by Claire Angel
“I would really love to give you advice, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It’s not like I have any reference when it comes to relationships. The longest relationship I’ve ever had is two months. It’s a sad state of affairs when two beautiful women like us can’t find one of the good ones.” I motion to the calendar of some beefy hunks from my fireman calendar.
“They are pretty damn spectacular, but we both know words can be their worst enemy. Sometimes it’s better to keep their mouths shut. Don’t get me wrong, I love a fine looking man in shape, but there has to be something going on between the ears as well as between the legs. It’s hypocritical of me to say that considering whom I have been in an on and off relationship with.” She’s referring to Jonathan and I have been telling her to run for as long as I can remember.
I savour each bite wallowing in the decadence of the rocky road flavour on the tip of my tongue.
On the exterior, I look confident, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I have no idea how to play the dating game with any degree of success.
“You’re beating yourself up for no reason. It’s time for you to make a clean break. Nothing good comes from going back to him. The meaning of insanity is thinking that you can do the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” I said harshly feeling the encouragement of the ice cream to tell her the unvarnished truth.
“I know exactly how you feel about Jonathan. That’s not why I came over here. Maybe it is… I don’t know,” She mutters underneath her breath with the spoon up to her lips ready to give her a momentary reprieve from her problems.
I can admit Jonathan is an acquired taste. He sees women as sex objects and recklessly talks about them without a filter. It’s actually a little refreshing, but galling at the same time.
He somewhat reminds me of Tyson. His attitude toward women is much the same way. It makes me wonder whether or not they compare notes when they get together for football season. Talking about us during intermission and commercials wouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination.
“I guess misery does love company. Do you remember what I told you at Christmas after I had too many spiked apple ciders?” I ask and she nods her head with understanding without saying a word. “Tyson might’ve found out about it and I don’t know what to do about it,” I said with her looking at me over the rim of the ice cream carton.
She points at me and then smiles, but there’s no way that she could possibly know what had happened.
“I knew there was something going on between the two of you. It’s in the way that you look at each other. I’m surprised nobody else felt it in the room. It was pretty clear to me he had his sights set on you. Do you want to talk about it or is the wound too fresh?” She questions and I have this inclination to get it off my chest.
“He kissed me like no other man has ever done before. I literally felt like I was hovering over my body watching as a disinterested bystander. I’ve never had butterflies, but his hands touching me turned a switch inside of me. Feelings I’ve never had before began to churn inside of me. I was momentarily distracted to realize what he was doing until it was too late,” I said lifting my finger and giving her the basic idea of how dirty a boy Tyson was being.
“You can’t come back from that. How did he react when he found out? If I were to hazard a guess, I would say he was startled and might have responded inappropriately. Don’t hold that against him. Every guy has the fantasies involving virgins, schoolgirl outfits, naughty librarians, pigtails, and a petite body they can wrap around their waist,” She said not telling me anything I didn’t already know, but the confirmation helps to put things in perspective.
“It’s almost like they’re trying to reclaim their lost youth. Sex is never far away from their thoughts. It only takes one look to know what they’re thinking. They might think they are subtle about it, but we see through them.” I put the ice cream back in the freezer and I could hear her sigh with dissatisfaction.
“I never said that I was done with that. It’s a good thing you took it away when you did. I get the feeling we could talk all night about boys and their shortcomings. I’m not talking about a certain part of their anatomy, but sometimes that can be a problem. They can be very sensitive.” She stretched her fingers wide enough to let me know there was a certain acceptable average.
“I can assure you, Tyson has no problem in that department. I’m not saying there isn’t a bit of curiosity, but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I could, in theory, propose an experiment without the emotional entanglements. What the hell am I thinking? My virginity is not some commodity to be brokered in a deal,” I said with some disgust for my momentary lapse in judgment.
Jennifer tells me often of her exploits with Jonathan. She also tells me about those guys that she seeks out when they are on a break. I can’t seem to get away from the explicit way she describes a man with vivid clarity.
“It looks like you have a problem and the only way you’re going to be able to deal with it is face to face. He won’t be happy about talking about his feelings, but don’t let his awkwardness stand in the way. Tell him what you are thinking. To remain silent is a crime that might prevent you from finding something you’ve always been looking for,” She advises and then I lead her down the hallway to the guest room that’s already made up.
It’s a vicious cycle and Jennifer has yet to find a way to break it. I will always be there for her and it felt good to discuss things without the interference of testosterone in the air. She gives me a good idea and now I have to run with it with a conviction I don’t feel.
I go across the hall and climb into my bed with the flicker of the lamppost outside my window. It’s the reason why my rent is cheap enough to afford on my salary. Nobody else will tolerate being blinded all night by a fluorescent bulb.
Chapter 8
Tyson
The boardroom was abuzz with rumours, but they have nothing to do with me. I’m being very careful not to let the cat out of the bag. It’s an interesting metaphor and for some reason, makes me smile.
“I brought you all in here because I want to make this public.” I look at Michelle and I can tell she’s awkward and a little worried about what is going to come out of my mouth. “This has been a hard decision, but it’s time to come clean.” I’m having fun at her expense enjoying making her sweat a little.
We are avoiding each other, but I want to sit down with her and clear the air. This announcement is going to help us. The others are not going to like it, but I never got into business to make people happy. There’s always money at the root of everything and this is no different.
They all know somebody is going to be getting a reward for all of their hard work. I have been watching and waiting, testing their limits and seeing how far they will go to satisfy me. It’s almost funny to see them ravenous like a bunch of rabid dogs after the last bone.
“Some of you are not going to be very happy, but let this be a wakeup call. This business isn’t about making friends. We cultivate resources and send them out into the world to face the harsh reality of rejection. I love this business and putting those names in lights is my pleasure. I’m taking one of you on my annual trip to Japan. I don’t play favourites,” I said while walking around the table seeing them squirm.
They want me to say their name and my decision is going to be final. I went over everybody’s file making notes and taking names. There are two in contention and I feel the power radiating through my limbs.
I let the tension build with whispered words of dissension amongst a few of them. There’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored. This is my way of breaking down the barriers and giving one of them a brief peek behind the curtain of what money can buy.
“This business is in my blood and there are a few of you who have exceeded my expectations. Two, in particular, have garnered my attention and I wish to share with you the reason why I have chosen one of them to acc
ompany me,” I tease relentlessly in my approach and I love how they are practically on the edge of their seats.
I’m holding their attention like avid students in front of a classroom waiting for their professor to tell them something that is going to be on the final exam.
They’re looking for validation and that pat on the back for a job well done. I’m not very generous with praise, but there are exceptions to the rule.
“These two have gone above and beyond to make my life easier. I don’t want to single out anybody, but you leave me little choice. This company’s lifeblood is its clients. We work to make them look good because it benefits everybody. Where do you think the bonuses come from at the end of the year? We all share in the successes and the failures,” I snort, letting them know of my displeasure with vocal cues.
I work tirelessly to keep the lights on and some of my employees were going through the motions. Potential is squandered on those who have lost the fire in their bellies. It’s time to shake things up.
Michelle stares at me and I know of the unspoken bond we share. Finding out she’s a virgin gives me a challenge I can sink my teeth into. I know there is something wrong and I’m going to make it right. It came down to my thinking and there’s really nobody to blame but myself.
I’m usually standing alone, but I’m ready to share the responsibility with somebody of like mind. The world is all screwed up and I have to rearrange my priorities.
Talent scouts from all over the world are converging on Japan. It’s a yearly symposium with several guest speakers.
I was contacted to be one of those speakers. I’m flattered, of course, but I don’t like the limelight.
“You have waited long enough. I have chosen Miss Withers.” The silence is deafening and they are all looking at Michelle with fury in their eyes. “There’s no reason for jealousy and her file speaks for itself. I do have something to add which might take the sting out of my announcement. This is not the only trip I will be taking this year. The next one is a new one in Hawaii at the end of the year during Christmas break. That gives all of you more than enough time to pick up the slack,” I reveal with a flourish of a magician to keep their hopes alive.
We went through some old business and end on a high note with everybody still quite excited about the possibility of going to Hawaii during Christmas break.
“I forgot to mention one thing. Michelle won’t be joining me in Hawaii. This gives all of you a chance to impress me. Nobody can win twice in one year no matter what their contribution to this business is,” I said with only one person in the room quite upset by this latest turn of events.
I went back to my office to conduct some business by teleconferencing. The time is near and they are set to appear on my screen at any second. I can’t afford any interruptions and my mind is constantly running over the details of what I need to discuss with them.
“How dare you make me look like some pet project of yours? Did you even think to consult me before you made this big announcement? I don’t see how we could spend 1 minute together let alone a whole week in Japan. The elephant in the room isn’t getting any smaller,” Michelle spews venom, looking for her pound of flesh, but I’m not in any frame of mind to have a verbal sparring match.
I try to dismiss her, but she’s not backing down with her stance in an accusatory way. She’s mad and I have no idea how to quell the animosity between us.
I might have to rely on security to extract her from my office with bodily force. I keep looking at the screen waiting for it to come alive with a few well-known professionals in the trade. We are getting everything prepared for a shared speech about what it takes to be a talent scout.
“There’s no reason to get your panties in a bunch. I’m not doing this to get you alone. I always follow the letter of the law when it comes to these rewards. Nobody has shown me the kind of potential you have. I’ve seen you at your worst and I’ve seen you at your best. You are a fighter and a survivor. There’s no doubt in my mind that my decision is the right one. You can decline and I’ll move onto the other who has shown promise. It’s entirely up to you, but I wouldn’t jeopardize what could be a learning experience,” I said, debating on whether or not I should take back the offer before I’m going to have to endure her caustic company for a whole week.
“I want you to look into my eyes and tell me the truth,” She demands while running her hands down her body to smooth down her skirt.
My eyes are instantly drawn to her high heels. I move them slowly, taking in the entire landscape of her bare leg, licking my lips with anxious energy to see the object of my affection up close and personal.
“I don’t have time for this nonsense. This kind of thing is better suited for the playground. I’m not some young kid going around pulling at your pigtails to let you know I’m interested in you. I’ve already told you we might have something special and where it goes from here is entirely up to you,” I advise and turn away from her before she thinks I’m doing something wrong.
The screen is still blank, but I don’t have time to give it my undivided attention.
She storms over and grabs me by the collar of my starched red shirt invading my personal space. We actually match with the colour scheme making her look like my female counterpart.
“Don’t put this on me. It’s the coward’s way out. Be a fucking man and tell me what you’re thinking. I know men don’t like to talk about their feelings, but I want to hear something from your heart. Do you really want something with substance or are you looking to fuck me? I’m a big girl and I can take whatever answer comes out of your mouth,” Michelle snaps and pokes her finger into my chest which only infuriates me.
“It’s a good thing human resources aren’t walking by. They would not like the way that you are treating your boss. I’m going to forgive your trespass this one time. I could punish you by leaving you here with the rest, but I think you can benefit from this trip more than the others. It’s a chance for the both of us to immerse in a new culture. This can be a way for you to grow. Don’t do anything to ruin it,” I beseech, hoping she’s not going to take it any further to jeopardize the trip of a lifetime.
She stalks me matching my every step while I try to find someplace to hide from her scrutinizing eyes.
“I don’t like being made a pawn in your games. I know you’re the boss, but you can’t use your position to belittle those under you. They are scared to death of losing their jobs and you have done nothing to give them some peace of mind. They see this announcement as a slap to their face and rightfully so,” She stresses and still crosses the line of what is considered proper etiquette in the workplace.
“You take things too seriously. You need to learn to relax and maybe I can help. I’ve been to Japan several times in my career and I can introduce you to some of the healing arts,” I propose and she looks at me with confusion.
I see the flicker of the screen from behind her back and the faces begin to appear one after the other. The conference is about to begin and I don’t have time to play emotional roulette with her feelings.
I do my best to get her attention without saying anything untoward, but she’s blinded by some unspoken rage toward me. It makes her unpredictable and I have no idea what she is going to say next.
I try to move around her, but she blocks my path with the heat of her body pressed up against the thin material of my shirt. She thinks she’s intimidating me, but she’s bringing about a different kind of reaction.
I’m not sure how she’s going to respond when she sees the hunger in more than my eyes.
“Everything you say sounds right, but I imagine the only thing you’re really thinking about is my virginity. Just looking at you confirms my suspicion.” She lowers her gaze and stares at my crotch.
“I really don’t think you know what you’re saying,” I warn, but I can tell she’s not going to be easily deterred.
“What exactly do you hope is going to hap
pen in Japan? I’m not just going to spread my legs because of the way that you sweep me off of my feet,” She blurts out unexpectedly and I see behind her back the expression of shock on their faces on the screen of my computer.
I point and she turns about to say something more but she can’t bring herself to vocalize her response. She is mortified and runs from the room like the hounds of hell are on her tail.
Chapter 9
Michelle
Tyson is sitting at his computer and I don’t know how to bring up the topic. The plane is taxiing on the runway and we are on a way to Japan. I’m actually happy, but still nervous around him for obvious reasons. I don’t want to admit it, but his body has been prominent in my dreams.
He was the only one to know my secret until I blurted it out in his office.
The expressions on their faces on the computer during his conference call were priceless. I had a fleeting glance on my way out of the door.
I spent the next few days buried in work. I didn’t want the reminder, but I did feel his eyes on me from behind breathing down my neck. He somehow remained professional. If he was waiting for me to broach the topic then he was going to be waiting a very long time.
I’m sitting next to him and I can feel the words on the tip of his tongue.
It’s an effort to avoid him and I feel somewhat paralyzed by what has become a contention between us. It’s not my fault. My strict upbringing and the horror stories from my friends didn’t exactly give me the confidence.
I’m not immune to how guys look at me seemingly out of the corner of their eye. It’s not like I don’t want to get it over with, but I’m waiting for the right time.
I want something special with a guy who is with me for more than casual sex. It is appealing to be the centre of attention. Dressing provocatively gives me a temporary outlet, but it’s not fair to those I dangle the bone in front of thinking that a starving dog isn’t going to attack.
