Not Dead Yet

by Dennis Young

  “Like…?”

  Talice shrugged. “What’s going to happen to these people? Are we going to get caught up in the legalities? You know, military hearings, civilian court, that sort of stuff.”

  “Bet on it,” replied Mac, nodding. “First, let’s get to bed before the sun rises.”

  Talice laid her head in her hands for a moment. “You’re right. We both need a good sleep. In a real bed.” Talice raised her head. “But you get the chair or couch.”

  Mac snorted and wheeled away from the table. Talice lifted her duffle and followed, worn to the bone. And worried. Definitely worried.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It’s Not Just Me Who’s Crazy

  (Part One)

  Setting the Record Straight

  “It is easy to love your friend, but sometimes

  the hardest lesson to learn is to love your enemy.”

  Sun Tzu, “The Art of War”

  Anchor Prime…

  Talice woke to thunder. She turned in the bed, unable to go back to sleep. Even with the pillow over her head. She gave a growl, then sat, glanced at the chrono, and sighed. Now comes the hard part.

  She did her morning bathroom visit, washed her face and brushed her teeth, then sat on the bed again. Changed her patch. Downed a bottle of S-H. Did everything she could do to keep from actually starting the day. A day she thought would never come.

  The shower beckoned, and she answered. Feeling somewhat more human twenty minutes later, she exited the bedroom. Naked.

  Fuck! I forgot Mac was here!

  She ducked back to chortles and guffaws from Mac, her chair pulled up close to the kitchen table. Wrapped in a robe, Talice started over.

  “Tea waiting,” said Mac, motioning over her shoulder.

  Talice sat. “Rain seems to love me when we come home. What are you reading?”

  Mac tilted her SLATE a bit. “Seems our mission was all for nothing.”

  Talice read. And grew angry. “Fuck! You’ve got to be kidding me! Both these councilmen withdrew from the election? I… Fuck!” She stood and paced into the living room, leaned against the wall, and sobbed. Pounded her fist on the wall. Then again.

  Mac wheeled over and stroked her back. “Talice… we didn’t know. We couldn’t have known. Our comm was out.”

  Talice turned, tears streaking her cheeks. “Bělinka… Will. They didn’t have to die. So help me, Mac, if Fawkes knew about this—”

  Mac raised the SLATE. “He didn’t. At least, not until yesterday when they announced it.”

  “No one gave him a heads-up? And he said nothing when he met us on that field? Who knew we were on that mission? Somebody withheld the information from him, I damn bet you, hoping we’d still do the dirty work! Dammit, Mac!”

  “We’ll ask him.”

  “I’ll sure as hell ask him!” Talice crumpled to the floor. “Fuck this! Fuck all this shit!”

  Mac eased out of her chair and sat, holding Talice as she wept.

  * * *

  Talice hadn’t moved from the floor as the day brightened and rain moved out. Mac brought her tea and pastry, then sat close. Talice drank, then asked for a refill. Mac brought it to her.

  Talice drained the cup and set it away. “I wonder if Jance knew.”

  Mac considered. “Maybe that’s why she let us have them. She knew it was meaningless.”

  “What do I tell Niky? Or Will’s folks? Or Abie, for that matter? Or the team?” Talice’s eyes were red-rimmed as she looked at Mac. “This is just… crushing.”

  “Let’s assume for a moment there’s no malice, at least from the people we know. Except for Jance.”

  “Plausible deniability? Isn’t that what politicians always say?”

  Mac shook her head and scowled. “Talice, sometimes stuff just happens. And in our line of work, when it happens, it’s usually not good.”

  “No shit, Mac. Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “Did you think the team would never suffer casualties? You know how lucky we’ve been? Hell, even Martin had to leave us to get killed.”

  Talice nodded after a moment. “I guess… I never considered Bělinka to be… the one.”

  “I know. And yes, under the circumstances, it’s the worst situation. And I’m sorry. For her, for Nikolay, and for little Tanja.” She gave Talice a light hug. “And for you, Princess, ’cause I know how damn much you care.”

  Talice dropped her eyes away. “I always thought…”

  “…What?”

  Talice grimaced. “I guess I always figured it would be me. Always overdoing everything.”

  “Bull. You take precautions better than any Marine officer I ever saw. You think everything through. You never put your team in harm’s way if you can avoid it. The chances you take are calculated and considered.”

  “Yeah. Until now.”

  Mac was silent for a while. “What do you want to do?”

  “Nothing. Just sit here and melt into the floor. Maybe the auto-cleaner will scoop me up and dump me in the trash.”

  “Dressed like that? It’ll probably mistake you for laundry. Where the hell did you get that robe?”

  Talice raised her face and chuckled. Then again. After a moment, they were both laughing.

  Finally, Talice wiped her eyes, gathered her plate and cup, and stood. “Let’s sit and talk about what we need to do today.”

  They moved to the table, and Talice sat and ate the pastry slowly, drained her cup, then looked at Mac. “Niky first. Then Abie. They can tell us what to do from there.”

  “Sounds good. Team later tonight? Where?”

  “No idea. How about here?”

  Mac looked around. “Not unless you want to sit on someone’s lap. Look, why not just at the Base? I’m sure they’ll let us borrow a conference room. Besides, don’t you want to talk to Fawkes?”

  Talice shook her head. “Not yet. Not until we put together a report. I’m gonna need you to calm me down while I write it. We’ll do that tomorrow.”

  “Fair enough. You get dressed, I’ll freshen up, then I’ll call the Colonel and get it set up. I’ll commtext the team with the info. 1600 sound about right?”

  “Yeah. Let’s get this ‘worst fucking day of my life’ started. Sooner started, sooner over with.”

  * * *

  Nikolay was better. Calmed, and reflective, as Talice knew he would be, coming to grips with reality. Sad, of course, but without anger or questions. He had known the dangers, as did they all. Still…

  Talice accompanied him to Bělinka’s parents’ home in Anchor Prime. There was grief. There was sadness. There were tears shared all around, and a touch of well- suppressed anger Talice could feel. Not toward her, nor even the job, but the cruelty of the world. The unfairness of circumstance. The “twists of fate”, as the old saying went.

  You got that right, Talice thought, as she sat apart, simply watching people helping other people through it all.

  It was all she could do to sit still. I swear, Jance, if I find you knew these fucking politicians bailed out because they had no courage to face the facts, and you did this all for spite, I’ll find you and I’ll kill you. I’m not a vengeful person… at least I don’t think I am. But I’ll take revenge for these people. For Bělinka’s folks. For little Tanja. And for Niky. Dear, sweet Niky. Yes, for him most of all.

  Abie had opted for a prosthetic while her new hand was “in the vat”. She needed both hands to pilot Bird One. But Bird One wasn’t going anywhere soon, that was certain. Jamal already had the assault ship in a hangar, being stripped of damage as quickly as he could get it done. So Talice stood at Abie’s side as she spoke with Will Thomas’s dad. Will’s mom had passed away some years before. Talice wasn’t sure of the circumstances, and certainly wasn’t going to ask. Not right now, at least.

  Will’s dad had been a Marine as well, an old trooper. They were invited in, and sat in what Talice could only describe as “Grandad’s house” in terms of décor. Pictures on the wall of
family and gatherings. Hand-made quilts on the beds, and flowers in every room. There was little doubt in Talice’s mind Will’s dad lived heavily in the past, and she wondered what would happen to him now.

  “They have a big family,” Abie told her on the metrolink, headed back to Base. “He’ll be okay. It will just take a bit of time.”

  Talice, having little contact with her siblings, couldn’t imagine a family being that close.

  “Maybe that’s part of why you were a Marine,” said Abie, when Talice mentioned it. It was like a thunderbolt. Talice had simply never considered the possibility. She thought about it all the way back to Northland Base.

  Abie begged off from the briefing with the team. Her prosthetic had been fitted in a hurry, and hurt. “They told me to wait a few days, but you know me.” She grinned and waved to Talice as she headed toward the hangars. With her real hand.

  The briefing was, well… morose. No one wanted to talk about anything.

  “It went about as well as it could have,” said Briggs, with little enthusiasm.

  “Whoever was in that fighter was less than a crack shot.” Ollie, who certainly knew what a crack shot was.

  “Targeting equipment was likely out of calibration,” said Jian, then looked at Talice and winked.

  “What now?” asked Rory, his leg propped up on a side chair. Talice knew he was still hurting. The ATV crash had caused a bit of nerve damage, and the doctors were “working on it”, as they always said.

  “Nothing. Go home. Take a few days off. Creditmark transfers will be made today or tomorrow. Don’t spend it all at once.” Talice smiled, but really didn’t feel the humor. A cloud was certainly hanging over the team.

  “We’ll let you know about services for Bělinka and Will,” said Mac, sitting at her side. “Couple of days at most. We’ll take care of that duty, then talk about future business.”

  “How is… Nikolay?” asked Tooley.

  Talice shrugged. “He’s working through it. He’s with Bělinka’s parents, and he was going to visit his folks today or tomorrow. They’re taking care of each other.”

  “Captain… seriously, what now?” Dosu’s soft, deep voice came from the end of the table.

  Talice sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know. That’s why I said we need a few days off. Let’s do honors to our comrades, then take a breath or two ourselves. We’ll get back to business later. Right now… hard to say what’s in the future.”

  “We’ve got a meeting with the Colonel tomorrow,” said Mac softly.

  “Yeah. Okay, team, we’ll be in touch. Get some rest. That’s all.”

  They gave light high-fives, or fist-bumps, and Jian even gave Talice a gentle hug. Tooley, too, which caught Talice a bit by surprise. The room cleared.

  Talice sat again with Mac. “I still don’t have a report.”

  Mac nodded. “And you said Fawkes wanted it in forty-eight hours, which gives us the rest of the day. So let’s get busy. Then you can take me to dinner.”

  “Oh, I see. I’m the guy who has to ask the hard questions of the colonel, then I still have to buy you dinner? How does that work?” Talice nudged Mac’s shoulder.

  “Works fine for me.” Mac handed Talice her SLATE. “Get busy. I know what a procrastinator you are when it comes to paperwork.”

  Talice slid the SLATE back to Mac. “Then you write, I’ll dictate. I always wanted a private secretary.”

  Mac snorted. But she typed as Talice spoke. She cleaned up Talice’s language a lot, too.

  * * *

  Northland Marine Base, the Office of Lt. Colonel Harlan Fawkes…

  Fawkes reviewed the report on his SLATE as Talice and Mac sat before his desk. It took him little time, as he was a fast reader, and Talice had put her typical executive summary at the top. Finally, he set the device aside and shook his head. “I’m sorry about Bělinka and the young co-pilot. They’re both former Marines and are due the honors thereof. I’ll see to it personally.”

  He rose, poured himself coffee from the sideboard, and sat once more. Talice and Mac had finished their tea as he read. “What now, ladies?”

  “Time off,” replied Talice. “And I’m sure you’ll see to our transfers as well.”

  Fawkes nodded. “Your ship is damaged, the report says thirty days for repairs, and some R&R. Then…?”

  Talice took a breath. “I have some questions about recent events that transpired during our trip. Specifically, regarding the councilmen who withdrew from the campaign.”

  Fawkes didn’t answer for a long moment. “You want to know if we knew about it before you returned, right?”

  “I want to know what you knew and when you knew it, so to speak.”

  “Alright, Talice. I received a twenty-four-hour heads-up. I tried to contact you but couldn’t reach your ship.”

  Talice did a quick mental calculation, then looked to Mac. “Comm was out. And they were already dead.”

  Fawkes furrowed his brow. “You thought I would withhold that information from you? Honestly?”

  Talice met his gaze. “Under the circumstances, yes, it crossed my mind. I’m a raging paranoid, Colonel. You should already know that.”

  Fawkes said nothing.

  “We’re also wondering if Jance knew, or the Nemesis people themselves. Jance was awfully quick to let them fall into our hands,” said Mac.

  Fawkes shook his head sadly. “Death is always hard to accept, but when it comes with such meaningless circumstances, it’s even worse.”

  “These circumstances were meaningless from the beginning,” replied Talice. “If I had it to do over again, I’d… I’d make a different decision. We’d find another way. This was… needless.”

  “But necessary,” said Fawkes.

  Talice shook her head, growing angry at the thought. “I’m sorry you feel the deaths of two former Marines was necessary for fucking politics.”

  Mac started to wheel her hoverchair around. “We’ll be in touch, Colonel. Talice, let’s go.”

  “I have—”

  “I said let’s go.”

  When Mac used her DI voice, Talice knew she wasn’t kidding. She nodded to Fawkes, rose, and they made their way out the door and down the corridor quickly. Then out of the officer’s building.

  They headed for the infirmary. Talice followed Mac at a trot. “What the hell was that about?”

  Mac wheeled herself across the tarmac, saying nothing. She was sweating by the time they reached the infirmary entrance. She paused as the cool air blew across her face, and turned to Talice. “I could see what was building in both of you. Give it a rest, Princess. He didn’t know.”

  “I know that now, I just—”

  “No, you don’t need to know anything else. We need to take a breather and move forward. If we’d stayed another minute in that office, both of you might have ended up saying things neither of you really want to say. Or mean.”

  “… What?”

  They passed through the inner doors and into the waiting area. Mac wheeled to a corner and Talice followed. “Go see Babs. Get your checkup so we can get out of here. We both need some space from officialdom right now.”

  “Mac, I don’t understand.”

  “The next question you would have asked him was ‘why didn’t you stay on top of the situation?’ Or ‘were there any signs’, that sort of thing. Maybe ‘who is the other woman?’”.

  Talice looked away. “Yes, I won’t lie, those questions ran through my mind.” She chuckled. “You know me too well. As for the other woman, I… don’t really care.”

  “Oh, the hell you don’t.”

  Talice sighed. “Not now. Maybe not ever, I really can’t say. Honestly, Mac, that wall between us is back. And it’s taller than ever. I get the feeling he put it there on purpose. But… alright, I’m gonna go see Babs. You waiting?”

  “Yes, because I want to make sure you don’t go back and confront him.”

  “Dammit, Mac!” Talice hissed. “Give me a fucking break!”r />
  “I will. Just as soon as we get out of here. You owe me dinner, remember. From yesterday.”

  Talice rose and headed for the check-in station, still angry.

  * * *

  Talice hadn’t realized how tired she was until she sat unattended in the exam room, waiting for Babs. Her bruises from the mission still hurt. Hell, her bruises, ribs, and hip from the Crius mission, nearly a year before, still hurt. More than once she’d woken in the night and had to limp to the bathroom. Fuck. This getting old is shit. Might as well die if I’m gonna feel like this the rest of my life.

  Babs entered, bright as she always was. She paused and closed the door slowly, then stood before Talice. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

  Talice shrugged. “Nothing. Everything. Hell, I don’t know.”

  Babs pulled up a stool and sat, then took Talice’s cold hands in hers. “Your body temp is low, and that’s likely part of it. Listless? No energy? Pushing yourself too hard?” She smirked. “All of the above?”

  Talice drew her hands away. “I’m scared, Babs. For the first time in a while. On the mission, I had a… problem. I almost lost vision completely. I’m drinking more S-H. The patches are working okay, but I’m so damned thirsty…”

  “We can get you on an IV every few days, and that will help. You’ve got three medtechs on staff now at the training center, so they can take care of it.” Babs studied Talice’s face. “What’s this?” She snapped on a pair of surgical gloves and gently touched Talice’s lip.

  Talice probed it with her tongue. “No idea. I didn’t notice it this morning.”

  Babs took a sample and slipped it into a tube. “We’ll check it out. Maybe just a cut with a bit of infection in it. You been kissing monsters?”

  “Not lately.”

  They grinned together.

  “Okay, what else?”

  “My injuries from last year, the Crius mission. They still bother me.”