MBA - Moron$ Ba$ and A$$
Page 44
Chapter Forty-Three
Sultans of Swing
Life was not all work and X-400 security woes. Things outside the office were going quite well. With the new family responsibilities, Earl was not able to play as much golf as he and I would like. When he was able to get out, it made it even more special.
“Ah, Mick, I’m glad we took today off. It’s a beautiful Friday afternoon. With the new baby and all, I’m almost out of vacation. I might have to play hockey more often.”
I’m pretty sure he meant hooky. I was going to say something about him pucking up his words, but I let it slide.
“How’s the new house?”
“It is awesome. It is great being so close to the plant. I can walk to work on the nice days and come home for lunch if I take a few extra minutes. The house is just the right size for the four of us. Jen is happy, the baby’s the coolest thing ever and Bread the Wonder Dog is more content than a pig in a blanket.”
Hmmm – I’m not so sure a pig would be that content in a blanket.
“We do have to keep an eye on him though. You know Wonder does like to wander. He’s come back smelling pretty funky sometimes.”
I reminded Earl that he and I had wandered a few times in our earlier days and come back smelling kind of funky too.
“You hit that nail right on the kisser. Mick, you always make me laugh. That’s why I love you like a mother.”
Earl proceeded to stripe a drive two twenty-five plus onto the short stuff. I pulled out Thunder Stick. I call my driver Thunder Stick because when it rumbles, lightening strikes. Unfortunately, as lightening is wont to do, it rarely strikes the same place twice. All was good at the moment as I outdrove him by ten yards straight down the middle. It was just that perfect kind of day. Playing golf with my best friend, sharing some laughs and a few cold brews was pretty hard to beat.
We finished the front and were making the turn as a slight breeze kicked up and made perfection a bit more perfect.
“So, what do you think about our new MBA?”
“Earl, I think she is pretty cool. After our previous experiences and what I see in the news, I had pretty much soured on the advanced degree financial types.”
“Well, like they say, ‘If you don’t learn from your mistakes, then they won’t learn from you.’”
“I’m not sure exactly who says that, but I think I know what you mean. It seems that the more these kids learn in institutions of higher learning, the more they use their knowledge to further their own agendas. They are supposed to be teaching their students to be future captains of industry and lead us all to future prosperity. Instead, they are producing Captain Hooks out to plunder and pillage to get themselves ahead.”
“Tell me how you really feel, Mick.”
“Well, you asked. I’m sure I’m using too broad of a brush to negatively paint the whole system. We’ve experienced the bad, so far. Now with Dusty, I think we are experiencing the good. She acts like she is truly trying to help us. She doesn’t seem to have a devious bone in her body.”
“Yeah. I’ve seen the way you look at the bones in her body, Mick. And I wouldn’t bet the farm animals on her not being a just a little bit devious. After all, she cracked three out of five of our supposedly secret X-400 parameters. The other day she asked me for a diagram showing which systems each of our computers terminals could access and how the network operated. She said Chuck wanted her to review it. I told her that she would get that from me when birds fly. I would need written authorization from Chuck to do that. She got kind of mad and told me to forget it. I think she was lying to me. Besides, that is information Chuck already has. Why not get it directly from him if he wanted her to review it?”
“She only did that because that’s what she was sent here to do. Test us. You passed with flying colors, my big furry friend. If you have a point, it’s the one on the top of your head.”
“You’re as funny as a frog on a bender, Mick. I’m just saying that you might want to be careful about those red glasses.”
“The what?”
“You know. Those ones you look at her with.”
I had to ponder that one for a minute.
“Oh, you mean I look at her through rose colored glasses.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. It’s disturbing how I know what I’m saying, but other folks think I say weird things.
“You’re not weird, Earl.”
“So you think I’m normal?”
“Let’s review that concept for a moment. We have a boss that tells us he likes us by insulting us and his boss won’t even tell us his name. We have a receptionist that gets hotter as she gets older. We have a county sheriff that may be slightly psychotic. You have a dog that would rather eat duct tape than Kibble and Bits. We have had one MBA that was a moron and another that was a bastard. Perhaps weird is the new normal.”
“So do you think Dusty is normal or weird?”
“I think she is exceptional.”
“Just be careful, Mick.”
“Duly noted, buddy. C’mon, let’s get to playing. I have to go to the plant tonight to enter in the temperatures and pressures for this weekend’s X-400 run.”
“Just make sure Dusty isn’t hiding inside your pants pocket.”
“One can only wish.”