When We Fall

by Olivia Rose

  "What the hell is going on in here?" I shout.

  Both of their heads swing to me.

  "Nothing, Erin, Mason was just leaving."

  "The hell I was; I'm here waiting for her, dickwad. You need to leave."

  "Mason fucking Knight, thinks he's the big man about town now..." Evan growls, trying to get in Mason's face, but Mason has a good six inches on him.

  "Evan, you need to leave."

  I hold the door open for him. I never thought I'd see the day when I picked someone over him, but I can't get over the jerk he's become since I started hanging out with Mason.

  "Are you kidding me? We've been friends forever, Erin, and now you're taking this douchebag's side."

  "You're damn straight I am, Evan. And since when have we ever actually been friends? I'm trying to get through the rest of this school year and right now you're getting in the way of that. So, please leave."

  "Fine," he huffs, grabbing his bag from the floor.

  That's when I hear two loud bangs ricochet down the halls followed by screams. I freeze as the blood runs from my face. They're both stood staring at me, frozen, just like me. Seconds tick by and we stand there. Then Mason moves toward me, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the door, closing it quietly, before walking me to the back corner. He motions to Evan to help him lift the table and put it in front of the door. Then they work together to tip another in front of it, barricading us in the room. They duck behind the table with me, one on each side of me, while I sit and tremble, listening to the screams and hysteria of everyone still out there.

  "Please, tell me I'm imagining this. This can't be real, right?" I whisper.

  "We're going to be okay, Erin." Mason tries to reassure me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, trying to comfort me.

  "Okay? Dude, there is a shooter in the school! This is the shit you see in the news. What part of this is okay?" Evan shouts.

  I start to cry.

  "Shut the fuck up, man! We don't know where the person with the gun is. We don't know if he just heard you. Fuck!"

  "We need to get out of this room. We're just sat here like fucking ducks waiting to die."

  "Yeah, that's real clever, genius; you just go running out there with no idea what's going on."

  "Please, both of you. Just stop," I say, as tears run down my face.

  I don't know the last time I was this scared. Mason pulls me closer and hugs me tight. For just a second, I close my eyes and it's as if everything is okay. Then I hear another muffled shot. It's louder than the last one. Whoever it is, is getting closer. Evan scrambles up and pulls the table away from the door causing a massive scraping noise.

  "What the fuck are you doing?" Mason whisper shouts.

  "I'm not staying here. I'm not dying in here."

  "Mason, Scottie is out there somewhere. I just left her by the library." I tell him. Panic registers that she could be alone.

  "I'm sure she's okay; she's not stupid. She would have gone to a designated safe place as soon as she heard the shots."

  "You guys can stay here if you want, but I'm out of here," Evan yells, his eyes wild with fear before opening the door and darting out.

  "Oh my god, we can't let him go out there, Mason. We need to get him back here."

  "Erin, my main focus right now is keeping you safe. However, since he just probably alerted whoever is out there to where we are, you need to stay down while I close the door and put the tables back."

  "Safe isn't exactly what you are," I hear a voice followed by a laugh that sends a chill down my spine.

  Mason turns and covers me fully with his body, shielding me from everything.

  "Josh? Man, what are you doing?" Mason says, his voice steady. I peek around his arm and see Josh Sanders stood in front of us, gun in hand. He's waving the gun around haphazardly, and my guess is there are others in the hall. His white t-shirt is speckled with red. Blood. I start to heave and clasp my hand over my mouth, forcing myself to calm down as Mason sidesteps to protect me again.

  "What am I doing? I'm doing exactly what needs to be done. This school is full of uppity assholes who think they're better than everyone else. Better than me. They need to learn. They can bleed too, just like me. Just like all of us."

  "You need to put that gun down. What is this going to do to your dad? He's the sheriff. This is going to devastate him, Josh."

  "He needs to understand, too!" Josh yells and I can't help the squeal that escapes me. "He's just as bad as the rest of them."

  "They're not all bad, Josh."

  "Don't say that! Don't be like them!" I see him start to pace, pulling at his hair.

  "That gun is a glock-22. It carries fifteen in the clip. He's only fired three times, that means there's still twelve bullets in the gun, Erin," Mason whispers to me while Josh paces in front of us, yelling. I don't question how he knows that, I just accept it. "We need to get out of here."

  "You're not going anywhere!" He points the gun at Mason, and I grip the back of his jacket.

  "Okay, at least let Erin get out of here? She doesn't deserve any of this. She's like you and me."

  "You're nothing like me!" Josh spits. "They flock to you; you've barely been here ten minutes and they treat you with respect. I've been here my entire life, and they act as if I don't exist. Not anymore! Do you have any idea what it's like, to have your parents look at you with disappointment, because they know you're a loser; to see that look in your dad's eyes, and then again in your moms, right before she leaves for good?!"

  I hear a noise come from deeper in the corridor, the squeak of a sneaker on the polished floor followed by a scream. Josh spins toward the noise and walks away from the door. I hear a squeal and then I see him coming back toward us, dragging a girl by the hair. He throws her to the floor at Mason's feet and she looks up at us. Tegan. Her hair is a mess, mascara running down her face. I always thought I'd rue the day I saw her like this, but not today. Today, I just want us all to survive.

  "This bitch was the worst of them all. This bitch is going to die."

  "Josh, come on. No-one needs to die. You've made your point. People are going to remember you. They will know you. I don't think anyone is ever going to mistake you for something you're not, ever again," Mason speaks softly. I don't know how he can stay so calm, but I am so thankful for him.

  "No! I'm not done yet, and if you don't shut up, I'll think you're on their side."

  "I'm not on anyone's side, man. I just want to get me and Erin out of here."

  "Erin? That whore?" His eyes bore into mine, but it's like he's not really seeing me. "She chases around after Walker her entire life, begging for scraps of his attention, like he holds the fucking moon, then you show up and her puppy eyes turn to you. She's as bad as them. She watched the hell I was living and did nothing. Get out of the way, Mason."

  "I can't do that," he tells him, standing taller, trying to cover me fully, backing us up toward the wall.

  Josh waves his gun. "Step out into this corridor, out of that room, or I'll shoot." Mason draws a deep breath, but slowly with me behind him he walks us out into the corridor. I see Evan stood by the next door, paralyzed by his fear. He put us in danger and didn't even manage to escape.

  "Evan, help me," Tegan sobs from the floor.

  "Shut up, you stupid little slut!" Josh spits at her, before ushering Evan away from the door. He goes to the floor with Tegan.

  "What's your plan here, Josh?" Mason asks, trying to take control of the situation again.

  "There is no plan," Josh laughs maniacally. "They just need to pay," he says, waving the gun at Tegan and Evan.

  "Please, don't kill me," Evan squeaks, putting himself behind Tegan. I have never been so disgusted in him in my entire life.

  "Killing you is going to be a sweet, sweet joy. In front of your stupid plastic girlfriend, and the whorish puppy who has loved you since kindergarten."

  "Huh?"

  "I'll practice on this bitch, first." Josh lets out a
weird giggle, before he points the gun at Tegan and pulls the trigger. I hear her bloodcurdling scream and my instinct is to dart around Mason to get to her. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him.

  "I need to help her, Mason!" I cry, as I try to struggle. I watch as the blood pools in her chest. "Please, let me at least try," I beg as he lets me go. I drop to the floor and pull off my hoodie, balling it up on her wound, applying pressure.

  "Little Miss Goodie. Let me ask you something. Which one of them would you save if you had the choice? Evan Walker, star quarterback, your lifelong crush and utter asshole; or Mason Knight, new fuck on the block?"

  "What?" I ask, stunned. He can't be serious, right? Right?

  "You heard me. Whore. You get to pick who lives and who dies. One or the other. It's about time you chose."

  "You can't ask me to do that!"

  "If you don't pick, I'll shoot you instead, just like I shot that little mouthy bitch friend of yours." he says pointing the gun in my face.

  "Tegan's not my friend."

  "Not her. That bitch, Scottie, who always just walked on by when the football team were dumping me in the trash or beating me senseless, even though she knew how it felt to be a victim too. She was as fucking bad as those assholes hitting me. She deserved to suffer, so I shot her, then locked her away where no-one would find her, giving her chance to bleed out. She just cried and begged like a massive waste of air. Pathetic."

  He grabs me by the hair and shoves the gun in my face, and I stop crying. I stop breathing and my mind goes blank. It feels like time slows down around me as I stare at the gun. Everything else fades away until there's nothing but the gun in my face.

  "Just kill her and let me go!" Evan squeals beside me, distracting Josh for a minute. Mason pounces on him and time speeds up. I hear a scream. I think it's me as Evan runs out of the room while Mason wrestles with Josh. I'm rooted to the spot unable to move. That's when I hear another shot go off and Mason falls to the floor on top of Josh. Neither of them move, and then I hear one more shot. Time stands still as I watch, completely frozen, immobile. I hear Mason groan as he rolls off Josh. Metal skids across the floor as he bats the gun away.

  I look down at Tegan. Her breathing is slowing. My hoodie is covered in blood. Slowly, I get up, my legs trembling and I run toward Mason.

  "Oh my god, Mason. You're bleeding."

  I fall to my knees and put my hands over the hole in his stomach.

  "I'm okay," he groans.

  "No, you're not! You've been shot!" I shout hysterically. I'm trying to keep my shit together, but the threads are unravelling quickly. I look over at Josh who has hold of his stomach. "You shot him too."

  "I had to make sure you were okay," he murmurs, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

  I hear shouts coming down the corridor. The place is flooded with police yelling. The rest rushes past me in a blur as the paramedics come in and take Josh, Tegan, and Mason away. I hear someone mention Scottie's name, but nothing registers. I just sit on the floor, the knees of my jeans soaked in blood. I try to wipe my hands clean on them but it's no use. One of the policemen tries to speak to me, but it's as if I'm underwater and I can't hear him right. He wraps his jacket around my shoulders and walks me out of the school. I look around to see there are news crews, police, and ambulances everywhere. And so many people. It barely registers other than the flashes from a camera, and I'm led to a waiting ambulance. I get on without even really thinking about it and just sit as the doors close.

  MY HEELS SINK INTO the grass as I stand behind the chairs full of Scottie's family. The sun shines brightly down on us all as Uncle Jamie speaks about her. It seems wrong. Wrong for the sun to shine on a day like today. I feel Monica squeeze my hand as Jamie calls my name to talk about my friend. The one who was murdered because of the bullying I never spoke up about. Guilt swells in my throat as I step forward and make my way to the front of all the people, with Scottie's casket hovering over the hole in the ground, lined with flowers. Her photo is on an easel. It all still feels like a dream.

  I clear the lump in my throat and try to speak, but the sobs from Scottie's mom as she holds Jake make me pause. A sharp pain resonates through my chest, and I struggle to breathe. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. You can do this. I swear I hear Scottie's voice in my head, and it gives me strength.

  "I know a lot of you have known Scottie her whole life, and while I might not have known her from birth, I feel like I've known her my entire life too, and I can't even imagine how to get through my tomorrows without her. Not picking up the phone to talk about the day or seeing her walking through the halls at school. She was taken from us too early, and she still had so much to give.

  That being said, she'd hate to see us crying for her. Scottie was one of the most positive people I knew, and despite everything, she'd want us to be happy. Happy that we experienced her brand of sunshine for the time we did. Happy that we survived. Happy that we're still here to remember the best of her.

  What happened to Scottie was senseless, but despite the ache inside of me when I think about the what if's and what could have beens, I am so happy that I had my friend for as long as I did. Most importantly, I know that she's not really gone. She'll live inside of each and every one of us, in our memories, in the way she influenced us, in the ways she taught us that being ourselves was okay. We may have only had her for a short time, but she made such an impact in that short time."

  I look at the casket containing my best friend.

  "Scottie, I'll miss you forever, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully let you go, and you'll have to forgive me for that. I feel so lost without you right now, I hadn't realized just how much I needed you, and I don't know how I'm going to face the rest of this madness we call life without you, but I know you'd never forgive me if I didn't. Goodbye, Scottie. I'll love you forever."

  I don't stop the tears as they fall down my cheeks or even attempt to wipe them away. It takes everything I have to stay standing as her casket is lowered and Jamie says a final blessing for Scottie. My last goodbye, to throw a white rose in with her. Once I make it back to where Monica is sitting, I collapse in her arms and sob until I can't cry any more. Once I let her go, I realize pretty much everyone else has left, and shame hits me for not keeping it together. So many other people were here, and they had no idea why Scottie died, not the real reason. I knew. I could have stopped it, if I'd been brave and told people about the bullying, or I'd stepped in and tried to help. I don't deserve to feel better, and a cold numbing sensation fills my body.

  "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you home," Monica says, helping me to my feet. Jamie approaches us, hugging me before letting us go.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Six Months Later

  I close my eyes and hold my breath, trying to stop the pain of the memories taking over. One. Two. Three. Deep breath. Four. Five. Six. I breathe out and imagine the pain and fear leaving me. It doesn't get me so much anymore, but sometimes, when my brain wanders, it takes me under and it's like I'm back there. Living it. Those gun shots ring out, and my whole world tilts. Everything changed that day; it's not something that will ever really leave me.

  Monica coos as she bounces onto my bed and brings me back to the present. "I still cannot believe you're our valedictorian! I mean, I totally can, but wow! How's your speech going?"

  "It's done," I say. "I sat with Mason last weekend and went through it with him. He says it's epic, but well, he's also crazy biased."

  "How's he doing?" She asks.

  "He's okay. He's been cleared to travel." We were heading out after graduation.

  "How did your counselling session go today?" she asks, and I wince. My anxiety was intense after the shooting, and with Scottie dying, I felt so much guilt for not saving her, but I'm coping better now, and I'm almost excited to be getting away.

  I can't stop the smile that traces my lips. It's been the toughest six months of my life, but now, there's on
e week left of high school, and my life is completely different to where it was a year ago. Hell, even from where it was at the beginning of this school year. If you'd told me then I'd be dating the hottest, sweetest guy on earth, who literally saved my life; that the girl who tortured me my entire life would become an almost friend; and the guy I'd crushed on forever would become persona-non-grata, well, hell, I'd have laughed you out of the damn state, let alone the town. But that's where I am.

  And now, I get to go on the biggest adventure of my life with the guy I love. We spent the last six months tweaking the plan; after what we went through, we decided we wanted to experience everything we could without being away for too long. It might only be going away for two weeks, but I get to spend them with the guy of my dreams. I sound like a total cheese-ball, but I'm at the point where I just don't give a shit. If nothing else, I have to thank Josh for that. What he did was beyond horrifying. Two students died—Scottie, and Tommy's girlfriend Ella, who apparently had to die to teach her boyfriend a lesson—but I didn't, and now I know just how precious the time we have here is, and I want to live.

  First, though, I need to get through this graduation ceremony, and an overprotective Monica. I swear, her anxiety about my upcoming trip is way worse than mine has ever been. I get it, I mean, what happened in January irrevocably changed the lives of every single person it touched. How could it not? I've never seen a parent more broken than Sheriff Saunders as Mason was taken away in an ambulance, and his son bundled into a cop car. The realization his son had become a monster, crippled the guy; right there and then on the sidewalk. He never saw it coming. All those years working with criminals, with the disaffected, with the angry, and he didn't recognize it in his own son. Monica said the community has rallied around as much as they can to support Sheriff Saunders and his wife, but it's hard to separate the high-school killer with his parents; there have been a lot of quiet conversations at the grocery store and the bank about what Josh's parents 'did wrong'. I don't think I'll ever understand that mess.