Baja Honeymoon

by Roland Graeme

  “Sure.”

  “Too bad I didn’t have time to swing by the Serenis’ and stock up on dessert. Next time.”

  “I’m fine. I’m full, as a matter of fact.”

  They took their wine back with them to the living room. Rick, Ken noted to his relief, was sipping his very slowly and gingerly, nursing it.

  “I e-mailed Viktor and he answered right back. It was good to hear from him. He gave me some good advice. He’s a real pal—like you are, Ken.”

  Inwardly, Ken basked in the compliment. “You really like Viktor, don’t you?”

  “He’s kind of a father figure to me. I know that sounds cornball, but it’s true. I remember something he said to me once. We were talking about the price you have to pay for celebrity. He told me ‘The ancient Romans had a goddess they called Fame. People still worship her today, and every now and then she demands a human sacrifice.’”

  “How true. Your Viktor sounds like a smart guy.”

  “He is. One of the studios wants to talk him into coming here to direct a movie. He says he’ll only do it if I play the lead. God, how I hope that works out. I’d love to work with him again, and of course just be with him again, you know, hang out together and talk? And you’d like him. Maybe you’d even like him sexually and vice versa.”

  “Yeah, with the emphasis on the vice part of it. Be careful what you wish for, Rick. Maybe your buddy Viktor and I will really hit it off together and he’ll ‘discover’ me. Turn me into an actor and give you some competition.”

  “I almost wish he would. I’d get a kick out of working with you. I’m so glad you and I met. I’m so glad you and I can talk about things. Not just seriously, but joke about them as well.” Rick sighed, and a flicker of weariness seemed to pass over his face. Then his features regained their usual composure, and he smiled at Ken. “You’re going to have to bear with me, Ken, if I talk at random or don’t seem to make much sense, or if I say stupid things. I feel kind of numb. I still can’t believe it’s over,” Rick said.

  “The media feeding frenzy doesn’t seem to be over.”

  “Oh, it’ll die down eventually. Or they’ll move on to the next story. Eva thinks she can talk Gunther into proposing to her again. That’ll keep the so-called gentlemen of the press busy for a while. I plan to stay out of it, myself. Put it all behind me.”

  Ken gave Rick a searching look. “What exactly are you going to do now?”

  “Feel very sorry for myself for as long as I want to,” Rick said, not without a certain wry humor. “Just wallow in being miserable. Although, seriously, I can already feel myself starting to go stir-crazy. If only I had some work to do, to keep me occupied. But I don’t have to be back in the studio to start work on the next season for a whole month. Needless to say, I thought I’d have plenty of things to distract myself with during the next few weeks.” Rick sighed. “I guess I’d better call the hotel in Cabo San Lucas and cancel the reservation. Damn. I was so looking forward to that Baja trip. I think I’ll keep the pickup, though. I like it, and it ought to be a useful kind of vehicle to have around. I might as well have some souvenir of this whole debacle, besides the money I get back for the ring.”

  “Here’s a thought. Since you have this free time on your hands anyway, maybe you should still go somewhere out of town,” Ken suggested. “You know, treat yourself to a little vacation. Get away from it all and give yourself a chance to think.”

  “That’s not such a bad idea. I want to get the hell away from these damn press people, that’s for sure, before they drive me insane.”

  “In a couple of weeks all this will have blown over, and the vultures will have something else to peck at.”

  “I hope so. That’s what I should do in the meantime, though. Just disappear. Go somewhere where they can’t find me. That was the whole idea behind this road trip to Baja in the first place. I know how these bastards’ minds work. If I drop off the radar completely, oh sure, there’ll be a lot of speculation about where I am and what I’m doing, for the first few days. But with no new photos or video of me to feed the frenzy, they’ll forget about me and concentrate on hounding Eva and her rich boyfriend full-time. Which will serve them right. I don’t think they’ll be doing too much outdoor fucking in the near future, if they’ve got any sense.” Rick seemed lost in thought for a long moment. Then he said, sounding almost as though he was talking to himself, “You know, that’s what I should do—drive down through Baja anyway. By myself. Really get away from it all. Why not? Why should I change my plans just because I’m not going to be married after all?”

  “I think you should do whatever you want to do, and to hell with anybody else. Take care of yourself, put yourself first, for a change.”

  “You’re right, Ken. You’re absolutely right. I’m going to do it. I’m going to go on my trip just as I planned. Some honeymoon, with no bride. But maybe I’ll have just as much fun and be a lot better off in the long run. What do you think?”

  “I say you should go for it, and focus on relaxing and having fun. Don’t put any pressure on yourself of any kind. But I do wonder whether you should go off like this all by yourself.”

  “Why? For safety reasons?”

  “For safety reasons, sure, but also because you might want to have somebody along for company. Somebody to talk to, if nothing else.”

  “True. The trouble is, I can’t think of anybody who’s likely to be free to take off for a couple of weeks at such short notice.” Rick suddenly seemed struck by a thought. “Why don’t you come with me?”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, you. Why not? I remember you telling me you don’t have a nine-to-five job you have to report to. You’re self-employed. You have somebody who could look after your properties for you while you’re away, don’t you?”

  “Sure.”

  “And I remember you telling me you’ve always wanted to go back to Baja. And you have your own camping equipment, don’t you?”

  “The basics, yes.”

  “And your passport’s up to date?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you’re all set. You would like to come along with me, wouldn’t you?”

  “It sounds like a wonderful trip.”

  “But?” Rick coached. “I just heard the ‘but’ in your voice, loud and clear.”

  “Well, you and I haven’t known each other all that long, for one thing.”

  “So what? We get along fine, don’t we?”

  “So far. Traveling together might be different. You know, being stuck with each other’s company twenty-four-seven. We might end up getting on each other’s nerves.”

  “I’m willing to take the chance if you are. And if it’s the expense you’re worried about, don’t be. I’ll pay your way.”

  “You’ll do no such thing. I’m perfectly capable of paying my own way.”

  “I’ll get my money back when I return the ring, remember? I might as well blow it.”

  “Well, you’re not going to blow it on me. I haven’t taken a vacation in ages. I’m overdue. I can afford to splurge, a little. If I decide to go.”

  “So if money isn’t a problem, then what’s holding you back?”

  “Give me a chance to think this over. You’ve sprung it on me without any warning, after all.” Ken hesitated. “And then there’s the gay thing.”

  “Huh? What gay thing?”

  “Me,” Ken specified. “Maybe you don’t want to take a trip with a gay man.”

  “Why wouldn’t I? I’ve got a news flash for you, buddy. I don’t necessarily think of you as a gay man. I think of you as a friend.”

  “Thanks,” Ken muttered, feeling rather abashed.

  “Are you telling me I’d have to fend off your advances every minute we’re alone together?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. For one thing, like a lot of straight guys, you have an exaggerated idea of how irresistible you are to the average gay guy. And for another, I do know how to behave myself. Well, within reason,” Ken
added. “I know how to behave myself when I’m not being encouraged to misbehave.”

  “Then I don’t see the problem. Unless you’re harboring some secret prejudice against straight men.”

  “They can be a pain in the ass sometimes, and not in a literal, pleasurable sense. I try my best to be tolerant of their shortcomings.”

  “How very gracious of you. Come on, give me an answer. Say you’ll come with me.”

  “I’d love to, Rick. But let’s not get too carried away on the impulse of the moment. Why don’t we both sleep on it?”

  “All right. We can get together and talk about it some more tomorrow, if you want. But then you’re going to have to give me a definite answer, yes or no. Because I’ve decided I’m going—alone or with you, I’m still going. And I’d love to have you come along for the ride. I bet we could really have ourselves some fun.”

  Ken did sleep on it. Or more accurately, he gave the matter some serious thought, especially that evening before he went to bed. He sat in front of the TV, not really paying any attention to the program, while he weighed the pros and cons of Rick’s proposal.

  He liked Rick. Ken was honest enough with himself to admit that there was an undeniable component of physical attraction in his feelings toward the other man. Still, it was hardly the first time he’d been attracted to a straight man but had still managed to have a friendship with him. The worst that could happen was that being around Rick, especially in the intimate circumstances of camping out together, might give him the occasional distracting hard-on. Well, Ken was no stranger to sexual frustration, either. He’d just have to deal with it.

  On the other hand, he wasn’t sure how he’d react if Rick became depressed during the trip and started brooding about his broken engagement and his failed relationship with Eva. Ken wasn’t sure he was willing or able to play nursemaid to a straight guy who was going through a major emotional crisis.

  The deciding factor, Ken suspected, would be the fact that he hadn’t treated himself to any kind of a vacation in well over a year. Because he was self-employed and could set his own schedule, he rather perversely felt almost guilty whenever he did allow himself a day off. But his properties and other investments were doing well. He was making a profit. It was about time he made a break from his usual routine.

  I’m becoming an old stick-in-the-mud. I need a change. I need to just get away and have some fun, for once. And why shouldn’t I? What’s stopping me?

  He called Rick late the following afternoon.

  “Have you decided?” was the first thing Rick said. “Are you going to come?”

  “You’re the one who sounds like he’s about to have an orgasm.”

  “Oh, be serious.”

  “I’ll try to be. You’ve got me about 90 percent decided in your favor. Why don’t we get together so you can see whether you can talk me through the remaining 10 percent?”

  “No problem. Just you wait. I’ve got a whole list of persuasive arguments drawn up. How’d you like to come to my place for dinner? Nothing fancy, just filling.”

  “All right. Will there be liquid refreshments available?”

  “The bar is fully stocked and will be open for business when you get here.”

  “That ought to take care of the 10 percent. Maybe I’d better bring a bottle of wine, just to be on the safe side. Is red okay?”

  “Whatever you like.”

  “You’re being suspiciously accommodating.”

  “I’m the one who has an ulterior motive. I plan to get you drunk enough so you’ll agree to anything.”

  “It doesn’t take much alcohol to get me to do that.”

  “That sounds promising. Hurry up, get your ass over here.”

  Carrying a bottle of Chianti, Ken walked over to Rick’s place. His host was impatient, all right, and was waiting for him on the doorstep of the building.

  “Dinner’s already in the oven,” Rick reported. “I came downstairs to see if Beavis and Butthead were on duty. Looks like they’ve taken the night off.”

  “Good. And I’m hungry. I intend to take full advantage of this accommodating mood you’re in, and eat you out of house and home. Drink you out of it too. But first, as long as we’re outside, where’s this pickup truck of yours?”

  “In the parking lot out back. Want to see it?”

  “Yes. Before I commit myself to this trip, I want to check out the transportation.”

  In the parking lot, Rick pointed out his car, which was a modest two-door compact, a few years old. Parked next to it was the pickup truck, which was more than a few years old—a fact betrayed by its body, which was dented and rusty in places. The interior of the cab was in decent shape, though. The rear boasted not only built-in storage lockers but also a sturdy-looking storage rack.

  Rick opened the hood for Ken’s benefit, and the two men inspected the engine together.

  “Everything that counts has been overhauled,” Rick said. “Engine, transmission, brakes, shocks. New tires, as you see. Trust me, it’ll get us all the way down to Cabo and back safely, if not necessarily in high style. I know the body looks rough, but that should make for good camouflage. We don’t want to look too prosperous while we’re on the road.”

  “You’ve got a point there. It’s kind of a sweet little truck, actually. What do you plan to do with it after this trip?”

  “Keep it, I think. It’s good for hauling things, as I found out when I moved in here. And I may want to go on other camping trips. Especially now that I’m not going to have a wife I’m going to have to answer to,” Rick added with a touch of bitterness in his voice. “That could have its advantages, after all. When I’m not working, I’ll be as free as a bird. Maybe I can go on some nice overnight camping trips, in what little free time I have. There I’ll be, all alone in the wilderness. Lucky me.”

  “Let’s go inside and have a drink,” Ken suggested quickly, to change the subject.

  In the kitchen, Ken opened the bottle he’d brought, while Rick tossed a salad.

  “Something smells good,” Ken commented as he handed Rick his glass of wine. “What is it?”

  “Tuna casserole, but not just any old tuna casserole. It’s got lots of veggies in it, and it’s topped with bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese. I promised you something filling. And I put some stuffed mushrooms in the oven, too, as an appetizer or a first course. Sit down and eat your salad. The rest will be ready in a few minutes.”

  “So you really can cook. The other night wasn’t just a fluke.”

  “It’s a survival skill when you’re single. Can’t you?”

  “I can, but I’m too lazy to make things from scratch very often. I like recipes that begin with ‘Remove package from freezer and place in microwave.’”

  “But you have no excuse not to eat right. I’ll teach you.”

  “Oh, you will, will you? I’m not sure I want you to be a good influence on me.”

  To Ken’s relief, Rick laughed. He seemed to be in a better mood. “Sit down. It’s almost ready.”

  As they ate, it wasn’t long before Rick brought up the subject of the trip.

  “Seriously, Ken. The more I think about it, the more fun I think it’ll be to have you along. In fact, now I’ll be disappointed if I have to go without you. What can I do to talk you into it?”

  “Well, as vulgar as it may be to talk about money, we’re going to have to address it sooner or later. How much is this ritzy hotel in Cabo San Lucas going to cost?”

  “It’s already taken care of,” Rick replied evasively. “Consider that part of the trip my treat. Since you didn’t pick it out, I don’t expect you to pay anything toward it.”

  “Okay, we’ll make a deal. You can pay for the hotel if you’ll let me pay for all the gas.”

  “All the gas? Be careful what you wish for. With the price of gas what it is nowadays, you might be better off buying a hotel.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “All right, you’re responsible for the gas.�
��

  “And everything else, we split fifty-fifty.”

  “Except in the unlikely event the truck requires anything besides gas,” Rick pointed out. “You know, an oil change or minor repairs. That’s my responsibility, of course.”

  “Okay, I guess I can’t argue with that.”

  “Then we have a deal?”

  “It sounds like an arrangement I can live with.” Ken hesitated. He took a long sip of wine before continuing. “There’s one other thing we haven’t discussed yet.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “The sleeping arrangements.”

  “What about them? On the way down to Cabo and then back up again, we’ll be using our sleeping bags inside the tent. Or outside the tent, if it’s warm enough at night.”

  Ken said, “Or if we get tired of sleeping out-of-doors, there are some cheap motels along the way. I stayed in a couple of them when I was down there before. You get what you pay for, but they’re not too bad. If we decide to take advantage of them, then that’s one of the things we’ll split fifty-fifty.”

  “Agreed. Then I’m not sure I see what else there is to discuss.”

  “Don’t act so fucking coy, Rick. When I say ‘the sleeping arrangements,’ what I really mean is the sexual arrangements.”

  “Oh? Well, why didn’t you just say ‘the sexual arrangements,’ then? Not that there are going to be any, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “No? You’re not planning to avail yourself of the services of any Mexican whores?”

  “God, no. You must be kidding.”

  “I am. But, more realistically, suppose you happen to meet up with some half-decent broad, especially in Cabo, and you want to hook up with her.”

  “Highly unlikely.”

  “Is it? You’re a good-looking guy. What goes on in Cabo stays in Cabo. Even if some chick doesn’t recognize you and decide she wants to fuck a celebrity, you might run into at least one bimbo who’d be willing to put out for you because you’ve got a hot body and a pretty face, even if she doesn’t know who you are.”