by Nick Hornby
HELEN
There.You should keep that one if you want it. One can only wear so many every day.
JENNY emerges from her reverie.
JENNY
(thrilled)
Thank you.
HELEN
What about tonight? Have you got a pretty enough nightie?
JENNY
Won’t I be sharing a room with you?
HELEN looks momentarily mystified.
HELEN
Oh, you haven’t slept with him yet?
JENNY
No.
HELEN
Good for you.
JENNY
Really? Do you think so?
HELEN
You’re only sixteen. And you don’t want to get preggers, do you?
JENNY
No. I wouldn’t let that happen. I want to wait until I’m seventeen. On my seventeenth birthday, hopefully.
HELEN
With David?
JENNY pauses.
JENNY
Well . . . Golly. It will be with David, won’t it?
HELEN
If that’s what you want. Anyway. I’ll find you a nightie.
JENNY stares at herself in the mirror again.
44 INTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
The girls emerge. Both men are entranced by JENNY’S transformation. DAVID can’t take his eyes off her.
DANNY
(thoughtful)
Shall, we, ah . . . Make a move?
He gets to his feet.
45 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
The Bristol on the country road to Oxford.We can hear voices in the car singing a reprise of ‘Wrapped around Your Little Finger’.
46 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR , OXFORD - DAY
The Bristol drives through Oxford. JENNY catches a quick glimpse of a dreaming spire.
JENNY
Can we get out and have a look around?
DAVID
Maybe later. There are a couple of things we have to do.
DANNY
Imagine spending three years here.
HELEN
I know.
She shudders, as if someone has walked over her grave.
47 INTERIOR: PUB - EVENING
HELEN and DANNY, JENNY and DAVID are standing in a quiet, old-fashioned pub. A group of students enter, all carrying musical instruments.They stand at the bar, waiting to be served. JENNY stares at them with longing - she wants to be one of them. HELEN, meanwhile, stares at them as if they were aliens.
HELEN
(sotto voce)
Why are university girls so strange-looking?
HELEN’S right.The girls in the group are all bespectacled and frumpy.The others laugh.
They can’t all have started off that way, can they? I mean most girls aren’t ugly, but most girl students seem to be. So there must be something about these places that makes you fat, or spotty, or short-sighted.
DAVID
Well, if you look at it like that . . . I mean, that’s proper scientific analysis. And you can’t argue with science.
HELEN looks pleased.
HELEN
I still don’t quite understand what you want to do when you get here.
JENNY
I want to read English.
HELEN
Books?
JENNY
Sorry?
HELEN
You want to read English books?
JENNY
Reading English is just another way of saying . . .
DANNY
Don’t worry, Jenny.You’re wasting your breath.
DAVID
Tomorrow we’ll get more of a feel for the place.
DANNY
Absolutely. This would be a good place to do a little business.
DAVID catches JENNY’S eye.This isn’t what he meant by ‘getting a feel for the place’.
All those little old ladies wandering around . . . This place is rife with stats.
JENNY
Please explain what stats are.You’re always going on about them.
DAVID
It isn’t very interesting.
JENNY
But you two are interested.
DAVID
That’s because we’re not very interesting, either.
HELEN
Oh, no, they’re not really.
DANNY
It’s true. That’s why we need you here. To save us from ourselves.
DAVID
(laying it on with a trowel)
Yes, to put some intelligence and culture into our brutal lives.
DANNY
Sing to us, sing to us.
JENNY
Please don’t make me sing to you.
DAVID
Please don’t make us talk about work.
JENNY and HELEN laugh.
CUT TO:
Later.They’re standing by the pub fireplace. DAVID has a pen in his hand, and he’s holding a book - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
DAVID
Now. Is he Clive, do you think? Or C. S.?
HELEN
I’m confused now. I thought you’d made him up?
DANNY
(attempting, briefly, to be patient)
No, we . . . Never mind.
DAVID walks over to the nearest table and writes in the book.
DAVID
There.
He stands up, hands the book to Jenny.
JENNY
(reads)
‘To dear Jenny.
With the pleasure of meeting you. Come and see me again soon. Clive.’
HELEN
Dirty old man.
48 INTERIOR: B & B BEDROOM - NIG HT
A rather grotty and certainly unromantic B & B bedroom - so unromantic, in fact, that it even has the same fusty curtains from JENNY’S sitting room. DAVID is in bed, his hands behind his head, waiting for JENNY. As far as we can tell - he’s wrapped up in the sheets quite tightly - he’s in his underwear.The bedroom is lit unromantically by the 40-watt overhead light. JENNY comes into the room wearing one of HELEN’S nightdresses, a glamorous satiny item quite inappropriate for the occasion or the surroundings. She looks nervous.
JENNY
We’ve got these exact same curtains at home.
DAVID
Let’s not talk about curtains.You look beautiful.
JENNY was about to get into bed, but his tone makes her pause at the edge of the bed.
JENNY
There’s something you should know, David. I’m a virgin. And I want to stay that way until I’m seventeen.
DAVID
I think that’s good. I think that’s right. We can still be romantic, though, can’t we?
JENNY
Well, yes. Of course we can. As long as it’s not actually . . .
DAVID
Minnie . . .
JENNY
Is that me?
DAVID
Yes.You’re my Minnie Mouse, and I’m your bubbalub.
JENNY
OK. If that’s what you want to do . . .
DAVID
Minnie.
JENNY
Yes, David?
DAVID
( prompting)
Bubbalub . . .
JENNY
Bubbalub?
DAVID
May I have a look? Just a peek?
His eyes stray to her breasts. JENNY stares at him.
JENNY
You just want to see them?
JENNY, awkwardly, looks down at her nightgown, then one by one pulls the straps down. It fall from her shoulders.
DAVID stands up and lovingly lifts the straps back up.
DAVID
Thank you.
He smiles at her. Relieved, she smiles back. He puts his arms around her and they embrace.
49 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ COTTAGE - DAY
The Bristol, containing DAVID and JENNY in the fro
nt seats and DANNY and HELEN in the back, passing through a pretty Oxfordshire village.
DAVID
I think there’s a house for sale around here.
DANNY
Really?
The Bristol pulls up outside a country cottage with a ‘FOR SALE’ sign outside.
50 INTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR - DAY
DAVID
Might be worth a look.
51 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ COTTAGE - DAY
DAVID, DANNY and JENNY get out of the car, and JENNY heads after DAVID and DANNY towards the house. HELEN stays in the car.
HELEN
(calling from the window)
Jenny!
JENNY turns around.
JENNY
Aren’t you coming?
HELEN
We don’t go in.
JENNY
What are you talking about?
DANNY
Why don’t you get a nice cup of tea somewhere? Helen will look after you.
JENNY is mystified.
JENNY
I don’t need looking after, thank you very much. David!
DAVID ignores her and walks off arm in arm with DANNY.
DANNY
I’m not going to tell you a second time. Run along.
52 EXTERIOR: COTTAGE - DAY
HELEN and JENNY walking around the village waiting for the boys. HELEN is blithe, chatty; JENNY has a face like thunder.
HELEN
They won’t be long. Either way.
JENNY
‘Either way’?
HELEN
Sometimes they find something, and sometimes they don’t. And when they do find something, we often have to leave quite quickly. They can be a bit naughty sometimes.
JENNY stares at HELEN. She’s beginning to realise who she is dealing with.
Anyway, it’s nice to have company.
I’m usually outside on my own.
53 EXTERIOR: CAR/COTTAGE - DAY
DAVID and DANNY hurry out of the cottage, something under DANNY’S coat. DAVID rushes towards the car, past JENNY playing catch with a small child.
DAVID
Come on. (to Helen, lounging by the car) Helen!
DAVID and HELEN get in, DANNY opens the door while JENNY hesitates.
DANNY
(calling)
You can stand there if you like.
But I wouldn’t recommend it.
JENNY puts a spurt on, catches up and jumps in.
54 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ NEW COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
An old picture of some kind is wedged between HELEN and JENNY on the backseat. JENNY, furious, is staring out of the window. HELEN attempts to peer around the partition, but settles for a wave.
HELEN
Coo-ee. Jenny.
JENNY doesn’t respond.They continue driving in silence.
55 EXTERIOR: DANNY’S FLAT - DAY
The Bristol pulls up outside DANNY’S Regency terrace. They all get out of the car and pull out their weekend cases.
DANNY
Who’s coming up for a drink?
HELEN
Me!
JENNY
(still furious)
No, you go. I’ll make my own way home.
JENNY starts up the road. DAVID walks briskly after her.
DAVID
Jenny!
He catches up with her in the street.
It’s an old map. A Speed. The poor dear didn’t even know what it was. What a waste! It shouldn’t spend its life on a wall in wherever the hell we were. It should be with us. We know how to look after it properly. We liberated it.
JENNY snorts derisively.
JENNY
Liberated! That’s one word for it.
DAVID
(quickly and passionately)
Don’t be bourgeois, Jenny.You’re better than that.You drink everything I put in front of you down in one, then you slam your glass down on the bar and ask for more. It’s wonderful. We’re not clever like you, so we have to be clever in other ways, because if we weren’t, there would be no fun. We have to be clever with maps, and . . . and . . .You want to know what stats are? Stats are old ladies who are scared of coloured people. So we move the coloureds in and the old ladies move out and I buy their flats cheap. That’s what I do. So now you know.
JENNY nods reluctantly.
And if you don’t like it, I’ll understand, and you can go back to Twickenham and listen to the Home Service and do your Latin homework. But these weekends, and the restaurants and the concerts . . . They don’t grow on trees.
JENNY looks at him, startled. Trees again?
This is who we are, Jenny.
He turns to face her and holds out his hand. On JENNY: is she in or out? JENNY takes his hand. DAVID pulls her towards him, holds her around the waist and begins to dance with her. From the apartment balcony, HELEN and DANNY watch, laughing.
56 INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: DAVID’S CAR/ JENNY’S HOUSE - NIG HT
DAVID pulls up in the Bristol outside JENNY’S house, and they sit in the dark for a little while.
DAVID
I suppose you have homework to do.
JENNY
You have no idea how boring everything was before I met you. Action is character, our English teacher says. I think it means that if we never did anything, we wouldn’t be anybody. And I never did anything before I met you. And sometimes I think no one’s ever done anything in this stupid country, apart from you.
They look at each other. DAVID smiles. He is clearly smitten. He moves towards her. He wants to kiss her, but he doesn’t want to frighten her - in the end, JENNY makes it easy for him and moves towards him.They kiss gently and tenderly. JENNY breaks it off, gets out of the car, DAVID hands her her suitcase and she goes inside while he watches.
57 INTERIOR: JENNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
JACK, at the kitchen table, is examining JENNY’S copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
JACK
Look at this, Marjorie.
He hands it to her. She examines it reverently.
MARJORIE
‘Clive’ . . . Lucky girl.
JACK
Never a dull moment with David, eh? Bit different from that young man you brought home for tea, isn’t he?
MARJORIE
David’s a lot older than Graham.
JACK
Graham could live to be two hundred years old and still wouldn’t be swanning around with famous authors. Hasn’t got it in him.
JENNY
Graham might become a famous author, for all you know.
JACK
Becoming one isn’t the same as knowing one
... That shows you’re well connected. A very impressive young man, your David.
MARJORIE.
I must admit life’s a little brighter with him around.
JENNY smiles to herself.
58 EXTERIOR: PARK - DAY
A group of girls cross-country running. JENNY and her friends are at the back of the group, and the GYM TEACHER, jogging backwards, gesticulates at them to get a move on.
GYM TEACHER
Come on, girls. Get a move on.
They put on enough of a spurt to satisfy her, and then immediately stop when the teacher is no longer watching. Seeing a large tree, they loiter. From somewhere under a skirt, JENNY produces a packet of exotic-looking cigarettes and offers them around.
HAT TIE
What the hell are those?
JENNY
Russian Sobranies.
HATTIE and TINA make snooty faces. JENNY takes a cigarette.The others follow suit. JENNY lights them, and they all grimace.The contrast between the sophisticated cigarettes, and the unsophisticated smokers and context is pronounced.
HAT TIE
Where did they come from?
TINA
She probably bought them from the Savoy, or Claridge’s, or the opera, or some fancy nightclub. Who knows, with Jenny.
