Sliding Doors

by Karen Klyne

  Faz applauded her, and a few of the others joined in.

  “Well done, Gemma,” the therapist said.

  She’d dug the footings, now she had to start laying the bricks.

  On the way to the gym, Faz slapped her on the back. “There you go. That was not so hard, was it?”

  “No, but it’s a bloody lie.”

  “Who cares? It’s a means to an end.”

  “I know. Thanks.” She knew it was necessary, otherwise she’d spend the rest of her life here, fighting the system. It was a start.

  They laughed and went to play in the gym.

  ***

  Seven o’clock. Seven-thirty. Seven forty-five. No Reece. Alex kept looking at her watch until it reached eight o’clock. She was gutted. What had happened? Was it something she’d said? Had she asked too many questions? Had Reece seen through her charade? God. What if she was really ill? What if she’d had an accident or something? What would she do then? There’d be no one to help her on the outside, that was for sure. She chastised herself for being so selfish, because she was actually concerned about Reece. Later, when she told Faz, she said there would be a perfectly good explanation. She hoped so.

  She hardly slept that night. The following day dragged on and on. She had so many new interests, but her mind kept drifting back to that one question. Why hadn’t Reece turned up?

  She couldn’t settle in the lounge and went back to her room. She was almost resigned to Reece not showing, but dead on the dot of seven, Reece breezed through the door like a breath of fresh air. She felt a sudden lightness and flopped back onto her pillows.

  Reece grimaced. “Are you okay, Gemma?”

  Alex nodded and smiled. “I was worried something had happened to you.”

  Reece slapped her forehead. “Oh, Christ, I didn’t let you know. I’m so sorry. I was in such a flap yesterday, and I forgot to phone.”

  Alex shrugged like it was no big deal. “It’s okay. I was overreacting.” How many times had she even noticed that Reece had visited? When she didn’t, it hadn’t even registered. Just because she was feeling more positive, it didn’t mean that everyone was on her wavelength.

  “There was a problem at home. I had to meet with Mattie and Callum’s teachers. Then I had to confront the issue with them in the evening.”

  Alex rubbed her brow, trying to think of the right response. “What happened?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “Isn’t it a story I should know about, though?”

  Reece closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. “Mattie lashed out at Callum. It turns out she was being bullied at school.”

  Alex leaned forward. “About what?”

  Reece seemed reluctant to tell her. She was keeping something from her, but then she must have been keeping numerous things from her because Alex hadn’t been in the slightest bit interested until now.

  “They taunted her about you being in hospital.”

  Alex’s stomach turned. “Ah, you mean in a mental hospital. That figures. Kids are bloody cruel. I hope you didn’t deny it?”

  “No. I tried to explain. I think they understood, but of course, they were trying to defend you.”

  Alex’s hands fell to her side. Her tummy was all knotted up. “I’m sorry. They don’t deserve that. You don’t either.” She covered her face with her hands.

  Reece reached over and took her hand. “It’s only children being children, usually fuelled by listening to adults. I shouldn’t have told you.”

  Alex shook her head vigorously. “I want to know. Promise me you’ll never keep anything from me from now on. I know I haven’t been listening, and I haven’t been interested. I hope I can change. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I think…I think you deserve better.” It was true. No matter who Alex was to her, it sounded like Reece had deserved a hell of a lot better than Gemma.

  Reece squeezed her hand. “Good.”

  The soft touch left her hand twitching and her arm full of goose pimples and for the first time in a while, that strange feeling of having felt Reece’s touch in another life swept through her. As odd as the sensations were, she was glad when they came. At least that way she was reminded it wasn’t all in her mind.

  Reece brushed her hair from her face. Alex inwardly laughed, remembering what Faz had said.

  “So, forget all that. Tell me what you’ve been up to?”

  Alex told her about the group therapy and the gym. She omitted to tell her about the ceremony of blood sisters. She wasn’t sure she’d understand, and it would sound juvenile. And anyway, it was something shared between Faz and her.

  When the weekend came, Reece surprised Alex by visiting in the afternoon. She put her jacket on, and they walked around the gardens before finding a bench to sit on.

  Reece pulled a paper bag from her pocket and emptied some crumbs of bread on the ground for the birds. “Remnants of my lunchtime sandwich.”

  “Ah. So how come you’re not with the children today?”

  Reece raised her eyebrows. “They wanted to go to the zoo. I hate zoos. I don’t like seeing animals locked up in cages, but I don’t want to inflict my views on them. They have to find out for themselves. I asked Mum and Dad if they’d take them. They were only too pleased, because they don’t share my views.”

  Alex kicked at a few stones. “I don’t like zoos either. Sometimes I feel like a caged animal.”

  Reece touched her arm. “Yes, but one day you’ll be set free.”

  “Will I, though?”

  “Of course you will. Talking of which, do you fancy going for a drive sometime? We could go for afternoon tea at the café on the promenade?”

  Alex gasped. “Are you serious?”

  “I’ve checked it out with Dr Bollard. He thinks it’s a good idea.”

  “Wow. When?”

  “Monday? I have the afternoon free. How about you?”

  Alex scratched her chin. “Well, I was going to the hairdressers, and then Faz and I have our names down for the magnetic darts team, and then we were taking in a movie. But I could cancel. Of course I’m bloody free!”

  “Monday it is, then.”

  When Alex told Faz, she was as excited as her. “But what does it mean, Faz?”

  “It means you are one step closer to getting out of here.”

  “But it’s all I know.” Her initial excitement dimmed in the face of the unknown.

  “That is all the more reason to leave. Otherwise, you will go as crazy as they say you are.”

  She was sure Faz was right, but right now the outside world seemed scary. She didn’t know anyone there. Slowly but surely, she was sure she’d adapt. She’d have to. She couldn’t come running back to the hospital, and she didn’t want to either.

  When Monday arrived, she felt more nervous than a turkey in December. She paced up and down looking at her watch, then she sat down and worried about the weather. It had stopped raining now, and the sun had come out. But would it rain again and ruin her day? Luckily, Reece arrived to put a stop to her circular thoughts.

  “Ready?”

  Alex nodded, afraid to say anything that could ruin the chance of getting out for a while. Reece’s car was parked outside the door. She stared at it and unpleasant memories came flooding back. The last time she sat in this car, bad things happened. She told herself that this was a pleasure trip and not like the one before. It worked, and she soon settled herself comfortably in the front seat with her hands tightly clutched together on her lap. Reece chatted about the weather and how lucky they were now that the sun was shining. Alex nodded, unsure what to say now that they’d left the confines of the hospital.

  “I thought we’d drive up to the coastal path. If it’s not too wet, we could take a walk down to the beach.”

  “I’d like that.” Christ, is that all she could say? But the last time she’d walked on the beach, her world had turned inside out.

  About fifteen minutes later, Reece pulled up by the side of the road.
“Here we are then.”

  They put their coats on and walked toward the path. “This is beautiful.” Alex stretched her arms out and breathed in the salty air, trying to let go of her fear. “Heaven.”

  “It is, isn’t it? I thought I’d bring you here. It’s Callum and Mattie’s favourite place. We used to come here. Well, mostly me, because you’ve never been that keen on walking.”

  “Haven’t I? I always thought I liked walking.” And she did. She’d loved taking Jasper on long walks where she could lose herself in the beauty around her.

  Reece didn’t comment. She led the way down the narrow path, and as they turned the corner she was struck by the beauty of the seascape, and in contrast, the vibrant yellow of the gorse bushes that formed a border on either side. If she were an artist, she’d be capturing this scene with the sweep of a brush. She wasn’t, but it didn’t stop her from appreciating the vista. She’d never walked along this path before and wondered how she’d missed it. Maybe more was different in this life than just the people around her.

  When they reached the beach, Reece turned right toward the rocky inlet. It was only a short stroll before she came to a standstill.

  “I’m afraid we can’t go around to their favourite place because the tide’s coming in. Usually, you can walk across the sand and around the corner. There’s a couple of small caves and rock pools that they love playing in. They like to pretend that they’re pirates.”

  Alex loved the idea of pirates. To her surprise, she decided she’d like to act that out with them one day. “I bet it’s perfect for a picnic.”

  “Yes, we usually bring one, even in the winter.” She turned to Alex. “Perhaps we’ll do that next time.”

  “With the children?”

  Reece shrugged and looked back out at the water. “Why not?”

  That sounded like a big step, but she knew she’d have to face it eventually. She just hoped she could put it off for a bit longer. These were big steps to be taking.

  Reece nudged her. “Shall we head back to the car and have that tea I promised you?”

  Alex nodded and smiled. It was the strangest feeling being free after all this time, and the prospect of afternoon tea thrilled her.

  When they pulled up in the car park opposite the café, Alex recognised it. Maybe it was a different version, but it was in the same spot. There were those memories, again, smudged and overlapping. She shook them away, and they crossed the road. “We used to come––”

  “You remember, don’t you?” Reece spun around.

  In a manner of speaking, she remembered. She and her father used to come here for Saturday brunch after they’d worked on one of their properties. It was her one indulgence, bacon, eggs, sausage, and tomatoes with toast, butter, and marmalade. She looked at Reece’s hopeful expression, at her pretty eyes, and knew what she had to do. She gave her a tight smile. “I have a faint recollection.”

  Reece looked thrilled. “It doesn’t matter how faint it is. You remember it.”

  They went inside and took a seat by the window. Alex looked across at the waves crashing onto the beach and up to the sea wall. It could be anywhere and anytime. For a moment she was lost in thought.

  Reece tapped her on the arm and passed the menu over. “What do you fancy?”

  Alex studied it for a few minutes and smiled. “Scones with jam and clotted cream.”

  “Yummy. Me too. Tea or coffee?”

  “Earl Grey, please.”

  Reece jolted and laughed. “Earl Grey? You used to say it tasted like gnat’s piss.”

  Alex shrugged.

  “Anyway, ditto that.”

  The waitress came along, and Reece gave the order. It didn’t take long before it arrived.

  Reece poured the tea into their cups, and Alex tucked in. Suddenly, she was aware of Reece’s stare. She laughed. “What?”

  “Don’t they feed you?”

  “The food is fine. But believe me, we never get this treat.” It was true, but she sounded like a deprived waif and didn’t mean to be scathing about the hospital food. She did her utmost not to look too greedy. “I’m usually aware of eating too many carbs but since I’ve dropped some weight, I can afford to enjoy myself.”

  Reece had almost finished, and she passed half a scone over to Alex. “I hope you’ll help me out.”

  Alex grinned. “No problem.” When she’d finished, she leaned back in her seat and rubbed her tummy. “I think I’ve over indulged.”

  “You’ve hardly got an ounce of fat on you, so I don’t think it’ll matter.” Reece moved the salt and pepper pot around, almost like she was playing a game of chess. “Do you think your friend, Faz, would like some? You could take it back?”

  Alex smiled at Reece’s thoughtfulness. “That’s a brill idea. Thanks.”

  Reece got up and went over to the counter. Alex wasn’t sure if Faz was into that sort of thing, but she really appreciated the thought.

  Reece sat back down. “Done.”

  Alex leaned her arms on the table and looked at Reece. “So, what happens now?”

  Reece’s eyes widened. “We don’t have to rush off.”

  Alex cocked her head. “I mean with us.”

  Reece looked down at the floor. She seemed taken aback by the question. Perhaps she shouldn’t have asked it. She should have waited for the next time. But what was the point? She wanted to know where she stood. If Reece was going to kick her out the moment she got out of hospital, she’d better start planning now.

  When Reece looked up, her eyes were wet. Alex thought she was going to cry, but she didn’t. “I don’t know, Gemma. I suppose it depends on you…and what you want to do. You’ve been unhappy for a long time. You talked about leaving. I don’t want to stand in your way.”

  “What exactly does that mean? Remember…I can’t remember.” So they’d been close to separating after all. Alex’s pulse raced at the possibility she’d have to start from scratch, completely alone in this world.

  Reece swallowed. “I’ve had the house valued. I can release some money and take a mortgage. I don’t want to sell and move. It wouldn’t be good for the children. They love the house, and we’ll never find schools as good if we move out of the area.” She sighed deeply. “If that’s the case, if you do go, I think it would be better if you didn’t see the children. It would only confuse them. You always said you wanted to make a clean break, that if you left, you’d be truly gone. You could buy a nice apartment and start over. It doesn’t have to be in Barlington, it could be anywhere. Or…”

  Alex rubbed her neck, trying to picture what Reece was offering. “Or what?”

  “You could come back home and see how it goes?”

  God, this was depressing. She felt so sorry for Reece, and she hated that she, or rather the other woman, was the cause. “What do you want?”

  Reece sighed. “This has to be your decision.”

  Bloody hell. Yes, she could take the money and run. It was a good offer, a fair offer. She could easily get a job in the construction business, or she could do what she’d done when she was seventeen; buy a house, live in it, renovate it, sell it for a profit, and do the same again. It would be her old life, but without any of the connections. She wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. “Thank you for explaining. I’d like to think about it. Is that okay?”

  Reece seemed to lighten up. “Of course. Take your time.”

  They didn’t say any more on the subject, and Reece drove her back to the hospital and dropped her at the entrance.

  She took Alex’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ve enjoyed today. I’ll tell the children about how we visited their favourite spot.”

  “Thanks, Reece. I’ve enjoyed it too. Give them my love.”

  Reece leaned over and kissed her cheek. She got out of the car and walked toward the entrance. She turned around and waved, and Reece waved back and drove away. Alex was glued to the spot. She didn’t know Reece, not in any real sense, but there was no mistaking her deep hear
tache. She’d stuck by her, and it had clearly been difficult for her to lay her cards on the table. Somehow, Alex didn’t want it to end just like that, but was that because of her own feelings or because of the strange overlap in memories?

  Traumatised by the parting, she quickly went in search of Faz. She found her sitting in their usual spot by the window. She placed the package on the table and sank into the chair. “For you.”

  “Ooh, a present.” She unwrapped the foil packet. “Scones, jam, and clotted cream.” She jumped up and hurried toward the kitchen. She returned with a plate, a plastic knife, and some kitchen roll. She spread the jam and cream on the four halves of the two scones and took a bite of the first one. When she’d finished, she licked her fingers, and wiped her hands with the paper towel. “Delicious. Thanks for that.”

  Alex stared at the ceiling. “Reece’s idea.”

  Faz wiggled her eyebrows. “I knew she cared. So come on, tell me all the gory details.”

  It wasn’t easy, but Alex related everything that had happened in the afternoon.

  Faz dabbed the kitchen towel around her mouth. “Sounds like you cannot lose.”

  “You reckon. What would you do?”

  Faz leaned her elbows on the table. “I think I would try going back first. I’d give it a month. If it does not work out, you can take the money and run.”

  “If what doesn’t work out? We don’t have anything together, remember?”

  Faz pressed a finger on her plate and wiped up the stray crumbs. She licked her finger. “Well, you could try living there. You said you have your own room, so nothing untoward is going to happen.”

  “You think she’ll just settle for living together as friends whilst I look after the kids etc?”

  “That’s how it was before.”

  “Say she wants more? What do I do then? And doesn’t she deserve better than what she had before?”