The Flame Game

by R. J. Blain

  “You fucking assholes are the best!”

  Quinn’s angelic grandfather chuckled. “While I am most pleased to take some of the credit, my brother is the one who has done the research. He will also, with some help from your father, teach you how to better control your shapeshifting abilities. Your little ones need exposure to all of your magic, so outside of a ban from alcohol and too much sugar, you will find the next few months of your life disturbingly enjoyable when your offspring are not doing their best to kick you in the ribs. Cindercorns have an easier time with pregnancy than human women.”

  Uh oh. I saved myself from exposing the surprise by not looking at Perkette, who would be dealing with quadruplets after having been barren her entire life. “You’re about to tell me I’m not human, aren’t you?”

  “You are sufficiently human for your new job’s needs,” the archangel assured me.

  I grabbed Sariel’s hand, kissed the back of, and repeated the process with the other archangels before planting a kiss on the Devil’s cheek. The Devil’s wife laughed and warded me off before shooing me away. I bounced back to my husband. “I get napalm, Quinn!”

  He caught me in a hug and kissed my forehead. “Heaven forbid you are forced to suffer without any napalm. There’s going to be a catch. There’s always a catch when it comes to you and your favorite fiery treat. You should find out what the catch is now to limit your disappointment later.”

  As Perkette would do something like dangle a treat in front of me and then make me pay for it in some horrendous fashion, I asked, “What’s the catch?”

  “You have to exercise,” the mad scientist replied. “You’ll probably survive, and the exercise will be good for the babies.”

  I would remember that when she was waddling around, thanks to her four incoming children. “I’ll try to limit my whining somewhat. That is a catch I can live with.”

  Perkette feigned fainting against Janet, and she flung her hand against her forehead. “It’s a miracle. Your napalm supply will be rationed, however. There will be no unapproved napalm benders.”

  Heaving a sigh, my husband turned me around, planted his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me down the aisle in the direction of the steakhouse deeper within the canal’s shopping district. “And I would prefer if there are no approved napalm benders.”

  I couldn’t blame my husband for his opinion. Bad things tended to happen when the CDC authorized me to use napalm, and it usually involved mass destruction and a requirement for construction crews to remove the rubble once I finished. Add in how I tended to scare a few years off my husband’s life, and it amazed me anyone let me near napalm at all. And the hangovers. I could live without the napalm bender hangovers. “That doesn’t mean there might not be an approved one. Come on, Quinn. We’re the best at playing with fire.”

  “I’m sorry, Bailey, but you’re still outclassed by phoenixes,” my husband said.

  “Just because phoenixes can fly doesn’t mean they’re better than cindercorns. We have hooves, we breathe fire, meat is delicious, and so is napalm.”

  Laughing, he shook his head and continued to push me along. “It is my solemn duty as your husband to feed you as much steak as you can stomach. If we stand here chatting, the hungry horde of police officers might toss us in the canal for delaying their dinner. It’s bad enough more cops than I anticipated showed up, so we’ve taken over every damned restaurant in the hotel, and I think we took over some of the restaurants across the street, too. Including a buffet. The only good news is we’re not paying for it, although there’s a battle royale going on over who will foot the bill in progress. I want nothing to do with that battle, by the way.”

  “My father?” I guessed, as I couldn’t imagine Ra liking to lose to anybody.

  “Among others, including my grandfathers, my uncle, and most of my relatives. While you were getting dressed, I got to listen to some of the dispute. It’s going to be entertaining. I did suggest your father handle processing all of the payments to keep things orderly and to fight over it after the wedding. That earned me some father-in-law favor, which I’m happy to take at this point.”

  If our families wanted to bicker over the wedding bills, I wouldn’t get in their way. “I get to fight your grandfather, Quinn! That is the only battle I care about.”

  “It will be a light skirmish, and you two will not beat each other to a near-death state. We can discuss strategy over dinner.”

  “There’s a strategy for fighting gorgons? You mean I can’t just pet his snakes after I catch him in a headlock? I figured I’d get him in a headlock and cuddle with his snakes. They like me. Amanda has been teaching me the many ways I can put people in headlocks. I suck at everything else, but I am good at headlocks!”

  I bet the instant we got home, Quinn would be doubling the number of self-defense courses I took. With luck, he’d join me.

  Few things beat sanctioned brawling.

  My husband laughed. “You know what? Forget I said anything. If you catch my grandfather in a headlock so you can pet his snakes, I will reward you appropriately.”

  “I’ve been extra good today, so I deserve an even better reward.” Six months ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking anyone to spoil me, especially not my personal heaven and hell rolled together in one smoking hot package. “Maybe I deserve two extra special rewards for saying that out loud without running away.”

  “I am very impressed you didn’t imitate a lobster or attempt to flee to the nearest bathroom. I figure you still have some time tonight to do so, although I’ll enjoy catching you and returning you to where you belong.” Quinn made sure I’d keep walking before releasing my shoulders, stepping to my side, and wrapping an arm around me. “I have you where I want you, and I intend to keep you here for the rest of the evening.”

  “Who has the kids? Are they going to be having dinner with us?”

  “They’re socializing with the gorgons. My cousin brought his whelps to start socializing them, so they’ll probably play all night.”

  I wrinkled my nose at the memory of having beaten Quinn’s cousin, who lacked common sense when under the influence of alcohol and an incubus. “Oh, he’s useful for something other than annoying me?”

  With a low, wicked chuckle, my husband led me to the steakhouse for my next conquest. “Shockingly, yes. It’s their first time with other gorgons their age, so we’ll let them socialize and have a good time. As Darrel never wants to experience you trying to shove your foot down his throat again, he promises the children will be tended properly and kept out of trouble. Not only that, when we get them back in a day or two, they’ll be exhausted.”

  “Exhausted is good, because they’re going to be exhausting us soon, won’t they?” I couldn’t wait to get the children and our new animals home so we could settle and get started with the rest of our lives.

  “You would be right. Enjoy the quiet while it lasts.” The smoldering look my husband shot me promised there’d be nothing quiet about the rest of our evening, once we got finished with the eating and the brawling. “But for now, you must enjoy your steak. You need plenty of fuel for your fight.”

  Once inside the steakhouse, the hostess took us to a booth for four in the heart of the restaurant, which was set up with candles and place settings for two. Two nearby booths had been commandeered for presents, which made me laugh.

  I sat, rubbing my hands together. “Nobody told me I got prizes for marrying you in front of a bunch of people. And here I thought you were the prize.”

  “I am the prize. You’re just getting consolation gifts for having to put up with me daily. Consider the gifts to be payments for getting too little sleep lately.”

  With my change of job, I looked forward to sharing the same shift with Quinn, being able to go home with him, and being able to spend time with him without sacrificing as much sleep. “Six hours a night, Quinn.”

  “I’ll aim for letting you get eight unless I’m feeling particularly needy, in which case I’
ll just carry you to the car and let you sleep on the way to work—unless we sleep in, in which case, I will make use of a quicker form of transportation after calling it in so you’re not chased all the way to Manhattan.”

  “You can transform and run with me. We could race!” Would New York survive two fire-breathing unicorns galloping from Queens to Manhattan to get to work on time? We’d find out, and I’d love every minute of it. “I won’t even teleport so you have a chance of beating me.”

  “I’m game to try it.” He chuckled, sat next to me in the booth, and held me close. “I like this part. I get to be a king for a day, and everybody has to shower my queen with gifts. And I’ve learned there’s little more my queen loves than presents. I thought you would have been tired of presents after this morning, but it seems I underestimated you yet again.”

  “They have two tables for presents, Quinn. Isn’t that crazy?”

  “At last count, five hundred cops and their families came from our building, and that’s only the folks who could make last-minute arrangements to come out. I was expecting fewer, but it seems you have a strong following. I bet it has something to do with your evil coffee-making ways.”

  I grinned, as I made a point of going to the station and taking over my husband’s floor at least once or twice a month to make coffee for people.

  It’d taken me a few months, but I’d discovered I missed being a barista sometimes, and I enjoyed making coffee for a bunch of starry-eyed cops who tended to follow me around like lost puppies whenever I paid them a visit. “That’s going to be awkward once I’m working there.”

  “Not particularly. We’ll just give you twenty or thirty minutes a day working the machine and set a rotation so everyone gets a chance to have your coffee. That’ll give you an outlet for your wicked coffee-making ways, and it’ll make everyone happy.”

  I liked that idea. “We need to look at increasing our training, too. Once we’re—”

  Quinn rested his fingers over my mouth. “We’re not working until January. You can turn the station upside down on me our first day back, but you have to wait until then.”

  I stared at him with wide eyes and kissed his fingers.

  As always, his smile narrowed my world to him and only him.

  Once he seemed satisfied he’d quelled my need to work, he lowered his fingers. “Play now, work later, and if you really need to get some work out of your system, you can express yourself in our suite. Be warned, however. I will do my best to thoroughly distract you from any inclination to work.”

  “Yes, please.”

  Two

  To my amazement, Ra indulged me.

  Someone needed to talk to the cops and our family about excess. Presents, which we weren’t supposed to unwrap until after everything was ferried to our suite, towered on the tables, piled on the floor, and otherwise transformed the restaurant into a maze of red, green, silver, and white boxes and bags. At a complete loss of what to do or how to respond, I hid under the table and abandoned Quinn to his fate.

  He peeked under the tablecloth. “Would you like your dinner?”

  Hiding with steak seemed a lot better than hiding without steak, so I held up my hands in an acceptance of his offer.

  The bastard cheated, and he gave me his plate, which had a lot more steak on it than on mine.

  “Pregnant cindercorns need to eat more.” He grinned. “I’ll make them bring out another one for you.”

  “Rare, please.” With the issue of too many nice people around me solved, I went to work making his steak disappear while my husband resumed chatting with his cops, who insisted on loitering for as long as possible.

  “Don’t mind her,” he said with laughter in his voice. “She has reached her limit for people for one day, especially people she’s embarrassed herself in front of already today.”

  I chewed on my steak, considered his words, and swallowed. Unable to smother my need to giggle, I said, “It’s true.”

  Someone lifted the tablecloth, and my father bent over to peer at me. “Enjoying yourself?”

  After a moment of consideration, if I sat on my husband’s feet, there was sufficient room for my father under the table. I scooted over and waved for him to join me.

  To my amazement, Ra indulged me.

  Despite the tablecloth falling to the floor, I could see surprisingly well in the dark. I showed off my plate. “I am. I’m tasking you with making sure Quinn actually eats enough, because he gave me his steak.”

  “He will get plenty to eat, never fear. Making certain he is fit for your enjoyment later is in the forefront of his thoughts, and he plans on getting a steak for himself while ordering you another. I spotted you crawling under the table and wanted to make sure everything is all right.”

  “I’m fine. This steak is not long for this world, and I have never seen so many presents in my life. What am I supposed to do with so many presents?”

  “Enjoy them. You will find there are many you will like, and as word has spread you shall have twins, many gifts come with something for your little ones as well. You will enjoy your time opening them later with your husband. As he does not expect me to discuss serious matters with you today, I thought it would be prudent to do just that.”

  I giggled and had another bite of steak. “Now we’re talking. He’s in vacation mode. I can’t blame him for that, because he doesn’t get to go on vacation, but I’m in a different mode. It involves me having a salary for the first time in my life, so I want to do a good job.”

  “You get your vigilance from me and your ethics from your mother, which means as long as there are problems you are aware of, you are not happy until it is dealt with. I will help you learn to control those tendencies.”

  I considered my father, eating more of my husband’s steak. “You say that like I have an actual desire to change those tendencies.”

  I’d only met him earlier that morning, but Ra’s sigh implied I tested his patience. “That comes from your mother’s side of the family. It is part of your mother’s charm, but it can be quite the source of frustration from time to time.”

  I could think of a few things I might do to annoy Ra, and one possibility rose over the others. “She tells you no, doesn’t she?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes.”

  I twisted around and tugged on Quinn’s leg, and when he leaned over and lifted the tablecloth, I said, “Do you like when I tell you no?”

  “When it’s important and you’re right, yes. When you’re trying to convince me that you’re not the perfect woman for me, no. What sort of no are we discussing here?”

  “The first category,” my father answered.

  It was well enough he’d answered for me, as I would have found some way to insert my foot into my mouth. “What he said.”

  “Yes, I do. I told you at our first wedding, an asshole like me needs a bitch like you, Bailey. I want you to be you. If I wanted someone who wasn’t you, I wouldn’t have married you twice. I love you. Please enjoy my steak, and another one will be here somewhat soon. Apparently, when the groom asks for more steak, we get to jump the line of hungry people. I could get used to this.” Quinn grinned at me and dropped the cloth, leaving me to chew on his words.

  “He’s weird,” I informed my father.

  “He would have to be to enjoy how hard of a time you give him.”

  Oh, wow. I would feel that burn for at least an hour, maybe for an entire day. “You’re even worse than the fucking assholes. Did you teach them their tricks? I bet you did. That was a good one. I’m going to use it on Quinn at the first opportunity. He should get to marvel at the majesty of that one.”

  My father chuckled. “I do enjoy when I get to toy with the Judaic pantheon, especially the archangels. They are delightfully prudish while also having an interesting sense of humor. I find myself quite amused over how conflicted your husband is, as he is heavily influenced by several pantheons. Even the influences within one of those pantheons creates chaos for him. The d
evilish side of his ancestry, in particular, clashes with his angelic side. Anubis’s influences help temper that so he is able to tolerate his conflicted nature. The Sphinx? She holds a great deal of responsibility for his protective nature. As you are also the product of multiple pantheons, he will require a high tolerance for the absurd. And trust me when I say your mother’s side of the family is rather absurd.”

  “And yours?” I asked.

  “My side of our family is perfection, of course.”

  Of course. “Right. How could it not be perfection? What did you want to discuss?”

  “I have spoken with some of your husband’s relatives about the current situation, and while there are rules I must abide by, there are ways I can involve myself. Mostly, it involves information and giving you a general direction to apply your natural tendencies. There are three issues that need to be addressed, and I would rather you be ready for them than flail around. I have been warned you often indulge in aimless flailing.”

  I both hated and loved my father’s honesty.

  After a few minutes of thought, which I spent devouring my second steak of the evening, I could think of two possibilities that might warrant Ra’s attention. “The rabies outbreak and that asshole chief?” I guessed. “That’s only two, though. I’m not that math inept, I just can’t think of anything else that important.”

  “Yes, those are two things you should be addressing. You should also be investigating how your husband’s former companion became involved with gorgon dust manufacturing. That is the third issue. The third issue is, in some ways, a larger issue than the other two, but as my child has a tendency to rescue rabid animals from dumpsters, the rabies situation is my current top priority.”

  As I couldn’t argue about my animal-rescuing ways, I focused on the one damned woman who kept haunting me. Even dead, my husband’s ex-wife insisted on creating trouble. “Audrey again.” I wrinkled my nose at the memory of her having deliberately used gorgon dust and becoming a gorgon with a general plan of using me as a surrogate to gain access to my immunities. “You have no idea how relieved I am that my gorgon-incubus doohickey does not require threesomes to successfully procreate.”