Brandywine Investigations

by Angel Martinez

Oh, Sweet Mother, seriously? The one person I didn't want watching that. Dio found his feet and straightened his top hat. "Nope. I'm good."

  One foot on the bottom step, his half-brother Ares graced him with a stunning and oh-so- condescending smile. "Poor little guy. Never did get your mongrel magic to work right, did you?"

  I'll show you mongrel magic, you… Is that a tux? "Going for the Bond look there? Where's your sword and junk?"

  Ares brushed a bit of lint from the lapel of his black tuxedo jacket. "Just came from a White House dinner. Some of us have important things to do. Policy to influence. World events to see to."

  "BMOC."

  "What?"

  Dio skipped up a couple of steps to get out of reach and out of range of Ares's breath. He stank of whiskey. "Big Man on Campus. You and all your Very Important Things."

  "You make fun all you want." Ares clenched his fists, a vein in his forehead pulsing. "But what I do matters. I keep the world in balance."

  You're a sleazy slaughter merchant. "I've always wondered what you get out of it." Dio stopped a few steps up, honestly curious.

  "Power. Glory. Respect. People fear me. I'm a god instead of a clown," Ares growled, flames dancing in his dark eyes.

  "Nice. Guess I can see that. Kinda." Dio offered a quirk of a smile and a tip of his hat. "But I have friends."

  He didn't wait to see his older brother's reaction to that little barb as he hurried up the stairs into the palace. Places to go and people to see before he showed his face at the feast. One place to go, anyway. He jogged through the palace's wide corridors lined with imposing Doric columns. Always Doric. Dad liked the clean lines. Up another set of steps and into the part of the building carved out of the mountainside where his chambers lay. Far from the marble-and-damask surroundings of his more civilized relatives, here he didn't have to worry about disturbing anyone while he was in residence—not too much, anyway.

  Flowering vines festooned the walls on either side of his doorway, honeysuckle and wisteria brushing the top of his head as he ducked inside. The carpet of moss inside his front room suddenly muffled his booted footsteps. A riot of vegetative scents soothed his head, the sense of homecoming serving to ease hurts he'd forgotten. I probably don't spend enough time here these days. "Theo? Mak? Anyone here?"

  The thup-thup of little hooves running across the moss came from farther back in the complex of rooms. Two horned heads peeked around the corner, two pairs of nearly identical dark eyes blinking at him before the twins rushed him and tackled him to the floor in a joyful god-and-faun pile.

  "My lord, you're home!"

  "We've missed you!"

  "Did you bring presents?"

  "You greedy little ingrates." Dio sat up, laughing and hugging them tight. "My being here isn't enough?"

  Theo smacked his brother. "Of course it is. Makarios is a derp. You look amazing. Is there a party?"

  "Don't you boys know what's going on in the house?" Dio fished in the front pocket of his tight leathers, tongue protruding between his teeth until he could work the little packet loose.

  Mak shrugged. "We're here and in the groves. Don't pay much attention to the rest of the place."

  "Oh. Well. I have to go to the opening feast of the Heraia. You boys could come with if you want." A panther, black fur shining, trotted out to the front room, head-butting Dio until she got his attention and the face stroking she wanted. "Hello, Beautiful. Are you being good?"

  "She chased one of Lord Ares's dogs out of the grove yesterday." Theo ruined his stern expression by snickering.

  "So you've been very good." Dio rubbed his face against her fur. He'd never named his big cats. Panthers and leopards didn't think of themselves in terms of names, and it didn't stop him from knowing which was which. This panther was fiercer and more possessive than the others were. If she had attacked one of his brother's war dogs, the stupid thing undoubtedly deserved it.

  "Do we have to go with you?" Mak leaned against him, making sad puppy eyes. "Those feasts are so boring."

  "We could make it fun," Theo said without conviction.

  "Yeah, well, every time we make it fun, someone gets all ticked off. You boys stay here." Dio ruffled Mak's hair, shaggy brown with white spots, like a negative of his twin, whose hair and goat-pelted legs were white with brown spots. With a flourish, he opened the little cloth packet and held it out to his caretaker fauns. "For you. Decide who gets which, or, you know, share and trade off."

  Eyes shining, Theo and Mak hovered over the two gold ear cuffs winking in Dio's palm, a sphinx with emerald eyes and a griffin with rubies, expensive pieces he'd had made in one of Hermes's best shops. Not that fauns were big on monetary value, but they liked pretty things. Mak took the dragon and Theo the griffin with squeaks of joy and kisses for him.

  "All right, bribes out of the way. I need a couple barrels of the good merlot we put up last year."

  Both his little minions hesitated and shared a look before Theo cleared his throat. "For Her feast, my lord? Are you sure?"

  "Hey, Dad's always on me about improving relations with her." Dio shrugged. "Not like we're getting out the Carmignano or something."

  Mak appeared to give this careful thought while he attached his new ear cuff. "I guess the barrel of Chianti that's turned is out, then."

  "Save it in case I change my mind about being nice. But for now, yes."

  The twins scampered off and returned with each rolling a wine barrel. They agreed to come as far as delivering the barrels to the inner courtyard where the feast would be in progress, but only if they got to run away directly after.

  "Deal. Might not be too far behind you," Dio grumbled as he gathered both his panthers, one stalking on either side of him, and led his entourage back through the palace.

  He wasn't exactly late. Only the older gods were already sitting at the monstrous stone table. But Evil Stepmom still glared at him for his last-to-arrive entrance, her piercing blue eyes trying to skewer him as he ambled through the western arch. Right. Better get this part over with.

  Adopting a more business-like pace, he strode to the side of her throne where she co-occupied the head of the table with Dad, tipped his top hat, and swept her a theatrical bow. "Queen of Heaven, I offer casks of my finest wine on the eve of your birthday festival."

  Hera's lips compressed as if he'd offered her musk-ox shit on a plate. "No need to pretend, boy. You know you didn't bring your best."

  Dio straightened with a little shrug. "No. Guess not. But it's damn good stuff. Promise."

  "My dear, if Dio says he's brought you something nice, maybe you should accept it graciously." Dad stood from his carved eagle throne. He wore the traditional one-shoulder exomie while at home to better show off his massive physique. Dio suspected that Uncle Hades was probably the more impressive specimen, but he dressed more modestly, so it was tough to say.

  "C'mere, boy. Good to see you."

  More than happy to bypass his stepmother, Dio signaled for Theo and Mak to leave the barrels for the nymphs and threw himself into his father's arms. Yeah, Zeus was a philandering tomcat who hadn't done right by several of his kids. Dio didn't have any illusions, but he still loved the big horndog.

  "Hey, Dad. How's things?" Dio's voice was muffled as his father swept him up into a bear hug, leaving his feet dangling six inches off the ground.

  "Wonderful! Couldn't be better! Business is expanding every day!" His dad set him on his feet, though one huge hand on his shoulder kept Dio from wandering off. "You look… tired."

  "Ha. Thanks. Late couple of nights. I'm good."

  "You're sure? No, um…"

  "No. Dad, I'm fine. No lost days, no doom-and-gloom crap, okay?"

  "All right… good." Zeus stared down at him, golden brows still drawn together in obvious concern.

  Dio sighed. "You're just gonna ask Herm, anyway. So it's not like I'd lie to you."

  "Good!" The manly clout on Dio's shoulder nearly sent him tumbling. "Go, go see your brothers
. They're waiting for you."

  Near the middle of the football-field-long table, the younger gods had gathered as they usually did to leave their parents and older aunts and uncles to their civilized conversation. Hermes waved when he caught Dio's gaze, nudging Hephaestus, who stood nearby talking to Artemis. The only one of their generation to claim a seat already was Ares, his glare shooting spears Dio's way.

  Good thing that's not one of his things, the whole shooting sharp stuff from his eyes. I'd be in so many pieces they'd have to get a vacuum to pick me up off the floor. Wonder what kind of vacuum you'd need for pieces of god? Or would a broom work better? It does for cat food. Do I have enough cat food? There're anchovies in the cabinet. I like anchovies—

  "Hey! Moon Base Twelve to Wild Boy!" A hand clamped on Dio's shoulder to shake him gently. "You in there?"

  "What?" Dio blinked at Hermes, who offered a hesitant smile. "Where else would I be?"

  Hermes flung an arm around his shoulders and led him toward the gathering of siblings and cousins. "Hard to say with you sometimes. You went to that rave last night, didn't you?"

  "Do I look that bad? Dad said I looked tired."

  "You look fabulous, as always." Aphrodite leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I love that shirt. Where do you find these things?"

  "This one?" Dio ran a hand down a velvet sleeve. "Darkest Closets, I think the website's called. Not really your style, Dite, but thank you." He glanced sideways at Hermes. "Didn't Fafnir wanna come?"

  Hermes shook his head. "We tried it once. He's not comfortable here. Physically not comfortable. It could be a sort of cross-pantheon thing. Maybe. Though he's not a god. Or it could be there are too many heroes in one place here."

  A loud belch came from farther down the table where the demigods had gathered, Heracles already boasting drunkenly about some exploit or another. They'd all get like that soon, reliving past glories. Sad, really.

  "You belong down at that end." Ares suddenly loomed behind him. "With the rest of the half-breeds."

  Artemis slid between them before Dio could think up a snappy response. She looked good in a tailored, silver-gray three-piece suit. The subtle silver weave distracted Dio while she pushed Ares back a step. "Don't start, Are. We've been through this a hundred times. Dio's divine, just like the rest of us."

  This is nice. She never used to stick up for me. He could almost ignore the sting of Ares's words. Almost. A fire-ant prickle of anger still crawled up his spine. He shook himself, grateful when Hephaestus's large hand landed on the back of his neck, kneading gently.

  Unfortunately, Ares was way ahead of everyone on the drinking front, and he was the original angry drunk. "Two! It takes two divine parents to make a fucking god!"

  "I only have one divine parent," Athena said without looking up from her iPad.

  Ares sputtered. "You're different! You only have Dad! One god for a parent, nothing else! You're not a mongrel!"

  "My mother isn't a god," Hermes said with a laugh.

  "Neither is mine." Artemis pushed Ares back another step. "Me and Apollo? You saying we're mongrels too?"

  "No, you idiots!" Ares waved his arm not occupied with a flagon. "Your parents are immortals."

  "Ares, stop it." Heph's deep voice cut through his brother's bellowing. "It's old news and no one cares."

  "You should!" Ares closed the distance to bellow in Heph's face, which unfortunately put him right in Dio's face too. "My one full-blood brother! You should be upset that your parents favor bastards and… and these racial slurries!"

  "Come on, Are." Hermes took his arm and tried to lead him away. "You don't wanna do this on your mom's birthday."

  "Yes, I do!" Ares swayed, pointing a finger so close to Hermes's face he nearly took an eye out. "All of this shit dishonors my mother, who's had to put up with way too much crap over the years!"

  Hermes patted the burly arm closest to him. "I know, I know. All in the past though. Come sit down with me. We'll have something to eat. Talk about that programming issue you're having with the satellites and—"

  Ares wrenched away, pointing at Dio now. "Not until that mutt knows his place and his human whore of a mother is banished from the palace!"

  A terrible stillness wrapped around Dio as if someone had dropped a glass cylinder over him. Voices, the clinks of cups and plates, the rustles of cloth—all gone. The light took on a sharp, cold scent. The colors bled screaming from every object in his narrowing vision. His voice tasted of copper and salt in his ears as he grated out, "My mother is not a whore."

  Blinding white blasted through his senses—white, white, white. A small, distant thought cried, No, no, not again! All the universe devoured in the blinding, deafening, shrieking white…

  Notes pierced the terrible blizzard of sensation, high and shrill, slicing and parting the blinding veil to reveal jumbles of colors. Dio slammed back into the world, reeling, clutching his head, to find himself trapped in a hard double embrace, Heph bear-hugging him from one side and their cousin Zack from the other. Hermes stood nearby, playing a tuneless air on his flute, the notes growing ever softer.

  A narrow path had been cleared through the feast, from one side of the table to the other, platters and flagons rudely shoved aside as if by an angry wind. Sticking up against the far side of the table was a pair of expensive Italian dress shoes, soles pointed at the ceiling.

  Hermes lowered his flute. "Hey, there. Back with us?"

  "Erg. Yeah." Dio shook his head, leaning against Zack. "Hulk thing, I guess? Did… did I hurt anyone?"

  "You gave Ares a nice toss." Zack nodded to the expensive upside-down shoes. "If you'd been bowling, would've been a strike for sure."

  "Damn it."

  Zack gave him a friendly shake. "Come on, now. He deserved it. And he'll be fine. You just put him out a few minutes before he passed out on his own."

  The shoes, and the attached limbs, slowly slid sideways out of sight. Dio winced as they thumped onto the marble floor. "Won't make him like me any better. And Stepmom's gonna be pissed at me again."

  "He doesn't like most of us," Aphrodite said as she led his shaking steps to a chair. "Nothing you do would change that."

  "And her nibs doesn't seem too concerned." Hermes pointed with his chin toward the head of the table where the senior gods were turning back to their conversations, all of them apparently unruffled. At least no one was charging down to intervene. "They all get as sick of his shit sometimes as we do."

  "I just—" Dio sank into the offered chair and took a glass of wine from the nymph who hurried to offer it. "Thank you. I wish I could stop doing that. No matter how hard I try to keep it together, some things, you know, trigger it. And then, boom! I'm gone and the crazy takes over. It scares me sometimes."

  "Scares us too," Zack muttered.

  Hermes glared. "Not helping. Dio, it's not like you've ever hurt someone you cared about when you rage, right?"

  "I hit you. That once. With the chaos-spelled statue."

  "So not your fault. Spell-induced crazy doesn't count."

  "I know, but—"

  "Dionysus, if it concerns you so much, you should find an inhibitor. Something that would prevent the madness from taking hold." Athena spoke up from the place she had claimed opposite Dio. "Have you done any research on the subject?"

  All the younger gods froze and gaped at her.

  "Why is everyone staring?" She straightened from her iPad, blinking at her siblings and cousins in concert with the barn owl on the back of her chair.

  Artemis cleared her throat. "We didn't even know you were paying attention. You usually ignore us."

  "Choosing not to engage does not equate to being oblivious to my surroundings." Athena frowned, making the expression somehow general and yet specific to each of them. "Have you, Dionysus? Attempted to conduct research to find a charm or object to assist you?"

  "Um… research?"

  "Yes. I'm certain the Eternal Library has relevant material on the subject."

&
nbsp; One of the panthers nudged Dio's hand, allowing him to hide his embarrassment in petting her. "I, ah, haven't ever tried. That is, I'm sure it does."

  Hermes threw himself into the chair beside him, hooking one leg over the carved griffin arm. "You've never set foot in the library, have you?"

  "Not… as such."

  "Honestly." Athena made an exasperated sound and returned her attention to her reading. "I don't know how you accomplish anything without research."

  "Even I've been to the library." Zack took the chair on Dio's other side. "And I don't read much besides thrillers."

  Normally, being accused of a lack of intellectual curiosity didn't bother Dio. Scholarship was for other people. But when even Zack and Artemis were giving him the side eyes, he had to wonder if he really was an idiot. "So, um, how's Michael?"

  "He's doing great. Had a whole day without the cane yesterday. He's with Fafnir this afternoon. Took him out to dinner. Don't change the subject."

  Dio squirmed, pulling one foot up on the seat, putting it back down, slumping, and sitting back up. "So, um, the geek god library has stuff like that? On charms and junk?"

  "Don't call it that." Hermes laughed and smacked his arm. "I use it all the time."

  "Your point?"

  "Shut up, little brother. I'm so cool, ice cubes put their mittens on when I open the freezer. Yes, there are books and scrolls on charms and junk."

  "I believe the reference was in a book of Thracian charms," Athena offered without looking up. "Though I don't recall the title."

  "Oh. Um, so is there a database of divine crap or something? So I can find it?"

  Athena glanced up over her half-glasses, one dark eyebrow arching. "The library staff has been engaged in attempting to build a database, but there are difficulties due to the nature of some of the materials. Books that require spells. Items that are only visible under specific conditions. You understand it's a bit of a challenge."

  "Yeah… a challenge. Herm, how do you find stuff there?"

  "I look." Hermes sipped his wine and gave him an unrepentant grin when Dio swore softly at him. "And if I need help, I ask the librarian."

  Dio drank his wine, ate the entire platter of stuffed grape leaves Hermes shoved at him, and let the conversation flow around him as he absorbed. If there was a way to control his rages, he wanted to find it. Even if it didn't work, he had to try. Maybe he wasn't the best with libraries, but he could ask for help. He wasn't that proud. The Eternal Library had to have a god of librarians in charge, right? Though he had no idea who that would be.