me over, pulls me up on my knees, and slides into me. He drives into me so deeply, I gasp.

  He wraps himself around me and cups my mound, pressing and rubbing with his palm. He pinches my nipple with his other hand. “Belle.” he growls, “give it to me. Give in to me.”

  I relax under the weight of his body.

  “That’s right. Relax your body. You’re always safe with me.”

  I trust the tiger mauling my body. When I relax and give up control, my body gives way, and I shudder under him.

  “Yes. That's right. Relax, baby.” He spreads me open and rubs my ass with my lubrication. He penetrates me with two fingers and prolongs my orgasm. I'm still in the throes when he slides the tip of himself into me. “Don't tense up. Press against me.” I do as he instructs and he slides into me further. He slides his fingers inside me. As he rubs my G spot, hard and fast, he rocks back and forth. He makes small, measured movements, stimulating the head of his cock.

  I reach back, grab the length of him, and stroke him. Gently and then with firm, long strokes.

  He’s still rocking back and forth. Teasing himself and me.

  I jerk him off. I am fucking him with my hand, and he's about to lose it. He slides further into me. I wince and pull away.

  “Oh, god. Sorry, Belle.” He pulls out.

  “Is this better?” He switches the position of his penetration, and he fills me with his well-lubed fingers and his stiff cock.

  My ass is high in the air, my head buried in the pillow. I grab the edge of the bed. “Yes, give me everything you have.”

  He grabs me around the waist, rocks, and pivots until we're both screaming in pleasure. As he starts to come, he pulls out and slides just the head into my ass once again, and I can feel him spurting in me, on me. He leans back and rubs me until I am sticky with his come. He has marked me.

  He collapses next to me and beams at me.

  “Um, Jack? When did become an ass man?”

  “Just now. Was that okay? I should have been better prepared. Prepared you more. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

  “A little sore, a little surprised.”

  “Honestly? I am, too,” he laughs. “Belle, you were so smooth and exposed, I wanted to be everywhere.

  “I think I might like you bare. Are you up for trying a Brazilian? You and Wallace could go together.”

  I giggle, “My engagement present to you? It’s not a house or a ring…. Oh, but I could get you a ring. We could go toy shopping together. A cock ring that vibrates?

  “But, Jack?” I whisper. “Anal? It scares me. I can handle a little play, a finger, or two, but when you pushed? It hurt. That was less than an inch. Do you realize how big you are? I don’t think I can do it.”

  “We’d have to build up to it. There are ways to prepare you for it.”

  “I love you, but I'm nowhere near ready for that. I'm sorry. Please understand.”

  He hugs me and kisses me. “Of course, I understand. Never apologize. I never want to hurt you or do something you don't want. Being together should be about connection, mutual play. Bella, we have a whole lifetime to explore and have fun together.

  “I have to say, sex without being stoned all the time is phenomenal. Not that it wasn’t good before. But, damn, Belle.”

  I giggle. “Yes! That’s what it is! I’ve been wondering what was different, why you’d gone all alpha male on me. You’re not stoned all the time.”

  He’s giggling, too. “It’s a whole new world, baby. I love it. I love you. “And god,” he groans, “I want you all the time.”

  We roll around on the bed, kissing and laughing, and celebrate the New Year.

  These are the Days

  Fifteen years ago, at Julia’s first wedding, I swore that if I ever married, I would elope. I would never have a circus of a wedding. I would never wear a puffball white dress or have ten bridesmaids.

  Jack and I did not elope. We are marrying today, on the first Saturday in May, in front of about thirty of our closest friends and family. I do not have a poufy white dress. I am wearing a simple, white vintage peasant dress, similar to the dress I was wearing when Jack twirled me under the stars, with silver sandals. My hair has grown out and has tiny braids and flowers woven throughout.

  We have no bridal party. No string quartet. A friend offered to bring his guitar. I made a playlist, of course.

  Jack and Charlie are wearing tan linen pants, white open-collar shirts, and braided flip-flops.

  Our mothers look beautiful in their sophisticated cocktail dresses, sun hats, and pretty sandals. Our fathers are in seersucker trousers, white suede bucks, crisp white shirts, and bowties.

  Everyone but Julia looks comfortable and happy in sundresses, khakis and sandals or flip-flops. Julia is eight months’ pregnant. She is as beautiful as ever, but she’s never comfortable anymore. She’s always pushing on her belly and muttering, “Get your damned foot out of my ribcage.”

  While the river house is not yet livable, the large dock is finished and leads out to a deck lined with benches. Citronella torches and Japanese solar lanterns provide the lighting.

  It is there that Jack and I marry, as the sun sets over the Stono River. Charlie, who is almost two, insists that Jack hold him during the ceremony. He says the three of us are getting married, and he's right. The service is short and sweet and ends with the three of us kissing each other in turn.

  It seems impossible to say, but we have grown closer, more intimate. We communicate our feelings, our desires, our fears, our hopes, and our dreams. We make love twenty-four hours a day. We still play. I hope we never
stop playing. We’ve learned the focus must always be on each other, even when we incorporate toys. We trust, and we pay attention. Like the music I crave, we are in perfect harmony, attuned to one another. I never feel alone anymore.

  After the ceremony, we serve pulled pork barbecue, mac-n-cheese, baked beans, red rice, and cole slaw. We have tubs of drinks on ice: sweet tea, champagne, and beer. Our parents have sneaked in gin and tonics for themselves.

  Jack is by my side the entire time. As people give speeches, we laugh, we cry, and we kiss.

  In honor of tradition, Wallace, Julia, and I sneak off for a “bathroom break” to smoke, drink champagne, and giggle. I am no miserable bride with sore feet. I am giddy with love and happiness. I married the love of my life. It only took nearly eleven years.

  When I return, Julia turns on the music, and Jack takes my hand. He twirls me under the stars, my hair flying, as we dance to the song I’ve always dreamed of dancing to at our wedding, Van Morrison's “These are the Days.”

  These are the days now that we must savor

  And we must enjoy as we can

  These are the days that will last forever

  You've got to hold them in your heart.

  He holds me close and repeats the words he spoke on that mountain in North Carolina when he pulled me close and twirled me. “Bella Belle, the most beautiful belle in Charleston. You are my mischievous pixie, my beautiful sprite.

  “I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you forever.”

  About the Author

  Ms. Jane has dreamed of writing about romance, friendships, and kissing boys since before her first kiss. (Thank you Judy Blume and Margaret Mitchell.) A romantic realist, she followed the family tradition of practicing law instead. The allure of romance lingered no matter how many legal briefs she wrote. Twenty-five years later, she found the courage to pursue her dreams.

  Ms. Jane is blessed with a precocious, fabulous fourteen-year-old daughter who has no interest in kissing books. While she supports her mom's new career, she insisted on the use of a pseudonym, and that no naked people appear on the book cover.

  Ms. Jane lives in Charleston, South Carolina, a city so beautiful it’s a character in its own right.