by NV Roez
"And for the record, I'm really getting tired of cleaning up your damn messes."
"Whatever, Caleb. She shouldn't be here and you know it. Have fun taking out the trash, babe, I'll see you on the slopes."
I stand frozen, watching Genna and London saunter out of the room with not a single care in the world.
"I'm going to hurt her, Caleb. I swear to all things holy, keep your psycho girlfriend away from me," I grind out with as steady a breath as I can muster.
He stares at me for a minute while milk and cereal drip from my head, clearly trying to hold in his laughter. I'm going to fucking kill him too.
"She has it in for you, Evelyn. There isn't much I can do about that. But how about this, here's some money for some new gear." He chuckles and hands me cash from his wallet.
I swat the cash away. "I don't need your goddamn money, Caleb. Keep her away from me. You're supposed to be this high and mighty Knight and you're telling me that you can't keep your bitch in check? Handle her or I will. It's that simple."
I storm out of the room and head to the lodge's shop for a new beanie, gloves, and jacket. It hasn't been twenty-four hours yet and I already need to punch something, kill someone, or get back to campus.
Maybe all three.
"My legs are going to hate me tomorrow. Why would anyone put themselves through that and call it fun?" Celeste complains as the three of us head back to our rooms to change after a full day of riding the New Hampshire mountains.
Setting aside the irritation of this morning's breakfast, today has been amazing. The majestic views from the top of the mountain, the fresh blanket of soft white powder underneath my board, the wind whirling around me as I pushed for speed, all sang to my soul.
It's been ages since I've felt that free. The last time I felt this way was back in Rose Bay surfing with Ivy and the boys. But today was all mine. Alone.
"Celeste, you were on the bunny slopes, for crying out loud. How could you possibly be in pain already?" I openly laugh at her.
Anyone who doesn't enjoy physical pursuits is an enigma to me.
"Come on, babe. I'll take care of your legs, your arms, and the rest of you," Justin flirts, grabbing Celeste by the waist and twirling her around. But I catch a moment of fear in her eyes, even though she's smiling, and my heart aches.
Something bad happened to her, I know it.
The next time I get her alone, we’re going to talk about whatever it is that has her running scared.
"I say we go up, change, and meet back downstairs to hit the hot tub," I chime in, knowing that the hot tub is exactly what we're all going to need to give our overworked muscles a break.
"The heat from this hot tub is literally heaven sent," Celeste utters in delight, leaning her shoulder against Justin. He and I simultaneously hum in agreement, not saying anything else, enjoying the quiet.
The hot tub and the fireplace that's burning are the only sounds we hear. Yes, there is a damn fireplace in the indoor pool room and none of us are complaining. With the sounds, the heat, and the water, I think I just might fall asleep.
Celeste is right, this is a little slice of heaven and God bless her for this gift.
I close my eyes, lean my head back, and settle a little farther into the water when I hear the only voice that feels like nails to a chalkboard.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, the tramp is everywhere, Caleb." Genna’s thin, airy voice grates on my every last nerve.
Why, oh why, does the universe hate me?
I snap my eyes open, sit up, and stare at the circus that's walking through the French doors. Not only is the bitch princess and her faithful followers walking in, but the Knights have also deemed it necessary to make an entrance.
They saunter in like the sex gods they are, wearing swim shorts that hide nothing. And, as the universe is clearly my best friend, three pairs of eyes zero in on me.
I'm immediately self-conscious in my tiny black bikini with marijuana leaves printed all over them. Celeste begged me to wear it since she bought it for me months ago and thought it would help me get more comfortable with my scars.
I'm now seriously regretting that decision. My most damaging scars can't be seen above the water, but I'm uncomfortable all the same.
The three slash marks at the top of my breasts and the one cigar-sized burn at my sternum burn with embarrassment as my cheeks flame to life. I can feel the blush creep up my neck, sure that it's making my skin look blotchy.
Elijah's steel eyes rake over my body, subtly pausing at each slight discoloration and indentation of my skin, but I don't dare look at his chiseled face long enough to decipher what he's thinking.
Caleb, on the other hand, is blatantly ogling my breasts with burning heat in his hazel eyes. I'm suffocating in ghost flames, watching a grin play across his face like he's thinking about kicking everyone out to bob for apples.
I make the mistake of glancing down his wall of abs and see his semi-hard erection outlined in his shorts.
Oh, for fuck’s sake...
Kill me.
Micah, who is slightly behind them, stumbles and looks uncomfortable as hell. It makes me smile.
Good. I'm not the only one.
He momentarily closes his eyes and visibly changes, standing taller. When he opens them, there's a resolve in his eyes as he strides closer to where we are, his thick thighs bulging then relaxing as he walks to the edge of the hot tub.
"Hey, Justin, mind if we join you?" he slurs a bit. From the smell of it, he must have been drinking—like all day.
"Actually, we do. Why don't you guys come back later, when we're done? This is currently a disease-free zone, and we don't know where your pets have been. The last thing I need is to catch an STI" Celeste pipes in before Justin even has a chance.
So much for not saying 'no' to a Knight. Damn, I love that girl.
Micah snorts with laughter, backing away, and it's the most beautiful sound. His eyes are the shade of the Caribbean ocean today and his lopsided grin just about does me in. He's clearly intoxicated. Maybe Caleb is too, because he wasn't that comfortable looking at me this morning.
"Please,” Genna scoffs. “It’s a little late to worry about an STI. You’re sharing space with trash. I guess it’s true what they say: you are who you hang out with.” She shifts her eyes to Justin. “I hope to God you wear protection, because there’s also another saying that’s true:you are what you eat. Caleb, honey, do something. I’d like to relax and they’re in my way."
Her voice grates on my skin. Maybe she could accidentally fall into the fireplace with my help. I don't understand how Caleb tolerates it.
"There's nothing for me to do, Genna. Justin is a Knight. Not to mention the fact that he's also our Chapter President," Caleb reminds her and nods to Justin. "We'll just come back later."
"Actually, why don't the girls leave? It's within our right to stay, and this could be fun." Elijah smirks, looking directly at me with a hurricane brewing in his eyes. "What do you say, Eve, a little stroll down memory lane for old time’s sake?"
Celeste whips her head in my direction, her eyebrows squished painfully tight. I can practically hear the questions in her eyes, and for the second time today, I want to kill someone.
The universe is playing a cruel game and I am so clearly losing. I keep trying to ignore them and live my life, and yet... here we are.
I close my eyes and start my breathing exercises, imagining the room empty as bittersweet memories of sneaking alcohol, stolen midnight escapes, and my sister flood my mind.
"Let's just leave, Eli. We're supposed to be relaxing before school starts. Being in this room isn't relaxing me." Micah isn't eager to take that stroll either, and peeking through my lashes, I can see the empathetic look on his face.
He grabs Elijah's arm and starts herding the circus animals out of the room. Before he's out of view, he turns his head in my direction and mouths 'you owe me' with my favorite lopsided grin.
Yep, that's Micah. My savior and
my destruction.
Fuck my life.
"Care to explain what the hell Elijah meant by 'stroll down memory lane', Eve?" Celeste asks, emphasizing the nickname Elijah called me and crossing her arms, determination etched on her face.
The inquisitor has arrived.
Sigh.
"I told you. We're from Rose Bay." One look at her and I already know that's not enough for her.
She just sighed.
"We hung out when I was younger. But I haven't seen or spoken to them in four years. Let's just say things ended... not great and move on. You know I'm not fond of history lessons and this one doesn't need to be repeated. Can we go back to pretending we're in heaven for a little bit longer and forget that they ever interrupted us? Haven't I had enough of the damn circus today?"
Celeste flinches. I hadn't meant to snap at her.
"Of course. I wish I would have suggested paying the cancellation fee and gone somewhere else for winter break. I'm sorry I was selfish."
I look over at her and she sheepishly looks down.
"I wanted to show Genna that Justin and I are doing just fine," she says with a slight shrug.
Justin wraps his arms around Celeste. “Baby, of course we’re fine. Don’t let that evil bitch put shit in your head. You’re mine. Period.”
I watch Celeste sink into Justin’s arms with a sigh.
"Thanks, Cele. And you don't have to apologize for those assholes. I wouldn't have let you cancel this. This is what I needed, so fuck them." I smile at her, hoping she can see the genuine appreciation I feel for her and slowly drift back into my own little world.
Peace. I just want some fucking peace.
16
I'm laying on my bed, wishing I had brought some books to read. But I’m stuck watching some sad rerun of Law and Order instead.
I encouraged Celeste to stay with Justin tonight, even though she wanted to stay with me again tonight. She claimed that she felt guilty about coming here together just to ditch me, but I'm not sure if that's one hundred percent true.
I catch her sadness every now and then, and wish I knew what to say to get her to tell me what's wrong.
Sigh.
I'm never gonna be able to sleep now that I feel like a shitty friend. I need fresh air.
I head downstairs in my Betty Boop sleep shorts and my favorite black hoodie and pray that I don't run into anyone. It's late, so I'm hoping mostly everyone is sleeping. I only want a moment to sit out back, in the cold fresh air, and enjoy the quiet of the mountains.
I don't know why I keep thinking that the universe will give me a break.
I walk down the corridor. I can faintly hear music and voices coming from one of the ballrooms.
So much for praying that I wouldn't run into anyone.
The glass doors are open, and because the universe is so kind, I have to walk right by them to get to the back doors.
As I get closer, I instantly regret coming down here, but being the masochist that I am, I keep moving forward instead of back.
When I get to the point where I can see inside without being noticed, I lose my breath.
From where I stand, I can see all three Knights sitting in chairs on a dais. On the right, Elijah is sitting on a chair, his tattooed fingers firmly squeezing Alexis's ass as her naked body bounces on his dick.
It's one thing to see him get a blow job, it's another thing entirely to see the boy—the man—you wanted to give your heart to inside someone else.
My heart is already broken, but this, this splinters my soul.
I genuinely mean nothing to them.
And because that isn't torturous enough, Caleb is sitting in the middle with his dick in Genna's mouth while London's brunette hair is splayed on the floor with her head in between Genna's legs, eating her out.
She's such a disgustingly vile person. I can't wrap my brain around why he would even put up with her, let alone touch her like that.
I force myself to stay where I stand, letting the bile burn in my throat as I swallow it back down.
Micah is on the end, stroking his cock, watching his best friends get pleasured. He’s obviously turned on and thoroughly enjoying what he sees. I was so naive to let him touch me.
It's not the sex itself that bothers me. It feeds our basic carnal needs. I've had consensual sex, albeit with just one participant, but learned it can be quite good. It’s the fact that they’re so willing to touch those diabolical cunts.
At the End of Summer Party, I didn't know these girls, so while it hurt, it didn't matter. But I know enough now that it makes me nauseous.
They're vicious, ugly beings who have tried to humiliate me more than once. Outside of Micah on Halloween, none of the guys have come to truly talk to me.
And there it is. The root of my pain. It's the realization, the affirmation, that I don't matter. That's what hurts the most.
I watch them as my mind spins with memories, old and new.
Of Caleb holding in his laughter this morning while milk and cereal dripped from my head.
Of them accusing me of killing my sister.
Of being left naked and unconscious on the bathroom floor.
I remember the love I thought we shared during summer nights, sneaking into surf shops and movie theaters. My mind replays the laughter of summer days with best friends, surfing in the Pacific Ocean, helping me forget the hell I was living in.
And then I remember the pain of the isolation after my sister died when I needed them the most; the abandonment.
My eyes burn with unshed tears and anger boils the lining in my veins.
For the first time in four years, I feel weak through and through. This pain is destroying me from the inside out, shattering my ribs, burning my stomach.
Fuck, I'm going to be sick.
I go to move when I catch Caleb's eyes on mine. Panic flutters just briefly across his face and he pulls his cock out of Genna's mouth.
I cut off the circulation in my lips, pressing them tightly together like that's going to help ease the pain that's obliterating my insides.
I nod my chin, letting him know that I see him, and step back into the shadows of the hallway. And I walk away.
I can't do this.
Once I'm down the hallway, I run to the stairwell and race up the steps at full speed to exert some of this pain.
17
I'm on autopilot, since I didn't get any sleep last night, but we only have two more nights here and I refuse to waste them because of assholes and their Barbies.
I head to The Den and slide into the booth across from Celeste. There's a slight blush on her cheeks when Justin wraps his arm around her shoulders. Well, it looks like he's helping her get through her issues.
Good, that's a step.
"I can't go out there again, Evie. My body does not agree with snowboarding. I don't know why you guys think it's fun," she says, exaggerating her pain from the bunny slopes, and I laugh, but it's empty.
"We're thinking of renting snowmobiles or maybe going tubing, if you'd like to join us. I know you wanted this to be a girls’ trip, and I hate that I interrupted your plans, but I missed her. I'll gift you ladies another stay here, so you both can have a proper girls’ weekend. It's the least I can do," Justin chimes in, ever the gentlemen, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.
I'm so glad Celeste has someone who obviously adores her. She deserves to be happy.
I decline their invitation, afraid my mood is too easy to read. I don't need another round of the Spanish Inquisition from Celeste. I need to be away from people for a while. My heart hasn't recovered, the movie reel of the bitch squad pleasuring my boys on constant replay.
Not my boys.
We agree to meet later today to plan what we're going to do tomorrow to bring in the New Year and I head out on my own to the mountains.
My head hasn't stopped the tornado of memories and the residual emotions that continue to linger since last night. I wish I could drown in the ocean's magic, cle
anse myself from the blackness of my life, but the magic of the mountains will have to do. At least, it's something.
Jumping off the ski lift, I'm transported to a different world, full of wonder and beauty as I stare at the vast expansion of earth in front of me.
I take a deep cleansing breath, plug my earbuds in, playing “Demons” by Jacob Lee, pull down my beanie and goggles, and slide down the mountain.
There are no words to justify the feeling. It's almost like flying, challenging the mountain and finding my strength all at the same time. It's empowering at minimum.
I'm so entranced by the feeling that I don't notice someone coming up, at full speed, behind me. The next thing I know, I'm being pushed outside the trail, falling over the lattice barrier, into the trees, and tumbling down the mountain.
I somersault twice before one of my bindings breaks from the impact of my board hitting a coming tree. Nature and gravity work together to inflict as much physical pain as possible as I slide full force into the next tree, knocking out all of my breath, and everything goes black.
Slowly, I wake up to chirping birds and a deep blue sky above me. And I feel like death.
Did I die?
My head loudly thrums to the beat of my heart answering me.
Nope, very much alive.
My skin is wet from where my clothes are torn and the shaking from my freezing body is only making me more nauseous. Ever so slowly, I turn my head to see that I’ve fallen into a tree well. Holy shit! I could have been buried alive and suffocated under here.
I don't know what I must have done in a past life, but I'm definitely paying for someone else's sins. I have to be. Or maybe I was supposed to die with Ivy that night and I'm just living out a true account of the Final Destination movies.
After a few more minutes of trying to get my one binding off, I give into exhaustion, my muscles convulsing in pain. My legs ache and my back is sore. I’m thirsty, freezing, and pissed the fuck off.
