by Johnson, Cat
Apparently, Mom had given up on Kate, and that was why Lily got all the extra attention surrounding her love life.
Yay me.
“She’s fine. We didn’t get to talk very long.”
Lily’s phone buzzed in her purse. She glanced at the screen.
Kate: Ryker grilled me about you.
She sighed. “Mom, I’m going to my room. It was a long drive.”
The older woman gave her a hug. “Of course. Let me know if you need anything.”
The moment the door to her room closed, she called Kate.
“Please tell me you didn’t tell him anything about me.”
Her sister laughed. “Oh, Lily. He is going to find out why you are back sooner or later. This is a small town, after all.”
“Kate!”
The truth was too humiliating for Ryker to know.
“Relax, I didn’t tell him anything. I told him to ask you.”
A text from an unknown number beeped on her phone.
“Kate, did you give him my number?”
“I gotta go. You can thank me later.”
Kate ended the call, and Lily stared at the message.
Unknown: Can we talk?
2
Lily fucking Waters was back in town. Ryker had overheard that she was engaged to some pretentious East Coast prick. As much as he had hated that Lily was with someone else, he only had himself to blame.
She’d ignored the text he sent last week, and the urge to see her grew until he found himself sitting at the diner counter for the last three mornings. Again, he took his perch on one of the stools.
“More coffee?” Kate asked.
He nodded.
Again Kate had offered him coffee and given him that look of pity. He rarely went out in public outside of work, but he kept hoping he’d run into Lily. He couldn’t do that just sitting at home. And after the way they’d left things when she ran out of Brannigan’s Pub, he needed to talk to her.
“You think today’s the day?” Kate asked.
“Hope so.”
He’d never told Kate why he sat drinking coffee at her diner each morning. He didn’t need to. It was obvious by the way he looked over his shoulder every time the bell above the door rang.
Kate might have told Lily he’d been hanging out there. Maybe that was why she hadn’t come in.
Lily used to love the pancake stacks here, when we would come for breakfast.
Then it hit him. This place meant something to them… which meant she probably avoided it.
Fuck, why hadn’t he thought of that? Every place in this town held a memory.
He’d been in love with Lily since the first time he saw her junior year. ‘Love at first sight,’ she’d called it. From that point on, they didn’t leave each other’s side until she left for college. And after she left, he’d enlisted.
Not a day went by that he didn’t wonder if he should have tried community college like she suggested. But he’d struggled in school and knew college wouldn’t be a good fit.
“Kate, how could you forget your purse?”
He stilled, the cup of coffee halfway to his mouth. How the hell had he not heard the bell on the door that time?
“Lily, thank you for saving me. I can’t believe I forgot it.” Kate shot a look at Ryker, a smile tugging at her lips.
Lily hadn’t seen him yet, because her focus was still on her sister. “Are you feeling all right?”
Kate grinned. “I’m fine. Why don’t you have a seat? Stay.”
“Thanks, but I need to get back. I’ve got a few more jobs I want to apply for.”
Lily turned to go, but Ryker grabbed her wrist.
Damn. Warmth spread up his arm, just like that day at the pub. “Please stay.”
Her eyes darted to their connection. He knew she felt it too. They’d always had this heat between them.
God, she was beautiful. Her brown hair had highlights and was longer than it used to be. Those eyes, the deepest blue he’d ever seen, had always mesmerized him.
“That’s not a good idea.” She pulled away and headed for the door.
“Good luck,” Kate told him under her breath.
Lily had made it to the sidewalk by the time Ryker caught up to her.
“Lily, please. We should talk.”
She whirled around. “We talked at the pub. There’s nothing more to say.”
He stepped closer to her and noticed her breath hitched. “I want to explain. Please.”
The pained expression on her face told him she was struggling to decide.
“We can either walk to the park and talk privately, or I’ll follow you down this street, shouting my heart out to you.”
“Ryker.” She sighed.
Several people walked up and down the sidewalk. Since it was a small town, word would get back to her mom in a heartbeat if he caused a scene.
As much as Lily pretended otherwise, she wouldn’t do anything to displease her mother.
“Fine. Let’s go to the park.”
They walked in silence past the bench on Main Street where he’d carved their initials. Past the coffee shop where she’d told him she wanted to go to college. Past the restaurant where they’d had their last meal before she left.
Damn, it was like walking through a movie playing scenes from his life.
Lily sniffled, and he wondered if she remembered the same moments.
They arrived at the park where they used to meet after curfew. He still couldn’t believe her father never caught her. But they hadn’t worried about that. All they cared about were those precious moments they had together.
Lily sat on a swing, avoiding Ryker’s gaze.
He stepped in front of her. “Lily.”
When their eyes met, hers emanated pain and anger. “I’m not sure what you want to discuss. You made yourself clear in your letter.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
She laughed. “You’re sorry? You broke my heart in a letter and you’re sorry? Are you sorry about the reason?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer that. Hell yes, he was sorry every day about that bomb that had exploded, about his fellow soldiers who had died, about his injury. It had destroyed his life. But how would she know any of it? He’d never told her. He’d never told anyone, except his commander and the shrink he saw at the VA right after it happened.
“The reason?”
Did she know?
“After I read your letter, I drove to your parents’ house. Your brothers had no idea why you would call it off.”
Of course, they didn’t. He didn’t even tell his family about his medical discharge until he showed up on their doorstep a few months later.
“I saw the photo, Ryker.”
His mind raced. He hadn’t taken any photos of his injury.
She rolled her eyes. “Really? I have to say it?”
“Yes, please.”
“I saw the photo on your parents’ fridge. You had your arm around a woman.”
Photo with a woman?
“You were in your fatigues, holding onto her.”
Shit.
The nurse. Lily shouldn’t have seen that photo… but she did.
How could she think there was another woman?
Because you broke up with her in a letter, jackass.
“Lily, it’s not what you think.”
She crossed her arms. “Oh, really? Then enlighten me.”
He took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how to tell her the truth, but he had to.
“She was a nurse. I had to lean on her because it was the first time I had been able to stand in a couple of weeks. A friend took the photo because I had to send something to my parents, since they were worried after I was injured.”
Lily frowned. “A nurse? Injured?”
He turned away. He’d never wanted her to know about this.
“Ryker, what happened?” Lily grabbed his arm, and he looked down into those deep blue eyes.
“A b
omb went off.” It was the first time he’d said it in two years.
Tears welled in her eyes.
“One of the men stepped on a land mine.” He swallowed as he recalled laughing with Teddy one minute, and the next…
Ryker remembered the explosion. So loud, he couldn’t hear anything but ringing afterward. Teddy died instantly, along with another soldier who was walking next to him.
“I was a few paces behind them. I survived.”
Lily let go of his arm and scanned his body. “And you were injured?”
He nodded. “My leg. They were able to save it, but I needed several surgeries and a lot of physical therapy.”
He left off the part about the pills.
“When did this happen?”
“Two months before I wrote the letter.”
The confusion in her eyes gutted him.
“Why did you write it?”
He tried to fight it, but his eyes misted up.
“Ryker?”
“After the blast, the boy you loved was gone. Only a shell of a man remained. At first, the doctors weren’t sure if I would lose my leg… then they weren’t sure I would walk again.”
Her gaze moved down his legs. “But you’re walking fine now.”
He nodded. “It’s been a long road.”
“And you didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it?”
He shook his head. He never would have put her through that. Not after what had happened to her brother Tommy. “Lily, you’re loyal. You would have stayed with me out of a sense of duty. I couldn’t do that to you.”
She took a step back. “You couldn’t do that to me?”
“Hell, Lily, you deserve a man who can take care of you. Not some broken, scarred thing who has nightmares every night. You know what I love about you? When you walk into a room, you brighten it. You’re like sunshine. I was all darkness; it would have stolen your light.”
“What I deserved was for the man I loved to come home to me. I deserved the man I loved to make good on his promise to marry me. Instead, I got a letter that said we were over, and I would be better off.” She glared at him. “You didn’t trust me?”
Did she not understand what he’d just said?
“What are you talking about? This isn’t about trust.”
“Yes!” she shouted. “Yes, it is. You didn’t trust me enough to help you through what happened to you. You should have let me decide what I could or could not handle.” Her hands moved to her hips.
“No, that’s—”
“Stop. I’m not done. You didn’t trust our love enough to think I could handle this?”
He swallowed. He should tell her about the pills, but he was too ashamed. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I was in a bad place. I would have brought you down.”
Lily laughed. “You know what, Ryker? Fuck you. Instead of telling me what happened and working through it together, you hid in all your self-pity and pushed me away. Fine. What’s done is done. I’m leaving. Please don’t follow.”
She turned and walked away. This time, he let her.
Everything she said was right. What had changed? He wasn’t willing to tell her about the pills, so why the hell was he pursuing her?
Because he still loved her.
There had to be a way to win her back.
As he walked back toward the diner, he was so deep in thought; he didn’t notice the car approaching until it was too late.
“Ryker. Funny seeing you here.”
Ryker cringed as Detective Joey Dunin pulled up to the curb. “Just out for a stroll.”
Joey was the police chief’s son and the reason Ryker stayed home when he wasn’t working.
“Well, I’m on my way to the diner. You heading that way?”
“No.” Ryker kept it short.
Joey avoided his eyes.
He knew damn well what that meant, and he didn’t have any more money for the man. Ryker was already working his ass off.
“Well, I need to get to work,” he offered as he turned on his heel, hoping to escape the request he knew was coming.
“Before you go,” Joey said.
Shit. He closed his eyes, waiting for the words that always made him feel like a loser.
“I’ll need that payment a little earlier this month.”
“Joey, I can’t. I’m barely making enough since you raised the rate.”
Joey cracked a smile. “Not my problem, is it?”
It was very much his problem. All it would take would be a short talk with the chief, a suggestion to take a closer look at his son. But Ryker was too ashamed of what he had become himself. He was already a burden on his parents financially; he couldn’t add to it by admitting he’d become addicted to pills, or that Joey had caught him and now demanded payment for his silence.
“I’ll swing by for payment tomorrow. See you then.” Joey flashed a smile before driving away.
Ryker took a deep breath. A trick recommended by the shrink he saw at the VA. It didn’t help. Joey would keep asking for money until he figured out how to get out of it.
3
“I’m glad you came with me today,” Kate said.
“Like Mom gave me much of a choice,” Lily grumbled.
Today was the annual Fisher Springs July Fourth celebration. Since their dad would give his annual mayoral speech, Mom insisted they should be present.
“You can stop looking around. He won’t be here,” Kate reassured her again.
“You sure?”
She nodded. “Since he returned, he’s basically a recluse. He never attends any social or community events.”
“Why didn’t you tell me he was back?” She was still bitter over that.
Kate stretched out the blanket on the ground. “I’m sorry. When I first realized it, you were already with Gavin and seemed happy. Then when you said you were coming back, you were hurting over Gavin. I didn’t want to add to it.”
Was she hurting over Gavin? She was upset that she lost her job and home, but she didn’t feel pain like she had with Ryker.
Lily kicked off her shoes and lowered herself onto the blanket.
“I’m going to the concession stand to buy us some waters. Want anything else?” Kate said.
Lily shook her head as she scanned the crowd.
There were many familiar faces. But then her gaze stopped on one.
No.
Ryker stood about thirty feet away, his hands on his hips as he surveyed the crowd.
She laid down and closed her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see her. A moment later, someone sat next to her.
Immediately, she recognized his scent. He still used the same shampoo.
“Lily.” The familiar gravelly voice sent shivers up her spine.
She popped her eyes open to find Ryker sitting beside her.
It had been a week since he’d confessed his reasons for breaking up with her. A week since she’d told him to fuck off. A week since her mind had resumed imagining what could have been if he’d been honest two years ago.
His eyes trailed over her body, taking in her tank top and short shorts.
All right, so she might have dressed a little skimpy in case he showed up. But when her nipples pebbled under his heated gaze, he smirked. There was no denying her body still reacted to him. Damn the thin cotton material.
“What do you want, Ryker?” she asked impatiently.
“Are you still mad at me?”
She closed her eyes again. “What do you want from me? We can’t be friends.”
“That’s good. I don’t want to be friends with you.”
She bolted upright. What the hell? He didn’t want to be friends with her? No, that’s not how this worked.
He must have seen the anger brewing in her eyes, because his lips curved up and those damn dimples came out. Those dimples she’d fallen in love with that could break her heart all over again.
But his smile fell as he looked out over the crowd. “There’s something I didn’t tell y
ou.”
“You don’t need to now. Like I said, what’s done is done.”
“I never stopped loving you.”
She jerked away from him. “No, you don’t get to say that. You left me.”
She took several deep breaths, refusing to cry in front of him. He’d gotten enough of her tears.
“There was another reason I wrote the letter, besides my injury. Something I never wanted you to find out.”
She swallowed hard. “I don’t want to hear about another woman. I can’t.”
“There’s no other woman. Hell, Lily, you’re the only woman I’ve ever been with.”
His admission shocked her.
She turned, and his eyes pleaded for her to believe him. Deep down, she knew he was telling the truth.
“After the surgeries,” he started, “I was still in a lot of pain. They prescribed me painkillers.”
A wave of nausea swept over her. She knew where this was going.
But it couldn’t be true. Not after what had happened to her brother.
“I’d only intended to take them until the pain went away… but it never seemed to go away. The doctor told me I needed to switch to something over the counter. I should have listened. But I couldn’t.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “At that point, I was addicted.”
Addicted. Like Tommy.
Her brother had been six years older than her. He had gotten caught up in drugs in high school, but no one in her family understood how serious his problem had become. He’d overdosed at eighteen, two weeks before graduation.
Losing her brother had been devastating.
“After what you went through with Tommy, there was no way I could do the same to you. I had to let you go. That’s when I wrote the letter.”
“You chose the drugs over me?”
“No.” He reached for her hand.
She let him. Memories of the two of them sitting on their own blanket for the Fourth flashed in her mind.
“I was sick,” he explained. “But all I could think was that I couldn’t make you live through that again.” Ryker’s glassy eyes stared into hers.
He’d tried to spare her out of love.
“Are you still using?”
“No.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
He was still holding her hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. As much as she wanted to hate him, she didn’t have it in her.
