The Love Doctor

by S. W. Andersen

  "So, if we ran away next week and got married," Allie continued her investigation, "there would be no surprises in the exception department?"

  Runaway and get married.

  That was all Sofia had heard and for an unknown amount of time, the neurons in her brain ceased to fire while the ventricles of her heart pumped at a breakneck pace. The idea appealed to her—something she'd never believed possible—and even though it had been thrown out casually, she could see the hope in Allie's eyes, hear it in her voice. It wasn't a serious proposal, yet it was. Allie was feeling her out and there was absolutely no doubting her response.

  "Hun?"

  "Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

  "About?"

  "I can't think of anything else that would keep me from running away with you next week." They stared at one another, light smiles touching their lips as the gravity of their shared admissions sank in.

  "Good to know," Allie purred.

  Allie scooted fully into her space and was given a warm welcome. Sofia enveloped Allie with her embrace, pulled her in close, and greeted the set of soft, waiting lips with a passionate kiss. The moment grew heated with roaming hands and buttons unsnapped before Sofia's stomach rumbled, causing them to pull apart in a fit of laughter.

  "I love you, Allie, and Lord knows I'd love to get you naked, but I seriously need some food before we continue."

  "Or perhaps, if we ordered, we could get in a round before it arrived? We could start with some fruit and maybe a bit of whipped cream?" Mischief etched her features as her grin stretched wide.

  Sofia smirked and tangled her fingers in Allie's hair. "Order it up, baby. You know how I like it." She kissed Allie fast and hard and then swept off toward the kitchen, leaving her with a phone in her hand and a smile on her lips.

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  Sofia laid on the chaise lounge taking in the sunset from the patio on another beautiful Miami evening. Though comfortably sprawled out, she was anything but relaxed. She grabbed her phone, opened her photos, and scrolled back to a selfie with Kylar. Their faces were squished together and wide smiles beamed back at the camera. The photo was slightly crooked, unable to hold still due to their laughter. It had been taken at a Jimmy Buffet concert, and just like the infamous lyric, Sofia had blown out her flipflop on the way back to the car. Hard to believe that had been over eight years ago.

  A swell of tears stung Sofia's eyes. She closed the photos, set down her phone, and took a deep breath as she stared at the sky. She didn't want to cry anymore, but sometimes it just couldn't be stopped. Other times, she could smile and reminisce and she would feel the ache, but would be fine. Pictures seemed to hit her the hardest. Seeing a face etched in time, knowing it would never age, never see another sunrise…knowing it was the face of someone she still loved, someone she had outlived…caused the hurt to crush her chest like a sledgehammer.

  It had been a struggle, but Sofia had been steadily working toward focusing on the good times, rather than the illness and death—although the image of her wife's last moments on earth would occasionally flash before her eyes without warning, often causing her to seek refuge to collect herself. Those episodes had occurred much less frequently, thank goodness.

  The best thing Sofia had done was take the advice of her therapist. Three years ago, she'd made the effort to stop memorializing the day she'd lost her wife and focus on the day she'd been brought onto this earth to bring joy to so many. Tomorrow would have been Kylar's thirty-second birthday and like every other visit to her gravesite, Sofia would bring a photo of a beach sunrise and two mimosas.

  But this year, she had been considering something else, or rather, someone else. Well, if Allie was up for it, anyway. Sofia couldn't blame her if she declined. She'd thought the idea weird at first, almost grotesque, but after some reading, it wasn't all that uncommon. Still, it was a private moment and would undoubtedly be uncomfortable. She'd planned to ask the other night, but their conversation had taken a turn toward the hilarious and it no longer seemed appropriate.

  She wasn't sure how she'd feel if Allie opted to stay home. Relieved? Maybe. Upset? Hard to tell. Sad? Most likely. Uncomfortable as it may be, she did want to open this last part of herself up to Allie and she hoped a turn down wouldn't put distance between them. Even if she remarried, she would still make regular visits and she'd met several widows whose new significant others either didn't understand or made them feel awkward. She didn't want to be one of those widows who felt guilty going to visit the grave of someone she'd loved dearly. It wasn't a competition. The person wasn't coming back.

  Allie had been understanding, so far, and had even encouraged her to talk about her deceased wife. Deceased. God, how she hated that word. It never failed to tear her up and wrench her heart, even with the joy Allie brought her. Just the smallest things could set her off too, like the first time Allie brought peaches home. Kylar had been deathly allergic to peaches, so Sofia freaked and threw them out. Or when Allie left a light on in a room she wasn't in. Though she insisted she would be going right back, and she always did, it was just another reminder that Allie wasn't Kylar. Kylar was a stickler for turning off lights.

  Sofia loved Allie, she truly did, with her whole heart. Those were just acknowledgements that things were different and she was slowly adapting to a new life—a life she'd sheltered herself from for so long.

  Sofia brought her bottle of Corona to her lips and tipped it back. When she turned to set it on the table, she noticed Allie standing in the doorway in that tailored pantsuit she loved so much, gazing at her with deep affection. How can I be so lucky? Two great loves.

  "Hey you," Allie greeted. A touch of hesitation was noted, seemingly reading Sofia's mood.

  "Hey," Sofia returned, trying to sound upbeat.

  "Everything all right?" Slow steps brought Allie to the end of the lounger and she took a seat.

  "Yeah. Everything's perfect." Sofia reached out for Allie's hand.

  There was no delay in her response, quickly accepting with a warm, almost sympathetic smile. Allie angled her head, studying her. She leaned over and wiped a single tear from Sofia's cheek. "You sure?"

  Sofia laughed at herself. Such a mess. "I'm fine. Really. Just that, uh, tomorrow is Kylar's birthday and I am going to visit her."

  "I understand." Soft fingers caressed the back of Sofia's hand. "It's okay to feel sad. Anything I can do?"

  "I don't know, but I wondered…" Deep breath Sofia. Just ask already.

  "Wondered what?"

  "Would you go with me? I understand if…you know…"

  "You want me to go?"

  Allie's unchanging expression left Sofia second-guessing herself. "Yes. I mean, only if you're comfortable. Not that there's anything comfortable about this, but…"

  "Relax." Allie scooted tight against her. "I understand what you mean and yes, I'll go with you, if that's what you want."

  "I'd like that. Thank you, Allie."

  "Anything for you. You know that, right?"

  "I do." She really did. Allie never gave her any reason to doubt it. Sofia closed the small distance between them and placed a quick but tender kiss to Allie's lips.

  ♥♥♥

  The morning had been somber and quiet as they drank their coffee and prepared to head to the cemetery. Sofia wasn't sure what to say and could tell Allie was adrift in the same boat. But Allie had taken her hand, kissed her palm, and smiled anyway, making Sofia love her just a little bit more.

  Their hands remained joined the entire ride over, only parting to get in, then out of Sofia's car. Now they stood in the parking lot overlooking meticulously manicured grass and rows of tombstones as far as the eye could see. Some large, some small. Some well maintained, and some, generations old and long forgotten. With one hand, Sofia took Allie's hand in hers again. With the other, she held a small bag with the postcard and drinks. Putting on a brave face, she smiled, softening the uncertainty rising in Allie's eyes. "Ready?"

  A quick b
reath, then a reply, "Whenever you are."

  She wasn't. But then, she never was. Sofia's feet stuttered, then gained traction and carried them through a maze of granite headstones to a matching pair beside a small garden. A concrete memorial bench sat off to the side in partial shade. The sun was on the rise and its position had cast perfect rays on her destination like a warm welcome. She came to a stop, but uttered no words. None were needed. The medium sized, white, square headstone said it all.

  Kylar Walls Delacruz

  Devoted wife

  Beloved daughter

  Gone too soon but forever loved

  1987-2012

  Sofia choked back a sob. She couldn't cry. Not yet, at least. She brought Allie forward with her, stopping again two feet from the stone. Again, silence. She'd tossed and turned all night wondering how best to play this out. Now, in the moment, words were just as hard to find, but slowly, they migrated from her heart to her tongue.

  "Hi, Kylar. Happy birthday." She held up the bag as she stared at the name so carefully engraved in rock—rock as cold as the space in her heart had been.

  Until Allie.

  "I brought someone I'd like you to meet. Someone who makes me happy and loved. I know that's what you wanted for me and I'm sure that's a far better present than the card in the bag." Sofia let out a humorless laugh. "Anyway, I'd like you to meet Allie."

  Her hand squeezed Allie's gently before glancing her way. Unsure of what she would see, Sofia was touched at the sight of tears in Allie's eyes and the determined way she seemed to be searching for something to say. She hadn't meant for Allie to feel pressured to say or do anything. She had only wanted to let her into the last space she'd held private.

  Allie turned her eyes from the stone to Sofia, then she let go of her hand and stepped to the base of the grave. A few stray leaves had parked themselves along the top and she brushed them away with the tender care of an old friend. "Hello, Kylar. It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you." She paused and looked back at Sofia, as if checking that it was okay.

  When she nodded, Allie turned back to the stone and continued, "I'm so sorry you're here and just know that you are loved and missed by so many, especially Sofia. I want to thank you for having loved her and for taking such good care of her." She took a breath and wiped her eyes. "I promise I will do the same. I will love her and cherish her and always try to make her as happy as she makes me. I hope as you keep watch from the heavens, that it makes you happy too."

  A shuddering breath fell out as Sofia fought back tears. Every word found a home in her heart, overwhelming her in the most beautiful of ways. How did she ever get so lucky twice? A question she'd asked before, but was still at a loss for an answer. She didn't need one really, but the amazement hadn't dwindled.

  A small smile claimed her lips and when Allie approached, she took both hands in her own and pecked her gently on the lips. "Thank you and I love you," she whispered against Allie's mouth. Her words received a smile of their own.

  "I think I'm going to sit over there," Allie pointed to the bench, "and give you two some privacy."

  The damned tears that had been percolating in her eyes turned Allie's face to a blur as Sofia nodded, then stood quietly as Allie walked away. A heartbeat passed, then two, three, and four before she moved to "her spot." She set the bag down, bent over to wipe at the grass below, then sat down, knees bent and arms locked around them. Several breaths were taken. Then, she was ready.

  "I have so much to tell you." She led with the same line every year, but for the first time, it was the truth.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

  Hard to believe, but watching Sofia breakdown into heavy sobs wasn't the hardest thing. No. Not even close. The hardest thing was the feeling of powerlessness that struck Allie so hard she nearly crumbled to the ground herself. There was nothing she could do to make it better. Not. A. Damned. Thing. She could only be there for the woman she loved. And she would, as often as Sofia needed her to be.

  She took a seat on a concrete bench dedicated in memory of someone named Robert G. Miles. He was obviously loved and the bench sat before a lovely view of a small garden with bushy blooms of pink. She had no idea what kind of flower it was, but pondering it served as a wonderful distraction from her other thoughts. Allie glanced back at Sofia. She appeared to have collected herself and was now talking to Kylar. What was she saying?

  A crack of a smile touched Sofia's lips, allowing a small ray of light to warm Allie, but it was quickly replaced by a chill as a shudder ripped through her. As she reveled in the love she had for Sofia, a realization struck. Kylar's death had led to her own happiness. Allie only had this amazing, beautiful soul in her life because someone Sofia had loved, had been lost. It was a heartbreaking revelation. Even though she was beyond grateful to have Sofia, it presented an emotional dilemma that had her head, and heart, spinning like a bad bout of vertigo, complete with nausea.

  "Excuse me," a delicate voice whispered, breaking Allie from her thoughts. She glanced up at an older woman with long red hair that fell over her shoulders and stretched below her breasts. She was slight of build and had a warm smile and soft brown eyes.

  "Would you mind if I sat here?"

  Allie offered an easy smile in return and said, "Of course not." She scooted toward the edge, allowing more room for the stranger to sit.

  "Thank you," the woman said as she took a seat. She set a small bag on the ground and looked at Sofia, then turned to Allie. "I come here often. This is kind of my spot." The corner of her lip twitched upward, but sadness radiated from her pores.

  "I'm sorry to hear that," Allie said, though she was unsure if it had been an appropriate response. "But it's nice that you visit. So many people don't."

  "Very true," the woman said. "You have great compassion. That's rare these days." This time her smile was full. "I'm Molly. This is my father's bench. He's buried over there," she pointed to two large white stones to the left of Kylar, "next to my mother." Then, she pointed to the right of Kylar. "My husband, Patrick, lays there. And over there, rest her soul," she pointed to the stone graced by Sofia's company, "is my beautiful daughter, Kylar." Her voice cracked and she looked away.

  While taking a stranger's hand was not in her usual repertoire, Allie reached for Molly's anyway and gave it a squeeze of support. The gesture was returned and sad smiles were exchanged.

  "Who are you here for, if I may ask? Or maybe you'd prefer to be alone. I'm talking your ear off."

  "Nonsense." Allie squeezed her hand again. "I'm Allie and I'm here with Sofia."

  Molly's expression dropped and Allie feared perhaps the woman might not like Sofia having a new woman in her life. But then, a grin brightened her face and light shone in her eyes. "So, you're the woman."

  "Excuse me?"

  "Sofia told me she was finally dating someone and she could see a real future with her."

  Allie hesitated, uncertain where the discussion might go. Curiosity won out. After all, Sofia was obviously still close with Molly. "Are you okay with that? With me…in her life?"

  "Yes, dear. Very much so." Molly patted their joined hands with her free one. "She actually asked me for permission." An amused, but hushed laugh bubbled out. "Silly really, but she's such a wonderful woman and the gesture meant so much. To think she was worried I'd be upset if she found another person who made her happy."

  Allie smiled and chanced a glance toward Sofia. She was still deep in the middle of whatever she was telling Kylar.

  "I know what she's going through. I guess it's not uncommon for there to be friction with in-laws after something like this, but we loved her as if she were our own, me and Pat." She fell silent. "He died shortly after they were married. Had a heart attack after jogging. He was always so healthy too…just like Kylar." Stifling a sniffle, she slipped her hand from Allie's and fetched a tissue from her bag.

  Molly had lost her husband and her daughter in such a short amount of time? Allie couldn't begin to understand h
er pain and she selfishly hoped she'd never would. "I'm so very sorry." She hated saying that. "I know you probably get that a lot. I don't even know what to say."

  "You don't have to say anything, but the sentiment is appreciated." She smiled wistfully. "I'm certainly not the only person to endure such loss, but I always pray I'm the last. Fruitless, I know." Her defeated chuckle said it all. "Losing my husband of thirty-one years hurt, but losing a child…our only child…"

  She didn't have to finish. Allie took her hand once again and they sat in silence, only broken by the occasional choke of a woman fighting to maintain her composure. It was unnecessary, but Allie understood. Having lost both of her parents, she knew all too well the desire to stop crying.

  When Sofia finally turned, her puffy, red eyes met Allie's. She smiled softly, appreciatively, then noticed the woman beside her. She began to get up, but Molly waved her back down.

  "Please, take all the time you need, dear. We're not going anywhere." She turned to Allie. "Are we?"

  Allie shook her head and gave a supportive smile. "No, we're not."

  Sofia's gaze alternated between the two of them, then she relaxed and settled back onto the ground. Her attention quickly returned to whatever she'd been doing a moment ago.

  "I can't help her with this part of her journey," Molly said.

  Allie took a moment to process, but she wasn't quite sure what that meant. "Which part?"

  "This." Molly pointed at her. "You. Dating again. I've done all I could to help her cope with the loss. I took her to my widow support group, referred her to my therapist, and was always open to talk about whatever, even though it hurt to be reminded that my daughter was no longer here. But this…I can't help her." A deep breath, then a soft sigh.

  "I know no one knows what the future holds, but I had my one and I have no intention of looking for another, or even dating just to date, for that matter. Pat and I had a long and happy life together. I'm good. I'm content with the time I had and my life is full despite all I've lost, but who knows what else life has in store for me. Everyone has their own journey. However, Sofia didn't get that long life, yet I think she had planned to go the rest of her years alone. Whether out of pain or respect or she thought that was what I wanted…who knows." She shook her head.