Aurora Abroad

by Aron Lewes

  “And where are we?”

  “We’re in the Kingdom of Cleves. I know the princess here! Ah, it’s seems I’m to be wined and dined after all!”

  “Good for you.”

  Lyric scratched his head. “I’m not quite sure how I’ll explain my attire to her, but as I am a suitor of hers, I don’t think she’ll care. Ahh... so I will have the fluffy pillows and a beautiful woman! And a bath, I’m sure. I can’t wait for the bath. And I can have a tailor come and—”

  Aurora tapped him on the shoulder in an attempt to bring him back from his daydream. “We have to cross the river first.”

  Her tap didn’t phase him. “I can borrow a carriage back to my kingdom... and have a nice warm meal and—”

  “LYRIC!”

  Alarmed by her shouting, Lyric whipped his head in her direction. “For heaven sakes, what?”

  “There’s a bridge over there. Let’s go.”

  When she walked off, Lyric followed. And taunted. “And don’t think I’ll let you get away from me! I’m going to have you detained... mark my words! How much should I say to Princess Rachelle? Should I tell her you’re my prisoner, or should I leave that out? I’d rather not tell her the whole story. Maybe I can tell her you’re my cousin. If I don’t say something like that, she might think I have an interest in you, and that would be ludicrous.”

  Lyric babbled to himself until they were half-way across the bridge. He might have babbled the whole way across, if not for the fact that a booming voice stopped them in their tracks.

  “HALT! NO TAKE NODDER STEP ACROSS THIS BRIDGE!”

  Aurora did as the voice commanded, and Lyric followed her example. But he was less than pleased about it. “For heaven’s sake, what now?”

  Seconds later, something popped out from under the bridge. It was the size of a gorilla, but green and hairless, aside from a mop of shaggy red hair on top of its head. Its face was similar to a rat’s, but elongated, and its snout was somewhat curved. Long, bulbous fingers clutched a scythe, which was pointed in the direction of Lyric and Aurora. It surveyed them with its beady eyes and puffed on a straw pipe in silent scrutiny.

  But it didn’t stay silent for long. “WHAT YOUR BUSINESS BE?” The creature spoke at such ear-shattering volume, it seemed to rustle the trees behind them.

  “What’s your business with us?! How rude!”

  Aurora looked over at Lyric, stunned by his bravery. Or was it stupidity? One minute he was whimpering about talking bears, the next minute he was back-talking a creature that could probably pop off his head with a single swipe.

  Aurora put her arm in front of Lyric and tried to brush him to the side. She didn’t want him causing more trouble than they were already in. “We’re just trying to get across this bridge, sir. We’re trying to get to that kingdom behind you.”

  “PAY TOLL.”

  Aurora nibbled nervously on her lips. “Pay... toll??”

  “YOU PAY TROLL TOLL.” The creature reached forward, inviting her to drop coins into the grimy palm of his hand. The distinct smell of onions wafted from his body.

  “Well, I don’t have any money.” Aurora turned to Lyric. “Do you?”

  “I was naked when I came here, remember? Where could I have possibly stashed any money?” A sickening image flashed through his mind. “Wait... don’t answer that.”

  “I’m sorry, uh, Mr. Troll... we don’t seem to have any money.”

  “Ah, but I do have this lovely lint ball.” When he started to dip his hand into the pocket of his overalls, Aurora grabbed Lyric’s wrist and gave it a firm squeeze. This was no time for jokes.

  “NO TWO COINS?”

  “This is insane! This is ridiculous! Does the princess know you’re out here charging people to cross this bridge, let alone, harassing someone of my stature! I’ve seen some ridiculous things today, but if this doesn’t beat all...”

  “I’m sorry, don’t pay any attention to him,” Aurora attempted to smooth it over. “You see, we really have no money.”

  “YOU DO RIDDLE THEN.”

  “Um, okay.”

  Lyric started to cross the bridge, but the troll shoved the scythe in his face. “YOU NO GO TILL GUESS RIDDLE.”

  Lyric threw up his arms in disgust. “Alright, fine! Get on with it then!”

  The troll’s grin stretched from one side of his face to the other. It was as if he’d been waiting his entire life for this moment. “WHAT IS HOLES BUT HOLD WATER?”

  Lyric and Aurora exchanged puzzled glances. Aurora started to open her mouth to reply, but she second-guessed herself and snapped her mouth shut.

  “WHAT IS HOLES, HAVE WATER?”

  “I dunno. A geyser.”

  When she heard Lyric’s quick answer, Aurora pinched his arm. “That might have been the only guess we get!”

  “GUY-SUR. NO. HA HA. YOU STOOOOPID!”

  “Well, it’s a little hard to answer a riddle when the man asking you the riddles is a blooming idiot!”

  Another pinch.

  “IT SPONGE. IS HOLES, HOLD WATER.”

  “Is holes? Is holes?! That doesn’t even—”

  Aurora clapped a hand over Lyric’s mouth before he could spout more sass. She was starting to agree with the troll. Her unwanted companion was, indeed, “stoopid.”

  “YOU GUESS PASSWORD NOW!”

  “Can you give us a hint?” Aurora asked, slowly lowering her hand from Lyric’s mouth. He gave her a nasty look as her hand retreated.

  “START WITH P.”

  “Um, okay.” Her eyes were immediately drawn to the object dangling from the troll's slobbering mouth. “Pipe?”

  The troll’s ears, which were curiously shaped like funnel cakes, flapped in the wind as he shook his head. “NO. GUESS GIN.”

  “Princess?” Lyric suggested hopefully.

  “NO!”

  “This is dumb. Do you know how many words start with the letter p? We could be standing here all night!”

  For once, she actually agreed with Lyric, but she took another stab. “Pumpernickel?”

  “NO! HA HA HA!” When he laughed, the nearly bowled her over with his foul breath. “THAT FUNNY WORD, BUT NO. NOW YOU ARE OUT OF GUESSES. NOW YOU NEVER CROSS BRIDGE!”

  “Well, surely there must be another way?” The troll didn’t pay any attention to Aurora’s query; instead, he started to scratch his rear end with his scythe. With a sigh, she asked Lyric, “Why don’t we just swim?”

  “I can’t swim! I don’t know how to swim!”

  “AND DERE’S PIRAHNAS IN DERE.”

  “I can’t swim, and I don’t want to be eaten alive!”

  “Well, then...” With another sigh, she turned back to the troll. “Is there something else we could do to get you to move? Anything at all?”

  “WELL...” The troll stared at Lyric for a few seconds, scratched his bushy head, and said, “DEM PANTS IS NICE.”

  III

  THEY WERE ACROSS THE bridge, but Lyric was naked.

  Again.

  “I don’t believe this,” he grumbled, shielding his private parts as they moved closer to the town. “I don’t believe this. How could this happen to me twice in one day, huh? Please explain to me why I have the worst luck in the world!”

  “We could’ve tried swimming across.”

  “Yes, that would have been lovely. On top of everything else, I could’ve been eaten by piranhas. Or I could have sunken to the bottom of the river like a stone.”

  “You never know until you try.”

  “Thank you for bestowing your philosophical genius on me, Miss Optimism. However, I’d rather be naked than dead.” Lyric whimpered incoherently for several seconds, as if trying to decide if being naked was preferable to death. “Those overalls were completely and utterly disgusting! Why did he want them, huh? Why did he have to want them, of all things!”

  “Well, the troll was pretty disgusting himself...”

  Lyric glared at the back of Aurora’s head, hoping the dark cloud over his head
would follow her instead. “Why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t something bad happen to you? Why did it have to be my overalls? Why couldn’t it have been your dress?!”

  “Um... maybe the troll isn’t a crossdresser?”

  “That is a good point, however, he couldn’t have fit into those overalls anyway! Large as they were, that troll was enormous. He’ll be lucky to get his pinkie into the leg hole. Wait!” Lyric grabbed the back of Aurora’s dress and pulled her backward. “Don’t go yet. We’re getting too close to the town. I can’t go into the castle like this!”

  “No, that’s probably not a good idea.”

  “Of course it’s not a good idea. Look me in the eye and tell me you’d be comfortable going into town in the nude.” He locked his eyes on hers, but she quickly looked away. “See? You can’t do it! You have to help me!”

  “Help you?”

  “Yes, help me!” Lyric pleaded. “I’ll go wait in those stables over there, and you go find me something to wear!”

  “You’re asking me to help the man who threatens to put me in the stockade?”

  Lyric rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Oh, stockade, stockade! Is that all you ever think about? Just forget about it for a moment and be a good Samaritan. No, good Samaritan be damned! I’m the emperor, and I command you to find me something to wear!”

  “Okay. Alright.”

  “You’ll do it?”

  “Yes, I’ll do it!” Aurora nodded her head in the direction of a ramshackle building from which the unmistakable stench of horse dung was wafting. “Just... go wait over there.”

  “In the stables.”

  “Yes!”

  “You won’t leave me?”

  He sounded so sincerely fear-stricken by the thought of her leaving, it almost stirred some pity. “No, I won’t leave you.”

  “Well, get going then. Unless you’d rather stand around and watch my rear end as it flees into the stables...”

  “I’d rather not stand around and watch your rear end as it flees into the stables, thank you very much,” she retorted, making a dash for the town.

  Should she leave him and never return? That question entered her mind as soon as they parted ways. It was a tempting thought, but she couldn’t find it in herself to abandon him. As unpleasant as he was, she felt wholly responsible for his predicament. Deep down, she knew he had every right to be angry with her.

  The half-timbered houses in Cleves were nothing like the flat stone dwellings in the emperor’s city, nor were they the same as the cottage where Aurora grew up. Though sturdy, the wooden framework and stucco walls gave every house a strangely dilapidated appearance. As she walked along the cobbled path between the buildings, she tried to peek around the houses, hoping to find some clothes hanging on a clothesline.

  “Look out below!”

  Aurora looked up. A woman popped out of a second story window and heaved a bucket of sudsy water into the street below. With seconds to spare, Aurora leapt aside. As the water hit the ground, a few droplets splashed up with amazing momentum, dousing the muddied hem of Aurora’s dress.

  “Sorry, love!” cried the woman, though she hardly seemed sorry at all. She closed her window with a loud bang, which brought her apology into further question.

  “Maybeee....” As her voice trailed off, Aurora stared at the soapy water that scurried along the cracks in the cobblestone. “Maybe that’s laundry water?”

  She heard the tolling of church bells in the distance: one, two, three, four, five. A minute later, the street was swarming with passersby. Aurora used that opportunity to slip through the crowd and enter the alleyway without being noticed. She sneaked into the backyard of the washerwoman’s house, and sure enough, she found fresh linens hanging on a line. It wasn’t clothing, but Lyric was in no position to complain. At least it was something.

  Aurora held her breath as she walked to the clothesline and snatched a white towel. It was her first foray into thievery, but in this case, it was necessary. Folding the towel under her arm, Aurora returned to the busy street. It seemed she was an able thief; no one noticed her coming and going.

  She ran back to the stables and burst inside. When she didn’t see him right away, she felt a strange twinge in her stomach. Was he gone? Did something happen to him?

  Why in the world was she worried about that idiot?

  “Lyric?”

  “Yes?” He popped his head out of one of the stalls. “I’m hiding in here with one of the horses.”

  “Oh... okay. Well, I brought you this.” She tossed the towel across the stall door, and he regarded it as if it was pure poison.

  “What’s this?”

  “Something for you to wear.”

  He pinched the corner of the towel and held it up. “This? This is all you could find?”

  “Sor-ry!” she said, sarcastically extending the first syllable. “It’s not like I could go get some tailor-made pants for you. We’re broke, if you haven’t noticed, and I didn’t have much time!”

  “Very well,” he conceded with a sigh.

  “It’s not that bad, is it? At least you won’t be walking around in the nude.”

  Lyric wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out from behind the stall door. “It’s not much worse than the bear’s clothes, to be honest. Now, come.” A bit forcefully, he seized Aurora by the elbow and dragged her from the stables. “I could hardly stand the stench of the horses much longer. My face is probably green. I need fresh air.”

  Aurora shook her arm, freeing her elbow from his grasp. “We could part ways here, you know. You can appeal to the princess for help, and I can go my own way...”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Weren’t you listening to me?” Lyric brought his face close to hers. “I’m not letting you out of my sight!”

  “How romantic.”

  “Very funny. But no. You got me into this mess, and you’ll see it through to the end... behind bars.”

  As they started off toward the castle, Aurora crossed her arms. “I could have left you in the stables, you know. I didn’t have to come back with something for you to wear!”

  “You brought back a towel. Am I supposed to be grateful for that?”

  “You’re missing the point. I could have left... completely! But I didn’t!”

  “Ah, but I knew you’d be back. You peasants are all the same. Without thinking, you do whatever the emperor tells you to do. Your flock mentality is a really handy thing.”

  Dressed in nothing but a towel, Lyric was drawing several stares from people strolling by. But he was too busy bickering to notice.

  “A peasant... a peasant? Is that what you think I am?”

  She was on the verge of confessing her true identity, but Lyric laid a finger over her lips. “Shush, girl. We’re approaching the castle.”

  Aurora wondered if there was some truth in what Lyric was saying. Why did she let him follow her for so long? Why did she come back? Why did she help him? She could turn around and leave him right now if wanted to. Why didn’t she—

  “Who goes there?!” The stern voice of a castle guardsman shook her from her thoughts.

  “I am Emperor Lyric Marsapier Grenovich von Fable, and I’m here to see Her Majesty, Princess Rachelle Punoir Zelathustra of Cleves.”

  The second guard sneered at Lyric. “Dressed like that? You really expect us to believe such rubbish? Go away, beggar!”

  “When the princess confirms my identity, I have no doubt you will be punished for speaking to me in such a manner!”

  “Oh, yeah? Confirm this!” The guard made a rude gesture with his hand.

  With a gaping jaw, Lyric looked over at Aurora. “I don’t believe this!” he gasped. “I don’t believe this! Such nerve!”

  Aurora stepped forward, hoping she could handle the situation a bit better than the hothead standing beside her. “This really is the emperor, sir. I know it’s hard to believe, given the circumstances, but we’re not lying to you. I know it might be asking
a lot... rousing the princess for someone who must surely look like an imposter, but I promise you... if you can get her to come out here, she’ll confirm what the emperor is saying.”

  “And why should we believe you?” one of the guards barked at her.

  “Because, as my friend was saying, things could turn out very bad for you if you bar the emperor from the castle. Don’t you think that would upset Her Majesty?”

  Friend? She hadn’t actually called him that, had she? She felt like throwing up.

  The guards’ resolve seemed to crack. They turned to each other, whispered between themselves for a few seconds, then turned back to Lyric. “Alright,” one of them spoke, “One of us will fetch the princess. But if it turns out that you’re an imposter, it’s the dungeon for both of you.”

  “Understood,” said Aurora.

  “Oh, you’ll regret threatening me, sir!” responded a far-less-placid Lyric. “I’m sure the princess will be appalled when she learns of how I’ve been treated... or mistreated. Yes, that’s the word!”

  “Um, Lyric?”

  He looked down at Aurora. “What, girl?”

  “I really hope the princess knows who you are. If she doesn’t, we’ll both be thrown into prison because of you.”

  “How in the world would the princess not know who I am? I’m her suitor! Her favorite suitor, I might add. She makes it quite clear that she’s head over heels for me!”

  “Then I feel sorry for her!”

  “What was that?” As Lyric leaned toward Aurora for a confirmation on what she said, the castle door burst open, and a fair-skinned, flaxen-haired girl came rushing out. She clasped her hands to her rosy cheeks, as if overcome by emotion. “Lyric! Oh, Lyric! It’s so good to see you... and I apologize for my guards’ rudeness! Their behavior is completely unacceptable! Oh, Lyric!” She tossed herself into his arms, and he caught her in a hug.

  “Take whatever exhilaration you might feel, double it, and that is exactly how I feel at this moment, Princess. Nothing compares to the sight of your lovely face.”

  “Oh, Lyric, you flatter me! Surely I don’t deserve such compliments from the handsomest man in the world! I can but gaze into your eyes for three seconds before I am in danger of melting to the ground!”