Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  Wandering through the back door of my house, I could hear my Mom in the kitchen chatting to the kids. Then, they all burst out laughing. It was the most wonderful noise I had heard in this house - the joy of children who were happy and felt content here. I planned on making sure Sammy and Soph felt they could come and go in my house as much as they liked. It was now their home too. As I turned the corner to the kitchen, I stood gazing in wonder. Mom had both of the twins kneeling on chairs at the table helping her spread out the feast that she had prepared. They were concentrating hard wanting to do the job they were given properly. Mom caught me out of the corner of her eye and looked up slightly, grinning. It was like an unspoken message to me that the kids were safe and now part of her family. Just as I’d said to Emily, Mom would never let the kids go. She would protect them like a mother hen, just like she did to all of us. I hadn’t seen Mom this happy in a long time.

  “Zach, look at the job we are doing, does it look good?” Sammy asked excitedly, pulling me from the silent conversation with Mom.

  “Wow, guys! It looks awesome and smells delicious. I am so hungry, I could eat a horse.” Both the kids froze and looked straight at me.

  Sophie stammered in a quiet voice,

  “Zach, you don’t eat your horses, do you?” Oh, my little princess, you kill me with your big heart.

  “No, no, no, that’s just a saying! I could never eat a horse. It just means I am very hungry and could eat as much food as the size of a horse.” We all started to giggle as the kids breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Now, who wants to run outside and round up everyone? Tell them that lunch is ready, and they need to come in and wash up so we can start eating. Tell them they need to hurry, otherwise Zach is going to eat it all.” My Mom looked at Sammy, knowing he would be the first to volunteer. He jumped to his feet and reached his hand in the air, waiting to be picked.

  “I better come with you Sammy, so I don’t eat all the food! You girls get ready for all the people that come running in here for lunch when we tell them how good it looks. Let’s go, Sammy.” I grabbed the hand that was in the air and we headed outside. I just wanted to make sure he was safe while there was trucks and cars moving around outside.

  Once we made it near the cottage, I let him go. He ran from person to person, yelling to come and eat and that there was lots of food, but Zach was going to eat it all. Everyone started to laugh. Luke grabbed Sammy and threw him over his shoulder, then started running for the house.

  “Quick, Sammy! We need to be fast, so we beat Zach,” Luke yelled as they sprinted to the back door. Sammy bounced up and down on his shoulder and laughed so loud I was sure they could hear him in town. Emily, Lilly and Alesha all came out from the cottage, giggling about something girly, I was sure. Today was going perfectly, just as I had hoped. I knew my family would love Emily and the kids, but I didn’t realize how easily they would fit in. Looking at Emily with my sisters, she looked so relaxed and happy. This is why I have done it, why I moved her here. For Emily to finally have the life she deserved.

  10

  Emily

  WALKING INTO THE kitchen of Zach’s home floored me. The room was full of noise and chatter from all of Zach’s family.

  I was worried how my kids would cope with this large family lunch. They had never had a dinner like this with so many people in a room, let alone family. I quickly scanned the room, mainly for Sophia because she was so shy and unsure. I was nervous how she might be handling it. I spotted her standing on a chair next to Zach. He was steadying her around the waist. While she pointed to food, her new friend Me-me put it on her plate. What in the world had happened today? Sophia never went to strangers, yet these beautiful people had wrapped her up in love. She obviously felt so comfortable that she was a different child. I knew I never had to worry about Sammy. He was with Luke and they were loading up their plates together. I stood back observing in absolute amazement. What had I done to deserve Zach and his family?

  As I stood to the side, I felt a large heavy hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Mitch standing next to me, watching his family. Love and pride were the only thing I saw in his eyes.

  “You will always be welcome in this family, Emily. You are now part of us. Hope you realize that.” No matter how much I had heard it today or seen it in their actions, it was still hard to accept. I was just a single mom trying to keep my little family with food in their bellies and a roof over their head. This was going to take a lot to get used to. “Better get in there and get some food, these kids wait for no one when Sophia lays out her lunch spread.” He took my hand and pulled me forward to the table. Whether I liked it or not, this group of people had claimed me. Never in my life had I felt so calm.

  Lunch had been a culinary feast. I got the feeling that Zach’s mother didn’t know what a simple lunch was. Secretly, I thought she was trying to impress me. Little did she know that anything more than a peanut and jelly sandwich was gourmet to me. I wouldn’t have cared if we’d had that for lunch. I had convinced the kids (although it took a lot of work) that we needed to head back to the cottage for a rest in the afternoon, so I could continue unpacking boxes. It had been a huge morning. Although the kids protested as soon as they laid down on their beds to read a book, the room went silent and I heard little snores coming from Sammy, while Sophia was curled up with Pinkie. It was the first time in a very long time that I had seen Sophia look so relaxed and content in her sleep with a little smile on her face. She was obviously having a nice dream. I knew what that was like. All my dreams lately had me more than smiling ever since Zach walked into our lives.

  Having the kids take a rest was not the only reason I wanted to come back to the cottage. I was feeling overwhelmed by the whole day and the feelings that were burning themselves in my heart for Zach. I had to try and distance myself from that. I also needed to teach the kids that we can’t always intrude in the family time for Zach or any other visitors he may have come to the house. I didn’t know if I would be able to cope when he brought girls back to his place. I quickly buried that thought because it wasn’t even worth thinking about yet.

  We had said our goodbyes and thank you’s at lunch. One by one, I could hear the cars leaving the farm as I stacked my kitchen cupboards with the small amounts of food I had brought with me. The staple things you need with kids - Cheerios, Mac and Cheese, peanut butter and jelly, juice and various other boxes. I got down to the last of the packages in the box and lifted the flour to put it on the top shelf when I felt a tingle run up my spine. A hand leant over my shoulder and grabbed the flour. “Here let me do that,” Zach said softly.

  I jumped and squealed with fright. I had not even heard him come into the kitchen as I was too busy fantasizing about the last week and this beautiful little home we were now in. Zach grabbed me as I fell backwards, and puffs of flour went up in the air as I squeezed the package. “I’m sorry, Em, I didn’t mean to scare you. I called out on my way in but didn’t want to be too loud in case I woke the kids.” Zach had his arms wrapped around my waist, my back hard against his front as he tried to steady me on my feet. My heart was going at full speed from the fright. Zach holding me in such an intimate way wasn’t helping my heart to slow down at all.

  “It’s ok, I just didn’t hear you. I must have been concentrating,” I whispered. Zach spun me around, so I was leaning against the cupboard, but he hadn’t moved back at all. His thighs were pinned against mine, his arms still around me. We stood there, frozen in time. Our eyes were locked, staring into each other, and our noses were almost touching. Zach was leaning down and I couldn’t stop from tilting my head up towards him, as much as my subconscious yelled at me to stop.

  As Zach dropped his head to mine, he whispered,” Even though I know I can’t have you, why can’t I resist you?” Zach’s lips were just touching mine as I closed my eyes, preparing to sink into the moment I had longed for since that first knock on my door.

  “Mommy, why did you scream, did you see a spider?�
� Sammy announced as he came into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. Zach and I both jumped apart and tried to try to look busy as Sammy stood at the doorway, looking at us with confusion on his face.

  I quickly tried to work out what I was going to say to him, but Zach had it covered before I could get the words out. “Hey, little man! Did you have a good rest? It has been a busy day, hasn’t it?” Why didn’t I think of that? Deflection of the question always worked with kids. Well almost always.

  “Hi Zach, why were you hugging Mommy, did she hurt herself?” This little boy was way too cluey.

  “No buddy, Mommy nearly dropped the flour when she stumbled and fell a little. I grabbed her, so she wouldn’t hurt herself. She looks pretty funny, doesn’t she?” Zach leant forward and ran his finger over my cheek. We both sucked in a breath as the moment of that first touch came right back to our mind. He slowly ran his finger down and across my chin, taking it between his two fingers. I heard Sammy laughing in the background, but nothing could take me out of this moment.

  “Mommy looks like a ghost!”

  “Actually, I think she looks beautiful,” Zach whispered to me as Sammy came wandering across the room. I was mesmerized by Zach until Sammy tugged on my leg.

  “Come look in the mirror and see how you look like a ghost.” Zach stepped back from us both, trying to pull back the hunger in his eyes.

  “I, um, better go and clean up from the, um, family and lunch. I will come back across later,” Zach mumbled as he turned and left the room. It was like he had suddenly realized what had just happened. I was not sure what had just happened, but whatever it was, I sure as hell would like it to happen again and with no interruptions.

  The afternoon turned into early evening and I hadn’t seen Zach again. The kids loved getting settled into their rooms and were excited to know they could bathe every night and not have to worry about the cost of the water and electricity. Dinner was simple. After such a big lunch, I wasn’t really hungry and there was not much choice of food in the cupboard. Luckily, Sophia had made us spaghetti Bolognese to heat up. Tomorrow I would need to ask Zach to take me to the grocery store to stock up on food.

  I was concerned that being the first night in a new house, it would be unsettling for the kids and hard to get them to bed. I couldn’t have been more wrong. They were both fast asleep within five minutes of me starting their story. They had been so active today that they were worn out. I hope this was a sign of what was to come living on a farm.

  Finally, sitting down on the couch with a warm cup of tea, I realized how much my body was now aching. All the lifting and working today had really taken a toll. I didn’t even have the energy to turn on the television. Bed was calling and, as soon as I had finished my cup of tea, I would crawl in and close my eyes. As I neared the end of the cup, I heard a light knock on the front door. I struggled to even get up off the couch as my body had seized up. I heard his voice, letting me know who it was so I wouldn’t be worried. Not that I expected anyone else at the door at this time of night.

  “Hi Zach, did you want a cup of tea? I am just finishing one.” Zach stood at the door under the porch light looking nervous.

  “No thanks, Emily, I am not staying. I just called over to make sure everything was okay and to apologize for not getting back over this afternoon. I got held up doing some urgent work. Are you settling in okay?”

  I sensed a change in Zach since this afternoon and he was looking down at his boots like they were the most interesting thing he had ever seen in his life. “Yes, thanks Zach. Everything is fine. The kids are exhausted and are fast asleep after christening your bath. They sure gave the floor a good wash. Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

  Zach shook his head and looked up slightly. “No, I need to get back home, I’m pretty tired. Emily, I just want to say I am sorry about the kitchen. I shouldn’t have done that and it won’t happen again, I promise. “Again, his head was looking down and it was like there were weights attached to his chin that stopped him from raising it up.

  And there it was. The smack in the stomach to tell me that I shouldn’t believe in fairy tales. I struggled to speak but used every bit of strength I had. “It’s okay, Zach. I agree, I have to put my kid’s happiness and safety first.” Just like that, my wall started to rebuild itself. Brick by brick, Zach was putting them back up for me. How silly had I been to think I could remove them.

  “Um, yeah. The kids are important, thanks for understanding, Emily. Um, I better go so you can get to bed. See you in the morning. Goodnight.” And with that, Zach turned on his heels and started straight for the backdoor of the homestead.

  I stood watching his back. In my head, I really wanted to reply, but what if I wanted you to do it again, Zach… If only fairy tales did exist.

  Lying in bed, I succumbed to the heaviness of my eyelids. Again, the same as every night before, I drifted off to sleep dreaming of Zach and what we could never have.

  11

  Zach

  STANDING AT MY bedroom window in the dark, I watched the lights of the cottage slowly go out as Emily headed to bed.

  I wondered what Emily thought and felt after today. I couldn’t look her in the eyes as I tried to tell her that I didn’t want her. What a lie that was. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her, because I wanted her more than anything in my life. It was more that I couldn’t let myself have her. That would not be fair on her and I could never bring myself to hurt her more than I had tonight. I knew I had to stop this now before it went any further. Emily was a strong woman and, of course, put the happiness of the kids before her own. I felt her emotions, though, like they were my own. She was struggling just as much as I was. But we were both adults and had to keep our heads on straight.

  I slipped down my sweatpants and boxers and slid into bed, leaving the curtains open so I could see the night sky and mountains. Normally, this would bring me calm thoughts to drift off to sleep by. Tonight, nothing was going to calm my ache. I slid my hand down and wrapped it around my manhood that was as hard as nails, I allowed myself to dream of what it would be like to have Emily with me in my bed. I would indulge one last time in my fantasies and tomorrow I would have to move on. My hand found itself sliding up and down in a rhythm that was matching my breathing. It slowly sped up as I imagined what her beautiful breasts would feel like under my hands and the taste of those engorged nipples that were longing to be sucked. My mind had painted a perfect picture of Emily beneath me, the moonlight glistening through her hair as I slowly dragged my fingers through her sweet spot and watched her arch off the bed. I caught her moan in my mouth as I plunged my cock deep inside her and sank it to the very base, filling every part of her. My hand was taking me to the place of release, one that I needed to get Emily out of my head.

  My body jerked, and I released the sexual tension all over my body. I could hear her scream my name as she exploded in orgasm all over my pulsing cock. I pushed my head back into the pillow with my eyes closed. Feeling like a fifteen-year-old boy who jerked off to pictures of naked girls, I started to chuckle to myself.

  What the hell had this woman done to me?

  Never, as a full-grown man, had a woman affected me so much. Why the fuck did she have to be so far out of reach for me? Life sucked and I knew my wall needed to remain strong and tall. The threat of attack on it was the strongest it had ever been. I had a feeling the other team had the power of a nuclear weapon to bring it down. That was just in the way she looked at me, let alone her touch.

  Tomorrow I needed to be strong and defend my wall, for her sake as much as mine.

  Emily messaged me early in the morning asked, if it wasn’t too much trouble, that I give her a lift into the store to get groceries sometime today. Nothing she asked me would ever be a problem, but I had a better idea. When I met her at the cottage, I told her she could drive as she needed to get used to the SUV. It was now her car and she would need to feel confident in taking the kids to school and home again. The look on her face
was of pure terror.

  “But Zach, I haven’t driven in years and that car is so big. Maybe I should get a loan and just buy a little car for me and the kids. I don’t want to inconvenience you and take your car. You will need it.”

  I laughed at her and shoved the keys in her hand. “Emily, this car is yours and part of the job. I have four different cars, it’s not like I will miss one. This one is big, yes, but also very safe for you and the kids. I will not have you borrowing money for a car. I said there was a car available as part of the job and this is it. Let’s see how you go and if it is too much of a problem, then I will find you a smaller car. Now let’s get going and see how you handle it. Sammy and Soph, hop up into your seats and let’s get you strapped in.”

  Emily stood there, stunned. She hadn’t seen my bossy controlling side yet, but she just had a taste of what it was like. If she thought she was going to try to get out of me providing a life for her and the kids, she could think again. With the kids buckled in and me holding her door open, she huffed and stomped towards the driver’s seat.

  Mr. Controlling, meet Miss Stubborn.

  Oh yes, we were going to have a great time pushing the point with each other. Little did Emily know there were a few things I would never back down on in relation to the kids and her. Top of the list was their safety and that was why she would be driving the Audi, whether she liked it or not. I jumped in the passenger seat, grinning at her letting, her know with my smile. Round one went to me.