by Sophie Starr
Even before, with Duke Grey, I never felt like I was dirty. There, with my prince, I did. I looked back at him, seeing the worried look on his face in the moonlight coming through the window.
He looked at me. “What was that? Why did you make me rush it?”
“I didn’t. I wanted you to pull my hair.”
“While I mounted you from behind? I will not treat you that way.”
I stopped myself from saying anything else.
He laid down on the bed, pulling me into him. “Just tell me what is wrong, Ella.”
I snuggled into him, enjoying his warmth. He was light. He was someone who thrived in the light. I had done nothing but taint him with my darkness. I would never be a normal girl. I had not ever known normal, only depraved.
From the moment he had met me, he had been unable to function. I would be the ruin of him, because we didn’t match.
I hugged into him. “I like deeds that I fear you won’t ever be able to do.”
He kissed my forehead. “You must just face the fact, you have not ever been loved the right way. I will love you like that. I will keep you safe and happy and love you the right way.” He got up. “Let’s pretend this never happened. Get dressed and I will see you downstairs.”
He left the room, leaving me there feeling like a whore for the first time.
I got up and walked to my massive washbasin. It was filled but the water had cooled off. I dipped myself into it, washing away the bad deeds I had done.
I got dressed in the finest gown I had worn since the night of the ball. It was deep blue and encrusted with real jewels. I pulled on my knickers and walked from the room. I twisted my hair into a bun as I descended the stairs to the ballroom. My prince smiled at me, but I could see the confusion in his eyes.
I grabbed a glass of wine and walked to the window, overlooking the gardens and the cottage on the far side of the yard.
“Do you wish you had not come back to me?”
I looked up at my prince and smiled. “No. I could never wish that. I am grateful to be here right now.”
“Do you wish we could be the reckless people we were that night in the cottage?”
“Don’t you?”
He shook his head. “No. I want to change and grow. I want to be king and be a father and live that life. I have been a bit of a scoundrel for a long time. When I see you, I want to be better than that.”
I leaned into him. “You are a good man and you will be an even better king.”
He kissed my head. “I must go and mingle, will you join me?”
“In a minute.”
He walked away and I continued to look out over the gardens. I walked out onto the deck. It was cool out there, but I was almost sweating in my gown. The ballroom was filled with visiting dignitaries and family. I didn't know any of them. Had my father not died, I would have been completely comfortable with them.
I walked to the far corner of the huge deck and looked up at the sky.
“There she is.”
I jumped, spilling my wine on my hand. The king, my cousin to be, walked towards me. He looked the same. Tragically beautiful and wicked.
He smiled, setting fire to my blood instantly. He took my hand and sucked the wine from my fingers. I gasped. “You can’t do that anymore.”
He nodded. “I know, and yet, I am.” He released my hand and I closed it, hoping to savor the feel of even a small part of him on me.
He stepped towards me, making me back up into the bricks of the castle. He towered over me. “I have missed you every second of every day. I have missed your face and your smell and the way you make me feel alive again.”
I swallowed hard.
I could see myself in his eyes. The sparkle of blue light inside of them instantly brought tears to my eyes. I shook my head. “You shouldn’t be here.”
He nodded, licking his lips. “I know. I should be at home, with you. I should be inside of you, making you scream in ecstasy.”
I shuddered. My body recalled everything he had ever done to it. It made him smile. My breath hitched.
“I love you, Ella. I love you with every ounce of my being. The good and the bad, and the light and the dark. Isn’t that enough?”
I nodded. I didn’t even mean to. I shook my head. “I can’t be with you. I can’t be someone’s mistress—their whore.”
He dropped to his knee and fished a glass shoe from his pocket. “I want you to be my wife, my queen, my love, and sometimes my whore. Forever and always.”
I looked at the shoe, completely confused. “I can’t ever be any of those things for you, you know that.”
He ignored me and lifted my foot. He pulled my shoe off, replacing it with the crystal one. “How?” I asked. “How do you have this shoe?”
He smiled up at me. “You don’t remember dancing with me, at the ball the same night you met Charmant?”
I froze. The blue eyes and the dark hair and the lips that begged to be kissed. He was the first man I had ever danced with, besides my father. The man I had been dancing with when Charmant had cut in.
He scowled. “You honestly never knew it was me? I called him my cousin.”
“The prince has hordes of cousins.”
“You must remember telling me about the shoe you had stuck under the stairs at your house, so Drusilla couldn’t say Angelique was the mystery girl. That was at my castle, after we made love.”
The memory barely registered but I closed my eyes and nodded. “We were eating crepes with crème.”
He spoke softly, almost a whisper. “At the ball I asked you how you had ended up with those incredible shoes. Then I asked you again in our bed. You never even realized it had been me you danced with.”
I opened my eyes, shaking my head. “I never even asked how you knew about them. I just told you the story. How do you remember that all so clearly?”
He lifted his hand and dragged his thumb across my lip. “I listened to everything you said. When you spoke I closed my eyes and I realized that when I was with you, you made my life exactly the way I had always dreamed it would be. With you I lived the dream.”
Nothing made sense. He was a monster. Wasn't he? My lip quivered and my chest tightened. Everything I believed in was a lie, my own lie. I had told myself Charmant was my destiny because my mother had said I would meet him. Raindrops started to fall on us. I looked down at the shoe and remembered I was freeing myself in all of this.
I didn't want to be his mistress. I shook my head. “I can’t marry you, I am sworn to your cousin. He will make me an honest wife, and if you knew me, you would know I wanted that more than anything.”
He stood up and pulled me to the far side of the castle. He pressed my back into the bricks and cupped my face roughly. “I know you. I am the one who has spent months knowing you. He will never know you the way I do. He will never make love to you the way I do. He will never love you the way I do—the way you need to be loved.”
I shoved him back. “He will make me his WIFE!” The words spit from my lips.
He stepped back into my space, towering over me. “YOU. ARE. MINE!” His mouth crushed mine as his hands lifted my skirts. He tore my knickers to the side violently and dropped to his knees again and licked me hard, inserting his tongue inside of me.
He replaced it with a finger, thrusting like mad. His tongue moved to the top of my cunny, sucking and flicking. He gripped my ass with his other hand, massaging roughly. His finger was rough with its thrusts, almost pumping in and out of me. My hands fell to his thick hair. I gripped to him as I came in waves of violent delights.
I leaned back into the bricks and tried to catch my breath. He got up pressing his lips, soaked in my juices, on mine. He kissed me softly, smelling of honey. It made me smile but it was bitter and broken and matched his. “I guess I do taste like honey.” My laugh was ironic.
He nodded. “You do. You always have. I love you, Ella.”
“You said you couldn’t ever love me the way I wan
ted to be loved.”
He nodded, looking ruined somehow. Like I had broken him. The rain made it worse, dragging his hair down around his face. When he spoke, it made my heart ache more. “I can’t ever love you the way you want to be loved. I love you already the way you need to be. Don’t you see that?”
“You lied to me about Charmant giving up his kingdom for me. And lied to him about marrying me.”
He laughed. “I wanted you to be mine. So I lied. I would have stolen, killed, cheated, done whatever I could have to be with you. Besides, I made him a better man than he was. He should have given it up for you. I would have. I would have died fighting for you. I am here, aren’t I? Prepared to start a war, like you were my Helen of Troy.”
“You could have made me your wife and you didn’t. I can’t be queen in your land and I won’t be a mistress who watches you marry another woman.”
His eyes burned down on me. “I was changing the law so I could marry you, when you snuck off in the night, like a thief. Taking my heart with you and leaving me with that pathetic attempt of a goodbye letter. I didn’t have to change the law though. Your mother was from my kingdom. You are a lady born of my people too. Either way, I would have walked away from it all for you. I would do anything for you.” He gave me the saddest look I had ever seen. It broke my heart completely. “Including let you go so that you might try to be something you are not. You want to play perfect little wife to him, I won’t stop you. But I wanted you to remember how alive I make you feel. I know I do, because you make me feel that way and I know we match. I am your true love, just as you are mine.”
“Did you murder Lord Grey and his sister?” The question fell out of my mouth.
His eyes burned for a moment. There was something in there, some kind of memory. He relived it for a moment before he nodded once. Then he turned and left me there with ripped knickers and a need for something else.
I looked up at the bright-blue star and nodded. “I see what you meant. Free to love the man I choose.”
I ran after him. “Hey!” I called out.
He turned at the bottom of the stairs. I lifted my foot. “You know these shoes are not easy to come by, made by very special elves. You had to have dug it out from under some dirty old stairs. You can’t go giving one to a girl and not mean something by it.”
He smiled but it was broken like mine. “You know what a scoundrel I am.”
I nodded, taking one stair at a time towards him. “I know. That might have to change a little. You probably won’t even want to marry me when you hear my conditions.”
He cocked and eyebrow and folded his thick arms. “Conditions? Did you give them to Charmant?”
I shook my head, taking another stair. “No.”
He laughed. “But I get them?”
“Yes. I love you with every aspect of my heart, the little bit of light and all of the dark. You have seen it all and you aren’t scared. So you get conditions, because you run a real risk of killing me by breaking my heart. Charmant doesn’t.”
His smile grew, making my heart skip beats but I maintained my composure. “Firstly, I will murder you in your sleep if you stray from our bed.”
He frowned and then nodded.
“Secondly, you will not touch me in front of others, unless I have consented. And I will not wear that mask so you may violate me in public.”
He licked his lips. I could see this might be an issue for him. “Let’s redefine touch.”
“Stick your fingers, or anything else, inside of me or make me wear see-through gowns.”
“Deal.”
“You will allow whatever it is that we are, the depravity and all, is for our room and nowhere else as I want children one day. I don’t want anyone to know. I want us to appear normal.”
He gulped. It was actually a bit lovely to see. He nodded his head slowly. “I believe I am capable of those acts. If I slip up, I am certain you will try the murder-me-in-my-sleep. Can I choose how I die?” His rakish smile was back making me laugh aloud.
“You are a bad man.” I took another step, making me almost near his height. He took a step closer. “You are a bad girl; I believe we have had this conversation before though.”
I was confused, there was no doubt, but there was something else. It was like he had said. Being with him was just like I had dreamed. I lifted a hand to his face, running it down his cheek. I shook my head, mystified by him. “You were my destiny! That night, before I met you at the ball, the magic elf who gave me the shoe was my mother. She told me I would meet the man of my dreams, my destiny.”
“I don't have a response for that.”
I slapped his face slightly, still shocked. “I never imagined you would be it.”
He chuckled. “I will try not to be injured by that.” He bent forward and brushed his lips against mine gently. “I knew the moment I saw you. Now run away with me.”
I bit my lip. “I need to get Gus.”
He shook his head. “I have him in the carriage already. I was abducting him, if you chose not to come.”
I laughed aloud, covering my mouth and looking back up the stairs. “I owe Charmant an explanation.”
He leaned forward, kissing me wildly. He muttered into my lips. “I never got one.”
I sighed and let him drag me across the grounds to the forest.
Epilogue
I glanced out at the dark through the window I had so often seen as bars on a cage.
“Do you think Jacque and Gus will be happy friends?”
I glanced over at the mice in the box and smiled at the king. “I can’t actually believe you got a mouse while I was gone.”
He sat and watched the two mice sniffing each other. They had been at it for weeks, not really certain what to do about the mouse in their space. “What was I supposed to do with the mouse box, if not keep a mouse? Who ever heard of a mouse box anyway? The smithy laughed me out of his house when I showed up with the damned request.”
I turned and smiled. “You have to tell me now. I refuse to be married to you without a name.”
He sighed. “I like Sire. I think we need to keep a working relationship here.”
“Charmant said your name is Henry but your servants think it’s William. Which is it?”
He spoke with a scowl, “Sire. See how it rolls off the tongue?”
I reached up, fast like a snake and tickled under his arms. He laughed in a way not considered manly at all. Almost a giggle. “I relent, I relent. My name IS Henry William. There is more to it though. My dear lady, you may choose. It is Henry William Alexander Beaumont. You may pick which name you like best and call me that, but I demand to be called Sire in this room.”
I laughed. “In the whore’s bedroom you must be called Sire?”
He nodded. “I am having renovations done to make the room more suitable. For when you are feeling frisky. We will slumber in my room after tomorrow. Unless you are in the mood to sleep here.”
I blushed. “You are planning on having people come into this room, to make it more suitable for our depravity and they will know about it?”
He frowned but never spoke.
I cocked an eyebrow and folded my arms across my bare chest.
He winced. “That might have been an oversight, but it is only a few men.”
I tilted my head.
He looked at the mice. “Lads, help me out here.”
I laughed and walked to him. “You want me to marry you tomorrow, and yet you would have all of your kingdom know of our likes and desires?”
He dropped to his knees, kissing my belly. “Everyone who meets you knows instantly what my likes and desires are. It is only you I desire.” He kissed my belly again. “I think we have another issue to resolve. Will this belly make me sons or are you barren? I can take it, just tell me the truth.”
I laughed. “I have been taking a leaf, from your kitchens. The women in the castle all take it so they cannot be impregnated unless they choose it.”
&n
bsp; His heavy eyebrows cast shadows over his already dark-blue eyes. “Leaf? Who distributes this leaf?”
I shrugged. “I am given it by my ladies.”
He sat back. “I thought it odd, but I assumed maybe you could not get with child.”
I laughed. “You would marry me if I were barren?”
He nodded.
“You are a fool.”
His eyes grew mischievous and his smile instantly made my blood boil. He pulled me into his lap and turned me over his bare knee. “Where is the word Sire, as I have requested? You have not said it yet. You are willful and stubborn.”
I laughed into his warm skin until his hand came down on my bare cheeks the first time. Then I moaned into his arm that held me down. He spanked again, hitting exactly in the right spot. He vibrated my sex.
“You will call me Sire, even when you are calling me a fool. In this room, I do not think it is too much to ask, to respect me.” His hand made contact again. I clenched with my fingers into the meaty parts of his arm. He slipped a finger into my wet cunny, pumping into me and still holding me over his knee. “You will speak to me now like the master of your body.”
He pumped his finger in and out, slapping the base of it against my anus. It vibrated, making me try to squirm and force an orgasm.
He chuckled. “Oh no you don't. I want to hear some begging.”
My words came out breathy. “Please, Sire. Please make me cum.”
He moved his finger faster and then stopped. I was mid-clench, holding my breath and tensing everywhere for the orgasm. He slowly dragged his finger from me and sat back, letting me fall from his lap.
I looked at him, confused by what had happened. He smiled, that same rakish grin he always gave.
“I hear it’s bad for the heart to stop like that. So when we’re old and gray and you’re finished with me, that's exactly how I want to die. You understand?”
I swallowed hard. “You have to finish!”
He laughed bitterly. “Again, no Sire? Do I mean nothing to you?”
I started to laugh, but I could feel the extreme cold hatred filling up inside of me. I offered him a hand. “Please Sire, come with me and let me show you how much I love you.”
