“Understand? Understand what? That all the rumors I heard about you were correct? That all of the awful dirt that I had pointed out to me about you was totally real? That my brother was right about you all along. You are nothing but a scumbag player and you played me. Wow, you played me good. Hell, you even got me pregnant and then dumped me. That should get you some kind of a trophy, maybe a metal. You are a bastard. Nothing else. I can’t believe you would do this to me. I…have you no shame at all?”
“I’m not like the man they said I was,” I replied. I was getting mad now. I knew I was hurting her and for that I was sorry, but to say those things to me was really hitting below the belt and she knew it. She was angry and she was using whatever weapon she had in her verbal arsenal at the moment to inflict some pain on me. Well, congratulations. It was working. This only solidified that I was right in my decision. She was not the person I thought she was.
“The hell you aren’t. Look at what you are doing. The baby will grow up without a father while you are gallivanting all over the place screwing any woman who will give you some. That’s what you want out of life? Well, have fun.”
She got up to leave.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. This is the right thing for all of us. You will see that in time.”
“How is this the right thing? It’s not, except for you. You are a real piece of work. I’m done with you. Good riddance.”
As she left I stepped in front of her. “Listen, I’m going to take care of the baby financially. It will always have whatever it needs.”
She laughed through the tears. “It doesn’t need your money. It needs a father. And you sure as hell aren’t one.”
Alexa walked out of my house and slammed the door behind her. I watched her go and felt a wretched sick feeling in my stomach. This had not gone even as easily as I thought it would. No, I had really made a mess of things.
Was I sure about this? The love of my life was devastated and she was gone. I doubted I could have ever gotten her back if I’d tried. But I wouldn’t try. No, that was not the way of it. Why in the world did I wait so long? Why had it taken me so long to realize that this was getting far more serious than I thought it had?
The baby. That was what made it all click for me. I could not become a father at this age. I was not in the right stage of life. To become a father now would mean certain doom for all three of us.
Chapter Twenty
Alexa
“You really aren’t going to watch?” Lilly asked.
I grabbed a handful of cheeseballs and stuffed them in my mouth for response. Junk food was the only thing that was actually helping me right now. I needed to be soothed, to clear my mind, and to try to think about anything other than Kip.
“Come on,” Kiley said. “I know you’re hurting, but he will come to his senses. He will come crawling back on his knees. Then you can get some revenge and make him squabble. Hell, you can probably get him to buy you a new car to take you back.”
I glared at her. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want him back. I never want to see him again for my whole life. That bastard. Look what he did to me? You think a new car can make up for it? I don’t want his damn money. He can rot in hell for all I care.”
I hated snapping at my friends. I knew that they were just trying to help, but at the moment I wanted to think about anything else. I was hanging out at Kiley’s apartment and the three of us were watching some television movies. Lilly of course wanted to watch the game and insisted on giving us the play by play as she listened to it online on her phone.
Kiley shrugged. “Ok, but I’m trying to be objective here and see this from both sides. The boy got spooked a bit by the pregnancy. He is hardly the first guy in the history of guys to do this sort of thing. He will take some time and realize that he can’t live without you and come crawling back. And no matter what you say, I know you want him back. Anyone could see how much you want him back. It’s pointless for you to pretend you don’t. That will only cause you more pain. Take it from a girl who has been dumped plenty. You have to face it and deal with it.”
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I said. “Guys, I didn’t come over here to whine about Kip. I came here to try to forget about him.”
“I know, but that is the worst thing you can do. That’s a form of denial. Look, sweetie, I know you are hurting, and you know what? Kip is hurting too. He is hurting like you wouldn't believe. He did this because he was scared and he talked himself into thinking it was the best thing for the two of you.”
“You are getting a lot out of those psychology books you’ve been reading,” I teased.
“I did change it to my minor,” Kiley smiled.
“And you are right about Kip’s state of mine,” Lilly said. “He just missed an easy catch and this might cost Indiana the game. Wow… I’ve never seen that before. The whole crowd is booing him.”
I perked up at this news. I even cracked a bit of a smile. I was glad that Kip was having some issues. He deserved it. He had done so much harm to me. I’d cried for three days solid and I knew that wasn’t good for the baby. Even Billy had tried to console me at one point until I threw a hardback book at his head and almost clocked him. The jerk was loving this for all the wrong reasons. He had been right and now he wanted to gloat. But I noticed that he wasn’t rushing to fight Kip or defend my honor, especially after Kip had beaten him senseless last week.
I flipped the television to that channel and watched as the fans threw things at Kip as he ran towards the bench. They only had a few minutes left in the fourth quarter and they were down by a touchdown. Wow, this was not good.
But Kip wasn’t the whole team. It wasn’t all his fault they were losing, was it? I didn’t care and I decided to change the station. I tried not to care, but Kiley was right. I did. I missed him terribly. I felt so scared and alone now. I wanted Kip, the father of my child there by my side. I wanted him to be the father of my child. I wanted us to be a family. Why was that so hard to ask for?
“I can’t be near him,” I said. “I just can’t forgive him for this. I’m not going to take him back, no matter what he does.”
“Don’t you want your baby to have a relationship with its father?” Lilly asked.
“Yes, but that has nothing to do with Kip and me. That will be between Kip and the baby. He’s made it clear that he was dumping the baby and me. I think it was all about the baby, to be honest with you. What kind of a man just bails on their child that way?”
Kiley stood beside me and rubbed my shoulder gently. “I can only imagine how much pain you are in, but people make mistakes. Give Kip time to realize he’s made this one. Don’t allow his mistake to make you bitter and cold. You are too good of a person for that.”
“Thanks” I said.
I left Kiley’s a while later and went home to get some work done. My channel had really taken off and I was loving busting my tail to create great content for my subscribers. I entered the house and walked past my parents who tried to talk to me for a moment. I wasn’t really having any of it. Things had been weird between us since I told them that I was pregnant. They were a bit old fashioned and it had tarnished my image in their eyes somewhat. I could see it. They didn’t say anything to that effect, but I could see the disappointment in their eyes. Especially, my father. We’d always had a great relationship and he had now started to avoid me by pretending to be busy with work. I hoped he would come around eventually.
Both of my parents were flabbergasted that Kip had abandoned me. My father wanted to kill him or just beat him senseless and teach him what happened to guys who did this sort of thing to women.
I ignored both of them and went to my room, locking the door behind me. I sat down at my desk and began to edit the video I’d made yesterday. After about five minutes, I hung my head and cried as I thought about the life of my child and how lonely the two of us would be.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kip
I had boggled o
ne of the easiest plays I’d had handed to me all season. What in the hell was wrong with me? I knew what was wrong with me, but there seemed to be little that I could do to fix it. It had been five days since I’d broken up with Alexa and since then my entire life had been a total mess. I felt sick all the time, I couldn’t think, I had no heart or spirit for anything, and every single thing that I did made me feel like I was about to fall over and cry myself to sleep. I was essentially a wreck.
And I was too stubborn to even try to fix things with Alexa. She had to hate me now. I knew that there was nothing but hatred in her heart for my name. I wanted to reach out to her, to tell her I was sorry, and to tell her that I was wrong. But I still didn’t think I was wrong. I knew that there would be an adjustment period, a time of grieving for the both of us and during that time things were going to be very tough. I had to come to grips with it and realize that this was not going to get any easier for a while. I had to plow on and suffer through it.
I had been lagging at practice all week. Several people had noticed it. I’d played it off as getting over the flu. They seemed to buy it, except for my closest confidants who knew that I was grieving the loss of the only woman I had ever loved. How could I have just given up that way?
I had so much confusion building in my head that I barely knew which way was up and which way was down. I felt sick to my stomach all the time. I could barely eat. I could hardly sleep. And I’d been drinking a lot to try to numb the memory of what I’d thrown away. I knew all of this behavior was self-destructive. I didn’t care. The irony was that I had ended the relationship so I could concentrate on my goals and to avoid the inevitable pain that would eventually come from a nasty breakup in the foreseeable future when Alexa realized that I was going to be gone most of the time, but I was now too distraught to do anything well. I was a total wreck. I prayed that this would not last long.
The moment pass slipped through my fingers, I knew that I was doomed. I’d ran out in the open and there was no one around me at all. Somehow, I’d gotten away from everybody. We desperately needed this touchdown, and I had an opportunity to actually win the game for us again. I knew the scouts were watching. I’d been invited to attend their training camp in the spring. I was as good as in. I was about to become a San Diego Charger. I couldn’t believe it. But if I started screwing up now, they might just take that offer off the table. Although, I did sign a contract with them. They might make it so I never got off the bench. I had to prove to them that I belonged there.
And missing an easy catch like that was not the way to do it. What was I doing? The ball hit my hands and bounced off landing on the ground in front of me before I was even able to close my fingers around the thing. It was like being in some kind of a stupor or a brain fog. The lights were on, but there was nobody home. What in the hell was I even out there for?
The second I missed it the crowd started booing me. They were brutally harsh, yelling curses at me, throwing food at me as I jogged towards the bench. My team was equally pissed. Several of the guys were giving me dirty looks and saying crass things. I was too upset to really care at the moment. I felt like my entire world was gone from me. I felt sick all over and like there was no hope for anything.
I needed Alexa. I wanted her with me, by my side, to be there when I was down, to be there when I was happy. What had I been thinking ending it with her? I had to have a screw loose. I was deranged. I was really going to have to reexamine my head and my priorities in life. This was not something that I was going to be able to bounce back from or plow through as I had originally thought. Missing that play had been the final nail on the coffin.
I needed to make things right with Alexa. I had to find her and talk with her. That was the only way to set things right. I knew it would take a long, patient road if I was going to have any chance at all, but I was willing to do whatever it took to win back her love.
“Nice catch, butterfingers!” Billy yelled to me when I was getting dressed in the locker room after the game. I wanted to go see Alexa right then.
I tried to ignore him, but he was really asking for it this time. I thought he would have learned his lesson last time after I choked him out and threatened to tell everybody how he’d tried to cheat, but apparently he had a real short memory.
“Piss off,” I said. “I don’t need your shit.”
“Oh, well you need something,” Billy said.
I tried to walk past him, but he held his hand up in front of my chest. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Billy demanded.
I decided to rub his face in it. I really wanted him to try something so I could defend myself and knock him senseless.
“I’m going to see your sister,” I said with a smile.
“You son of a bitch! You aren’t going near her!”
Billy was enraged as I hoped he would be. The moron threw a hard punch at my face. I sidestepped it and brought an uppercut to his jaw. He was stunned and stumbled backwards several steps. I took this opportunity to unload on him. I was too unstable emotionally for this moron to pick a fight with me.
I swept his legs out from under him and then I got on top of him and rained down right hands on his face. He was quickly getting bloody and totally bashed. I knew I should have stopped, but I couldn’t. I was in too much rage. I saw nothing but red.
I felt his face crunching under each punch as his nose broke, maybe a bone in his cheek, his jaw, and I saw a few of his teeth fly.
“Dude, you’re killing him!”
I barely recognized Bobby’s voice as he tackled me off Billy and held me to the ground. I started trying to push him off me, but Chance and a few others were now helping him hold me down.
After a few moments, I regained control of myself. What had I done? I could see Billy lying on the ground, his face covered in blood, a faraway look in his eyes.
“Shit, he needs a hospital,” someone said.
Billy looked really hurt. He was unconscious and there was blood everywhere. I’d totally lost control. All of the rage that had been building from this stuff with him, the anger and pain I felt over losing Alexa, and the fact I might be putting my career in jeopardy as well, plus all the self-destructive behaviors I’d been indulging in lately—all of it had come to a head right then and had unloaded itself on Billy’s face.
I felt so ashamed. I hated that man, but no one deserved a beating like that. How could I have lost control so fast of everything in my life? What in the hell was wrong with me?
Alexa would never take me back now.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Alexa
I was in the hospital with my parents. We’d finally been allowed in the room to see my brother. He had been brought to the ER after he’d been beaten to a bloody pulp by Kip. He’d actually done it…I thought it was all over after the last fight, but I should have known better. I knew that they’d probably get into it again, mostly because I knew my brother. Nothing would ever get him to back off. The man was obsessed with gaining the upper hand. Even now after being beaten this way, he would probably have been looking for the first chance he had to get Kip down and hurt him.
I had come to the hospital only because my parents wanted the support. When they got the phone call, they were both terribly distraught. I thought that something far worse had happened to my brother, but I pretended to care for their benefit. I had to at least try. I loved my parents a great deal. And though I hated to say it, I did feel some sorrow seeing my brother that way.
“That bastard is crazy,” Billy told me after our parents stepped out for a moment. “He came at me like a rabid dog.”
“I heard that you threw the first punch,” I said.
He paused a minute and then finally admitted it. “Yeah, so what? The jerk actually said he was going to come and talk to you. After what he did, I wasn’t about to let that happen.”
“I don’t need you fighting my battles for me. When are you going to get that through your thick skull? This thing between the two
of you is over. He might kill you next time.”
“Hell, that jerk is just lucky. That’s all.”
I rolled my eyes. I had to get out of there.
I got up and started to leave. “Hey, where are you going?”
“I’m done with you. I only came because of mom and dad. They still love you.”
“You should love me, too,” Billy said.
“Do something lovable.”
I left the room. I hated hospitals. They’ve always given me the creeps. There is just so much sickness and dying going on. And why is every hospital always so cold? What is the point of that?
I was almost to the end of the corridor about to round the turn to head towards the front entrance when I heard a voice calling my name. “Alexa…”
I turned to my right and I couldn’t believe that I saw a Kip standing there. He looked great. It felt like I hadn’t seen him in ages. What was he doing there? Surely he didn’t come to check on Billy? But maybe he did after all. He did still have a good heart, didn’t he? I hoped he did, unless that was all a lie too. I hated that he’d run into me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him anymore.
“What… um, why are you here?” I asked.
“I… I came to see how Billy was doing.”
“Well, apparently he isn’t pressing charges on you.”
“Oh, well that’s good.”
“What the hell happened? He looks like he got hit by a truck. He has a broken nose, broken jaw, black eye, and a slight concussion. You could have killed him.”
Kip shook his head. “I know. I need to talk to him and apologize. I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to go that far, but he started telling me what to do about you and razzing me about things—I just lost it. That’s it. I lost it completely.”
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