White Lies

by Autumn Jones Lake

  She doesn’t explode though.

  No, she sucks in a deep breath, turns and walks into the hallway.

  I think I’d prefer if she went nuclear instead. “Where are you going?”

  “None of your business.”

  I hustle to catch up to her, placing my palm on the front door before she opens it. “That’s not how this works.”

  “This isn’t working at all.”

  She shoots a death glare at my hand, and I swear my skin actually tingles from the power of the fire in her eyes.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that if you don’t take me with you, find someone else to marry you.”

  “Heidi, you know damn well there are some things—”

  “Don’t you dare try and claim club business.” She cocks her head. “Does the club know you’re still involved with this?”

  Even though she’s wrong about me fighting, she has a point. Heidi is more than understanding when it comes to club business. Moving downstate to help Z run Sway’s charter? It put a lot of stress on both of us, and Heidi never complained once. Spent every weekend she could by my side helping in any way she could. I even ended up in jail for a couple days, and she was waiting with open arms as soon as the charges were dropped.

  She understands so many little things about club life, and I shouldn’t take that for granted. Doesn’t mean I want to ever put her in danger.

  I work my jaw from side-to-side, considering my answer. “I can do whatever I want.”

  Wrong answer.

  “The club might give you all the freedom you want.” She pokes her finger into my chest. “I won’t. You go there again without me; I won’t be here when you get back.”

  “Heidi, that’s ridiculous.”

  “No, what’s ridiculous is you lying to me and putting yourself in danger.”

  “I’m not in danger. It’s a bunch of kids who run this thing for fuck’s sake.”

  “Then take me with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to know why it’s so important to you.”

  “It’s not.”

  “Then don’t go.”

  “I’ve already given my word.”

  “So your promises to me mean nothing?” She shakes her head. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. I’m going to be your wife. They’re not even brothers.”

  At least she didn’t say was going to be my wife.

  Jesus Christ. I can’t win with this woman. Normally, I enjoy that, but tonight, it’s pissing me off.

  “Does Marcel usually go with you?” she asks a little calmer.

  “He has in the past.”

  She’s quiet. Waiting me out. The fireworks are over. For now.

  “Let me see who else will be there that I trust,” I finally offer. “And maybe you can come one night.”

  Heidi’s not a pushover. That answer doesn’t satisfy her. It’s obvious in the way her big brown eyes are still snapping fire.

  I take a deep breath. Marcel and I decided a long time ago to keep Heidi away from club business as much as possible. Rock’s asked her for a few things since she became my old lady but knows I prefer to keep her out of it.

  On the other hand, I’m already planning to bring her with me to this meeting with Whisper. She’ll find out about the support club eventually, and if I’m going to be VP and mentoring the support club, I’ll need her help from time to time.

  I hold out my hand. “Come here.”

  Reluctantly, she takes my hand and lets me lead her into the kitchen. I boost her up on the counter and run my hands over her legs up to her hips a few times, trying not to get worked up over the fact she’s still wearing those crazy-hot purple leggings.

  “What I tell you needs to stay between us for now. You can’t talk to Charlotte or Hope or anyone else about it, okay?”

  “Blake, you know what we talk about always stays between us.”

  I do know. Heidi’s damn good at keeping secrets. The ones I ask her to keep and too many others I’m afraid, sometimes.

  “At the strong suggestion of National, we’re trying to organize a support club.”

  Her eyes widen. “Oh, shit. No wonder Priest’s made so many visits lately. I knew it couldn’t all be for Sway.” Even Heidi understands the gravity of the situation when the National President makes demands of us. She tilts her head and studies me for a second before asking, “You think Remy and Griff are a good fit? They’re fighters not bikers.”

  “They both ride. It’s…complicated club stuff.” She opens her mouth, but I continue before she calls bullshit. “I’m not saying that to be evasive. It’s tricky. Griff has a solid head on his shoulders. Remy’s a cocky motherfucker, though. I need to hang with them in other settings. Feel them out. It could be a mutually beneficial arrangement if we can make it work.”

  “Is that the outing you asked me about?”

  “Not quite. You remember, Whisper, right?”

  “The Wolf Knights’ President, of course.”

  “He asked for a meeting and Rock’s sending me. Supposed to be casual, friendly sit-down, but I need to address the possibility of the support club with him as a courtesy.”

  “Could it get ugly?”

  “Highly unlikely.”

  “You need me to do anything?”

  That’s my girl. “If we move forward, yeah. I have a few other guys in mind. Maybe you can make friends with their wives, see if you think they’re cut out for this.”

  “Who else is on your short list?”

  “Vapor? You remember him? We met him and Juliet down in Florida last year.”

  “Oh yeah! Juliet would be perfect.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s always been against joining an MC, but he’s had a few close-calls, and I think he’s starting to realize he could use the protection, even if he’s not ready to be a King.”

  “Shouldn’t Dex be the one to lure Vapor in? Juliet’s his niece.”

  I huff out a laugh. “Dex’s on board.”

  “Who else?”

  “Eraser. I don’t think you’ve ever met him. I’ve only met him a couple times myself. He’s the one with the racetrack.”

  Her eyes sparkle, eager to help now that I’ve shared this with her. “Ooo! Is that why we’re going there to test the car?”

  “Not the primary reason. I really do want you to be comfortable, and I figured that was the best way.” I shrug. “But, yeah, I want to check out his operation, too.”

  “Anyone else?”

  “That’s a start. We’ll let them put together the rest of their crew.”

  She waits a few beats. “All right. You’re done fighting, then?”

  I place my hands on her cheeks and tip her head back. “Yes.”

  I’m five inches from her lips when she asks, “When was the last fight?”

  I groan, knowing how much this answer will piss her off. “Around the time I went downstate to help out Z.”

  The laser glare of hers returns.

  “I’d already said yes to it.”

  “That’s a lame excuse, Blake.” She’s silent. Probably working out how much time has gone by since then. Not a whole lot. Or maybe too much.

  “Dammit.” She slides down off the counter, pushing me away.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  I raise an eyebrow, technically we’re in our home. She waves her hands in the air. “You know what I mean. I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”

  I open my mouth to ask her to stay, then close it. Even though I opened up tonight, I’ve hurt her by lying for so long.

  It’s better to give her space now. Let her cool off. Then start making it up to her later.

  If she lets me.

  Sixteen

  Heidi

  Furious, I storm through the woods, not caring about all the noise I’m making. If a bear tries to eat me, I think I’m mad enough to punch him in his fat, furry face.

  Blake, thankfu
lly doesn’t follow me.

  Under all that fury, my pride stings. If Murphy’s been fighting, the other brothers, including my brother, all probably knew about it. Men I’ve admired and respected my whole life have looked me in the eye and basically lied to me to protect Murphy’s secrets.

  I fucking hate that.

  I understand it to a certain extent, but I still hate it. No matter how much I love the club, no matter how much I do for the MC, I’m not a member, and I never will be. My head has always known that; my heart must have disregarded the memo.

  Rock and Hope are still downstairs when I come in the front door.

  My heart twists. I love Rock. Have thought of him as my sort of unofficial father for as long as I can remember. As much as I want to be mad at him, I can’t summon up any anger.

  “Everything okay, Heidi-girl?” he asks.

  “Yeah.”

  I pop into Alexa’s room and check on her, watching her sleep for a few minutes.

  I’ve never worried about Blake fighting because of ring bunnies or anything stupid like that. I fear him getting hurt. The little bit I know of the underground ring is that it’s brutal, and fighters don’t always make it out alive.

  Alexa’s already lost one father. I’ve already lost a husband. Maybe that’s selfish of me. But if anything ever happened to Blake, I think it would crush me for good.

  When I return to the living room, Hope’s alone.

  “Everything okay?” she asks carefully.

  “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

  She tilts her head and studies me. “You seem glum.”

  I paste on a fake smile, but she doesn’t laugh. “Why didn’t Murphy come back with you?”

  “He finally admitted he’s still been fighting.” I put up my fists, so she knows what I mean. “Or was fighting. He’s lied to me about it for a while.”

  “Oh, Heidi. I’m sorry.” She waves me closer. “Come here.”

  I’m afraid to ask my next question. I don’t think I could take it if Hope’s been lying to me all this time too. “Did you know?”

  “About Murphy fighting? No,” she answers quickly. “Fighting? No. I’ve only ever seen Wrath at one of those fights. And that was a while ago.”

  I forgot that Uncle Wrath used to get in the ring too once upon a time. Is that why Blake wanted to do it too?

  “I can’t stand the idea of him getting hurt,” I admit.

  She wraps an arm around me. “Of course, you can’t.”

  One silent tear runs down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away.

  “Murphy is young, strong and smart. Quick on his feet.” She squeezes me harder. “I’m sure getting hurt never crossed his mind.”

  “It’s the lying that pisses me off.” I sit up but lower my voice, not sure if Rock’s upstairs or not. “Don’t you hate the lying sometimes?”

  “Heidi,” she sighs. “Sometimes it’s hard to lie to people you love, but you do it because you want to protect them.” She clears her throat. “I’m sure he thought he was protecting you.”

  “I guess. But it means Marcel, and probably everyone else, knew and lied to me, too.”

  “It wasn’t their secret to tell.” She continues running her hand over my hair in a comforting way that almost sends me to sleep. “If they told you, then they betray Murphy. I’m not saying it’s right but try to understand.”

  “Maybe I should be mad at Murphy for putting them in that position?”

  “Not quite what I meant, Heidi.” She kisses the top of my head. “No matter what happens, you should always know that you’re loved. By a lot of people.”

  Suddenly, I feel like we’re having different conversations. “That sounds ominous.”

  “It’s the most important truth.” She lets go of me and sits up. “Hey, have you thought about wedding shoes yet?”

  A little startled by the change in topic, I sit up and try to shift gears. “Uh, not really.”

  “Do you want a pair of heels?” she asks.

  Embarrassed, I hesitate before answering. Hope wore quirky cowboy boots for her wedding, so she won’t find this weird, right? “Well, I found these really pretty boots online.”

  “Are you still going with the silver dress?”

  I shrug. “I already did the white dress thing.” My gaze focuses on the floor. “I want everything about this wedding to be different.”

  She squeezes my hand “I understand.”

  We’re both quiet for a second. “Tell me more about the boots,” she prompts.

  “Actually, I found two pairs. I can’t decide between them.”

  She rubs her hands together. “Show me.”

  I pull out my phone and bring up my wedding Pinterest page. The downside to living way out here in the country is our slow Internet, so while I wait for the page to load, I explain, “One has this really pretty tapestry panel with buckles and the other is a little dressier lace-up with a small heel. They’re both this gorgeous shade of deep, bright purple leather.”

  “Purple, huh? Not green?” Her lips twitch with amusement.

  “I like green too, but the purple is so pretty.” The pictures finally load, and I hand over my phone. “They’re stupid expensive, though. Probably a waste of money, right?”

  “It’s your wedding, Heidi.”

  “I love the tapestry ones. I could totally wear them to ride, too.”

  “Definitely.” She taps the screen a few times, switching between the two pairs. “Get both.”

  “Did you miss how ridiculously expensive I said they were?”

  Ignoring me, she waves her hand over the screen. “The ones with the heel are dressier for the ceremony part. Plus, they’ll go better with your silver dress. You can wear the tapestry ones after the ceremony if you want to be a little more casual.” She glances at my feet. “What size are you?”

  Instinctively, I tuck my feet up under me. “Why?”

  She stands and grabs her purse off the bench by the door. “Because I’m going to order them now.” She taps the screen again. “Did you miss the part where they’re only a limited production? They’re actually out of a few sizes already.” She whips out her credit card and motions me to hurry up as if the store’s about to run out of inventory right this second.

  I jump up and attempt to pry my phone out of her hand. “I can’t let you do that.”

  She makes a shoo noise, complete with hand gesture.

  “Hope, seriously, you’ve done enough for me. That’s not why I showed them to you.”

  “I know it’s not.” She glances down the hall and starts walking toward my bedroom.

  “What are you doing?” I hustle to catch up to her.

  “Getting your shoe size.” She tilts her head. “Unless you’d like to save me the trouble.”

  “You’re exasperating.”

  She grins. “Rock says that all the time.”

  To save her from turning over all my smelly sneakers, because I think she will absolutely do just that to get what she wants, I tell her.

  “Perfect!” She taps my phone a few times as she walks back to the kitchen. “They should be here in a week or two. They’re handmade. Good thing we ordered them now and didn’t wait.”

  A black cloud of guilt settles over me. Like I’m a naughty child who conned her mom into buying something super-expensive. “You really didn’t have to.”

  “I wanted to.” She pulls me in for a hug. “I need to get some sleep. Are you okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.” I squeeze her tight before she leaves. “Thank you.”

  Murphy

  When I finally return to Rock and Hope’s, the downstairs is dark and silent. Not even a peep from Grace’s nursery.

  I move through the living room and to our hallway slowly, not wanting to wake anyone.

  Our bedroom is almost too quiet. Like Heidi’s holding her breath. Waiting for me. Or trying to make me think she’s asleep.

  As I slide into bed, her breath hitches.

&
nbsp; Reaching out, I pull her closer. She settles against me. Her back against my front, and I wrap my arm around her middle. “You still mad at me?” I murmur against her ear.

  “A little.”

  I should’ve said it earlier, so I give her the words now. “I’m sorry.”

  “I can’t stand you getting hurt.”

  “I know.”

  “And not even knowing? What if something happened to you?”

  “Nothing happened to me.”

  “I feel so foolish.” She sniffles. “You promise you’re done now?”

  “Except for the stuff I told you, yes.”

  “You still want to, though, don’t you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  In my arms, her body trembles. “Is it because of me?”

  That’s not what I expected her to ask.

  “What?”

  She turns in my arms, placing her hands on either side of my face. “Is it my fault? Does being with me stop you from doing stuff you used to do…before?”

  I lean in and kiss her forehead, considering my words carefully before opening my mouth. Heidi’s always been smarter than me. Wiser. More perceptive. I should never forget that.

  “No, beautiful.”

  It’s not really a lie if I can’t put a label on the thoughts going on in my head.

  Is it?

  “I don’t want you to feel tied down or trapped by me. Ever.”

  “Whoa, that’s not how I feel at all. I love you. I want to build a life with you. Grow our family.”

  “Then why?”

  I’m almost glad we can’t quite see each other in the darkness. Will sharing this with her help or hurt her more? “You know I got picked on a lot when I was a kid?”

  “Marcel swears that’s how you two met. He beat up some bully messing with you.”

  For once, Marcel wasn’t exaggerating. “Right. I hated that helpless feeling. Had enough of that at home.”

  “You’re not helpless anymore.” She squeezes my arm. “You’re the strongest man I know.”

  “I’m glad you think so. Rock said something the other day that got me thinking. I’m the club’s youngest Road Captain.”

  “I thought so.”

  “I think it’s always made me feel I need to prove myself more. Wrath’s always been hard on me, that’s for sure.”