The Golden Pecker

by Penelope Bloom

  He pointed, nodding with a friendly smile. “Andi. Right? Shit, yeah. That’s you for sure.”

  I was more than a little startled when he dropped his bag and walked over to me for a hug. I was still sitting on the bed when he wrapped his arms around me.

  He pulled back from the hug, smiling like he had no idea why it could be inappropriate to hug me while I was sitting on a bed. I wasn’t sure if I was the one reading too much into it, though, so I smiled like nothing was weird, too. “Do you still drum your fingers on everything within reach?” I asked. I tried to stand, which meant awkwardly slinking around him since he was still standing right in front of me.

  “Actually, I use drumsticks most of the time now. I made a career out of it. I do recording gigs for big bands. Some of the really big ones, actually.”

  “Oh, wow,” I said. I was still smiling, but I felt like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t think it had anything to do with the fact that Tommy Gallager from high school had grown up to be certifiably hot. I remembered his mom was actually from Okinawa, Japan, and his dad was Italian. The mixed heritage suited him well, but that wasn’t what had me feeling so nervous and awkward. It was the thought of Landon finding out.

  Just the thought of Landon irritated me. He didn’t deserve to be on my mind, just like he didn’t deserve to ruin this trip.

  “You good?” he asked. “Shit,” he laughed at himself and walked to my door, where he casually rested a hand on the frame and smiled. “Maybe if I didn’t barge into your personal space next time, huh?”

  “No, it’s totally fine,” I said quickly. I followed him to the door and tried to stop acting like such a social virgin. I scrambled to think of a believable lie to explain why I was acting so weird. “I actually just finished this TV series I was super into. So I’m kind of in that… post show depression. Yeah.”

  Tommy nodded like he actually knew what I was talking about. “Been there. When Dexter finished, I felt like a part of me died with it. Or maybe it was just the shitty finale?” He chuckled softly at himself. “But, hey. The best thing to get you over it is a rebound.”

  I felt my eyes go wide. Did he seriously just proposition me for sex? “I don’t know if—I mean, that’s not—”

  “A rebound show,” he said slowly. “I’ve been to weddings like this before. We’re going to have a ton of downtime. What do you say we meet up somewhere and I can introduce you to a new show? There’s just a little informal “welcome” dinner tonight, and then we could hang out after in my room or your room.”

  “Uh,” I stammered.

  “Actually, your room has a massive TV, wow,” he said, pointing to the wall. “Kind of doesn’t fit the whole ancient history aesthetic, but I’m not complaining. Let’s do your room then. Catch you after the party?” He drummed his fingers on the doorframe and took a step back, pointing expectantly at me.

  Feeling overwhelmed and bombarded, all I did was shrug and raise my eyebrows.

  Tommy nodded, gave a little wave, and walked off.

  As soon as he was around the corner, Audria and Bree both burst out of their rooms.

  “Eavesdropping? Seriously?” I asked.

  “Uh, I, uh, er, uh,” Audria mimicked. “If that little routine from you led to him asking you to hang out, he’s really desperate. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah,” Bree agreed. “No offense, but you weren’t exactly ‘spitting game’ as the kids say.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “You are the kids, Bree. And I wasn’t trying to get him to ask me to hang out. I was trying to get him out of my room.”

  “Ah,” Audria said. “So, you wanted to get him out of your room, and your best plan was to agree to invite him back to your room tonight after the welcome dinner. Got it.”

  “There was no plan,” I said. And now I’m feeling all confusingly guilty because this feels like going behind Landon’s back somehow. Except I should actually feel the glorious, red, white, and blue glow of righteous justice for doing exactly that. Hell, I could probably go on a wild sex spree and still not pay him back for hiding such a huge lie. “And maybe the two of you should get a life so you can stop butting into mine.”

  “As soon as your life stops talking at the top of its lungs outside our rooms, maybe we will,” Audria said.

  I gestured to the otherwise empty hallway and gave my sisters my best get a life glare. Thankfully, they took the hint and left me by myself again. Except that only meant I had a few hours before the welcome dinner to sit and torture myself by mentally running through everything that just happened. I’d agreed to pseudo-date an old high school friend. Meanwhile, I was tangled in a kind of sort of dominant submissive relationship with a guy who looked like a Calvin Klein model back home. Oh, and I was regularly having very, very dirty dreams about said guy back home. The fact that I was trying my best to be appropriately mad over what he’d hidden from me was doing depressingly little to stop any of it.

  I was also pretty sure Landon would lose his shit if he somehow figured out what was going on. But screw Landon—just, well, not in the way I’d been screwing him in my dreams almost every night. He could get figuratively screwed, right along with his over-confident assumption that I’d submit to him.

  I had a bad habit of over-indulging when free stuff was involved. For starters, I was the bane of every free sample person’s existence. I’d shamelessly stand there and fill up until they were either out of samples or they called security. So when waitstaff started circulating the welcome party to Dana Whitmoore’s extravagant, super fancy wedding, I helped myself to everything they were offering.

  That meant I’d eaten my weight in little squares of cheese, flaky pastries filled with spinach and cream, crunchy wonton’s loaded with crab meat, and my favorite—doughnuts. Yes, among all the fancy, hoity toity options, there was literally a server walking around with a tray of straight-up doughnuts. After a few minutes, they started passing out champagne glasses as well.

  Like a medieval king who just gorged on several platters of chicken legs to the point where he could no longer move, I perched in a chair and groggily said my “hello” to old acquaintances and friends who passed by me.

  Audria found me about two hours later and shook her head. “You are so ridiculous. It literally looks like you’re pregnant right now. How much did you eat?”

  I waved my hand. Truth be told, I was a little drunk, despite all the food weighing me down like a delicious little anchor. “Enough.”

  She laughed. “You’re going to be a real catch for your date tonight, assuming his line is strong enough to pull in a blue whale.”

  I lifted my arm to point warningly at her but lost my balance in the chair and slumped over. I let out a defeated sigh. “As soon as I’m mobile again. I’m going to get you for that.”

  “This looks a little self-destructive, even by your standards. Is this about Landon?”

  I looked her in the eyes and shook my head. “If Landon saw me right now, I’d tell him to suck on a bone.”

  Audria watched me with raised eyebrows. “I don’t know what that means. Is that a sexual thing, or…”

  “It’s dangerous. Chicken bones splinter and can cut up your insides. So, I’d be telling him to do something dangerous. Because screw him.”

  “Right. That sounds super dangerous. If he was a dog. You might as well tell him to go swimming right after he eats because you hope he gets a cramp and maybe drowns.”

  “Okay. I’d tell him to pull the pin on a grenade and shove it up his ass, how about that?”

  “That’s great, but I’m pretty sure you can’t just go buy a grenade from Wal Mart. You’ve got to have some kind of military license and so on.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I’m way too drunk and stuffed to be having this conversation right now.”

  Tommy made his way through the crowd from behind Audria. I inwardly cringed a little. I felt like Jabba The Hut right now. Meesa made a mistake. “Hey, Tommy,” I said. “Did you try the appeti
zers?”

  “Andi did,” Audria said. “All of them. Like six times. I’m sure she can give you some suggestions if you’re wondering about any of them.”

  Tommy smiled. “You look a little wiped out. Want to get out of here?”

  Audria gave him a look. “I think she’s a little too far gone to go somewhere alone right now, actually.”

  “Oh, no. Not alone. I mean you can come, too. Assuming you are as over this party as I am.”

  “Unless you have a wheelbarrow,” I said. “I don’t think I’m moving. Or one of those mobile, electric scooters like they have at grocery stores. Whirrrr,” I said, chuckling and holding my hands up to pantomime scootering out of there.

  I knew I’d gone overboard on the drinks, but I didn’t realize by how much until it felt like somebody started skipping pages on my night. One minute, I was making an idiot out of myself in front of Tommy and my sister. The next, both of them were hauling me back to my room. Then we were watching a movie. Then Audria was sleeping on the bed with me and Tommy was dozing on the couch. After that, I didn’t remember anything.

  By morning, I thought my head was going to split itself open. I sat up in bed, wincing and pinching my temples. Audria stirred beside me.

  She groaned and threaded her fingers together above her head. Her hair was a dark, tangled mess. “Do you still need a babysitter, or can I go to my own room now? I was hoping to get some work done on my thesis before the wedding.”

  I looked past her to the couch, where Tommy was still asleep. I felt bad for him. He might have been a little aggressively outgoing for my tastes, but I had to admit he was a nice guy. Sweet, even. I’d also hardly given him a chance yet. We had our awkward introductions in my room last night, and the next thing I saw of him, I was drunk out of my mind. “Thank you for staying with me,” I said. “But I’m fine now. Just a hangover the size of Schwarzenegger.”

  She gave me a mock salute, got out of bed, and quietly slipped out of my room. I scooted back and sat up against the headboard, trying to decide where I wanted to go from here. For all I knew, Tommy was going to wake up and try to find his way out of my life as soon as possible.

  Images of Landon flashed in my mind. Dark images. I saw him with the shadows from the club playing across his cruelly perfect features. I felt his hot breath between my legs in the locker room of the aquarium and I remembered the taste of his thumb between my lips. Like usual, my body reacted to the memories. My stomach flooded with heat and I had to press my thighs together to fight the hungry pulsing between my legs.

  Tommy sat up, and I suddenly felt ten times dirtier. I was lying in bed, probably already soaked, and there was a guy on my couch. Meanwhile, I still hadn’t even decided if it was possible to cheat on a guy you kind of sort of had a contractual relationship with—a guy you also had a very good reason to cut out of your life for good.

  “Oh, hey,” I said. “Looks like you found a wheelbarrow, after all.”

  He smiled. It was a kind smile. From looking at his face, I thought I could see it all as plain as day. The difference between a guy like Tommy and a guy like Landon was simple: the Tommys of the world were the ones who’d remember your birthday and take you to nice Italian restaurants for Valentine’s day. They’d take selfies with you and post them on social media with cute captions, like, “Can’t believe she’s mine!”. Tommy was probably the kind of guy I could have been perfectly happy with. But it felt like I could see all that unroll out into infinity just from a glance at his smile. It was clear. Obvious, even.

  Then there was Landon. I wasn’t even sure if I could say he was like the Landons of the world, because I suspected he was one of a kind. The future with him might as well have been a closed door. Hell, there was probably smoke billowing out from under the door, too. Maybe even an ominous, red glow. If there were any social media captions from Landon, they’d probably be weird and kinky, like, “This one is mine.”

  I grinned a little at the thought. Landon did have quite the possessive streak. Normally, that would’ve put me off. Oddly enough, I found I had enjoyed when I could see him getting jealous of me. I needed to stop thinking of him in the present tense. Somebody who could lie about something like that could lie about all sorts of things.

  A smart person would’ve pursued Tommy a hundred times out of a hundred. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how everything was going to play out. I wasn’t ready to sign up for that—for white picket fences, kids, and flour-coated aprons. It didn’t mean I was going to forgive Landon, but just because Landon had screwed up, it also didn’t mean I had to rebound into the first guy who showed up.

  “Actually,” Tommy said. “I’m not sure how much you remember, but your sister and I just kind of half-carried you back here. I have to say, I’ve never heard a sloppy drunk person sing so well, though. I mean, you butchered the words to “The Eye of the Tiger” and “Macho Man,” but it was all perfectly in pitch.”

  “BS,” I said. “I know those songs like the back of my hand. I’d never screw up the lyrics.”

  We both smiled, and there it was again. I could feel how easy it would be. I just had to keep being myself—to let things play out like they wanted to. He was an attractive guy who was interested in me. He had a respectable job. He was nice. He didn’t glare at me like he’d just hopped off the elevator from hell a few minutes ago. And he didn’t make me squirm with need every time he popped into my head.

  I heard Bree outside my door. Tommy and I turned toward the sound, listening intently. She sounded a little scared.

  “...not a good idea. Uh, Audria! A little help!”

  Somebody tried the handle of my door. Then there were three loud bangs. “Andi?” A deep voice called. “Open the fucking door.”

  My eyes went wide. I knew that voice. It was the same voice that had told me to strip out of my clothes. To touch myself.

  Without thinking, I threw the covers over my head.

  “Andi?” Tommy asked quietly. “Who is that?”

  “Shh!” I hissed. “Hide!”

  “What the hell?” he asked. “I’m not going to hide.”

  I heard him walking across the room. Then the door opened.

  “Who are you?” Landon demanded.

  “Tommy. What do you want?”

  “I want you to get out of my fucking way so I can find Andi.”

  There was an uncomfortable pause.

  “I can see you under the blanket, Andi,” Landon said.

  I slid the blanket down and gave a sheepish little wave. When I saw the look on Landon’s face, I realized being buried in the covers of my bed while Tommy was in my room sent the wrong message.

  Landon looked like a bull who had seen red. His focus turned to Tommy, and he started advancing with murder in his eyes.

  22

  Landon

  He was a relatively big guy, but I was pissed enough that it didn’t matter. I lifted him by his shirt and slammed him into the nearest wall. I’d pulled my hand back to punch him when something small latched onto my bicep. I looked back and saw Andi tugging on my arm with both her hands. Even as pissed as I was, I didn’t fail to notice that she was fully dressed, and judging by the wrinkles in her clothes, she hadn’t changed since last night.

  My suspicion that she’d slept with this guy dropped from highly probably to less likely, which helped keep me from punching him.

  But while I was looking at Andi, the guy I was pinning took his opportunity to punch me.

  I staggered back from the surprise of it. When I turned to face him, his hands were up like he was ready to fight.

  “I have no idea who you are,” he said. “But I’m not going to let you hurt Andi.”

  I wanted to laugh. “Hurt Andi? The only one I’m considering hurting is you.”

  His hands dropped slightly. He looked at Andi, then me, and understanding settled on him. “Wait. Are you two together?” He was asking Andi—not me.

  We both spoke at the same time, only I said “y
es,” and she said “no.”

  “Just stop trying to hit each other,” Andi pleaded.

  “Is this why you snuck off to Florida?” I asked her. “To fuck this guy who can barely throw a punch?”

  “That was a warning shot,” the other guy said.

  “Great. I’ll add child-like tendencies to the long list of your charming qualities, Landon. Now, would you please get out of my room?”

  “After him,” I said.

  The guy looked to Andi.

  She gave him a tired shrug. “I need to shower and get ready, anyway. We can catch up later. And thank you for last night.”

  “Thank you for last night?” I asked. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “What is your problem?” Andi hissed.

  “You,” I said simply. The truth of my statement hit me with ten times the force of her potential lover’s punch. In a literal sense, it was obvious. She stood between me and the club. She was the only thing stopping me from doing what was smart and squashing the doubts my members had—from going to the lawyers and taking everything William had dangled between us.

  I had hoped I could start putting her out of my head after our fight. I knew I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and I hadn’t expected it. But she’d wriggled her way into my brain and set up camp. When I closed my eyes, it was her I saw. That was a problem. A big fucking one. It was the exact moment I’d decided not to get attached to anyone again. There was the pain of caring about something and having it taken away, or the duller, more tolerable pain of not caring in the first place. I’d chosen the later.

  Except.

  Andi put her hands on my shoulder and literally pushed me toward the door. I let her move me but didn’t let her close the door until the other guy left. My blood boiled when he had the nerve to reach in and give her a long hug before he did, though. I refused to move from the doorframe when he tried to slide past, forcing him to bump into my shoulder.

  “Go,” Andi said. “Home. Back to New York. To a ditch, I don’t care really. Just go.”