by Nick Hornby
Sold for two hundred guineas. Thank you.
He brings down the gavel, and a murmur goes round the room. JENNY is excited and giggly. DAVID pats her on the back.
Your name, please?
JENNY looks at DANNY, then back to the auctioneer.
JENNY
(too loudly)
Mellor.
Murmurs from the room.The auctioneer moves on to the next Lot, while DAVID and DANNY turn to JENNY.
DANNY
Thank you. Couldn’t possibly have bought it without you.
JENNY beams. She’s thrilled.
27 EXTERIOR: LONDON STREET - DAY
The Bristol pulls into a smart Regency terrace.We hear their conversation from the car.
DANNY (out of sight)
A couple of years ago you could pick one of them up for fifty quid, you know. Nobody was interested.
JENNY (out of sight)
I would have been so interested.
28 INTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
A beautiful, large, airy sitting room inside the terrace apartment.The flat is unusually and tastefully decorated, opulent and indicative of Bohemian good taste. JENNY is sipping a glass of white wine and walking around the room enthralled, looking at DANNY’S collection. Suddenly JENNY sees a cello in the corner of the room - a good one.
JENNY
That’s not a Lockey-Hill!
DANNY
There aren’t many people who come in here and say that.
HELEN
Certainly not me.
JENNY
It’s beautiful. Do you play?
DANNY
I used to. I vowed to myself that one day I’d own one of these. And now that I do own one, I never touch the bugger. It’s vulgar to put it on show, really.
HELEN
Give it to Jenny.
DANNY
That would be even more vulgar.
DAVID
Play for us, Jenny.
JENNY
Gosh, no. One day. When I’m good enough.
DAVID
She’s good enough now.
JENNY
Oh, David.You’ve never seen me play.
DAVID
I shall come to hear you in Oxford, when you get there.
DANNY
We should all go and spend a weekend in Oxford. Straw boaters -
HELEN
(cutting in)
Boats!
DANNY
- punting, cream teas, antiquarian bookshops . . . Bit of business, if we can find it. What about next weekend?
DAVID / HELEN
Yes!
JENNY
I wouldn’t be allowed to do that.
They all look at her.
DAVID
I’ll talk to them.
JENNY hoots with derision.
JENNY
You’re going to ask my father if you can take me away for the weekend? He’d have you arrested.
DAVID
We’ll see.
JENNY
I’ll bet you you can’t.
DAVID
How much?
DANNY
(amused )
I’d be careful, if I were you, Jenny.You don’t know who you’re dealing with.
JENNY
Half-a-crown.
DAVID
You’re on.
29 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ DILAPIDATED HOUSE - DAY
JENNY and DAVID are driving along a North Kensington street.
JENNY
How do you know Danny?
DAVID is distracted. He’s driving slowly, apparently looking for an address.
DAVID
Oh, you know. We kept bumping into each other, and we became pals, and we’ve ended up doing a bit of business together, when it suits us.
JENNY
What kind of business?
DAVID
Property. A bit of art dealing. Some buying and selling. This and that . . .
He stops the car.
Right. I’ll just be two ticks.
He gets out of the car, and JENNY watches him as he crosses the road. Outside a dilapidated house covered in scaffolding stands a large West Indian family - mother, father, three or four small children and a dog.They are surrounded by what appears to be all their worldly goods.
DAVID squats down on his haunches, talks to the kids, tousles the hair of the smallest.Then he takes out a bunch of keys and ushers the family down the path. He unlocks the door and leads them inside.
In an upper window of the house, we see an old lady peering down anxiously.
30 EXTERIOR: STREET/DILAPIDATED HOUSE - DAY
DAVID emerges from the house, jangling his keys.
31 INTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR - DAY
JENNY opens the glove compartment where DAVID keeps his cigarettes, takes out the packet, removes and lights one for herself. DAVID gets in.
DAVID
Sorry about that.
JENNY
How do you know those . . . Negro people?
DAVID
They’re clients.
JENNY
Clients?
DAVID
Schwarzers have to live somewhere. It’s not as if they can rent off their own kind, is it?
He starts the car and drives off.
32 INTERIOR: CLASS ROOM/LATIN - DAY
JENNY is in her Latin class, waiting for the lesson to begin. TINA and HAT TIE aren’t with her, and she sits on her own - the atmosphere of the class is very different from MISS STUBBS’ English lessons.The girls are different, more serious, less fun, and the atmosphere is more sombre.The teacher, MRS WILSON, is older, plainer, stricter. She holds some papers.
MRS WILSON
Test results for the Virgil translation. We will start from the bottom . . . Patricia.
JENNY puffs out her cheeks. She’s not last.
Absent. Margaret. 48 per cent. Jenny . . .
JENNY winces.
52 per cent. That would just about scrape a pass in the exam proper. Not good enough for Oxford candidates.
33 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: JENNY’S HOUSE - DAY
JENNY and her mother are sitting on the sofa, staring into space, clearly upset. On the coffee table in front of them is the test, covered in red ink.
JACK enters, back from work. He’s wearing a suit and carrying a battered briefcase. He looks at them, and then notices the essay on the table.
JACK
It’s her Latin, isn’t it?
MARJORIE
Everyone’s doing their best, Jack.
JACK
But what if everyone’s best isn’t good enough? What do we do then?
JENNY
We don’t go to Oxford. Any of us.
Not even you, Dad.
JACK
Perhaps the whole thing’s a waste of time and money anyway.
MARJORIE
You don’t mean that.
JACK
Well, what’s she going to do with an English degree? If she’s going to spend three years playing that bloody cello and talking in French to a bunch of beatniks, then I’m just throwing good money after bad. I suppose she might meet a nice lawyer. But she could do that at a dinner dance tomorrow.
JENNY
Oh, because that’s the point of an Oxford education, isn’t it, Dad? It’s the expensive alternative to a dinner dance.
MARJORIE
What about private tuition?
JACK
Is anyone listening to me? How much is that going to cost me?
MARJORIE
Five shillings an hour. Maybe a little more for A-level.
JACK
Five bob! We spend five bob here and five bob there, next thing you know it’s our savings down the drain.
MARJORIE
And what else are we spending five bob on? What else are we spending sixpence on?
JACK
Oh, nothing. (He gestures round the room.) All of this is free. That vase was free.
MARJORIE
It was, actually. It was a present from Auntie Vi.
JACK
That chair was free. The sofa. We don’t have to pay for anything. That’s the beauty of life, Jenny. Everything’s free. Grows on trees. Wonderful, isn’t it? (He warms to his theme and grows progressively more berserk.) We’ve got a lovely Oxford tree in the garden, lucky for you, so that’s Oxford taken care of. And a whole orchard of school trees, so that’s all free. I’m sure there are some private tuition trees out there. I’ll go and have a look.
He stands up.
MARJORIE
Jack . . .
JACK
No, no, won’t take me a minute. I think I saw some out the front, right next to the pocket money tree. I’ll just nip out and check, see that they’re doing all right. Don’t want anyone climbing over the wall and scrumping, do we? And you never know. Maybe there’ll be a man with deep pockets growing out there. Because God knows we need to find you one.
He leaves the room, apparently to look in the front garden for the mythical trees.
34 EXTERIOR: STREET/COFFEE BAR - DAY
JENNY, HATTIE and TINA are walking back from school.
TINA
You can always go to secretarial college with Hattie.
JENNY
(sarcastic)
Oh, thanks.
HAT TIE
Charming!
JENNY
Oh, God, no.
HATTIE and TINA follow JENNY’S eyes, and they see GRAHAM coming towards them pushing his bike, red-faced, trousers tucked into socks.
GRAHAM
Hello.
JENNY
Hello, Graham.
GRAHAM
I haven’t seen you in ages . . . It went a bit wrong, didn’t it? The tea-party, I mean. Was it because of the year off thing?
JENNY
No. I just have so much work to do if I’m going to get the grades I need.
TINA
Yes. She doesn’t have time for boys.
HATTIE and TINA try to suppress giggles. GRAHAM turns an even brighter shade of red. HATTIE and TINA enter the coffee bar. JENNY feels sorry for him, is on the verge of inviting him to join them . . . And changes her mind.
JENNY
(quickly)
Bye, Graham.
She follows the girls inside.
GRAHAM
Bye.
35 INTERIOR: JENNY’S BEDROOM/ UPPER HALLWAY - NIGHT
JENNY is deep in her schoolwork. She has a Latin vocabulary propped open on the window ledge. She looks at it, walks away, mutters to herself, attempting to memorise. Her concentration is broken by a sudden gale of laughter from downstairs.
36 INTERIOR: JENNY’S HALLWAY - NIGHT
She stands outside the living room for a moment, listening. She hears a man’s voice that does not belong to her father, and then more laughter from her father and mother.
37 INTERIOR: JENNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
DAVID is in the middle of demonstrating his ability to mimic all of the Goons. JACK and MARJORIE are laughing so hard that they can hardly see - they certainly miss JENNY’S entrance.
JENNY
(curious)
Hello.
JACK
Jenny, David does the most fantastic Bluebottle.
JENNY
(incredulous)
You came to see my parents?
JACK
Why is that so hard to imagine?
JENNY spies an open bottle of wine on the coffee table.
JENNY
Why are you drinking? It’s not Christmas!
JACK
Ah, well, there’s a lot you don’t know about us, young lady. We had a life before you came along.
JENNY
Yes, that’s true. I’m only going on what I’ve seen for the last sixteen years.
MARJORIE
I’m trying to think what you missed. Nothing much comes to mind.
JENNY
Anyway. I’ve got a huge pile of Latin translation to do.
JACK
You didn’t tell us David went to Oxford.
JENNY looks at DAVID, who stares back at her straight-faced.
JENNY
No. I didn’t.
DAVID
For all the good it did me.
MARJORIE
Isn’t that funny?
JENNY
Extraordinary.
DAVID
I was just telling Jack that I’m going back next weekend. I go and visit my old English professor every now and again.
JACK
That’s what you need, Jenny. Someone on the inside track. It’s not always what you know, is it, David?
DAVID
Too true. Have you ever come across Clive Lewis?
JENNY
Dad has never come across anyone.
DAVID
He wrote a children’s book called The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe that did very well, I believe.
MARJORIE
C. S. Lewis? That’s the Clive you’re talking about?
DAVID
Well, to us he was the old codger who taught Medieval literature. But I came to know him very well. We just . . . got along, you know?
Everyone murmurs their comprehension.
MARJORIE
Jenny used to devour those books.
JENNY
I’d love to meet him.
There is a pause. JACK and MARJORIE look at the floor. Somehow, DAVID has manoeuvred a situation where, effectively, he is the one being asked.
DAVID
I’m sorry. Am I being slow on the uptake? Would Jenny like to come at the weekend?
JACK
Oh, not this weekend. Sometime, perhaps, yes.
JENNY
How often do you see him?
DAVID
Not very often. Every couple of years. Maybe next time?
JENNY
(disappointed)
Oh.
JACK
(dubiously)
Well, I suppose . . . Would she have to stay the night?
DAVID
I wouldn’t recommend driving home after one of those Oxford dinners.
JACK chuckles knowingly.
Clive could get her a room at the college. It’s easy enough.
MARJORIE
Seems like too good an opportunity to pass up.
JACK
It wouldn’t be a bother to you, would it, David?
JACK, MARJORIE and JENNY all beam.
38 INTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
DAVID and DANNY are waiting for the girls to get ready. DANNY is sitting sprawled in an armchair; DAVID is pacing up and down.
DAVID
Come on!
39 INTERIOR: HELEN’S BEDROOM - DAY
An ornate four-poster bed occupies most of the space in the room. HELEN is doing something to JENNY, but we can’t see what.
HELEN
Just putting a few things in a bag. Don’t worry!
40 INTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
DAVID and DANNY still waiting.
DAVID
Come on!
41 INTERIOR: HELEN’S BEDROOM - DAY
HELEN
We’re nearly ready! Be there in two ticks.
42 INTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
DAVID
How can they only be nearly ready?
DANNY
I wouldn’t be surprised if three of them came out of there. That’s the only explantion. They’re making themselves a friend. LADIES! Come on, let’s go.
43 INTERIOR: HELEN’S BEDROOM - DAY
JENNY is wearing a floaty print dress that she has borrowed from HELEN, and there are lots of other beautiful clothes strewn about the place. JENNY is sitting at the dressing table, being made up by HELEN. JENNY looks three or four years older, more sophisticated . . . more like HELEN. She can’t believe it. She looks in the mirror, and for a moment, she forgets to breathe.
