by Sophie Starr
Hot, blinding tears filled my eyes. Every step away from the mad king, my mad king, burned inside of me. The depth of his impact on my heart wasn’t truly ever noticed until I was far enough away that I could breathe again, on my own. I dropped to my knees and sobbed in a puddle of riding skirts and a trembling mouse.
There was a steady type of fear lingering inside of me. One that whispered I might never be the girl I once was. I might never find love that was free of darkness or guilt.
I forced myself up and my feet to run the whole way back to the convent. And again I found myself clutching my friend and sitting on the stairs. I still didn’t have the heart to climb them. The lush forest surrounding me reminded me of the kingdom I had left.
I kissed Gus on the top of the head and stood, walking back the way I had come many months before.
My feet ached but nothing could top the ripping sensation I had in my chest.
I feared I had left my heart in the king’s bed.
I hadn’t imagined it there. We had made an agreement. There was never going to be any love, and yet, we might have both found some by accident. Even if it was the wrong kind.
My pace slowed as I reached the road to the castle. My feet pulled at me, dragging me to the left. I ended up in the forest I had hidden in when I had left the prince.
I walked the outskirts of the castle until I reached the cottage.
It startled me at first. I didn’t know what to think or say. It was beautiful in a way that only rustic objects could be. I walked slowly to the door and pressed my cold hand against the rough wood. I pushed on the door and slipped inside. The memories the place held secret, flooded me. I gasped when I saw them all. It jolted inside of me.
I walked to the bed, sitting very carefully.
It still smelled like him.
“Ella!”
I turned to see his face.
My prince, he stood in the doorway.
He looked different, older maybe. I wondered if I did too.
My lower lip trembled. There were acts I wanted to confess. Words I wanted to say to unburden my heart.
But I just stared into his dark-blue eyes.
“Are you really here?”
I nodded slowly.
“You are not a spirit here to tempt me?”
“With what would I tempt you?”
“Your love.” His lips pressed into a tight line. “You never married him then?”
I scowled. “Who?”
“My cousin?” His eyes were angry and filled with hurt.
“Of course not. Is that what he told you?” I lowered Gus in the sack gently and placed it on the chair. I walked to my prince and took his hand in mine. I kissed his hand softly and closed my eyes. The feel of his warmth was like coming home, though I didn’t have one. He was the closest thing.
“Yes. When I came to take you home, he told me he had married you. I couldn't have you.” He squeezed my hand and wrapped his other arm around me. I started to cry. It was like telling him the thousand horrors I had stored inside of me, but without hurting him with truths he never needed to see.
He wrapped around me, cradling me to him. I could hear his inhales in my hair and his lips on my head.
“Please tell me, you are really here and I have not inexplicably died and this is the last feeling my body will ever have.”
I looked up into his glistening eyes. “I am really here and you are alive.”
He dropped to his knees, pressing his head between my breasts. He took a deep breath. “If he didn't marry you, why didn’t you come sooner?”
“I knew you couldn’t be with me. Your cousin told me that you had tried to give up your kingdom for me—I couldn’t let you. I only came now because I know you are to marry and your kingdom is safe.”
He looked up at me. He shook his head. “My father loved your father. He had to verify the information that you were indeed the long thought dead daughter of Lord Angleton. By the time we learned it was true, you were married to my cousin, the king. My father loves him dearly. He was excited for you.”
“Your father thought I was dead?”
He nodded. “Drusilla has been placed in the dungeon with her children. She lied and told my father you had died many years ago. He was unaware of your life. He agreed we could marry. He knows you are a lady and now that you are not married, we can be.”
My stomach clenched. The king had lied. Of course he had. My mouth dropped open in shock. His face distorted in the tears still lingering in my eyes. I shook my head. “But he said—he said. Oh God, I have been such a fool.”
He scooped me up into his arms. “You will marry me then?”
I scowled. “What? What about your bride-to-be?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “My younger brother is to be wed, in a few days. I have no bride. I told my father I would marry only you. I came to this cottage just now to say goodbye to the memories here, in case I died rescuing you. My brother invited our cousin, the king, to his wedding, so I might sneak there and rescue you. And yet, here you are, rescuing yourself.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing with all the might I had. “I will marry you. I will marry you tonight, if I can.”
He kissed my cheek and carried me from the cottage. I shook my head. “Gus. I need Gus.”
He looked confused. I climbed out of his arms and ran for the sack. I picked it up carefully and walked back to him. I pulled Gus out. He gave me a terrified look.
The prince laughed. “This rat is yours?”
I scowled. “He is a mouse and yes, he is mine and I am his. He is the only family I have left.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and looked down on Gus. “He is a fat little mouse.”
I smiled down on Gus. “He is hand fed. He would never make it in the real world.”
We walked into the castle that was filled with people staring at me. I gave my prince a look. “Bethany, my sister, she is not bad. Angelique and their mother are evil, but Bethany is a sweet girl.”
He nodded. “I will have her released.” He walked me to the king who was pouring over maps in the throne room with a group of men. His face lifted. He had a thick, white mustache and red cheeks. His bright-blue eyes lit up when he saw me. “My dear sweet girl, you have found your way home.” He hurried to me and welcomed me into his chubby arms. “I am so sorry, Ella. I had no idea that wretched woman had done that to you. Forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive, Your Highness.”
He pulled me back. “No. Your father was my very best friend when I was a lad. I owed him and you far more than that.”
I glanced back at my prince. “I think we are even, Sire.”
He chuckled. “I am just grateful he isn’t mad. We were all a bit worried.”
The prince offered me his hand. “Come. I will show you your quarters. You will stay until we can arrange our wedding.”
“I need to see to my farm, if it’s all the same to you. I have servants there who need to be cared for.”
The king nodded. “I assumed you would want them taken care of. We have been providing them with aid to get it back to the way it was when you were a girl.”
I smiled at him. “I am grateful.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his chubby cheek. He blushed. “Oh now. Go on then.”
The prince and I hurried out to the carriage and rode to my house. I jumped out and ran for the back door. Abbi opened the door, jumping into my arms. We hugged and sobbed. The Middletons ran in from the fields and Gregor hurried to our embrace. We all hugged and sobbed.
Abbi gripped to me so tightly I had to move so Gus didn’t get squished. “You’re alive, mistress.”
I paused, no one had called me that ever. I was the mistress of the house. It was my house. The king recognized me as the heir to the house and the lands. The house looked remarkable, like it had when I was a child.
Abbi wiped her eyes. “Did you sort out Miss Bethany?”
I looked back at the prince.
He nodded. “She is being delivered back here tonight. When my father was hugging you, I spoke to the head of the guards.”
“Thank you.”
I glanced back at the prince. “I need to go and thank Father John.”
He nodded. “I will wait here for you. I want to see the house.”
Abbi took his arm. “I will show you.”
He nodded and they went into the house together. I grabbed a horse from the barn and jumped on his back. I rode to the small church.
When I got there, Father John was watering a garden to the right of the old building. I jumped down and led my horse to him. “Father!” He waved when he saw me. “My child, you are well. Look at the blush upon your cheeks and meat on your bones. You have been cared for. I can see it. Like when you were a child.”
I looked down at myself and smiled. For all the cruelties we might have done to each other, the king and I did care. It could never be said we didn't love each other, even in our odd way. I nodded. “I have had an interesting six months.”
“I will not ask. Only be grateful you are well.” He chuckled but then grew very serious. “Did you hear of the great fire at Grey Castle then?”
My jaw dropped. “No.”
He sighed and shook his head, “No survivors.”
I winced. “They died in a fire?”
“I imagine they are both still enduring a fire of sorts. I do not like to speak ill of the dead but they were wicked. I assumed it was the prince or one of his men. The servants said of a man—a dark knight who rode up on a horse, got everyone to leave, apart from the lord and lady of the house. When the servants had fled for the woods, the fire was started. The knight rode off.”
I looked back towards my house and shook my head. “I have not heard, though I am sorry they have died in such a terrible manner. No one deserves such a foul death.”
The priest smiled at me again. “You are a sweet girl, Ella. Don't ever let anyone convince you that you are not.”
I hugged him—it was inappropriate but I had to. “Thank you for my life, Father. You saved me.”
He shook his head. “I did what any man would have done. A man of God or no. No one would see someone as lovely as you abused so.”
I climbed back onto my horse. “Thank you again.”
He waved me off.
I rode back to the house, curious if the prince knew of the treacherous acts the duke had done to me.
When I got there, he was in the yard again, laughing with Abbi and Gregor. I jumped down and handed the reins to Gregor.
“How is the good Father?”
I gave the prince a deep look. “He has shared something with me, I didn't know. That Grey Castle was burned. Lord and Lady Grey are both dead.”
The prince lowered his head. “Yes, bad news. I had heard.” He didn't look remorseful or mischievous. “But what can you do? At least they weren’t young. Bethany should be here shortly.”
I looked back at Abbi. “Between you two, this place should run fairly smoothly.”
Abbi scoffed. “What—you think the lady of the house doesn’t lift a finger?”
I blushed and looked back at my prince. Abbi’s jaw dropped. “You and he?”
I nudged the prince. “Me and him.”
He smiled wide, his eyes sparkling. He dropped to one knee and held a sparkling red ring out. “Marry me.”
I lifted my dirty hand apologetically. “Sorry.”
He laughed. “We shall have to see that you have more baths.”
“I just need less walking about.”
“And I just need you.” He slid the ring on my finger and everything felt like it fit together.
12
The great white dress hung from the drapes so I might see all the stitchery. I ran my fingertips over the lace and hand-stitched embroidery. It was stunning.
The peace I felt inside of myself was something I had no memory of. I turned and sat in the window of my room and looked up at the night’s sky. A star twinkled bluer than the others and suddenly I was filled with something else. I smiled at the star. “I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight.” I closed my eyes and made my wish.
When I opened my eyes there was a light in the room, similar as to what had been in the woods that night. I walked to it, seeing her in the mirror. She waved at me, sparkling like she was still a star.
“My love, how are you?”
“I hardly know. I have seen such a journey this last year, I hardly know what is up and what is down.”
Her eyes lit up. “You still have so many unanswered questions. I thought you had the thing you wanted most in life.”
It made me smile. “I do. I have my prince.”
She shook her head. “But that was not the wish you made. That was not the thing you sought. You looked for something bigger than a single man.”
“He is bigger. He’s a prince.”
“Does that matter?”
I paused in thought. “No. No, it doesn’t.”
“Do you remember the wish you made, so long ago?”
I had to think about that night in the tower, the way I had been so desperate to not be forced to be a person I was not. I parted my lips but a crushing pain burned into my heart. “I wished to be free to marry the man I loved.”
She smiled at me and then she was gone. All that was left was the reflection of me. But it wasn’t the me I wanted to be. Not if I was honest with myself. The girl in the mirror was the person I thought I was.
But someone else had shown me I was not that girl. There was a difference between me and the other girls of the world.
I dropped to my knees and looked into the mirror. If I tried hard enough, I could see the images he had made me see. The truth he had revealed in the mirror.
I could feel him inside of me, taking everything from me but giving me every aspect of him.
The door opened to the room, reflecting light on one side of my face. I saw it then. I was at a crossroads and I needed to choose who I was. Abbi hadn’t been telling me that I should be a certain way. She was telling me that I had to choose my way, not be told which way it was.
Which side of my face did I see myself in. The side with the light or the dark?
“My love?” I looked up to see my prince in the doorway. “What are you doing in the dark?”
“I think I live there.”
He scowled. “What?”
“Why do you love me?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Because you are beautiful.”
“Is that all?”
“Isn’t it enough?” He shook his head. “What else is there? You are beautiful and you are always smiling and happy. You love that silly mouse and you care about the people in your life. I guess I love you because you are beautiful inside and out.”
He didn’t know me at all.
“What if I told you I like to be spanked?”
He stepped back and I could see the horror on his face suddenly. “Dear God, why would you say such a thing? I know you enjoyed it when I pulled your hair a little. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Do you wish me to hurt you when we make love? I have heard of it—girls who like to be roughed up.”
I shook my head. It was the truth. I didn’t want him to hurt me. I didn’t see it that way. I was depraved, there was no doubt. We didn’t match, as much as I had thought we did. I had seen my life with the king as less. It had made me see the king as less or maybe just me with him, like he made me less.
My prince walked to me and offered me his hand. “We have an assembly of people downstairs, for my brother’s wedding.”
“I will dress, and meet you down there.”
He gave me a look. “Are you all right?”
“I hardly know. I just wonder how well you can love someone you don’t know.”
He laughed. “We can get to know each other. There is plenty of time for that after we are married.”
“What if we don’t like the traits we discover?”
&n
bsp; He shrugged. “I think that is the natural way in a marriage. We grow comfortable. My parents I’m sure, were mad about each other once. Then they got old and it got to be more of a habit. Weren’t your parents that way?”
I thought about it long and hard. “No. My father loved my mother, even long after she was dead. He loved her to the very end of his life. They matched each other.”
He smiled. “I know we are the same. We match each other.”
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I am certain you are correct, sir. Now leave me to change.”
He got a wicked smile on his face. “We haven’t seen each other change in a very long time.” He closed the door behind him.
We were alone in the dark. I stood to find him. He grabbed me, I gripped hard but he didn’t. He kissed slowly along my neck, to the swell of my breasts. My hands were trembling with the frantic need to be loved in the way I liked. But I held back. I told myself I could do it, and I would. I would take it slowly. I would let him savor me. I would enjoy making love like respectable people.
He lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. When he laid me down, he planted soft kisses along my torso as his hands lifted my dress. When it was over my head, he suckled my breasts, kneading and rubbing every inch of me. But it was exactly the same as it had been the first time. He moaned, he kissed, he suckled and he rubbed. He mounted me, gently putting his cock between my wet lips, swollen with need. He dragged it back and forth, lubricating us both. When he pushed in, it was delightful. His slow rocking was magnificent, but I could feel my body’s natural want to go faster, to fuck instead of make love. I clawed at his chest slightly but he didn’t take my hint. I shoved him off of me, getting onto all fours.
“I want it this way.”
He never spoke, just climbed onto the bed. His body draped over mine and when he entered me this way, his cock went all the way to the end. I cried out, pushing back into each thrust. I felt him back off, so I grabbed his hand and slid it up my body to my hair. “Pull when you thrust.”
He jerked his hand from my head, gripped my hips with both hands and fucked me as hard as he could. I felt him cum inside of me, and for the first time, I felt dirty.
