The Impact of You

by Kendall Ryan

Page 19

 

  I’m waiting on the sidewalk outside my dorm just as Jase pulls up in his sleek black car. He stops and his face breaks into a smile when he climbs from the car to greet me.

  “Beautiful…” He leans down and whispers, his lips brushing past the skin near my ear. It sends a tingle down the back of my neck, settling at the base of my spine. As hard as this past month has been resisting giving into the physical with Jase, I think it is exactly what we need. It gives us the chance to actually just date and get to know each other better without sex complicating things. Things between us are great, though. Complete open and honesty, which feels really good. But the slow build between us physically has reached epic proportions. He will be mine tonight. Period.

  Our dinner reservations are at an upscale sushi restaurant that has recently opened and has been getting good reviews. Jase assures me that jeans will be fine, but I’d paired them with a dressy cream-colored top trimmed in lace.

  Jase’s eyes slip from mine, dropping lower to survey me from head to toe. I squirm under his gaze and clamp my thighs together, praying that I’ll make it through the play and dinner without trying to rip his clothes off. Or my own. Hmm, that could work. We have thirty minutes before the play starts…

  “Avery?” he asks, pulling my mind from the gutter it has gleefully dived into.

  Keeping my thoughts from wandering to later and the little scrap of black lace panties he’ll discover is becoming increasingly difficult. “Yes?”

  He smirks, shaking his head as though he’s reading my mind the entire time. Jase is sex on a stick in a pair of fitted dark jeans and a navy blue button up shirt that brings out the deep blue of his eyes. His hair is an absolute disaster, just the way I like it – a perfect mess. My fingers could roam to their heart’s content and it wouldn’t make the least bit of difference.

  Crossing the distance between us, Jase pulls me tight against him and drops a sweet kiss to my mouth. “Ready?” He smiles down at me, sparkling eyes playful and hungry. I’m ready to skip dinner and get onto desert, but I merely nod. We have a play to go to first, and I can’t stand Madison and Noah up. They’ve adopted Jase into our circle over the past month and so of course we’ll be there at their opening show.

  We arrive at the theater in plenty of time to grab seats near the front. Watching Madison and Noah in the school’s flirty reproduction of Grease is so fun, the two hours pass quickly. Noah as Rizzo is over-the-top-goodness, and I can’t wait to hug him for not only winning the role, but for owning it. At the end, Jase stands and cheers for them along with me, and we fight our way backstage through the throngs of people to give them both a hug.

  Jase has taken his mission of bringing me out on proper dates seriously, and after the play, we’re hand in hand, heading across town to make the dinner reservations.

  The restaurant is sleek and stylish and the sushi is divine, but sitting across from Jase at an intimate table for two, and feeling his eyes move across me is too much. Using my uncooperative chopsticks, I’ve tried as delicately as possible to wrestle pieces of sushi into my mouth in the most ladylike way possible.

  Jase pops another piece of the spicy tuna roll into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully as he watches me. He’s in no hurry, and I wonder if he’s feeling any of the same fire I am. But I know he is. Intensity lights his eyes as he watches me. He finishes chewing and places his chopsticks beside his plate. “Dessert?”

  I’m ready to kick him under the table, but I fix on my most polite smile. “No thanks. You?”

  Jase chuckles, his eyes raking over my skin as he takes his time answering. “Yes. Once we get home, I’d very much like some dessert. ”

  Gah… He is so overwhelming. Just knowing what’s going to happen later between us makes my thighs tremble. I am more than ready for him now.

  Jase settles our check, then guides me from the restaurant with his hand on the small of my back. It’s an innocent touch, but he’s hardly touched me all night, so the contact feels like an unspoken promise for more.

  I was never like this with Brent. I’m ready, confident and sure. I’m sure about Jase.

  When we get to Jase’s, we’re all hands and smiles and maybe even a few giggles on my part as we weave through the bodies. I’m thankful that he has zero interest in hanging out downstairs where the party rages on. He wants to be alone as badly as I do.

  On our way to the stairs, Stacia places her hand on his chest and stops him. She staggers just a bit in her too high heels, before pulling her hand back.

  “You two are back together?” Stacia laughs, too shrill and obvious.

  I hold my chin high, refusing to let the fact that she saw my dirty little secret make me feel like damaged goods. If Jase is over it, then so am I.

  “Drop it, Stac,” Jase warns, his voice tight and not amused.

  Stacia grins devilishly, looking back and forth between Jase and I. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

  Shit. My stomach drops. “Tell me what?”

  Stacia laughs again. “Never mind. ” She smiles sweetly, wedging herself in between Jase and me as she passes so she can brush up against his chest.

  Jase looks like he’s about to hit something.

  “Jase?”

  He takes my hand and pulls me toward the stairs. All the heat and passion for our night together disappears and is replaced by a terrible nagging feeling. What isn’t he telling me? What happened between him and Stacia?

  Jase

  I know I should’ve come clean before now. It’s part of the reason why I didn’t let our physical relationship go too far yet. Knowing that I still hadn’t told her about my night with Stacia while we weren’t talking held me back. I know Avery won’t like it, and since we’ve agreed to complete honesty, I also know it makes me a jackass.

  Once we reach my room, I shut the door behind us and turn to face her. Her hands are balled into fists, like she’s bracing herself.

  “Sit down, babe. ”

  She looks unsure, but slips off her shoes and crosses the room to sit on the edge of my bed. I pull a deep breath into my lungs, trying to find the words to explain this mess in a way that doesn’t cause her to flip out. I sit down beside her and take her hand. It’s limp. Shit. This isn’t going to go well. “When you and I…weren’t talking…Stacia started coming around again. ”

  Her eyes betray her emotions, and begin to fill with tears even before I get to the heart of the story.

  “We got pretty drunk one night…and um…” Shit. I can’t say it.

  “Tell me,” she whispers, her voice broken.

  “We didn’t have sex, but…” I pause, drawing another breath. “She sort of started to go down on me…. ”

  Her eyes fly to mine. I remember the time that I admitted to Avery that was my favorite, and I know she’s remembering that too. I also know she’s fully aware that it’s something she and I haven’t even done together. I feel like a complete prick. I never want to see this look in her eyes again.

  She swallows roughly. “I see. ”

  “Whistle, I’m sorry, but we weren’t talking…”

  She rips her hand from mine and stands suddenly. “We weren’t talking because you didn’t want me, because you thought I was cheap and easy because of those stupid pictures. But you know what? You’re no better than I am!” She grabs her purse and slips her feet back into her shoes. “I need to go home. ”

  “Avery…wait…”

  “Don’t touch me!” A sob breaks from her throat and she pulls out of my grasp.

  “At least let me drive you home. I’ll be worried about you. ”

  She shakes her head. “No. I’ll call someone. ” She fishes her phone out and dials. “Madison,” she sobs. “Come get me. I’m at Jase’s…Yeah. ”

  Avery ends the call and leaves, jogging down the stairs.

  Shit fuck.

  I won’t fuck this up again. I won’t wait another few weeks without talking to her, like
after our last fight. I need to make this right tonight. I race downstairs after her, but she’s nowhere to be found in the sea of bodies. Heading out into the cool night air, I search the back deck, where I know she’s hidden before. But it’s occupied by a couple groping each other. Avery’s gone.

  I fish my keys from my pocket and cross around the side of my house, heading straight for my car. I can’t leave things like this between us. Won’t. We’ve wasted too much time already. My car is blocked in by three cars in our driveway, and I know trying to find the vehicle’s owners will be pointless. I can’t wait.

  I race across campus to her dorm, arriving breathless from the three mile jog. I have to wait for someone to let me in, but get lucky and slip in behind a group of guys returning for the night. A few minutes later, I’m knocking on her door, praying she’s going to answer.

  Madison pulls the door open just a crack, her face a frown. “Yes?”

  “Is Avery here?”

  “She doesn’t want to see you. ” She pushes the door closed, but my foot wedged in the doorframe keeps it from closing.

  “I need to talk to her, please. Avery,” I call out.

  Madison rolls her eyes, giving in, and lets me enter the room. “Just talk to him. I can’t handle you two,” she informs Avery.

  My Whistle is curled up in her narrow bed, hugging a pillow to her chest. And she’s been crying. Pain stabs at my chest. Fuck.

  Madison grabs her purse. “I’m going to Noah’s. ” The door clicks behind her.

  Making no move to get any closer, I just watch her. Her eyes are guarded and her hands clutch the pillow tighter.

  “Avery?” I swallow the lump in my throat, praying she’ll listen to what I have to say. “Can we talk?”

  “What is there to say?” She shifts on the bed so she’s sitting, but she keeps the pillow hugged to her chest, a physical barrier between us. “It’s your favorite, right? And I wasn’t giving it to you, so…” She doesn’t finish, but her eyes drop to the bed in front of her.

  “Avery. ” I make my move, getting as close as I dare. I kneel down at the edge of the bed, so we’re eye-level. “I am sooo sorry. That was a huge mistake. I was just feeling hurt and betrayed that you hadn’t told me, and as bad as it sounds, I didn’t care about anything else in that moment because I thought I had lost you. So when Stacia started undoing my belt…”

  Avery’s hand flies up to stop me. “I don’t need a play by play. God, what’s wrong with you?”

  Christ. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I just…I’m so sorry. If I could take that night back, I would. And I wanted to tell you. That night in Denver in the hotel, I wanted to tell you, but you were dealing with enough…”

  She blinks up at me. “Is this why we haven’t…?”

  “Gone farther physically?”

  She nods.

  “Yeah. I wanted to make sure everything was out in the open with us first. ”

  “I see. ” She tucks her legs underneath her.

  I want to reach for her hand. So bad. But I remain kneeling beside the bed. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Please. ”

  Her green gaze is piercing and cuts into my very soul. “You’re right. Finding out stuff from someone else sucks. ”

  I nod. And each time it’s been Stacia, which I know is particularly annoying considering she’s my ex. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from her. Everything in the future comes straight from us. No more secrets. ”

  She shakes her head. “You said that last time, even while you knew you should’ve told me this. How can I trust you?”

  “Because. I love you, baby. You’re mine, and I’m done playing games. I’m done hurting you. I’ll give you anything and everything. I’ll keep you safe and take care of your every need. ”

  “Crap. ” A lopsided grin graces her mouth, curving it up on one side. “Jase…” her voice has a pleading quality to it. Whatever she wants, she can have.

  “What, baby? I love you. ” I take her hands and bring them to my mouth, kissing the back of each one, then her wrists and palms. “It’s the God’s honest truth. ”

  Her smile goes wider. “I do like hearing that, but maybe if you could tell me a little more…”

  “Like that I love the way you taste? The way your hair smells, and how sweet you are. I love how you burst into laughter at random times. I love how I make you blush, that my mom loves you, that you’re smart and hardworking, genuine, and so loving…” Her cheeks glow with each compliment, and I pepper kisses along her wrists and fingertips.

  Her smile is full and inviting at this point. I remove the pillow from her lap and join her on the bed, so I can pull her into my arms. I’ve known for a while, but I haven’t told her. I’m not sure why, but it’s clear from her teary-eyed look that she feels the same way, even if she doesn’t say it back right now. I hold her against me, hugging her tight and loving the way her body feels against mine. Protectiveness swirls inside me and I vow not to hurt this girl again.

  A knock on the door interrupts us and a second later, Madison peeks her head inside. “Is it safe to come in?”

  She has Noah in tow, and they don’t wait for an answer. Avery and I separate as Madison flings her purse onto her bed and Noah flops down onto the futon. “I knew you guys would make up. ”

  I lean into Avery, breathing in her scent and whisper, “Sleepover at my place?”

  She pulls back just slightly to meet my eyes and nods.

  Thank you, God.

  Chapter 31

  Jase

  Madison gives us a ride back to my place, and the reduced number of cars outside tells me the party has died down a bit. Once inside, I guide Avery straight for the staircase, not wanting anyone or anything to get in our way this time. I see from the corner of my eye that Stacia is still here, and her smug grin falls when she sees my grip on Avery’s hand. Too bad. She’s going to have to get over it, because Avery’s not going anywhere. I need this girl in my life. We’ve made plans for our families to meet this winter, to be together during spring break, and I hope every weekend in between too. If her past isn’t going to stop us, my ex-girlfriend certainly isn’t going to, either.