What Comes After

by Toppen, Melissa

  I don’t think our laughing has anything to do with me being funny or not, but everything to do with our current situation. When you find yourself at the end of your rope sometimes the only thing to do is laugh.

  And so we do. We laugh until tears fill our eyes. We laugh until our stomach’s cramp. We laugh until neither of us can physically laugh anymore.

  And then we do the only thing we can. We make peace with the situation, knowing we did everything we set out to do. Whether it turned out the way we wanted or not, our job was done.

  You can’t control what life throws your way; you can only control how you react to it. Finley said that to me after she found out she was dying. I never understood how she could be so strong, even then, even when facing the end of her life, she still found some way to make it okay.

  “What do you say we find an old burger joint and eat ourselves into a coma?” Claire smiles at me.

  “I think that’s the best idea you’ve had all day.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Peyton

  Abel: Are you home?

  My heart rate picks up speed at the sight of Abel’s name on my phone. It’s been five days since Sven’s party – since the most incredible night of my life – and this is the first time I have heard from him other than the brief text conversation we had on Monday when he said he was going out of town.

  Outside of that it’s been radio silence. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me more than it should.

  Me: Yes.

  I type out my response with shaky fingers.

  Abel: Are you alone?

  Me: Yes.

  I wait for him to say more. One-minute passes, then two. I start to grow impatient. But just as I begin to type out another text a knock sounds at my front door.

  Tossing my phone onto the coffee table, I cross the living room. Given the messages we just exchanged I can only guess it’s Abel and this makes me equally excited and nervous.

  I look down and assess my current situation. Pink tank, gray jersey shorts, my hair in a messy knot. Not good.

  Shit.

  I consider darting to the bathroom to throw on a little lip gloss and take my hair down but I know I don’t have time.

  “Who is it?” I call through the door.

  It’s times like these that I really miss having a peep hole. Why we don’t have one is beyond me. I thought that was something that was standard but apparently, it’s not.

  “It’s me.” Abel’s deep voice vibrates from the other side of the door causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin.

  Unlatching the deadbolt, I pull the door open, but before I have time to say anything, let alone react, Abel’s lips are on mine and he’s backing me into the living room.

  He kisses me hard, his hands roaming feverishly, clawing at my clothes as he kicks the door closed.

  “Bedroom,” he growls against my mouth.

  “This way.” I manage to break away from his assault long enough to grab his hand and pull him down the hall toward my bedroom.

  The moment we’re tucked inside, he’s on me again. His mouth on my neck, his hands up my shirt, his erection digging into my stomach.

  “I need you,” he murmurs against my mouth, stepping back long enough to remove my tank in one quick motion.

  “Then I’m yours.” My hands slide down his torso to the buckle of his jeans, popping them open with ease.

  ——

  “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to pry it out of you?” I ask, my head laying on Abel’s chest as I trace lazy circles on his stomach with the tip of my finger.

  “What do you mean?” His hand slides through my hair, playing with the ends.

  “I knew the instant you walked in the door that something was wrong.”

  And I did too. I could sense it in the urgency of his kiss and the intensity of his touch. He needed an escape and I am where he chose to find it.

  “It’s been a long few days. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “Does it have something to do with why you had to leave town?” I ask.

  “Peyton,” he sighs, his hand falling away from my hair.

  “You can talk to me, ya know? I think you’ll find I’m a pretty good listener.”

  “I thought we agreed what this was.” He shifts beneath me, forcing me to sit up.

  “What? Because we’re having sex, we can’t be friends too?” I question, trying to keep the hurt from my voice.

  “I didn’t say that.” He props up against the headboard and I swivel to face him, pulling the sheet up around my chest.

  “You kind of did. Just not in so many words.” I smile to try to lighten the heavy mood that’s suddenly settled over the room.

  I don’t know why he does this. It’s like before and during sex he can’t get enough of me but as soon as it’s over he retreats into that head of his and completely shuts me out.

  “It’s just... complicated.”

  “And you think I can’t handle complicated?” I cock my head to the side. “Abel, talk to me.” I lay my hand on his thigh, stroking it gently with my thumb.

  “We went to see Finley’s mom.” He lets out on a rushed breath.

  “We?”

  “Me and Claire.”

  “Oh, okay.” Even though I know his relationship with Claire is purely platonic, I can’t ignore the jealous twist in my gut just the same.

  “We’ve been looking for her for three years, ever since Finley passed.”

  “Wait, you didn’t know where she was?”

  “Finley’s mom is a drug addict. Has been for years. It’s why Finley moved here. To get away from her and be with her sister. When she got sick, she didn’t want her mom to know. I never really understood why. I mean I did, but I didn’t. She was still her mom, you know?”

  “So, she didn’t know...”

  “That her daughter had died? No.” He shakes his head. “I hired a P.I. to track her down, but because she didn’t have a real residence and never obtained legitimate employment it was like she didn’t exist. No credit cards, no bank accounts, nothing.”

  “So how did you find her?”

  “She got arrested on drug possession. That’s why I had to leave so abruptly. I didn’t know how long they would hold her, so I knew my window was limited.” He scratches his jaw where his facial hair has grown from a mild scruff to a short beard. I have to admit; it looks incredible on him.

  “Did you see her?” I ask when he doesn’t continue.

  “We did.”

  “And?”

  “And she was exactly who Finley said she was. I don’t know why I had hoped she’d be different. Why I convinced myself that telling her about Finley would somehow make me feel better. In the end it only made me feel worse. It made what she had been through as a child more real. If that makes sense.”

  “It makes complete sense. Sometimes you can’t fully understand a situation until you come face to face with it yourself.”

  “Exactly.” He blows out a breath. “After we told her I wanted to get out of there.” He looks up, his expression hesitant. “I wanted you.”

  “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” I try to pretend like his words don’t affect me, but they do. More than I would ever admit to him.

  “It’s not a bad thing. But it terrifies me. The entire flight home you were all I could think about. When I saw you standing in that doorway, I don’t know what came over me. I just needed you.” He gives me an apologetic smile. “I haven’t needed someone in a very long time. It’s hard for me.”

  “I get that. You lost someone you love, Abel. But eventually you’re going to have to learn to start letting people back in.”

  “I’m working on it.” He shrugs.

  “Okay, enough with the heavy.” I pat his leg before sliding out of bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “We are going to get out of this apartment.”

  “And do what?” He watche
s me slip on my shorts, his gaze honing in on my bare chest. I can’t stop the smile that curves up the corners of my mouth.

  “Something. Anything. I don’t care.” I latch my bra before snagging my tank off the floor.

  “What if I just want to stay here with you?” he asks, making my heart flip inside my chest.

  “I mean, I would love that. But Henna will be home soon, and I’m guessing you don’t want to be here when she gets here.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably not the greatest idea,” he agrees, finally moving off the bed.

  I get why he doesn’t want anyone to know about us right now. This whole thing is still so new and it’s hard to keep things casual if everyone and their mother knows. Casual means uncomplicated and people tend to complicate things.

  That doesn’t mean I’m not still holding out hope that this will become something more. I’d have to be crazy not to be. Abel is the entire package. He’s good looking, funny, extremely talented, among many other things. He’s everything I’ve been waiting for and so much more. With the exception of what he’s been through, that does tend to make this situation a little trickier. But I’m willing to put in the work because Abel is worth it. He’s so, so worth it.

  ——

  “How did you find this place?” Abel gestures around the dimly lit, basement style restaurant.

  “Henna. She has a knack for finding places that most people have never heard of.”

  “She must, because I was pretty certain I had eaten at just about every restaurant in Chicago and I didn’t even know this place existed.”

  “Don’t say that, because then I’ll have to make it my mission to see how many times I can prove you wrong.” I smile, lifting my wine glass to my lips.

  “I don’t know, that might be fun,” he counters with a shrug.

  “Okay, then.” I lean forward. “You’re on.”

  “So what, you’re going to take me to the most obscure places in the city to see if I’ve been there?” He chuckles.

  “Pretty much.” I laugh, taking another drink of wine.

  “Okay, but we need to heighten the stakes.” He leans back, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

  “What do you have in mind?” I ask, liking the sound of where this is going.

  “For every place you take me that I’ve already been to you owe me a dare.”

  “A dare?” I question with a smile.

  “I can dare you to do anything and you have to do it.”

  “Hmm.” I consider this offer. “Okay, I’ll agree to that under one condition.”

  “Which is?”

  “That if you haven’t been there you owe me a dare.”

  “Trying to even the playing field I see.” He laughs.

  “What fun would it be if I didn’t? And seeing as you’ve never been here before, I think that means you owe me a dare.”

  “The game hasn’t started yet,” he objects.

  “Oh yes it has. You made the rules; I’m just playing along.”

  “You know, I had you pegged all wrong.”

  “And why do you say that?” I cock a brow.

  “Here I thought you were this sweet, innocent person. I’m starting to realize you have a bit of a dark side,” he teases.

  “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.” I bite down on my bottom lip to contain my smile. “Are you ready for your first dare?”

  “Now?” He looks around. “Our food isn’t even here yet.”

  “It doesn’t need to be.”

  “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” He laughs.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug playfully. “Maybe.”

  “Shit,” he grumbles with laughter in his voice. “Alright, hit me.”

  “See that piano over there.” I point to the corner. “I dare you to go over there and play a song.”

  “You want me to walk over and start randomly playing a song?” He gives me a funny look. “Am I even allowed to do that?”

  “I don’t know.” I giggle.

  “I don’t play piano.”

  “Liar.”

  “How do you know I’m lying?”

  “Because you’re a musician.”

  “Just because I’m a musician doesn’t mean I can play any instrument.”

  “Can you play piano?” I ask him flat out.

  “Yes.”

  I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles out of me.

  “Then why are we even having this conversation?”

  “How did you know I can play piano?” He narrows his gaze at me.

  I shrug. “Some secrets I will never tell.”

  “Shut up.” He chuckles, shaking his head.

  “I’m just kidding. The night Aaron, Henna, and I came to see you play, Aaron mentioned that when you were younger you used to love going to music stores. That you would walk in and play every instrument they would let you touch, and that the piano was one of them. I just assumed from there.”

  “That asshole talks too much,” he mutters under his breath with a smile on his face.

  “So, time to pay up,” I announce, my gaze going from him to the piano and then back to him.

  “Fine.” He takes a long drink from his glass and stands. “This one’s for you,” he tells me, giving me a mischievous smile before setting off across the room.

  Moments later, I watch him settle behind the piano, his fingers silently skirting along the keys. No one pays any attention to him until the first note rings out, and then I swear, every eye in the room is on him.

  I don’t recognize the song at first. The beat is familiar, but I can’t pinpoint where I’ve heard it before. That is until he starts singing.

  As soon as the first line leaves his lips, it hits me and it’s all I can do not to buckle over in laughter.

  Abel Collins, in the middle of a crowded restaurant with countless people watching, is belting out a slower, piano version of “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd.

  I don’t know if I’m more amused or surprised by his selection of song. Amused because, come on, he’s singing Color Me Badd. Surprised, because truthfully, I didn’t know he had it in him.

  He seems so serious most of the time, like he’s almost afraid to have fun. I remember being the same way after my mom died. I felt guilty any time I smiled or laughed; like I didn’t have the right to feel okay anymore. It kills me that he carries that weight.

  But over time those feelings faded for me. I’m sure they will eventually for him too. It’s like one day it was there and then, without even realizing it, it was gone. Like time magically healed the broken part of me that felt like I was doing something wrong for simply living my life.

  Abel’s eyes dart across the room and find mine, a slow smile pulling at his mouth as he sings over one particularly sexual part of the song. I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle my laughter, shaking my head at him.

  His smile widens and he sings louder, his incredible voice making a song I never particularly cared for, one that I feel the overwhelming urge to download this minute.

  He’s completely unphased by the laughter and whistles coming from the other patrons and keeps playing until the very end.

  When he finishes, everyone in the restaurant erupts into applause. Abel stands from the piano and takes a half bow, smiling like I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him smile before.

  His gaze comes back to mine and he laughs. Pushing away from the piano, he crosses the room back to where our table is located against the far wall.

  Bypassing his seat, he stops directly next to mine and crouches down so that his face is level with mine.

  “Happy?” he asks, so close I can feel his breath on my face.

  “Tremendously,” I admit, letting out a surprised gasp when he dips and presses his lips to mine. It’s not just a peck either. It’s a full blown, his tongue down my throat kind of kiss with everyone in the restaurant here to bear witness.

  When he pulls back, I’m flustered and heat is spreading across my ch
eeks like wildfire.

  “Has anyone told you you’re adorable when you blush?” He gives me a knowing smirk, then stands upright, taking his seat across from me seconds later.

  “Um.” I look around the room, seeing several sets of eyes dart away the moment I do.

  “Um, what?” He leans back in his chair after picking his wine glass off the table.

  “I thought we were keeping this hush hush?” I question, not trying to mask my confusion over his sudden outpouring of PDA.

  “We don’t know anyone here and they don’t know us.” He shrugs. “Why, do you have a problem with me kissing you in public?” He smiles over the rim of his glass, clearly sensing that I do not.

  “Not at all. I’m just a little confused. You’re kind of all over the place,” I tell him honestly.

  “I know I am,” he admits, his smile faltering. “But it’s you.”

  “Me?”

  “You make me feel...” He blows out a breath. “I don’t know how to explain it that would make any sense.”

  “Try.”

  “Deep down I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not ready for a real relationship and everything that goes with it. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be. But when I look at you, when I’m with you, things just feel... different.”

  “Different good or different bad?”

  “Different good.” He smiles. “Really good.” He takes a drink. “I’m not saying I want to alter what we agreed to. I think keeping things casual is the best thing right now. But I like how I feel when I’m with you.”

  “I like how I feel when I’m with you too,” I admit.

  “Come home with me after this.” His request catches me off guard.

  “To your place?” I question.

  “Why not?” He shrugs. “At least there we don’t have to worry about someone coming home.”

  “Okay.” I don’t even have to think about it.

  “Okay.” He grins. “Then it’s settled.”

  “I guess so.” I blush again, not sure why the hell I even am.

  I swear, Abel makes me feel like a giddy teenager all over again. All the butterflies and emotions flood me like high rising water, taking me under its swift current.