“I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me,” I said. “Can you do that?”
“Yeah, of course,” she mumbled.
“Is seeing me and Brendan together killing you?” I asked.
Her eyes widened, and she covered a gasp with her hands before throwing her arms around my neck.
“Oh, my gosh, no,” she said. “I’m so happy you guys finally came to your senses.”
“Then what’s been going on? Something’s wrong, and I really thought it was because you liked Brendan and it hurt seeing us together.”
I heard a quiet sniffle, and a few tears wet my shirt. I tightened my arms around her, and she squeezed me even tighter. I tried to stifle a groan because it hurt my rib, but I wasn’t completely successful, and she immediately pulled back.
“Crap. I’m sorry. Your arm. It’s not better yet?” she asked.
I sighed and shook my head. Man, she was out of the loop. She didn’t even know what really happened to me that night after the dance. I should never have let this go on for so long.
“There’s a lot I have to tell you. I should have told you before now, but I didn’t know how because you’ve been so quiet and distant lately.”
She took a deep breath. “There’s, um…there’s something I have to tell you too. I’m still trying to figure out what it means, so I didn’t want to say anything until I knew, but I had no idea that you thought it had to do with you and Brendan.”
“What is it?”
“It’s not…it’s not Brendan that I like. It’s Heather,” she sniffled.
Now it was my turn to cover my mouth with my hands as what she’d just said really sank in. I hugged her again, and she squeezed me so tight that it killed my rib, but I ignored it. She needed to know that it didn’t make a difference to me who she liked. I thought she’d know that already because my other two best friends were Kate and Ashton, but I guessed it felt different to her because of how we’d been raised and what my father preached from the pulpit on Sunday mornings.
“It’s okay, Nay,” I murmured. “I love you no matter what.”
“Thanks,” she mumbled uncomfortably. “I just…it’s weird. It’s not that I don’t like guys, because I do, but around the beginning of this year, I realized that I liked girls. Or at least Heather. And I guess I always just thought she was straight and that I’d see her date some guy and it’d hurt, but I’d get over it. But now…”
“Now you know she’s gay too,” I finished for her. “But she has a girlfriend. So it means there’s a chance, but there’s not. I get it. It’s how I felt when I thought Brendan asked her out.”
“I don’t know if I am gay, though,” she countered as she pulled back. “Like I said, I still like guys too.”
“So maybe you’re bisexual, like Kate and Ash,” I suggested.
“I know it’s wrong. I know what the Bible says. But—”
“It’s not wrong,” I cut her off. “God made us all in His image. That means He made us all the way He meant us to be. I believe that wholeheartedly. I mean, could you even imagine Ash any other way?”
She giggled. “Nope. They’re Ash.”
“And do you believe God made them the way they were supposed to be?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then believe that He made you in His image too. And believe that you were made exactly how He wanted you to be.”
She cracked a smile. “Why are you so awesome?”
“Because that’s how God made me,” I quipped.
That made her laugh. “So, what did you need to tell me?”
I took a deep breath, then told her everything. About my dad and what he did the night of the dance and why I couldn’t get the police or child protective services involved. About how Brendan and I got together and how amazing and supportive and sweet he’d been. About everything that went down with Ethan and how Brendan and I found out about his smoking and drinking, but we had to keep it to ourselves because it was the only way he wouldn’t tell my dad about us. And about my first kiss – both of the “practice” ones and the “real” one. Kate and Ashton had both made me tell them everything and gushed about it with me as soon as they had me alone after they found out Brendan and I were a couple, but Naomi didn’t know about any of it yet.
“Oh, my gosh,” she said, letting out a shocked chuckle, as we walked back out of the bathroom before someone came looking. “I check out for a couple of weeks because I’m lost in my own head and I miss everything.”
“How about not doing that anymore?” I teased. “I know it’s been kind of a crazy couple of weeks, but I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she sighed. “I won’t shut you out again. I promise.”
“Look, it probably goes without saying, but my parents don’t know about Brendan,” I told her. “I’m worried that your mom might—”
“I figured. I asked her not to say anything while we were on the bus. She’s not a fan of how your parents treat you anyway, and she doesn’t even know how bad it is. If they find out, it won’t be from her.”
“Thanks,” I sighed in relief. “I know I’m probably being paranoid, but…”
“You’ve got a reason to be. You can tell Brendan, by the way. About me. If you noticed I was being weird, he probably did too, and I don’t want him thinking he’s making me uncomfortable by being a good boyfriend to you.”
“If he asks me what’s going on, I’ll tell him, but I’m not going to volunteer the information,” I told her. “It’s not my place.”
She smiled and hugged my arm. “Hey, do you want to come to the merchandise booth with me since we’re out here? I want to get a t-shirt.”
“Sure,” I said. “Not like I can buy anything, though. My dad didn’t give me any money for merchandise. Which sucks, because I really wanted a shirt to commemorate my first concert. But I’m just glad he let me come at all after the disaster at homecoming.”
“I’ve got enough for both of us,” she said. “I’ll get you a shirt.”
“No, I can’t let you spend any money on me,” I told her.
I knew her parents had been struggling to keep their store afloat, and I didn’t feel right letting her get me an overpriced t-shirt just because I couldn’t get it myself. I could live without it. I’d have my memories from tonight, and that was more than enough.
“It’s my allowance money. I can spend it how I want, and I want to get us matching Jars of Clay t-shirts. Just call it an early Christmas present,” she insisted. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“If you’re sure,” I said hesitantly.
“I’m sure. Come on,” she said, dragging me by my good arm toward the booth.
When we walked back into the concert hall, one of Jars of Clay’s most popular songs, “Flood,” was playing over the loudspeaker, and it made me laugh.
“They couldn’t play something else?” I giggled. “Not like we’re about to spend two hours listening to them live or anything.”
“Right?” she agreed. “I’m not complaining, though.”
We started to slide back into our row, and a few people got up to let us past. When I sat back down next to Brendan, he wrapped an arm around me, and I leaned into his side. He took a quick glance around before tilting my chin up for a quick peck on the lips.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. We’re good now.”
“Thought you guys were going to miss the show,” he chuckled. “The opening act is about to start in a few minutes.”
“I’d have lived,” I told him. “Some things are more important.”
Before he even had a chance to respond, someone came over the loudspeakers and thanked us for not using flash photography. Then the lights went down as the opening act, which was some new band I’d never heard of, started to play.
Chapter 16
Darla
When the Rain Comes
It was after midnight when the bus f
inally pulled back into the church parking lot. And I wasn’t even a little bit tired. There was too much adrenaline coursing through my veins. Tonight had been absolutely amazing. On top of getting to see my favorite band perform live, I’d been able to let my guard down a little around Brendan and clear the air with Naomi. For the first time in a long time, I’d actually felt like a normal kid.
But now it was time to get back to the real world. Because when I glanced out the bus window, I saw my dad leaning against the hood of his car with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. I knew he probably wasn’t happy that we were so late getting back because he had to get up at six tomorrow morning so he could be here on time for the early service. I wondered why he’d insisted on coming himself rather than having my mom pick me up. Just because she was on disability, it didn’t mean she couldn’t drive.
Brendan reached up from behind me and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. I knew he hated that we couldn’t get a real goodbye. For that matter, so did I. I hated all this lying and sneaking around and acting like I was ashamed of him. I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of, and I shouldn’t have had to act like it. But I knew my dad would never understand, even if I tried to explain it to him. He saw the world as black and white, and in that black and white world, his daughter was not allowed to have anything to do with boys.
As the bus came to a stop, he got up immediately and moved to stand in the aisle, blocking my dad’s view of the window.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, baby,” he said quietly, squeezing my shoulder.
I smiled at him. “See you tomorrow.”
He walked off the bus, and I stood up, grabbing my purse and the bag containing the t-shirt Naomi had bought for me and the keychain I’d bought myself with the ten-dollar bill I’d found in my wallet. Naomi got up right behind me.
“It’s hard having to hide, huh?” she asked me as we made our way off the bus.
I nodded. “Yeah. But it’s worth it.”
“Maybe one day I’ll know what that’s like,” she sighed.
My mind flashed back to the way Alex had looked at her before we got on the bus this afternoon. Now that I thought about it, it reminded me a lot of the way Brendan had looked at me before we started dating. Like he wanted something he didn’t think he could have.
“You will,” I told her. “You’re going to meet someone amazing. And soon. I can feel it.”
“I hope so,” she chuckled as we hopped down from the step at the front of the bus. “See you tomorrow.”
I gave her a hug. “See you tomorrow. I’m going to be dragging.”
“Me too,” she giggled.
I turned and headed toward my dad’s car, and a knot twisted in my stomach when I saw his hard, angry eyes. Had he somehow found out about me spending time with Brendan at the concert? If not, what had I done? Why was he so upset with me?
“Get in the car,” he growled at me.
I nodded and cast my eyes downward as I quickly got into the front seat and buckled my seatbelt. My dad got into the driver’s seat and yanked the door shut so forcefully that it shook the whole car, then immediately turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking space doing at least fifteen miles an hour. The car came to an abrupt stop, jerking me forward, and I looked over at my dad just in time to see him roll down his window.
“Watch where you’re walking!” he barked, turning to look at someone.
“Sorry, sir. My bad,” came Brendan’s voice. “Have a good night.”
“Pay more attention,” my dad grumbled as he turned back around and continued to back out of the parking space and pealed out of the parking lot like a NASCAR driver.
Oh, my gosh. He’d almost hit Brendan with his car! And his only response to that was yelling and blaming the other person? What if he’d actually hit Brendan? What if he’d put him in the hospital or, God forbid, killed him? He could have seriously injured or even killed the most important person in my life, and he didn’t even care.
What had upset him this much? And why hadn’t he said anything to me about it? Usually, if he was upset with me, he’d start in on me the second we were alone, whether that was in his office, in the house, or in the car. But now, he was just silent, in a deadly sort of way. In the kind of way where I knew that all of his rage was bubbling just under the surface.
My dad still hadn’t said a single word by the time we pulled into our driveway. The silence was thick enough that I would have needed a machete to slice through it and bile was churning in my stomach, threatening to make an appearance.
I hated when he acted like this. If he was upset with me for something, why didn’t he just punish me and get it over with? Why did he have to give me the silent treatment and not even tell me what I’d done wrong? I would have almost preferred getting the belt to the anticipation and not knowing when he’d explode or what would set him off.
“Go to bed,” he barked as I got out of the car. “Early service tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir,” I murmured, averting my eyes.
I didn’t know why he wanted me in the early service instead of the later service, but it didn’t really matter. He said jump, and my mom and I asked how high. That was the way it worked in this house. So, without asking any other questions, I scurried off into my bedroom and shut the door behind me, then quickly changed into some pajamas.
Why did my dad have to taint every good experience I’d ever had? Before I stepped off the church bus, tonight had been one of the best nights of my life. But now, I had a knot in my stomach that wouldn’t go away and the adrenaline high I’d been on from the concert had been replaced by crushing anxiety at the anticipation of when my dad would decide to tell me what I’d done wrong and punish me for it.
Taking a few deep breaths, I went into my closet and pulled the Christmas present I’d started working on for Brendan off of the top shelf in the back that I kept it on so my dad wouldn’t find it. I figured that doing a little work on it would help me calm down so I could get at least a few hours of sleep tonight. I’d gotten the idea from the nail cross necklace that he always wore, and then when he told me that he and Nathan were going to paint the cabinet he was making in his carpentry class together, it was just cemented in my mind. They’d be able to put this on the cabinet once they were done painting it.
Grabbing the wire cutters, pliers, wire, and cast-iron nails, I went over to my desk and cleared off a space to work on. I grabbed the one line of nails I’d already wrapped together with wire and put it on the desk, then got to work laying the nails out for the next branch of the N. There was going to be a B eventually too, but that was going to take more work because I’d have to bend some of the nails for the curves of the letter. And then I was going to wrap both of them together and make something they could mount it with.
I’d gotten about halfway through wrapping the next part of the N when a rapping on my window made me jump six inches out of my chair. Once I managed to get my heart rate slowed to normal, I got up and went to pull back the curtains, wanting to find out what was going on.
I’d been expecting to see nothing, or maybe a tree branch on the ground. What I wasn’t expecting was to see my boyfriend standing there. My eyes widened as I cracked the window so I could talk to him. Thankfully, my room was on the complete opposite end of the house from my parents’ room, so my dad wouldn’t hear us.
“Oh, my gosh, Brendan. You scared the crap out of me!” I stage-whispered.
“Sorry,” he chuckled quietly. “I just…I had this feeling I needed to come check on you. I know it sounds crazy, but the last time I had a feeling like this was when I dropped you off after homecoming, and the next morning, you had a dislocated shoulder and a broken rib. I couldn’t ignore it. Not again.”
My eyes stung with tears, and a lump rose in my throat. Maybe it was dumb, but this was just confirming to me that saying yes to him was the right decision. That he was the glimpse at God’s plan for my life that I’d prayed for.
�
�I’m okay,” I choked out, sniffling a little.
But the truth was, I wasn’t okay. Because even though my father hadn’t laid a hand on me, it was like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The next time was an inevitability. Whether he decided to tell me what he was upset about and dole out my punishment tomorrow morning or whether this was the one time in a blue moon time when he didn’t fly off the handle, he would lose control and hurt me again at some point. And I had no idea when it would be.
He cracked a half-smile. “You don’t sound okay.”
“He didn’t hurt me, but…it’s complicated. I wish I could let you in so we could talk, but…” I trailed off, sighing.
That earned me a real smile. “Open the window a little more. I’ve got the screen.”
“Are you insane?” I gasped. “What if he comes in?”
His eyes got as big as saucers. “Please, for the love of God, tell me he doesn’t come into your room in the middle of the night.”
Oh, my gosh. I hadn’t even thought about how that would sound before I said it. But, given what Brendan already knew about my dad, I guessed that wasn’t much of a leap for him to make.
“No,” I said quickly. “I mean, not that I know of. I just meant I’m not allowed to have my door locked, so he could come in if he heard us talking.”
“He tries to lay even a finger on you while I’m here, and he’ll get a fair fight for once in his miserable life,” he gritted out, then sighed. “I’m not going to force you to let me in, Dar. If you’re that scared of what’ll happen if he finds me here, I’ll go home and we can talk at school on Monday. But I can tell something’s wrong and I want to be here for you if you’ll let me.”
That did it. The tears I’d been trying to hold back since the second I’d seen my dad’s face in the parking lot broke free. I wasn’t used to having someone who cared this much about me. Someone who actually went out of their way to check on me and pressed me for answers when I tried to skirt the truth.
My Vows Are Sealed (Sealed With a Kiss) Page 17
