Not My Fantasy

by Sam Hall

  As I was dragged over to the bed, all hilarity ceased. This wasn’t an idea that I could entertain academically any more. He held me down with a hand to my chest, his other hand clawing at my skin as I struggled, shifting until he straddled my legs. I slapped, punched, kicked and thrashed, anything to get him off of me and to stop him from getting my clothes off. Then his fist smashed into my face.

  Stars bloomed in my vision as everything else went hazy and swam. I was dimly aware something very bad was happening to my clothes, but right now I was struggling to keep conscious. I blinked and blinked and then the world finally righted itself. My shirt was torn open and my jeans were halfway down my legs. My hands were now held above my head. I tried to kick out but was hampered by the stupid skinny legs of the jeans. He was over me, his knees digging into my thighs, trying to separate them, so he could wedge his cock in while my calves remained trapped in my jeans. “No, no . . .!” I almost sobbed, struggling with every fibre of my being to free my legs so I could strike back.

  For a moment, it all fell away. This wasn’t happening, couldn’t happen to me. While the animal part of me struggled frantically to get the bastard off of me, intellectually, I was having difficulty getting my head around what he was doing. Part of me, I realised, could not believe that I would ever be the target of rape. I didn’t walk down dark alleys, wear revealing clothing, or live a sexually risky lifestyle, so how could I possibly be on the receiving end of an assault like this? As someone who had never had to deal with this before, I had helpfully forgotten that most rapes happened exactly like this, where a man in a woman’s life felt the need to ignore her autonomy, her rights to her own body and decided to take what he felt was his right.

  I snapped out of my reverie to feel the inexorable shift of his body between my legs, something damp and hard beginning to move closer. No matter what I thought or felt, this was happening. The jeans weren’t going anywhere, having become very effective shackles as they were stretched to capacity around my legs. He chuckled as I began to cry in earnest, angry, choking tears building in my chest as he began to shove himself closer to penetrating me.

  “I wonder if you’ll feel the same, on the inside,” he said.

  “You fucking idiot!” I spat at him. “They’ll keep you forever in this place, in this form you hate, because you can’t stop being an arrogant, entitled fuck for more than a minute!”

  He froze, his eyes boring into mine, the arm holding me in place began to shake with the effort. “What do you mean?” he asked. I didn’t reply fast enough evidently, so he shook me until my teeth rattled.

  “The people who cursed you, who took your crown, they worded the curse exactly, to make sure you stay exiled here, forever.”

  “What would you know of curses? You’re nothing more than a pinkie whore.”

  “I studied politics, fuck face. The wizards who made you like this, something unacceptable to the people, because they knew that you would never drop that industrial grade sense of entitlement you’ve got going on!”

  “Explain.”

  “They didn’t curse you to look like a human until you fucked someone because they knew you’d just go out and procure some ‘monkey’ and rape her and then be back on the throne in time for tea. No, they made it conditional on finding one that would love you. I assume you tried persuading one of your ‘beasts’ to love you?”

  “Yes, I thought being treated more kindly would engender finer feelings, but they are incapable of such things.”

  “And let me guess, when you get sentient human girls, you show them what you think is a good time and then when they aren’t receptive, kill and eat them?”

  “Of course, why would I let such sweet tasting meat go to waste? The varied diets you humans eat tends to give a great complexity to the meat. It’s quite delicious.”

  “And that’s your fucking problem. You’ll die in this form if things don’t change, probably to be eaten by your officers as they toast your passing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t understand humans, women, or love, so how can you ever be freed of your curse? I’m one of two choices you’ve got, and what are you doing? You’re assaulting me. Women don’t fall in love with their rapist, you psycho fuck; they hate them with every breath of their being. Right now, I fucking despise you; I’d splatter your stupid animal brain all over these golden walls if I had the means, then I’d piss on your corpse.”

  His lips remained pulled back from white teeth that were too blunt now to carry out what his instincts must be screaming at him to do. His eyes were wide, pupils tiny little pinpricks and his breath coming in harsh rasps. “You’re just trying to dissuade me.”

  “Of course, I am. I don’t want your fucking cock in me. There’s got to be plenty of furries here who’ll bend over and let you do them doggy style. Fuck them, but if you want to be free of this curse, you need me. You have two human girls here. I can show you how it’s done, how to get a human girl to love you.”

  The only sign he’d heard me was a slight jerk of his head. He blinked, as if trying to focus, then stared at me, the muscle in his jaw working. He pulled himself away, standing up in a moment, collecting his towel from the floor and wrapping himself back up, though his cock remained hard. He sprawled on a chair, elegant as ever and gestured to me to rise. I fought back the tears, my heart thundering deafeningly in my ears as I yanked my jeans up. I was never wearing them again. I’d throw them in the fire the moment I returned to our room. Once they were firmly zipped up and buttoned, I pulled the remnants of my shirt around me, holding hard to try and stop the shake in my hands from showing.

  “So, enlighten me, or you’ll be on your back again in moments.”

  “Give me a shirt.”

  “You’re in no place to make demands.”

  “Lady Pendragon is actually my sister, Tess, so I am perfectly placed to teach you how to make her fall in love with you. Get me a fucking shirt and I’ll show you exactly how to woo her.”

  31

  This earned me a raised eyebrow and a well-pressed white shirt. I felt better as the cloud of cotton settled around me, but I had to work hard to ignore the masculine scent on it. He got dressed, too, just dropped his towel and put on his clothes. I guess there was no need for modesty now, was there? He leaned back in his chair and lit himself something that looked like a combination of a cigarette and a cigar. How the hell did they smoke those when furry? I wondered. My mind would turn to anything rather than dwell on what had just happened. “So, your sister, hmm? I assume that your party was some kind of misguided rescue mission?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, why would I allow you to stay here? You’ll be trying to whisk my future beloved away.”

  “Damned straight, I will,” I said, “but she’s angry with me and won’t hear a word about going home, so you have that in your favour.”

  “Tell me why I shouldn’t have your entire party slaughtered and served for dinner tonight?”

  “For one, she might be pissed with me, but that doesn’t extend to wishing me dead. She’s not going to fall in love with you if you kill me.”

  He shrugged, “Another girl, another occasion for a feast.”

  “And how many girls have you had through the citadel?”

  “Several.”

  I watched the tension slowly ratchet up through his body. There was no obvious change, just a slight shift in his chair, fingers whitening as they tightened on his cigarette thing. “How many?”

  “Seven over a five year period,” he said finally, stubbing the cigarette out with more force than was needed.

  “Not a lot of girls. You get anywhere with them?”

  “The first . . . she seemed receptive initially, but that soon waned. As did the second and the third. I have had less success as we have gone on, hence the contract with Gump.”

  “Funny, because where I come from, princes under terrible curses are seen as terribly romantic. You should have women fawning al
l over you.”

  “And yet I don’t, as you so kindly pointed out. So, what are you going to do about it?”

  “I want a promise,” I said. “No, a contract, in writing, lodged with whatever passes as a legal system here,” I said.

  “Oh?” he smiled at this, “and what would you like it to say?”

  “That no matter the outcome, I get to walk free of here and so do all of my men. No one ends up on the dinner table.”

  “And why would I agree to that?”

  “What have you go to lose? A nice meal? You’re seven for seven so far. Actually make that eight, because you sure as shit aren’t getting me to fall for you. Surely, regaining your rightful place as head of your country is better than a good feed? Or have you completely lost hope and decided to settle for this?” I gestured around the room. “How long will your men be content to stay here, in exile? What happens if they begin to leave? Have some started to leave already?” I saw the muscle jump under his right eye and knew I’d hit on something. “How many have left?”

  “Too many,” he said and got to his feet. “Very well, I’ll have the papers drawn up. You’ll have your protection, but not for the blond one who attacked me.”

  “Gabe is important to me; you know that. I’m not going to help you if you hurt him.”

  “I could force you. I could beat you within an inch of your life—”

  “And Tess will know. Even if I don’t say anything, it will become really obvious. Then you’ll have lost yet another chance, with your men all wondering how the fuck it is that you can’t persuade an inferior animal to fall in love with you.”

  His eyes dropped and I saw this throat as he swallowed what was apparently a very bitter pill. When he looked up again, he nodded and said, “Fine.”

  “Do you have a library here?” I asked once we’d come to an agreement.

  “What? Fancy doing a spot of reading between betraying your sister and fucking that brute you brought along?” he asked. He tried for a sarcastic smile but just looked bitter instead.

  “No, I need some books to help you understand what human women want.”

  “Isn’t that your job?”

  “Yes, but even the best teachers need textbooks sometimes. If I can find something similar to the stories we have at home, I can get a better understanding of what passes for love here and hopefully, find some common ground that will make sense to you.”

  “Hmph, sounds ridiculous, but if a library is what you want, you’ll find an outlet to the Celestial Record on the upper floor. I’ll have Mellors take you.”

  I briefly remembered Gump mentioning it back in Bartertown. “What the fuck is the Celestial Record?”

  He smirked at that, “Your world is too backward to subscribe to it, I see. Well, never mind, I’m sure you’ll muddle through. All homes of import have an outlet; it’s an access point to a library that contains all of the significant texts of all planets in all galaxies.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “Quite. You speak to the librarian assigned to the house and they will find what you are looking for.”

  “You have that, in a house with no electricity, in a world where people don’t know what guns or a combustion engine is.”

  “A what?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, I’ll have Mellors take you there now. The sooner you start—”

  “No.”

  His eyebrows shot up, “Are you serious? We can continue what we started. . . .”

  “No, I’m holding on, but only just. I’m going back to my room, having a shower, burning these clothes and then having a cry. A long one. You assaulted me. The only thing that saved me, that continues to save me, is your gargantuan self-interest. My only way out of this is to get my sister, my favourite person in the whole world, to fall in love with you, a disgusting animal who gets hard thinking about forcing women against their will. After I’ve dried my eyes and the hysterics have stopped, I’ll go to the top floor with my men. Mellors is a repugnant panderer who has no compunction in delivering me into any danger you see fit. I don’t want him within fifteen feet of me.”

  His smile was sly as he watched me fight for control as I delivered my monologue, “That will make dinner quite a difficult premise.”

  “Send my meals to my room. Spending more quality time with Tess may help you, anyway.”

  “Very well, but I expect you to report to mine after the evening meal. You will help me to plan the next day, to find something to tantalise your sister.”

  “Fine, but the guys come with me.”

  Returning to my room played out much the same way as I described. I didn’t, couldn’t answer the guys' questions, sinking onto the bed, the tears, unfortunately, coming first, continuing on in the bath and resulting in me hysterically ugly crying as I got dressed. The sun was very low in the sky by the time I was reduced to stupid post-cry hiccups. “He tried to rape me. I talked him out of it,” I said, my voice a harsh croak.

  “Fuck, Ash, we’ve gotta get out of here! We can grab Tess—” Flea said.

  “No, we can’t. Gabe tried to stop them and he’s locked up now. I’m getting an agreement that guarantees us a way out of here, but not for Tess. I have to help the prince try to get her to fall in love with him.”

  “Are you fucking serious?” Flea asked, his face falling, shifting to a perfectly flat expression. “You sold your sister out? For what, Ash? Huh?”

  “He was on top of me, holding my hands down, shoving his cock in the gap between my jeans and my thighs, just about ready to jam it in me, Flea, so fuck you.”

  “That’s why you–” Natty gestured to the fire where my jeans smouldered.

  “Yes, I’ll never wear them again. Not sure what I have that’s rape-proof, but I need to start looking.”

  “If he succeeds, if he gets her to . . . he won’t keep her, he’ll switch into animal form and–”

  “Eat her right up. I got it, Flea, really I do.” He shook his head as if trying to dislodge the information I’d just dumped on him, getting up to pace back and forth in the room, raking his hands through his hair. “Anyway, where the fuck were you two as Gabe and I were marched off to our dooms?”

  “In the stables. Gabe was stressed, wanted me to take the spark plugs from the bikes, so none of the furries tried to touch them. Wanted to make sure we would make a quick getaway if needed.”

  There was a quick knock at the door. It would have to be our meals. “Yeah, well, let’s eat up because you two are coming with me to the library and then the Crown Prince’s.”

  We picked at our food. I had that hollow feeling deep inside me that said I really needed to eat, but whatever it was I put in my mouth soon felt like glue; sticky and tasteless with a horrible consistency as I chewed. I forced down a couple of bites and then gave up. The guys were much the same, Natty’s ears flat against his skull. “Natty, I wouldn’t be upset if you wanted to go home. This has turned out to be a lot more drama than we anticipated.”

  His eyes widened as if for a moment he considered it, but he shook his head, “No, I’m in until the bitter end. I hope you don’t think all of us here are like the prince.”

  “No, of course not. We have powerful sociopaths in my world, too. Now, we’ve got to go up to the third floor to an outlet to the Galactic Library. Have we got any weapons left?”

  “No, they cleared us out, even those I’d stashed in difficult to find spots. We could take these dinner knives,” Flea said, his face still impassive.

  “Probably a bit obvious and they’ll just take them off us again.”

  With that, we trooped up the stairs. I’d settled for an old pair of flared jeans that would be much easier to shuck off if I got caught in the same position. Easier to strip off of you too, my brain helpfully pointed out. I had to accept it; in the citadel, there probably wasn’t much I could do if anyone tried to assault me. I’d yelled at Tess for her blasé attitude, but it turned out I was just as unprepared for the reali
ty here. I was weak and vulnerable and so was Gabe, locked up wherever he was. I took a deep breath and kept putting one foot in front of the other until we came to the top of the stairs. It was all I could do right now.

  The outlet, whatever it was, evidently took up the whole third floor as there was a small foyer and then a wall that ran from one side of the building to the other and a single door. There was a brass plaque that said something in a language I didn’t understand. I twisted the doorknob and walked in. “Whoa!” Flea and I looked at the massive room, our eyes not knowing where to rest, struggling to take it all in. The first part of the room was a small alcove with a counter running along its length and then it all got bigger, exponentially bigger. A long thin gangway ran from behind the counter off to a point in the distance so far I couldn’t see it. Around it was bookcase after bookcase of books. “How is that . . .?” I asked, moving over to the counter and looking up and down. The view showed bookcases going down hundreds of stories and looking up was the same view. This library was Tardis-like, somehow much, much bigger than the citadel we stood within.

  “What the fuck?” Flea said.

  “You ring the bell and a librarian will come,” Natty said. Of course, they would. I stepped up to the counter and rang the bell.

  “Hello, my name is K’laaren and I will . . .” A strange blue-skinned humanoid person flickered into being behind the counter, like turning a TV on. They started what was obviously their usual spiel, then turned their plate sized silver eyes on us, frowning and tipping its head to one side. “I apologise, my translator is having some difficulties. Are you speaking Earthen English or Fauvian?”