Some Regrets Are Forever (River's End Rescues Book 1)

by Jane Blythe

  Just as he knew she could be dead by then.

  * * * * *

  8:36 P.M.

  She had been walking for hours.

  Quite possibly in circles.

  When she’d left the house her mind had been fuzzy, and, not thinking clearly, she hadn't followed the road. By the time she realized her mistake and tried to backtrack to the road John had driven along she was well and truly lost.

  Now she was just dragging her exhausted body through the forest, and praying she could find her way back out, because she had no idea where she was going. She might be heading toward town or further away and into the woods, she had no idea where the closest house was, or even if there were any houses close by.

  It didn’t help that she had a blinding headache that made just concentrating enough to put one foot in front of the other hard enough, or that her chest burned with each breath she took no matter how hard she tried to keep her breathing shallow. It didn’t help that she wasn’t dressed to be out in the cold and that her sweater and the blanket did little to keep her warm, or that she didn’t have any shoes on so not only were her feet freezing, but the forest floor had cut them up.

  She wasn’t getting out of this forest alive.

  That was the conclusion that Meadow had come to.

  And yet despite that she couldn’t stop walking.

  It would be so nice to curl up at the bottom of one of the large trees, snuggle under her blanket, and just let nature take its course. She thought that hypothermia wasn’t the worst way to go, in fact as far as the manner of death went it had to be one of the better ones. She would simply lie down, close her eyes, allow the darkness to tug her under, and then pass away in her sleep. It wouldn’t be painful, and it wouldn’t be terrifying it really would just be like sleep, only a slumber that she would never awaken from.

  As tempted as she was to do just that, Meadow knew that she couldn’t.

  Abe would never give up on her, he would search for her for as long as it took to find her, so it felt mean to give up on him.

  She couldn’t do that.

  She couldn’t be the cause of his pain.

  He had already been hurt once before by the woman he loved, and she wasn’t going to do the same thing to him that Talia had done.

  Even if none of this was really her fault.

  She had been young and naïve when she had fallen for John’s charms, and even though she was older and wiser now, it didn’t undo the mistakes that she had made.

  Maybe killing John made up for them.

  Killing John.

  That she had taken her husband’s life had not sunk in yet.

  It all seemed so surreal. She half expected that at any moment he would come running up behind her, or jump out from behind a tree, and grab her and punish her for stabbing him. In fact she expected it so much that she kept turning around to check the forest around her even though each movement aggravated her ribs.

  “He’s dead,” she told herself aloud. “He can’t hurt you ever again.”

  It was the truth, and yet she couldn’t believe it.

  Too many years spent living in fear of John made it hard to believe that he was no longer a threat to her. She had been conditioned to believe that he was her god. He dictated when she was allowed to do even the most basic of things like what she ate, what she wore, when she was allowed to use the bathroom. That kind of hold wasn’t easily broken, and she suspected that if she made it out of this alive that it would take a very long time to let go of that fear and level of control.

  But she’d have Abe and he’d make everything better.

  A smile lit her face as she thought of Abe.

  He was such a good guy, she was so lucky that of all the towns she could have taken a bus to she had ended up in River’s End, and of all the people who could have found her hiding behind that dumpster it was Abe Black.

  She was a lucky lady.

  Given the fact that she was dragging her broken and bloodied body through the forest, in the dark and cold, having just killed a man, it might seem odd to consider herself lucky, but that was how she saw things.

  She had always been someone who lived for the future and what could be instead of the past or the present and what was. The past could never be changed, and the present could be endured, but the future held all kinds of possibilities, and as long as she had those possibilities then she could endure anything.

  Now all those possibilities that she had dreamed about for as long as she could remember were so close she could almost touch them.

  Almost.

  But not quite.

  Because life seemed to like to taunt her.

  She could beat life at its own game though. All she had to do was find a way out of this forest, and she could have all of her dreams come true.

  Meadow went to sidestep a tree—thankfully, the clouds had cleared and the moon was shining brightly, so there was enough light for her to just make out where she was going—and her bare toe rammed into the trunk.

  Pain splintered through her already battered body, and a sob broke free.

  She was trying so hard not to cry, stay strong, keep moving, find a way out, and get back to Abe, but it was so hard. She hurt so badly and she was so cold, and all she wanted was to be wrapped up in Abe’s arms, his warm breath on the top of her head, his heart beating beneath her, his strength seeping into her.

  The sobs aggravated her damaged ribs and although she tried to shove them back down tears came flooding out in a rush.

  Meadow sunk down to the cold, hard ground, puddles of snow soaked through her jeans, rocks and tree roots dug into her knees, and as she wept loudly the pain in her chest became near unbearable.

  She had been so close to having everything she wanted, and now it was over.

  It was all over.

  She was going to die out here.

  Alone.

  Just like she had spent most of her life.

  Well, not completely alone.

  Meadow pressed a hand to her stomach. Her baby was what had given her the courage to run. It was one thing to allow herself to remain John’s prisoner because she was scared and beaten down until she no longer believed in herself, but it was quite another to allow him to put a hand on her baby.

  That she couldn’t allow.

  So she had done the right thing.

  She had tried to protect this little baby growing inside of her only she hadn’t.

  Despite her very best efforts, she had failed and now they were both going to die.

  “No,” she tried to rouse herself. “No.”

  She couldn’t give up on this baby, on Abe, or on herself.

  Somehow she managed to push back up to her feet and staggered a few more steps before the pain got too much and she landed hard on her knees.

  Her head was starting to swim.

  She was so lightheaded.

  Her brain begged her to stop trying and just give in, but she ignored it.

  Once again she pushed up onto her feet and staggered onward.

  Meadow had no idea how many times she repeated that process. She would somehow find the strength to stand, but her exhausted body couldn’t make it more than a few steps before it would collapse. A short pause would give her just enough strength to stand again and get a few more steps before the inevitable collapse.

  She was still crying.

  The only reason she was aware of that was because the cold made her tears feel like little drops of ice sliding down her cheeks.

  Her shoulder hit a tree as she stumbled too close to it and the resulting jostle to her ribs made her cry out.

  This time when she hit the ground she knew she wouldn’t be getting up.

  She was so tired.

  Too tired.

  As much as she wanted to keep going, Meadow knew that she couldn’t, she was physically incapable of walking any further.

  Carefully she lowered herself so she was lying down. She could no longer distinguish exactly what hur
t, it had all just blurred into one big mass of pain that consumed her body. She tucked the blanket over her, it didn’t do a lot to keep the cold at bay, but it was better than nothing, and it did offer some comfort just to be snuggled underneath something soft and cozy.

  The spot she had collapsed was right in a patch of moonlight, and as her eyes fluttered closed it was nice to feel the light on her. It wasn’t much, but if she had to die alone at least she didn’t have to do it in the dark.

  Her mind began to fade, and with her last little bit of strength she pictured Abe’s smiling face.

  “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I tried, I promise I did, I tried as hard as I could but I can’t … I can’t … sorry …”

  When she floated away, it felt like she was riding on a moonbeam up into the sky where she could be Abe’s sunshine forever.

  * * * * *

  9:00 P.M.

  “Meadow,” Abe yelled as they walked through the forest.

  She didn’t answer him.

  Whether because she wasn’t close by and hadn’t heard him, or because she was unconscious—or dead—and couldn’t reply, he didn’t know.

  Everything had taken too long to get in place, as soon as he knew that Meadow had most likely gone walking off into the forest trying to find her way to safety he had wanted to get out there and start searching. But the forest was treacherous, particularly at night and when it had been snowing, and he hadn’t wanted to do anything to endanger Meadow further, so he had done the right thing and waited until search and rescue had shown up.

  Mia Taylor had arrived with her entire team. They’d quickly divided the search area up into grids, based on the maximum amount of time Meadow might have been out there and how far she could go in a best-case scenario. They had assigned a grid to each team, and now they had been out traipsing through the forest for the last couple of hours.

  So far there had been no sign of Meadow.

  He didn’t want to give up on her, but it was getting harder and harder to keep hope. He knew that she was hurt, just not how badly, and he knew that she had been raped, add to that the trauma of taking a life, and he didn’t think that she could have gone too far. Yet in the almost three hours they had been out here they hadn’t found her.

  “This takes time,” Mia reminded him, obviously sensing his growing fear that they were going to find her too late. “From what you’ve told me about her and her inner strength and desire to survive, she’s not going to give up without a fight. She killed a man to save herself for goodness sake, no sitting back and waiting for a white knight to come riding in on a white horse to save her. She’s got this, you just have to believe in her.”

  “I’m trying,” he told Mia.

  Mia paused and turned to study him, in the thin light from the flashlight she wore on her head, he could see that her green eyes were full of empathy and understanding. “I know you are. But, Abe, she literally stabbed her husband in the neck to kill him, that’s how much she wants to live. That drive increases the odds that we’ll find her alive. Will to live plays a big part in survival, and I have never seen anyone fight that hard to live as your girl.”

  “She’s hurt,” he reminded his friend. As much as he wanted to believe Mia, and as much as he agreed that Meadow had fought hard to get free from her abusive husband, there was only so much she could do if she was injured too badly.

  “Not so bad that she couldn’t get out and try to find help. And from what you told us about her I think she probably has experience with being hurt and still having to get things done,” Mia said gently.

  Unfortunately, that was true.

  Meadow wasn’t new to being beaten and raped, and she no doubt still had to keep the house running to John’s standards if she wanted to avoid another beating.

  Since Mia was trying to encourage him and he did know that Meadow had a drive unlike that of any other person he had ever met, Abe nodded and focused himself. Meadow was out here somewhere, waiting for him to come for her, waiting for him to fulfill his promise to her that he would be there for her, that he would protect her and keep her safe.

  “Let’s get going,” he said.

  Mia smiled at him. “We’ll find her, just keep faith.”

  They both started walking again, turning their heads from side to side so the flashlights shed light on every inch of the forest. She could be anywhere, passed out under a tree, trying to keep warm under a bush, staggering along desperately trying to find a way out.

  He’d mostly grown up in the country, he knew his way around the forest, he knew how to find his way out if he got lost, he knew how to find water and food and start a fire to keep warm, but Meadow was a city girl, he doubted she’d spent much time in the outdoors, she must be so overwhelmed trying to find an end to the seemingly endless trees.

  They’d walked for maybe another five minutes when he caught sight of something.

  Something pink.

  It stood out amongst the browns and greens and white of the forest, and he immediately began to jog toward it.

  “Mia, over here, I think I’ve found her,” he called out as he picked up speed. “Please let it be her,” he whispered to himself.

  When he reached the pink blob he let out a sigh of relief.

  It was Meadow.

  She was lying huddled under a soft pink blanket, which he quickly yanked aside so he could touch his fingers to her ice-cold neck.

  At first he couldn’t feel a pulse and his heart lurched, but he knew enough about hypothermia to know that her pulse would be weak and could still be there even though he couldn’t feel it.

  “She alive?” Mia asked, leaning over, hands on her knees.

  “I can’t get a pulse,” he replied, grabbing Meadow—who was curled in on herself—and stretching her out. He pressed one hand to her chest, the other back on her neck, and he leaned down so his cheek was just above her mouth.

  There.

  He felt it.

  A faint puff of air against his skin.

  And the hand he had on her chest was rising and falling, she was breathing, albeit shallowly.

  “She’s alive,” he said, more to reassure himself than to inform Mia.

  Mia knelt beside Meadow, a thermometer in her hand, she put it in Meadow’s ear, and a moment later it beeped out a result. “Eighty-six degrees,” she murmured, yanking out heat packs from her backpack. “I’m going to put these under her armpits, and them one on her chest and I want you to wrap her back up in the blanket. Keep her close to your body so your body heat can help keep her warm, and I’m going to give you another blanket to wrap around her.”

  “She has blood on her head,” he said as he ran his hands down her body checking for any other injuries that needed to be attended to. There was bruising on her chest, and he hoped her ribs were only cracked and not broken. At her feet, he froze. They were shredded, she’d run through the forest oblivious to the damage she was doing to her bare feet, and in this moment he couldn’t be more proud of her. She was something else. “And her feet are messed up.” Abe gathered Meadow into his arms and paused while Mia positioned the heat packs before tucking the pink blanket, and the one Mia handed him, around her.

  “She probably has a dozen other injuries, but right now, our priority is treating the hypothermia,” Mia reminded him, pulling out her radio. “I’m going to tell the others we have her and that we’re heading back to the Roberts house. I’ll ask someone to call an ambulance so hopefully it will be there before we get there or shortly afterward so we can get her to the hospital as quickly as possible.”

  Thankfully Mia was so calm and in control because he certainly wasn’t.

  Meadow lay in his arms, her skin so pale it was translucent and tinted with blue, there was blood streaking the side of her face, there had been a bite wound on her neck, and he was sure Mia was right and there were dozens of other injuries he hadn’t noticed on his quick check. She must be in pain, and when she was in pain he was in pain.

  While
Mia got on her radio, he clutched Meadow as closely against his chest as he could, trying to infuse her ice-cold body with his own heat.

  “Meadow,” he said, stroking her tangled hair. “Can you hear me? It’s Abe, I’m here now, you’re safe. I’m so proud of you for what you did. You didn’t really need me after all, huh? You took care of him all on your own. But I’m here now, baby, so please open those beautiful eyes of yours.” Meadow didn’t stir, and because he needed more of a connection to her, he dipped his head and whispered his lips lightly across hers.

  Like she was Sleeping Beauty at the touch of his lips, her long lashes fluttered on her white cheeks, and a moment later, he was looking down into her big, blue eyes.

  Worried that she might be confused and think he was her husband, he quickly said, “It’s okay, Meadow, it’s Abe, not John.”

  For a moment she didn’t say anything, and he thought she was too out of it to know what was going on, but then she looked right at him and smiled. “I know. You feel different, and your lips … I would know them anywhere. I knew you would come for me.”

  “Looks like you had everything under control.” He knew he was grinning like an idiot but he didn’t care. Meadow was awake and talking to him, she was going to be okay. John was dead, he was no longer a threat to her, and there was nothing left standing between the two of them.

  “I’m so tired,” she murmured, her voice weak and her eyes drooped closed.

  “I know, sunshine, we’re going to get you to the hospital, get you patched up, you rest now okay, I got you, you’re not on your own anymore, you did your part now let me do mine and take care of you.”

  A small smile lit her face and then she sagged against him as she passed out. Although she was unconscious again Abe knew that she was all right and he was ready to get out of this forest.

  “Let’s go,” Mia said briskly, slinging her backpack on.

  Abe stood, Meadow in his arms, carrying her cocooned against him as he followed Mia back the way they had come. He didn’t know the extent of her injuries, and she might have a road ahead of her to recover, especially psychologically, but he would be there for her every step of the way.