A Maiden's Voyage

by Rosie Goodwin

  That evening when the café was closed and Jia Li had retired for an early night, Flora and Colleen went round to look at the house once more. If anything it was in an even worse state than they had remembered and once again, Colleen was concerned.

  ‘Sweet Holy Mother!’ Colleen grumbled as she clipped her ankle on an empty wooden orange crate. ‘It’ll take a month o’ Sundays just to clear the rubbish out, so it will.’

  ‘And there’s no time like the present to start,’ Flora said with a grin as she flung the creaking back door open and began to throw rubbish out into the yard. ‘You get back next door and put your feet up for a time. I’ll be fine round here.’

  ‘I’ll do no such thing. I’m going to help,’ Colleen insisted as she rolled her sleeves up. ‘Though heaven knows what we’re likely to come across nestling amongst this lot!’ Warily she lifted a crate and following Flora’s example threw it out into the yard and soon they were so busy that all conversation ceased as they concentrated on what they were doing.

  By the end of the week, the house was finally empty of rubbish although the yard was full.

  ‘You’re going to need new plaster on most of t’e walls,’ Colleen pointed out. ‘And some of these floorboards are rotten, they’ll need replacin’.’

  ‘That’s all right.’ Flora was determined not to get downhearted. ‘But Rome wasn’t built in a day, as the old saying goes. It’ll all get done eventually.’

  Knowing Flora as she now did, Colleen had no doubt that it would.

  ‘I wish Bai would come back,’ she commented to Flora the next evening as, armed with buckets and mops, they attacked the worst of the filth on the floor. ‘If only one of us could see him and explain about the baby, I’m sure he’d stand by her.’

  Flora nodded in agreement. ‘I think you’re right but if he doesn’t come back we’ve little chance of finding him here. New York is an enormous place and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right.’ Colleen sighed. She was still seeing her Will every Sunday and was smitten with him. In fact, she knew deep down that she loved him now although she wasn’t sure how he felt about her. Oh, he was attentive and kind, admittedly, but she always felt that there was something he was holding back from her. Whenever she questioned him about his family or his past he closed up like a clam or hastily changed the subject and she wasn’t even sure what part of London he had come from.

  ‘Eeh, we’re a right lot to be sure,’ she commented drily. ‘There’s me givin’ me heart to a chap that seems to be holdin’ back from me. Jia Li pinin’ for Bai an’ you still carryin’ a torch for your Jamie.’

  ‘I am not!’ Flora denied hotly but the rush of colour that rose in her cheeks belied her words.

  Colleen’s voice gentled as she paused to suggest, ‘Why don’t you write to your mammy. Sure you’ve been sayin’ you were goin’ to for months now. What harm could it do? She will know you survived the Titanic by now an’ whatever you’ve done since, I’m willin’ to bet she’d be t’rilled to hear from you. It wouldn’t hurt to write to your Jamie neither. I bet he’d love to hear from you too.’

  Flora chewed on her lips thoughtfully for a moment before admitting, ‘I suppose you’re right. I owe her that at least, though whether she’ll bother to reply is another thing. But I’m not so sure about writing to Jamie. He … he might have found someone else by now.’

  Flora’s answer told Colleen all she needed to know. Flora still loved him. ‘Well, you won’t know unless you try, will you?’

  ‘True, but then I could say this is the pot calling the kettle black.’

  Colleen scowled. ‘And just what is that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Just that you mope about worrying about how your mother and brothers and sisters are coping but you don’t try to find out. I know you daren’t write home because of your father finding the letter but surely there’s someone back in Ireland who you could trust to pass a letter on to her?’

  Colleen thought about it for a minute before slowly nodding. ‘I suppose I could send the letter to Niamh, me mammy’s friend,’ she reflected. ‘I t’ink she could be trusted not to let me down.’

  ‘So let’s both write home then, eh?’

  Colleen grinned, her mind made up. It would be lovely to hear from her mammy, so it would.

  ‘You’re on. We’ll both write to our mammies this very night when we’ve finished here, shall we?’

  They smiled and got on with what they were doing, their minds already thinking about what they would write.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Two months later, Flora paid the rest of the money she owed for the house and came back to the café proudly waving the deeds. It had been ridiculously cheap, which Flora knew was just as well, otherwise she would never have been able to afford it. It was mid-October and they were all thankful that the weather was now cooler, although the heat of the summer had taken its toll. Outside the leaves of the sparse trees that were scattered here and there were withered and drooping, the rare patches of grass were brown and brittle and even the river levels were low and in desperate need of rain, which never seemed to come, but they all lived in hope that now it soon would. Jia Li’s stomach was growing by the day and it now looked incongruous on her slight frame.

  The morning after she’d bought the house, Colleen came into the kitchen waving an envelope at Flora. ‘This came for you an’ it’s got an English postcode,’ she told her excitedly.

  The second Flora took it from her and looked at the handwriting her heart began to beat with joy.

  ‘It’s from my ma.’ Her eyes were shining as she looked at Colleen, but the café was beginning to get busy so there was no time to read it right away. Instead she quickly put her apron on and pushed the letter safely into the pocket. She would open it just as soon as the lunchtime rush was over and she could hardly wait.

  At last, by mid-afternoon, the stream of customers slowed down and Flora eagerly took the letter from her pocket and began to read it.

  My dear Flora,

  You cannot even begin to imagine the heartache we have suffered since you left. When word reached us that you had gone down with the Titanic the whole family went into mourning. Then we had the wonderful visit from Mr Wainthrop informing us that it was Constance who had died and not you. Of course, we were sad to hear of her death but so relieved to hear that we had not lost you, my dear child.

  Sadly, soon after we heard of your death, Ben left too. I’m ashamed to say that he got in with a bad crowd and during a burglary a woman was badly injured. Thanks be to God she survived but Ben had already fled fearing he might be being hunted for murder. The problem is I have no idea where he is so I can’t inform him that he is free to return home as the police caught the chap responsible for the attack on the woman. But enough of Ben. Please come home, Flora. We all miss you so much. Whatever has happened since that fateful crossing is over now and I’m sure Constance’s aunt holds no grudge against you so there is nothing to stop you returning.

  And what of your young man? I often wonder about him. You didn’t say what happened between you two, but I sensed that it didn’t end well. But now you have the chance to make amends with him too. Oh, please come home, my darling. We all love you so much, and I am sure your Jamie does too.

  Sending you all my love, my darling girl.

  Your loving mother.

  When Flora finally folded the letter there were tears in her eyes. Her mother could have no way of knowing that she had indeed already written to Jamie on several occasions but up to now had failed to find the courage to post them so they were all tucked away tied with a ribbon in her drawers.

  ‘See, Flora, didn’t I tell you that things would work out?’ Colleen said gently as she squeezed Flora’s arm, but deep inside she was fearful of what would become of herself and Jia Li if Flora did decide to go back to London.

  As if she could read her thoughts, Flora smiled sadly. ‘I won’t be going anywhere, a
t least not for a long time,’ she assured her. ‘I’d love to see my family again, but Jamie won’t be there so I may as well stay where I am. Ma might not be right anyway. What if Constance’s aunt is still angry with me? I took on her niece’s identity and she’s not going to let that go lightly, is she?’

  Colleen pursed her lips. She supposed that Flora could be right, but it hurt her to see her friend so sad. ‘But I still think you should have written to Jamie too,’ she said and Flora shook her head as she placed the letter back in her pocket to be read again later.

  ‘There would be no point,’ she said dully. ‘I must have hurt him so badly when I made the decision to come here because he never even tried to see me, and even though he said he’d wait for me at our meeting place, he didn’t come. I doubt he’d ever forgive me. But come on now, we have work to do. We’ll have them all pouring in for afternoon tea soon.’

  Two days later it was Colleen’s turn to get excited when a letter addressed to her arrived with the morning post.

  ‘I t’ink it’s from me mammy!’ She tore the envelope open excitedly and began to read aloud, although the letter took some interpreting as her mother had never really mastered the art of reading and writing.

  Dear Colleen,

  Sure I coud ave died wit pleasure when Niamh smuggled yur letter round to me. My darlin girl I have so much to tel yu. Firstly I must inform yu that yur daddy passed away two munths ago. He just droped down ded wit a heart attack so he did! I know that we shud be sad but I would be a liar to say it. Yu know only too wel that he ruled the family wit a rod of iron so we can only feel relief at his passing. Peraps now yu might consider comin home? We miss you so much an the little ones speek of yu all the time. We was shocked to find that he had left a wad o muny beneath the floor boards. Litle Patrick found it so wit what I am able to earn takin’ in washin’ an iroin’ an’ what we make on the small holdin we is managin quite well for now. I hope that yu are safe an keepin well. Do consider comin’ home me darlin. I apologis for this letter, yu know ful wel I ain’t never been much of a one for leter writin.

  May the holy mother keep you safe me darlin.

  Luv always,

  Yur luvin mammy xxxx

  ‘Me daddy’s dead!’ Colleen stated as she stared up at Jia Li and Flora. She could hardly take it in as she thought back to all the thrashings he had given her and the rest of the family. They had all lived in dread of him rolling home drunk but he could never hurt any of them again now.

  Jia Li and Flora exchanged a glance not at all sure what they should say. If it had been anyone else discovering this news they would have offered condolences but it seemed inappropriate after what Colleen had told them of her brutal father.

  ‘He can’t ever hurt none of us ever again,’ Colleen muttered as she stared off into space. Then she smiled, a slow, sad smile. ‘It’s good to know that me mammy an’ the kids are safe now, so it is. I’ve had nightmares wonderin’ what might have become of ’em.’

  ‘W-will you return to home now?’ Jia Li asked anxiously. Colleen and Flora had been so good to her. She really didn’t know what she would have done without them these past months and now the thought of her losing either of them terrified her.

  Colleen shook her head. ‘Not yet awhile.’ She knew that had it not been for Will she might have felt otherwise. New York was a huge sprawling city but the concrete jungle could never replace the lush, emerald green fields of her homeland. She had only to close her eyes and she could see them still, along with the tinkling streams that ran down the hillsides like silver ribbons and the wealth of wild flowers in all the colours of the rainbow that spangled the hillsides. Sometimes the need to see them and her family again was like a physical pain and she would have returned home in a shot … but now there was Will and the thought of leaving him was unbearable. She had a feeling that deep down his feelings for her were perhaps not as deep as hers were for him, but even so she couldn’t begin to contemplate never seeing him again. And so for now at least she would stay where she was, but one day perhaps …

  That evening when the other two girls were in bed and fast asleep, Flora opened a drawer and added a nightgown she had stitched to the little pile of tiny clothes she had hidden in there. Both she and Colleen had secretly been squirrelling them away for months. They felt that they had no choice for Jia Li had shown no interest whatsoever in preparing for the baby’s birth.

  The letters she had been writing to Jamie for the past few months sat alongside them, and she stroked them briefly, wondering how he was and whether he had found someone else to love. The thought sent a shaft of pain through her, but she couldn’t blame him if he had. Sometimes she was furious with him when she thought of how he had just disappeared from her life. Then at others, she remembered the look of pain on his face when she told him about leaving for America. She wished with all her heart he could see her now, with her own business and a property. Would he be proud of her? Would he forgive her? A lone tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away angrily. She’d made her bed and she must lie in it. She had no one to blame but herself for her heartbreak.

  Sniffing, she sat down at the desk. Although she knew she would never send it, writing letters to Jamie made her feel close to him, and right now, she really needed to talk to him. The responsibility she had taken on in buying the house weighed heavily on her and she worried about how they would cope when Jai Li had her baby. And what if Colleen succumbed to her homesickness and returned home now that her father was dead? Sometimes she felt as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

  My dearest Jamie,

  How can I even begin to tell you how much I love and miss you? Jai Li is growing bigger by the day and I am beginning to feel nervous about the impending birth now. She is so tiny that I can’t help but worry. Colleen and I are trying to get her to rest more now and because we are so busy from when we open the café until we close I have been thinking of taking on extra help to take her place. I can only hope that the right person will show up eventually.

  What are you doing now? I wonder. Are you still in London or did you go back to the Midlands to be with your family? I so miss the talks we used to have and think of you every day. I think Colleen is unsettled too. She is back in touch with her mother and her family in Ireland and I have a feeling that she would go home on the next boat if it weren’t for Will, the young man I told you about in my last letter. I have an idea she still might if things don’t work out between them and then I will really struggle on my own.

  If only you were here to give me advice. I have Jai Li and Colleen, who I love dearly, but no one can replace you, my love. One day I shall find the courage to post all the letters I have written to you since we have been apart and then you’ll see how much I have regretted leaving you. My only consolation is that from morning until night I am so busy that I don’t have time to think of you during the day. It is at night that I cry into my pillow and pray that wherever you are and whatever you are doing you are happy and safe.

  With all my love

  Flora xxxxxxx

  They were in the middle of what they now called the mad hour rush at lunchtime the next day when suddenly there was a loud clatter in the kitchen and both Colleen and Flora dropped what they were doing to run and see what had happened. They found Jia Li sprawled on the floor lying amidst a mess of salad from the large bowl she had been carrying when she fell.

  ‘I … so sorry … I slip,’ she gasped as she tried to get up.

  Colleen and Flora each took one of her arms and on the count of three gently lifted her and sat her down at the table. She seemed shaken but thankfully unhurt they noted with sighs of relief.

  ‘I be all right in a minute,’ Jia Li insisted but now Flora put her foot down.

  ‘Oh no you won’t!’ She waggled her finger sternly in Jia Li’s face. ‘This is a sign that you’re doing too much, young lady, so you’re going to go upstairs and lie down for a while even if I have to carry you up there
myself!’

  ‘But I not need lie down,’ Jia Li argued. She knew how hard it would be for them to manage with just the two of them.

  ‘’Scuse me, me dears, but can I help in any way?’

  All eyes turned to the kitchen door. A woman who looked to be about sixty years old was standing there. She was short and round, with grey hair on which was perched a hat sporting a display of peacock feathers. Her periwinkle-blue eyes sparkled with warmth and kindness, and Flora immediately warmed to her. Although, how she could help, she wasn’t sure.

  ‘Hattie Lomax is the name,’ she introduced herself. ‘And I repeat, can I help?’

  ‘Not unless you know how to cook curry and bake bread,’ Colleen replied gloomily, keeping her arm tight about Jia Li’s shoulders. ‘Our friend here has had a tumble and we still have to prepare the meals for the evening customers.’

  ‘Then I’m your woman,’ Hattie told them with a grin that made her kindly face look years younger. ‘Now, pass me an apron an’ tell me what you want doin’. I’ve been looking for a job, as it happens, but your friend here has saved me the hassle.’

  Flora and Colleen glanced at each other and as Colleen gave an imperceptible shrug, Hattie rolled up her sleeves. What did they have to lose, after all? And the woman did look very clean and respectable. In fact she was like the answer to a prayer.

  ‘But we haven’t discussed hours, wages or anything yet,’ Flora blustered.

  The woman chuckled. ‘That can be done later, me dear. For now I think it’s more important we feed those customers out there, don’t you?’

  Seeing the sense in what she said Flora hurried back out to the café and left Hattie to it. Jai Li could advise her if she needed it. For some reason, though, Flora wouldn’t be at all surprised if the woman could manage perfectly well without her. She grinned to herself, it was as if someone had sent them a fairy godmother just when they needed one most.