Baby Daddy Can't Get Enough

by B. B. Hamel

  “His sisters,” I say.

  “Right.” She gives me a look. “Are you sure you’re engaged to him?”

  I wiggle my ring at her again with a smile.

  “Whatever.” She starts walking along the outside of the maze and I have to get up to follow her. “Are you coming to dinner tonight?”

  “I’m not sure,” I admit.

  She shoots me a look. “You’d better. I bet the Head Zombies would be so pissed if you skipped.”

  “Head Zombies?”

  “It’s what I call Ryan’s parents. They’re in charge but they’re only like… halfway there.”

  I stifle a laugh. “Okay. Well, I think it’s up to Ryan if we go.”

  “You will. Everyone always goes to the first dinner. It’s a tradition.” She turns around, walks backward and looks at me. “It’s also a total shitshow.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Just watch. Uncle Toby will get shitfaced. My parents will fight. Joel will fight with his wife but they’ll try really hard to hide it. Ryan will fight with his dad, or at least he usually does, I don’t know what’ll happen now that you’re in the mix.”

  “Hopefully, I’ll stop at least one of those fights.”

  “Maybe.” She spins around again, her fingers running through the hedge. I can’t help but wonder how this maze is dangerous or if it really is. “Anne will be there and I’ll fight with her, I’m sure. Basically, everyone will drink too much, fight a whole lot, and then go to bed. It’ll all be over and gone the next day. You’ll see.”

  “Sounds exhausting.”

  “I don’t know.” She squints up at the sky for a long moment. “Part of me thinks everyone does it that first night so that they can get it out of the way, you know? So the rest of the week isn’t so bad.”

  “Does it help?” I ask.

  “Not at all.” She laughs a little wildly. “Well, maybe a little. Nobody gets killed, at least, and that’s a minor miracle.”

  I laugh. She’s such a strange girl and so open about her family. I’m a total stranger to her but she’s not censoring herself at all. It’s like she can’t help but talk about them even if she doesn’t want to.

  “Anyway, you’ll see.” She stops suddenly and her fingers drop from the hedge. She turns to me with a little smile on her lips. “I should get going. You probably should too.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not supposed to be out here.”

  “Nobody is. That maze really is dangerous.”

  “Why?” I ask her.

  She just shrugs. “I don’t know, honestly. Everyone always says it.”

  “You’ve never gone in?”

  “Nope. My parents would flip if I went in there.” She walks up to me suddenly and takes my hand. “Promise you won’t go in there?”

  “Promise,” I say, blinking with surprise.

  “Good.” She doesn’t drop my hand. She starts walking again, back the way we came. “Come on. I’ll take you back to the house. We’ll hold hands and I bet everyone will see and have something to say about that.”

  “Why?” I ask, feeling totally bewildered.

  “They’ll think I’m on your side.”

  “My side?”

  She cocks her head at me as we walk toward the woods. “Of course. Don’t you know you just stepped right into the middle of a war?”

  I blink a little bit as we reach the edge and step back onto the needles. We walk together in silence and I let that roll through my mind.

  I knew that Ryan was having a fight with his brothers over who gets the company. That was made pretty clear to me, but I’m supposed to be the way he wins. None of that is supposed to matter once his father believes that we’re serous.

  But maybe Mia’s right. There’s probably more happening here that I don’t know about. I thought this would be simple, or at least as simple as it can be, but that’s probably wrong.

  This is a big family with a lot of problems and secrets. They’ve probably been fighting some form of this war for a very long time. I can’t just waltz in here and expect things to change.

  As we walk, Mia asks me about New York. I tell her about my apartment, my job walking dogs.

  “God, that must be so nice,” she says wistfully. “I go to this private all-girls school in New Hampshire. It’s pretty much the worst thing in the world. They have a little farm with chickens and they want to teach us about living sustainably. It’s honestly the worst.”

  “Sounds awful. But you’re a senior, right?”

  “Not exactly. I mean, I should be, but I missed a year. I got really sick when I was younger.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s cool. It was a long time ago. I’m going to college somewhere fun though, like NYU or something like that. If I went to NYU, I could visit you and Ryan, right?”

  “Absolutely,” I say. “We’d love that.”

  “Okay, great. I’ll go there.”

  “There are other schools in the city, you know.”

  She looks kind of surprised. “Really?”

  “Really.” I laugh and squeeze her hand. “I’ll send you a list of them. What’s your email?”

  She sighs dramatically. “Email, ugh, I miss it so much. We don’t get email at my school and my parents took away my phone. I’m all analog now, Casey, and it’s honestly disgusting. I’ll probably steal someone’s phone before this week is over.”

  I laugh, delighted by how dramatic she’s acting. I’m not so much older than she is, though. I can remember exactly how she’s feeling right now.

  We step out of the woods and head up past the pool. We come in through the back door together, still holding hands, but she instantly lets my hand drop when we step inside.

  Two men are sitting at the bar and several women are standing around, talking to each other. One peels away from the group, the exact mirror image of Mia, but just a few years older. She comes stomping over, an annoyed expression on her face.

  “Just because you can’t have a phone, you freaking psycho, doesn’t mean you get to break mine.”

  “I didn’t,” Mia says.

  “Don’t lie to me, you asshole.” The girl’s eyes flip to mine. “Who are you?”

  “This is Casey. She’s Ryan’s wife or fiancée or whatever.”

  “Seriously?” The girl snorts and makes a face. “I don’t believe you.”

  “That’s what I said,” Mia whispers.

  I hold my hand up and wiggle the ring. “It’s true.”

  “Huh.” She looks a little surprised then shrugs. “Cool. I’m Anne, I guess you met my stupid sister already.”

  “Hi, Anne. Casey.”

  “Welcome to the family from hell.” Anne grabs her sister’s arm. “Come on, dickhead. You’re fixing it.”

  “I didn’t break it!” Mia says then glances at me and winks as her sister pulls her off. I watch the girls storm out of the room with a little smile on my face, totally bewildered. They’re charming though, in their own way.

  I turn to leave the room when I spot one of the men from the bar walking toward me. I suddenly want to run as fast as I can but his eyes are locked on me and he has this smarmy little smile. His hair’s slicked back and he’s wearing an expensive slim suit over his skinny frame. He has a beard and looks very similar to Ryan, except he’s shorter and not nearly as muscular.

  “Hello,” he says. “We haven’t met yet. I’m Joel.”

  “Hi,” I manage.

  He holds out his hand. I shake it briefly.

  “Good to meet you.” His smile seems warm but I force myself to remember that Joel is the real enemy here. If this is the war, he’s the other army.

  “Likewise.”

  He drops my hand and I notice that he didn’t ask my name. I guess he already knows.

  “I suppose I should welcome you to the family. I have to admit, your little betrothal to my brother was somewhat… sudden and unexpected.”

  “Yes, I know,” I say, forcing a smile. “We
didn’t plan it. Just happened.”

  “Of course,” he says. “Engagements truly do happen spontaneously these days.”

  His smile doesn’t even touch his eyes.

  “Well, I should go find him,” I say.

  “By the way, which room are you two staying in? I want to send something up, a little congratulations gift.”

  I hesitate a moment. “I’m not sure,” I say, not sure why I decide to lie to him. “Sorry, I don’t know how to describe it. This is such a big, beautiful home.”

  “Yes, well, do be sure to tell me soon.” He smiles again, his creepy and lifeless smile.

  I turn and walk away. It’s probably rude to just duck out suddenly but I can’t help it. The other women are looking at me, wearing preppy, clean, pastel-colored clothes and holding wine glasses. They don’t look particularly annoyed or angry at my presence, but they’re not coming over to greet me, either. They just want me silently with neutral expressions.

  It’s unnerving. I hurry away, slip through the kitchen, and climb the back steps. I find the door to our room, knock twice, then burst in.

  Ryan’s standing at the window. He turns as I shut the door behind me.

  “You left the room.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “You noticed.”

  “Casey. I told you not to leave the room.”

  I throw my hands up. “What was I supposed to do, just sit in here? I can’t hide in this room for the next week.”

  “No,” he says. “You can’t, but you could’ve for an hour or two. Where did you go?”

  I consider lying to him, but I decide against it. I tell him about the hedge maze and Mia, about Anne, and about Joel.

  “Did you tell him where our room is?” he asks, his voice suddenly cold.

  “No,” I say.

  He lets out a breath. “Good.”

  “He can figure that out though, right?”

  “Of course, and he will. But the longer that takes, the better.”

  “Why?”

  He looks away. “My brothers are fond of pranks. They were fun and cheeky when we were younger, but they’ve gotten more dangerous and much more mean-spirited in the years since.”

  I take that in and digest it quietly. “Okay. So expect whoopie cushions under our mattress and cellophane over the toilet bowl. Got it.”

  He gives me a thin smile. “I hope that’s all they do.” There’s a short pause as he runs his hands through his hair. “I’m glad you met Mia. She’s really nice.”

  “Why did she keep saying the hedge maze is dangerous?”

  “Mostly because it is. The maze isn’t kept up very well and it’s just in bad shape. Stay out of there.”

  I frown. “Okay, yeah, sure.”

  “Avoid the hedge maze. Also, avoid my brothers.”

  “And Mia?”

  “She’s fine. She’s a little nuts, her and her sister both, but they’re cool.”

  I sit down on the couch and draw my knees to my chest, just like Mia did earlier on the stone bench. “Why didn’t you warn me about your family, Ryan?”

  He looks at me for a long moment then walks over and sits down next to me. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I should have. It’s just not an easy conversation to have.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “You could just say they’re all a bunch of weirdos and psychos that’ll want to drown me in the ocean.”

  He hesitates, a thoughtful frown on his lips. “Well, yeah, okay. That about sums it up, sure.”

  I lean my head back and groan.

  He puts a hand on my knee. I glance at it but I let it stay for some reason. I’m not sure why. He’s not supposed to touch me.

  But it does feel nice.

  “Look, we’re doing dinner tonight. We kind of have to. Everyone will be there, and it’ll be like throwing a baby into the deep end. Just stay with me, talk the bare minimum, and you’ll be fine.”

  “You make it sound like they’ll stab me in the face if I say the wrong thing.”

  “They won’t,” he says. “But they might do something worse.”

  I give him a weird look but he doesn’t elaborate.

  “I guess I should get showered and dressed.” I stand up, suddenly wanting to get away from him and his hand.

  “Fine. I’ll be out here.” He checks his watch. “We have like an hour and a half.”

  “Plenty of time.”

  “Good.” He kicks his feet up on the coffee table. “Go ahead. I’ll be out here, picturing the water rolling down your pretty, naked little body. You have such nice, hard, pink nipples, you know that?”

  “Perv,” I mutter but I’m smiling as I walk back to the bathroom. I open the door and turn on the shower…

  And I like that he’s out there, picturing me taking off my clothes.

  6

  Ryan

  Casey emerges from the bathroom an hour later dressed in tight black pants, black ankle boots, and a black sweater. She shrugs on a black leather jacket and is about to grab a pair of black sunglasses when she stops herself. She turns to me and raises an eyebrow.

  “What? I’m dressed for battle.”

  My retort dies completely on my lips. I can’t help but smirk slightly and nod. “Perfect.”

  She grins and we leave the room together. I’m wearing dark jeans and a navy button-down, tucked in and my sleeves half rolled. Even in heels, she’s still nearly a foot shorter than me, but her ass looks absolutely fucking amazing in those pants. She’s by far the most attractive woman in this house right now, and I bet all the other wives are going to fucking hate her.

  That brings a goddamn smile to my lips.

  I can’t say I know them very well. My brothers married nice, finely bred women from New England. They have their own money, and the proper manners that comes along with it. They’re also incredibly petty, spiteful, and hateful, and I’m a little afraid of how they’ll react to Casey.

  But I push it from my mind. The only thing that matters during this dinner is Casey getting along with my family, or really, with my father.

  I lead her the opposite way down the hall. Instead of the back stairs, we turn left and head down the main stairs which take us into the huge open entry hall. Casey looks around, clearly impressed, and gawks at the chandelier.

  “Tiffany’s,” I say. “I think it used to hang in one of their stores a long time ago.”

  “That thing must be… priceless.”

  “Nah. Pretty sure it’s insured for a few million though.”

  She laughs stupidly as we walk down. I lead her to the huge dining hall just off the entryway but we pause right outside. The sounds of conversation and glasses clinking filters out. I turn to her and put my hands on her shoulders.

  “Stay with me,” I say, looking into her pretty eyes. “I’m serious, Casey. Stay with me and don’t wander off.”

  “Okay.” She smiles. “Can we get a drink right away?”

  “I could kiss you right now.”

  “Do it and I’ll knee you in the balls.”

  “Oh, darling, you truly do know how to get me going.”

  She rolls her eyes, still smiling, and we step into the room.

  I halfway expect it to go silent at our entrance. But really, just a few people glance over before returning to their conversations. It’s probably better that way.

  The dining room is basically a small banquet hall. Instead of multiple tables, there’s one enormous table in the middle, a large rectangle running down the center. There’s a bar where my brothers are already congregating, along with a couple uncles, and staff is circulating trays with champagne. I snag two glasses, hand one to Casey, and we walk into the room.

  “There he is,” says a woman wearing a tasteful blue sweater and jeans, walking over to us.

  “Hi, Aunt Sara,” I say and give her a hug. “This is Casey.”

  “I heard. You’re the one that finally tied him down.” She kisses Casey�
�s cheek. “Nice to meet you, dear. And that ring is breathtaking. Did you pick it out?”

  “He did,” Casey says.

  “Of course he did. He has such good taste.” Aunt Sara beams at me. “We’re so glad you could bring her, Ryan.”

  “She wouldn’t miss it.” I smile. “How’s Stephanie?”

  “Running around here somewhere,” she says, waving a hand.

  I look at Casey. “Steph’s three. Cute girl.”

  “She’s my miracle,” Aunt Sara says. She’s way too old to have a three-year-old but the magic of surrogacy can work wonders. “I do hope the nanny has her.”

  I roll my eyes at Casey as Aunt Sara looks around.

  “Well, good seeing you,” I say, steering Casey away. We drink our champagne and do a quick circuit before diving in.

  We say hello to everyone, all the aunts and uncles. I introduce Casey one at a time, kissing, hugging, smiling, pretending like we enjoy each other’s company when most of the people in here would rather die than spend more than a week with anyone else in here. We get cornered by Uncle Toby, of course, even though I try to avoid it.

  “I’m telling you,” Uncle Toby says, already halfway drunk. “If you just buy Bitcoin, you’re golden.”

  “Didn’t that crash?” Casey asks.

  Uncle Toby glares at her. “Temporary. Temporary! It’ll rise again, I promise. I bought a lot of Bitcoin and I’m just waiting for my time.”

  “That’s great, Uncle Toby,” I say.

  “Really is,” Casey echoes, smiling.

  I lead her away. We talk to Aunt Deb about her cats and dogs. She has stringy, dirty hair, and I think she hasn’t showered in a few days. “I’m really into living naturally right now,” she says, which I think is code for not showering.

  We talk to Uncle Roger and Aunt Sonia before we find their children, Stephen, Tyler, and Connie. Stephen’s sneaking Connie a drink, even though she’s only nineteen and he’s barely twenty-one. They say ‘what’s up’ before going back to their phones, tucked away in chairs in a far corner, barely interested in what’s going on.

  We finally end up at the bar. Joel, Harry, and Wayne are all there. They turn and look at me and Casey, and there’s the unmistakable glint of hatred in Joel’s eye, although it’s actually kind of good to see Harry and Wayne, my two youngest brothers. I give them hugs, introduce Casey, and end up sitting down for a drink. Casey sits next to me.