“Jax?” She carefully asked. Shit, was I supposed to know her? Perhaps she was a girl I once hooked up with. I looked at her face. Blue eyes, perfectly arched eyebrows, bee-stung lips. Nope, I'd remember her.
"Can I help you darlin'?" I asked, trying to find a friendly smile when really I just wanted her to go away. She smiled, and it was a killer smile if you were into that kind of girl, and I wasn't anymore.
“I’m Noelle, from Tennison’s Timber.” Oh fuck, the Noelle from the phone call at my office only a couple of hours ago? What the hell was she doing here, now?
"I know we've never met in person, but one of the girls I was with recognized you." She settled down beside me, and I moved along to make a clear space between us.
"Oh, I see." I said awkwardly. I wasn't used to being awkward with women. If I wanted in Noelle's panties, I'd be fine. The fact I didn't though had me feeling like a bumbling fool. Charlie chuckled reminding me I wasn't alone in my awkwardness. "This is Charlie you've probably spoken to him on the phone. He's my manager at Carter's." Noelle nodded, but her eyes did not leave me.
"Nice to meet you, Noelle," said Charlie ignoring her ignorance of him. "Can I get you a drink to say thank you for today?" Noelle again nodded, her eyes still focused on me. I, on the other hand, had my eyes focused on anything but her.
“I’ll get it,” I interjected in a hurry.
"No boss, this one is on me." He winked at Noelle and he might have finally drawn some of the attention from me. "What will it be honey?" I’d been assured by members of the opposite sex that Charlie was, in fact, easy on the eye and his flirty easy going attitude saw him rarely going home alone. But for some reason when I was there alongside him, the female eye seemed to draw my way. It might have been my height, and I had never found it a problem, until now.
“Merlot.” Charlie disappeared into the crowd leaving behind an uncomfortable silence. It was Noelle who finally broke it.
"So, where is Selena tonight?" I was getting a little pissed with people asking about Selena. We may have had something going on for a while, but it certainly wasn't exclusive, and we were rarely out together.
“You know Selena?”
“Not really. But I know a friend of hers. I was under the impression that you and Selena were together.” I took a long drink and shook my head.
“Nope, not with Selena.” Noelle smiled, her eyes alight with interest. How she wasn’t picking up on my not-into-you vibes was beyond me. I decided a direct approached was needed.
"But I am seeing someone, so I’m sorry but I’m not interested." Her smile fell.
"Very presumptuous to think I’m interested in you," she recovered gracefully, and I found myself smiling. Her fuck me eyes and pouty lips told me she was definitely into me.
"I don't think I formally thanked you for today, you helped us out of a tight spot." Diplomacy was on the agenda. She did help me out today and she did work for our biggest supplier, there was no need for me to be a complete asshole. Noelle shrugged and brushed her hair back over her shoulder, her eyes lowered as she watched me through her thick false lashes. It was a seductive move to lure my attention to the graceful arch of her neck. I had seen it used hundreds of times before and at one time it might have caught my interest. Here and now her seduction was wasted.
“You’re a big client; it’s in our best interest to help you out from time to time,” she brushed my thanks off with nonchalance. Charlie saved the day by bringing back our drinks, water for me, thank fuck, but he soon disappeared again, leaving me once more all alone with the temptress in the too tight dress.
"Your friends aren't looking for you?" I asked, hoping she would finally leave. She leaned in close, and I could smell the subtle layer of perfume. It was nice, but I preferred Ella's fresh scent of ocean coconut.
"I don't want to hang out with them right now Jax, I want to hang out with you." I felt the weight of her hand on my thigh and flinched as it began to make its way higher. My body responded appropriately, but my mind was not into it. Her lips found my neck and for the briefest of moments my hand found her thigh. Feeling the soft, warm flesh made my heart spike and dick jump, but I didn't want this. There would have once been a time when I would have grabbed this girl and dragged her to a back room for a quick fuck, no strings, just a few moments of freedom from my troubles. But I didn’t need this kind of freedom anymore, this detachment and ugly wanton desire. My freedom, my desire was sitting in an apartment twenty minutes from here. As her hand inched higher, her wine laced breath on my neck I spotted Charlie and abruptly stood up from the sofa.
"Sorry Noelle, I told you I'm seeing someone. I've gotta' go." My voice didn't hide the irritation I was feeling at that moment, and I pushed my way through too many bodies, I'd been here too long and if Charlie wasn't so damned wasted he would realize that too. He was whispering something into the ear of a pretty blonde who blushed furiously and giggled.
"I'm going to leave you to it." I slapped him on the back to get his attention, and he swung around to give me his best fucked up grin. "You wanna ride?" I asked. He shook his head and glanced back at the blonde who was now staring at me like desert had just been served. I shook my head.
“Get out of here, you’re stealing my thunder,” Charlie groaned. I slipped out the front doors of the bar and called out a quick goodbye to Andy who was talking with Beef and Paris. As I sat in my truck I sent Ella a quick text message.
What are you doing?
Less than a minute later her reply came through.
Teaching Eli the importance of rock paper scissors. Want to join us?
Hell, that’s an important lesson. I’m on my way. Pizza?
No anchovies and Eli says no pineapple… & since I’m inviting you. I’ll pay. Fix you up when u get here. ;-)
I couldn’t remember a time when I was so excited to see a girl, particularly one who I wasn’t going to be sleeping with…yet. I needed to see Ella tonight, to wipe away the feeling of betrayal and cheapness Noelle’s touch had made me feel. I needed to immerse myself in something good and Ella was my answer.
Chapter 18
Ella
Jax had been at a bar. He wasn’t drunk though, but his clothes were smoky and there was the taste of beer on his breath. I hated bars, they were too crowded, men were too touchy feely in those situations and often mistook a no for a hell yes. I wondered who Jax had gone to the bar with and found a small ugly twinge of jealousy lacing my thoughts. It was such an ugly emotion that felt twisted and uncomfortable inside my stomach. Eli laughed as he and Jax played best of five with rock-paper-scissors. It was an attempt to get Eli to go to bed. He was rather hyped up and it had been my fault. I bought rocky road ice cream earlier today as a surprise and this was my first mistake in childcare, do not feed it to them half an hour before bed. Watching Jax play with Eli made me smile. He was so natural and carefree you would swear the man had plenty of siblings, but Jax was an only child, like me. When he laughed loudly at something Eli said, I noticed the way Jax had relaxed over the last few weeks, the guilt and sorrow that rested in his eyes was still there, but it was faint. I sighed, wishing I could wipe away his bad memories. Life would be so much easier if we could just take a giant eraser and get rid of the things that bothered us. I guess we wouldn’t be left with the memories of our mistakes, we would never learn, destined to commit the same fuckups over and over again. He glanced at me and winked. He had won and Eli was being marched off to bed.
I tucked Eli tightly under his blankets and put his night light on. He was afraid of the dark. I guess we all have our fears regardless of our age. Giving him a light kiss to his forehead I snuck out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar so Eli knew we were close by. Jax lay back on the sofa, my bed, flicking through channels.
“You’re good with him,” he noted. I cleaned up the mess from dinner and rinsed our glasses. I was avoiding sitting down with Jax. We had been alone before, but this somehow felt more intimate and I was nervous.
> “Really? I’m fumbling with him. I’ve never had a younger sibling or relative. I’m not sure what to do or say most the time.” I folded the hand towel several different ways while Jax watched me curiously.
“What makes you more anxious, how devastatingly handsome I am, or the fact that I am lying in your bed?” Jax grinned and I burst out laughing.
“Arrogant much,” I chuckled moving towards him. He held out his hand and with only a moment’s hesitation I took it. Jax pulled me down beside him and continued to flick through the channels. He finally found a movie, a romantic comedy, which going by the actor’s clothing was more than a few years old, but I had never seen it. I learned from our date a couple of nights ago that neither of us was into thrillers, action or horror and Jax wasn’t big on war movies. Perhaps we both just needed to laugh a bit more. I wanted to ask Jax where he had been tonight, a small part of me needed the reassurance that it had not been with another woman. I fiddled with my fingers nervously, paying absolutely no attention to the movie. There had been a time when I was considered outspoken, even abrupt in the way I might confront someone about something that bothered me. He had put a stop to that, fucking Marcus. The hate for him had not dimmed in the slightest over the years. It burned inside me so fiercely some days I thought I might combust because of it. Just thinking about him enraged me, the life he had stolen from me, the girl he corrupted with his violence and domination. Who would I have been if my dad had never died? Would I be the confident fearless girl I was growing into?
“Angel?” My head whipped around to look at Jax, my eyes no doubt filled with the fire and revolt that had so quickly filled my head. “Deep breath honey.” I hadn’t even realized my breathing had become erratic and uncontrolled. Jax slid onto the floor in front of me and held my hands while I breathed my way back to composure just the way he had shown me. “Where did you go just now?” His thumb ran a calming circle on the back of my hand, centering me, helping me to feel safe, grounded. I didn’t speak right away, I needed to collect my thoughts rather than blurt them all out in a hurried mess. With one final deep sigh I looked down at our joined hands then back up at Jax’s patient face.
“I started wondering what you did before you came here tonight. I know you went to a bar, I can smell alcohol and smoke, and I wondered who you went there with. I know I have no right to question your activities, but I can’t help it. I think it’s a girl thing.” I took a deep breath.
“You started going into a panic attack because you wondered who I was with tonight?” Jax asked with a cheeky grin.
“No, not exactly. I was having a hard time finding the courage to ask you and I remembered when I was younger I used to get into trouble from my dad for being too abrupt and upfront with people. He said I had to learn to be tactful. After my dad died and Marcus came along, I was downright rude and disrespectful. I never feared speaking my mind, but after this,” I glanced at my wrists. “I changed. I became withdrawn, shy, afraid of everything. I hate the person he made me and I wondered if my dad hadn’t of died what I would be like now. That made me upset and I usually avoid thinking such things because I know it makes me upset. Once I got started though I just couldn’t stop.” I let my head fall forward, my hair surrounding my face like a curtain. Fuck I was a mess, why would anyone want to be around me, especially Jax. My body and my mind were ugly and scarred. Jax used his thumb and finger to gently lift my chin so that my eyes were level with his.
“Firstly, you can ask me anything angel. I don’t care how stupid you think it is, or how much it frightens you to say it out loud, I want you to talk to me. It will help you get over the fears he put inside you. I will never be disappointed or angry with anything you ask me. Secondly, I believe the girl you were before Marcus is still here. You say you are afraid, but I’ve seen your strength and courage. You’ve survived more than any one person should ever have to endure, something like that takes incredible spirit. And shy?” Jax snorted. “Unlikely. You have no trouble making friends at Mercy’s, confronting me, sassing Charlie. The real Ella is well and truly alive.” Jax grinned and I ached to kiss his dimples. “We just need to work on destroying the shit that fucker Marcus has put in here.” He taped my head gently. “What counts is that he didn’t break what’s in here.” He taped the spot over my heart and took my hands again. I wanted to kiss him so bad I couldn’t stop my gaze from dropping to his full lips.
“What are you thinking now angel?” Jax whispered. My eyes shot back up to his.
“Did you go out to a bar tonight?” I blurted out. Jax chuckled and nodded.
“Who with?” I asked, feeling like a stereotypical control freak girlfriend.
“Charlie. We had a bad day at the office. My secretary screwed up an order and it took us a while to fix it. We went to Andy’s Office on the other side of town and Charlie snuck off with some woman and left me high and dry, totally uncool on his part.” The relief that flooded my body was ridiculously soothing. “I had a drink with a woman.” At his words my entire body became tense. “Charlie actually bought her the drink. She works for one of our suppliers and helped us out of a tight spot today. I had no desire to be with her, I did not want her in any way shape or form. I need you to know that up front. But she made it clear she wanted something with me. I said no, told her I was with someone and left. I won’t ever lie to you angel, you can trust me.” I sat quietly and processed his words. On one hand I was raging with jealousy over another woman wanting Jax, being out at a bar with him like a normal woman should. I couldn’t do that. On the other hand he had rejected her and told her he was seeing someone, me. Me, homeless Ella Munroe. My gaze dropped to his lips and god I wanted kiss him, I wanted to press my lips against his and see if there were as soft as they looked.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he encouraged. He was good at getting me to talk and express my thoughts and feelings aloud. It was something I needed to do to help understand the emotions that I was so unfamiliar with.
“I wish I could be that woman for you, the one who goes out to have a drink with you at a bar. I can’t be that girl Jax. Bar’s freak me out, too many people, too many men.” I shook my head in frustration.
“To be honest angel, I’m not into bars either. I sometimes drop into Andy’s Office, usually during the afternoon for a quick drink. The fact that Charlie left me there with Noelle pissed me off and I intend to slap him a good one upside the head for it. I like you just the way you are angel. You don’t need to be that woman because I want you just as you are.” Jax smiled as he raised my hand to his lips and chastely kissed the back of it. “The whole time I was there all I could think about was getting here to see you.” Well, I was officially satisfied with his response and I guess I was grinning like an idiot now. “I love your hair, but you do like to hide behind it don’t you?” He pushed my hair right back behind my shoulders and tucked it behind my ears.
“I guess I got used to hiding bruises, my scar. I don’t like people seeing my eyes, my face. I don’t like them seeing the truth there.” He gazed into my eyes.
“I like what I see in your eyes, in your face. I would prefer it if you didn’t hide it from me.” His finger traced my scar, letting me know that didn’t bother him and then my heart jumped as he very slowly and cautiously leaned forward.
“When I asked you what you were thinking about a moment ago, I don’t think it was where I had been tonight,” he whispered. His breath was a light caress on my face that sent a spark of awareness from my lips to my stomach and eventually to the warm place between my thighs that Jax was currently knelt between.
“Maybe not,” I breathed.
“What were you thinking angel?” He asked persistently. He wanted to hear me say it, he was going to make me say it. Fuck, I wanted to say it.
“I was wondering what it would be like if I kissed you.” Jax’s cheek gently brushed mine and I could feel him smile. His lips tenderly caressed my scar.
“You want to kiss me?” He asked. Oh good lo
rd, he was really pressing his luck.
“Not anymore, with all this talking the moment has gone.” His laugh was low and seductive and I knew the breathless tone of my voice betrayed my words.
“Really?” His lips tenderly kissed my brow and my hands gripped the edge of the couch on either side of my legs, perhaps hoping to keep me anchored to this world rather than the place of passion and seduction Jax was trying to take me.
“Really,” I almost groaned as he kissed my other brow.
“Then, perhaps I should kiss you.” There was no chance for rebuttal as Jax’s lips pressed lightly to mine and my eye lids dropped closed, absorbing his touch, this moment. The kiss began soft and innocent, but when I opened my mouth in acceptance, Jax’s tongue slid across my lower lip in a virtuous taste and then tentatively pressed forward to caress mine. Not a single thought could be processed. I was being kissed by Jax Carter and the moment outshone every single crucial little moment of my life thus far. In this man’s arms, in this man’s hands I was being reborn and restored into the woman I should have been. In this moment, I flew, captivated by the desire that inflamed my body.
Chapter 19
Jax
Ella’s body trembled beneath mine, but the response to my touch, to our kiss wasn’t fear. I’m sure if angels had a taste, Ella would be it. She was divine, sweet, perfect. There was no hesitation when she kissed me back and in that moment it took every ounce of strength I possessed not to lay her back and strip her body bare. I wanted her so badly it physically hurt and my brainless cock was suddenly trying to force its way through the brass zipper of my jeans. My hand held her neck, holding her to me and I knew I didn’t need to pull her closer. Ella’s hands had slipped from the almost unbreakable grip they had had on the couch to my arms, urging me forward. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. The vulnerability she had shared with me moments before was gone, she was a woman who knew what she wanted and I knew I could never deny her. The small taste of jealousy she had shown me made me want to beat my chest with pride. I loved that Ella felt a sense of proprietary over me because hell, if another man so much as touched her I have no doubt I would roar like a wounded beast in anger.
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