by Johnson, Cat
No.
Never.
That isn’t going to happen.
“I’m so sorry this is happening,” I say after draining the last of my drink. “Nick spent the last few years of his life trying to make sure you never had to worry about our past. We’d both buried the guys we used to be. We were young. Not only did the Marines offer the discipline we craved, when we were first recruited for a ‘special mission,’ we were promised anonymity.”
“Not enough, I guess,” she says.
I reach forward and grab her hands. No way are these bastards getting anywhere near her. “You did the right thing by coming to find me. Nick would have wanted me to fix this. To end this.”
Her teeth bite at her gorgeous lip and I resist the urge to reach out and brush my finger over it.
“Can you, though?”
I nod. “Yeah, I can. But first, I need to know that you trust me. You and I are going to be attached at the hip until this is over, and we have to trust each other. You’ve been through a lot already and I’m sorry I haven’t been around like I should have been, but—”
“I do,” she interrupts. “I trust you. You were there for me when I needed you most after Nick died. And you’re here for me now. That’s enough for me. I know where your heart is.”
I wonder for a moment if she really knows. Would she still be so quick to forgive me if she’d known the real reason why I had to get away? If she knew that I had started developing feelings for her?
No time to worry about that right now, though. Keeping her safe is a hell of a lot more important than any feelings I might have had.
Or that I might still have.
“Okay,” I say again. “First thing I need to tell you is that my name isn’t Bobby. It’s Jesse.”
She blinks. “Jesse? But… why? Everyone calls you Bobby. Nick called you Bobby. Did he…”
“He knew,” I say. “He knew that I did my best to leave Jesse in the past. I did my best to be better. To be Bobby.” I grunt and shake my head. “It didn’t work. Bobby is dead now right along with Nick. I can’t run from my past anymore.”
“Jesse. Jesse…” She whispers the name a couple of times as if she’s letting her mouth get used to the idea of saying it. Finally, she nods. “I’m glad you told me. If we really are going to trust each other, we can’t keep any secrets.”
“Agreed. No secrets.” I sigh. “Keeping secrets is what got me—and Nick, and now you—into this whole fucking mess to begin with.”
“That’s right. But we really can start over. This can be your second chance,” she says. “You don’t have to run from those secrets anymore.”
“No, I can’t run anymore. I ran from my past because of the things I did. I ran from you because of the things I was afraid of doing—the feelings I was afraid of feeling. That’s all behind me now, though, and I’m sorry for the hell you’ve had to go through these past several years. It wasn’t fair to you at all.”
She blinks again and I’m not sure whether it’s because of the way I’m putting everything out into the open or just the fact that we’re having this conversation in the first place. “Thank you,” she says quietly. “Thank you for saying that. I appreciate what you’re doing, though. And I know Nick would appreciate it, too.”
That’s all I can hope for. I couldn’t help my buddy when his life ended. I’ve wished a million times that it could have been me instead of him who died that day, but fate can be cruel like that. He had a beautiful wife and the promise of a family waiting back home for him. I had nothing.
And now?
I still don’t have much, but that doesn’t mean I get to roll over and die. Lauren is depending on me now, and I’m going to do everything I can to make things right for her.
“I’m going to keep you safe,” I vow. I’m not only promising her, though. I’m making this promise to Nick as well. And to myself. “You don’t have to worry about anything anymore, okay?”
She nods. “Okay. I trust you.”
It’s a second chance I don’t deserve, but I’m thankful for it. Now I just have to make sure I keep my promise.
4
Lauren
We make a quick drive to my house so I can pick up some clothes and a few other necessities, then head back to his apartment. He’s quiet after our talk but I can tell from the determined look on his face that he’s still deep in thought.
I don’t blame him.
This evening has been… a lot. A lot for me and a lot for him. We’ve spoken about things and have dug up memories that I know he’s spent years trying to forget.
I feel like we’re closer now, though, and I appreciate his honesty. Even the parts that were hard to hear. Like how Nick tried to shield me from his past life. Like how Bobby—Jesse, I mean—tried to run from the feelings he was starting to develop after Nick died.
Feelings for me.
I look over at him and wonder for a second if those feelings still exist. Has he buried them along with everything else from his past? Have the years made those feelings fade or go away completely?
Even though we’ve agreed to be completely honest with each other, I still hesitate to ask. Maybe I don’t want to know for sure.
“We could have stayed back at my house,” I say, just to break the silence. “It’s bigger than your apartment. The neighborhood is quiet. They probably wouldn’t come after us there.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know these guys. They would have come for us—they’re going to come for us. I counted nine ground floor windows and three doors at your house. Too many access points for two people to defend.”
I feel a chill at the way he quickly and coldly assesses my house. I love my big bay windows. My sliding glass door that looks out over the back yard. I’ve never thought of those as vulnerabilities or weaknesses before. But I’ve also never thought about being under siege inside my house before.
“My apartment is smaller,” he continues. “But that works in our favor. They either have to find a way to my second-story bedroom window, or they have to come up the stairs and through the front door like any other visitor. Taking away their element of surprise increases our chances of survival.”
God, there it is again. That cold, black and white assessment of our lives. He must see the fear on my face when he looks over because his expression instantly softens.
“Hey, we’re going to be okay,” he says, reaching over to give my hand a gentle squeeze. “I promise.”
He doesn’t know that, though. How can he promise something that isn’t totally in his control?
“How can you be sure?” I ask, echoing my own thoughts. “Even if we don’t ever go back to my house, they’re probably still going to find us eventually.”
“Oh, I’m counting on it,” he answers. “They already know where you live, which means they’ve undoubtedly been following you around for a while. They probably followed you to the club earlier this afternoon, and then to my apartment. Hell, they’re probably tracking us right now.”
I quickly look out the car window, half-expecting to see a car full of menacing killers staring back at me from the vehicle in the next lane.
But no.
There’s just an elderly couple who don’t appear to notice us at all. Behind them is a semi-truck. The car behind us is too far back for me to be sure, but the person inside doesn’t seem to be threatening from this distance.
“So what are we supposed to do now?” I ask.
“We wait. That’s always the hardest part. Waiting for something to happen.”
“And then?” I’m almost afraid to ask. God, what have I gotten myself into? “Once they finally come for us?”
“That part is easy.” He shrugs. “I kill them before they get a chance to kill us.”
5
Jesse
It’s late by the time we’ve had a chance to get settled back in my apartment and I throw together a quick, easy dinner for us both.
She tries to stifle a yawn as
we finish loading our plates into the dishwasher. “I hate to sound old, but this day has taken a lot out of me. Do you mind if I call it a night?”
“Of course not,” I smile. “It’s been rough for both of us, for sure. Sleep sounds pretty good to me right now, too.”
She returns my smile and starts to walk toward the living room. “I’ll just take the couch, then?”
“What? No.” My voice is more abrupt than I intend, and she immediately stops in her tracks to give me a confused look over her shoulder. “Sorry. I mean… you should take my bed. I’ll take the couch tonight.”
For a moment, I think she might argue, but she just gives me another tired smile and changes direction toward my bedroom. “Okay, thank you. That’s really nice of you, Bob—Jesse.”
My stomach tightens at the sound of my real name. It’s a name I haven’t heard in years. A name I never thought I’d have to hear again.
But this is me now.
Again.
Jesse.
Jesse with the dark, complicated past. Jesse who knows too much for his own good. Jesse the trained killer.
“Good night,” I call after her as I try to push the dark thoughts to the back of my mind. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she appears again at the end of the couch just as I’m getting ready to lie down.
“I need something,” she says.
“Anything,” I nod, scrambling back to my feet. “Just let me…”
My voice trails off as she slowly walks around the sofa until she’s standing in front of me. She places a hand on my chest and looks up into my eyes. “I need to know if you still have feelings for me.”
“Yes,” I say without hesitating. “I… yes.”
There’s no point in making excuses or trying to qualify the statement. I do still have feelings for her. As hard as I’ve tried to deny them, they haven’t changed over the years.
“I don’t want to sleep alone tonight, Jesse,” she says.
How am I supposed to say no? This is what I’ve wanted more than anything for years. Back then, it would have been disrespectful to Nick’s memory. We were both vulnerable and grieving.
Wounded.
But now? Now I know I want to protect her. I want her in my life. I want to be with her. And—at least for tonight—she wants to be with me.
I put my arms around her without saying another word and lean in to capture her mouth with mine. A tiny moan escapes her throat as she gives herself to me, and that little noise is all it takes to push me over the edge.
I reach down to cup her perfect ass and then lift her, pulling her body against me as I carry her to my bedroom without breaking from our long, slow, delicious kiss.
“Jesse…” She wriggles out of my arms just long enough to start undressing as soon as I set her on the bed. “I need this—need you—so badly. I… I hope you don’t think I’m—”
“I need it, too,” I say, cutting her off. We both quickly strip and I grin as I put my arms around her again and tumble into bed with her. “Need to kiss you. Need to touch you. Need you.”
I quickly grab a condom from my nightstand drawer and slide it on, then lie on my back and put my hands around her waist, lifting her so that she’s straddling me with my hard cock sticking straight up between her thighs, pressing against her hot, sweet pussy. I reach down and line myself up with her entrance, a groan escaping my lips when I feel how wet and ready she is for me.
“Fuck, baby,” I whisper. “I’ve been wanting this for so long. You’re so… so perfect.”
“Need you inside me,” she says, gasping as I give her exactly what she’s asking for. “Oh, God… yes. Yes, please. More.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. She rocks her body against me as I thrust up into her tight channel, making us both moan and cry out together. She leans in and I raise my head to take one of her small, pebbled nipples into my mouth, loving the way she moans as my teeth graze against her sensitive skin.
“Jesus,” I growl. “So tight. So… fucking… good.”
My whole world narrows as she rides me. I’m losing track of time, losing all of my awareness for everything around us. All I care about right now is her. Her body. Her pleasure.
“I want you to come for me, baby,” I say. “Want you to come while I fuck you hard and deep.”
“Yes,” she nods, placing her hands against my chest as she rolls her hips against me. “Yes. Yes… oh, God. I’m so close.”
“Come for me,” I say again. “Now, baby.”
I can feel her entire body tighten as her climax rushes through her. Fuck, she’s beautiful as she throws her head back and completely gives herself to me.
“Fuck, Lauren,” I call out as my own orgasm hits me. I hold her tight as I fill her, taking a moment to savor how amazing it feels to have her in my arms, to have this connection with her after so many years fantasizing about it.
She collapses on top of me and I plant a gentle trail of kisses from her forehead to her cheek. “Sleep now,” I whisper. “I’ve got you.”
And now that I finally have her in my arms, I make one more silent vow.
I’m going to take care of her.
Always.
6
Lauren
I feel like I might still be dreaming as I open my eyes. Last night, at first I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. But in Jesse’s arms, I felt safe for the first time in months, maybe years.
I’m in his bed and the morning sun is streaming in through the window, and everything feels warm and light and so, so perfect.
Except… he isn’t here with me.
“Jesse?” I call out, trying and failing to hide the worry in my voice. “Are you—”
The smell of eggs and bacon fills the room as he appears in the doorway wearing a tight pair of boxer briefs and holding a spatula like a weapon.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks, scanning the room. “What happened? Are you okay?”
He looks so sexy and comical at the same time that I can’t help but smile even though my heart is still pounding from my moment of panic. “I’m okay,” I say, tilting my head up for a kiss as he walks over to the side of the bed next to me. “Better now.”
“Good,” he says, giving me one more quick kiss before taking my hand and helping me up out of the bed. “And I hope you’re hungry, because I’ve got eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, and some juice ready for you.”
I feel my eyes go wide. “Oh my God, you made a feast! What time did you wake up?”
“Early,” he confesses. “And I wasn’t sure what you might want for breakfast, so I just made a little bit of everything.”
He isn’t joking. There are two plates piled high with food sitting at the kitchen table as we walk out of the bedroom. On the counters, there are serving plates with even more food just waiting for us to finish the first round.
My stomach rumbles with approval, making both of us laugh as we sit down to eat. “Thank you,” I say, taking a moment to look at the amazing meal laid out in front of me. “You shouldn’t have done all of this, but it looks and smells delicious.”
“I hope so,” he grins. “Because breakfast is my strong point. Dinner? Eh, maybe not so much.”
I laugh. “I’m sure you do just fine with dinner, too. And anyway, it’s the thought that counts. I appreciate that you did all of this.”
His expression turns serious. “I’m sorry I left you in there to wake up alone, though. I wasn’t thinking, but I’m sure you were probably a little disoriented when you opened your eyes.”
“It’s okay,” I say, meaning it. “I was just… I guess I’m just a little jumpy now, after everything we’ve talked about.”
“Can’t blame you for that. But like I said, I’ll keep you safe. I promise I will.”
I believe him. Just like I believed him the first time he said it. And even though I find some comfort in his certainty, I still can’t help but wonder how he
can be so sure of himself.
Probably because he’s done this sort of thing before.
I still can’t reconcile everything I know about Jesse and Nick with the thought that they used to be hitmen. Or special agents. Or… whatever they used to be.
“You’re still thinking about it,” he says, giving me a sympathetic smile as he reaches over to take my hand. “And I don’t blame you. I know this is scary. It’s serious and I don’t want you to think I’m taking it lightly. I am going to make sure nothing bad happens to you. You have my word.”
“Okay,” I nod, then say the word again to make sure my brain is on board with it. “Okay. Yes. I know you’re serious and I trust you completely. I’m just… scared. I can’t help it.”
“I know,” he sighs, then leans in to give me a kiss. “But let’s not think about it today. Let’s enjoy this breakfast and then we can spend the entire day doing whatever you want.”
“All day?”
He nods. “All day. Just you and me.”
I’m still scared of what might happen with the guys who are after us, but I can finally let myself smile again. I really do trust him. I know he’ll do everything he can to keep me safe.
And until then?
I’m going to enjoy the time we have together. Starting right now.
7
Jesse
This has been the best day I’ve had in a long time. Just spending time alone with Lauren has been amazing. We haven’t even really done much of anything aside from sit around and watch movies and laugh all day and night, yet I still find myself smiling into the darkness as we lie here in bed together.
She stirs against me in her sleep and I tighten my arm around her. Ever since the moment she walked back into my life, my whole world—every minute of every hour and every thought that runs through my mind—has been about her.
Making her happy.
