The Mountain Valley War

by M. A. Carlson

  “Where’s your gourd of whiskey?” Micaela asked. She had gotten up close with the bunny girl and was now studying her in detail.

  “I might have run out,” Bushy answered, pulling a small yellow gourd from her satchel.

  “Ooh, this is so awesome, we need to team up with her,” Micaela shouted excitedly.

  Rose finally sighed. “Fine, so you can fight and cast holy spells, just like Jack here. I suppose a backup Jack won’t be the worst thing.”

  “A backup Jack, really?” I asked, looking at Rose, putting on a hurt expression.

  “Sorry, Jack, you tend to die . . . often,” said Rose, failing to stop the grin from forming on her face.

  “Like you have room to talk Ms. Tank. If you hadn’t noticed, you’re standing in the graveyard too,” I pointed out.

  “Yo, do not lump me in with this guy. I’m awesome,” Bushy said. “I suppose my skills are kind of holy. But I don’t really have spells. As a matter of fact, you won’t find a drop of MP or SP in this girl. I get the mighty power of Chi or CP if you must quantify it.”

  “Wait, what?” I asked, now I really was confused. “Back up, you’re confusing me. You are a Warrior Priest of the God Bodhidharma, a God of Justice, right?”

  “What’s justice got to do with anything? I’m a Priest of the Bodhidharma, God of Martial Arts and Chi. I am also a Kung Fu master . . . in training,” Bushy clarified.

  “So, you don’t have a spell called ‘Justice Bringer’ or anything like that? You are not the only servant of your God?” I asked, trying to make sense of the contradictory statements.

  “Nope, no spells, there were a few of us at the starter zone temple that became Monks,” Bushy said. “Nice guys, but I can’t stand Role-Player types if you know what I mean, they’re a bunch of weirdos.” Role-Player gamers are those who play the game as if they were part of the game world, they also tend to speak like they were in the middle-ages.

  “I feel like the forbidden love plot I was creating just went up in smoke,” pouted Micaela, her shoulders slumping in disappointment.

  “Forbidden love?” Bushy and I asked at the same time.

  “Yeah, Warrior Priestess of Justice and the former player killer, it’s like . . . the greatest romance plot in history,” Micaela explained.

  “Ooh, we can talk later,” said Bushy. Turning back to me, she said, “Anyway, I use Chi to strengthen my body and soul. I can beat the tar out of someone, heal them, and do it all over again. So, as I said, I am awesome!”

  “And crazy,” Rose mumbled, her words matching my thoughts.

  “That just means I’m more fun,” said Bushy. “Anyway, let’s go find this Olaf fellow so I can join your group and enjoy some epic questing.”

  “Mount up everyone, time to roll out!” Bushy shouted.

  “Um, I don’t have a mount yet,” said Myst, looking embarrassed.

  “Uh, me neither,” said Evile, which was quickly followed by all the players saying almost the same thing.

  “It was an expression,” Bushy said, hanging her head. “I’m beginning to think I picked the wrong side.”

  “Let’s just get going, we’re wasting time,” Rose said.

  “Right, let’s go people, Hammerton awaits,” ordered Bushy.

  We hadn’t moved too far from the graveyard when a call went up from one of the groups in the lead.

  “People coming!” someone shouted from somewhere near the front of the procession.

  “Here we go again,” I said, pulling out my spear and rushing out to meet whatever was coming our way. It was a great relief to see a familiar face leading the group coming toward us.

  “Bye-bye, you sleeping on the job?” Olaf called out as he got closer.

  “Boss,” Vision shouted, appearing from wherever it is he disappears to. He padded quickly toward Micaela who greeted him with equal enthusiasm.

  “Nah, just out for a little stroll, you know how it goes, the usual,” I quipped, looking away from the small reunion.

  “Hate to interrupt a good stroll but do you think your feet might carry you south of here. Maybe along the way you’ll feel like stealing some cannons? Maybe a battering ram?” Olaf asked, grinning.

  “I suppose my feet could carry me in such a direction,” I replied with a laugh.

  “Good, because we have a small window of time. We need to finish our business before your debuff fades,” Olaf said, letting the joke die.

  “Then we should get moving,” I said, eager to get back on task.

  “Ahem,” Bushy coughed from behind me, dashing my hopes that she changed her mind.

  “Olaf, this is Bushy,” I introduced the bunny girl, my eyes scanning his group for Heath but not spotting him, which was good. It meant he was either in ‘Stealth’ or hunting enemy players. Either way, there was less chance of him meeting Bushy.

  “Nice to meet you, Bushy,” said Olaf. “You are actually just the person I was looking for. Do you know these people behind me?”

  I watched as Bushy scanned over the players with Olaf. “Nope, never met them before.”

  There were several cries of panic from the players with Olaf.

  “She’s kidding,” I said quickly. “Just kidding.” I glared at Bushy.

  “Sorry, it was just too perfect. Did you see the looks of panic?” Bushy said, holding her sides as she laughed.

  “Isn’t she just perfect, Ollie?” Micaela said as she skipped forward and planted a kiss on her husband’s cheek.

  “Perfect for what?” Olaf asked, his brow knitted in confusion.

  “Don’t say it!” Rose almost shouted.

  Micaela smirked then whispered in Olaf’s ear.

  “Oh, Goddess Pasiphae, no!” Olaf said.

  “Aw, but they would be so cute together,” Micaela pouted, her shoulders slumping slightly. “I suppose I’ll just figure it out later. For now, invite Bushy to our group. I promised she could come along with the Order of Epic Adventure Time Friends and Family.”

  “We’re not calling it that,” I intoned coldly.

  “Order of MOBRBH?” Micaela asked, turning our names into an acronym.

  “No,” I said.

  “Back to the drawing board, I will find one eventually,” Micaela promise, flipping through her little notebook and drawing an occasional line across a page, most likely crossing off the names she just suggested.

  “Mic, love, this isn’t the time or place for this. We have a small window of time to deal with those cannons before the player killers lose their debuffs. I’d like to kill them before that happens,” said Olaf.

  Micaela frowned for a second before straightening her spine. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said, sounding very un-Micaela-like.

  Olaf nodded once to his wife before looking back to me. “Right, where do you want to start?”

  “The cannons, obviously,” said Bushy, jumping into our conversation.

  I huffed, feeling annoyed at her for jumping in. “I agree, we need to take those cannons before we can take the battering ram, or those cannons might be turned on us.”

  “Alright, there are six cannon emplacements,” said Olaf.

  “Did you bring a map?” I asked, regretting not taking the time to work on my own map.

  “I didn’t. But I did send Heath, Baby, Duncan, and Jay to scout their positions, Baby is supposed to fly back with the information any minute now. In the meantime, let’s get this motley crew moving, we’ve already wasted too much time,” Olaf said.

  “Ahem,” Bushy fake coughed again.

  “Fine, but I’m in charge, what I say goes,” said Olaf with all the authority he could muster.

  “Yeah, sure, let’s do this thing,” Bushy said, a grin that was way too Heath-like for my comfort adorning her face. Admittedly, I was beginning to think she might be worse than Heath.

  Olaf added her to the group, bringing us to seven.

  “Alright, now let’s get some buffs and get to work,” said Bushy, already ignoring the order�
��s Olaf just gave her.

  “Belay that order,” said Olaf. “We buff before we attack, not a minute sooner. For now, we start moving south.”

  “Why south?” Bushy asked.

  “The cannons are pointed at Hammerton. We do not want the cannons firing at us as we approach. Therefore, we go south so we can either attack the cannons from the east or get in behind them and attack from the south, get it?”

  “Huh, maybe you do know what you’re doing. Alright, I’ll follow orders . . . until they suck,” Bushy said, once again testing one of us.

  “Why are we letting her group with us?” Rose whispered to me.

  “I have no idea,” I whispered back.

  “Because I’m awesome,” Bushy yelled. “Oh, I should tell you my ears aren’t just cute. They let me hear everything . . . up to and including your little moment in which you agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Such sweet and lovable kids.”

  “Yay! It’s about time!” Micaela shouted, suddenly hugging Rose and I both, our feet left dangling slightly as her hug lifted us off our feet. “I totally called this, remember Olaf, the first day Bye-bye brought Rose and Baby into the fold, I told you they were perfect for each other.”

  “Mic, focus,” said Olaf, reminding his wife again.

  “Right, sorry,” Micaela said, though her grip on Rose and I had yet to be relinquished.

  “Incoming!” a voice shouted from above us.

  Micaela suddenly dropped us, leaving us slightly off balance as we looked for the source of the threat.

  Thankfully, it was Baby. Less thankfully, she was artfully dodging arrows, balls of fire, shards of ice, and a few other magical elements I couldn’t immediately identify.

  “Kill them, quickly,” Baby said, looking over her shoulder at her pursuit.

  “Did they kill the others?” Olaf asked, loading his guns and running toward the attackers.

  “No, they only just spotted me,” Baby answered. “But I think they were looking for the graveyard.”

  Great, body campers, just what we needed to deal with. Rose and I barely shared a glance and a grin as she started forward, eager to make an impact and I wasn’t far behind her.

  Just ahead of us, I could now see a group of players, maybe 20 of them, some of them I recognized from when they charged into Hammerton. Though this was a small group by comparison to the group from earlier, there were still a few red auras among them, thankfully, I also saw the ‘Judgment’ debuffs still active. A quick look at my clock showed it had already been 30-minutes since I died, we wasted way too much time talking and not acting. That gave us about 30-minutes to wrap up this battle or things had a chance of turning sour in a hurry.

  “Five PK’s,” I said. “I’m going after Numero Uno, the level 51.” was tall but with his full plate mail armor, I couldn’t tell what his race was. The only thing I needed to worry about was killing him.

  “Alright, I’ll work on After Burn, I’m thinking he’s a spellcaster,” said Rose, looking at a robe wearing Gnome .

  “For Hammerton!” Olaf bellowed loudly from behind us. Two loud booms fired a second later, and like the crack of a pistol at the start of a race, we surged forward.

  “For Anvilton!” Numero bellowed, banging his large two-handed sword against his armor, starting his own charge.

  I saw the lights of spells fire from behind me and in front of me as I leaped into battle, casting ‘Lesser Holy Shock’ midleap, stunning my target and triggering ‘Justice Strike’ as I landed, the increased melee damage from the stun, plus the airborne attack bonus netted me a -1,287-HP damage to him, unfortunately it barely claimed a quarter of his HP.

  Two more cracks of thunder boomed from behind me and Numero’s HP dropped another 30%, it seemed Olaf decided to help me. Before I could hit him again, he took a few bolts of magical energy from somewhere behind me, dropping him even lower.

  I didn’t have time to worry about that as I slid under a wide swing of the massive blade. I came up stabbing, my spear tip going right under the chin, a perfect critical strike claimed the rest of Numero’s HP.

  Then something caught me in the side and sent me skidding. I looked for the source to see a Dwarf with a maul similar to Olaf’s, though unlike Numero, the Dwarf wore mostly leather armor, he moved a lot faster than Numero and was quickly coming after me.

  Not wanting Thumper to close the distance and ruin my counter attack, I rolled up to my feet and leaped at him, intending to even the score but he was dead before I landed. I could only watch in morbid fascination as the Dwarf was eviscerated by Evile Lynn. I don’t know what she did, but Thumper had a ‘Stun’ debuff and about a second later he was disemboweled and beheaded.

  “What was that?” I asked as I landed.

  “My once an hour cooldown,” Evile answered, vanishing from view an instant later and not really answering my question.

  Seeing as standing still in a battle was a good way to die, I moved quickly, looking for the next red aura. I found her quickly, was a Catgirl and probably a Rogue or Assassin that used a pair of daggers, she was stabbing rapidly at one of my allies but hitting nothing.

  “Oh, so close, you almost hit me that time,” Bushy taunted her, easily dodging another swipe. Bushy must have seen me coming because she winked then struck. Her fist and brass knuckles glowing with golden energy, impacting heavily with Stabby’s chest, a loud crunching suggested she just broke something on the Catgirl. Said Catgirl was suddenly hunched over, a crippled debuff now visible. “It’s been fun, it’s been real, but it hasn’t been real fun,” said Bushy, lifting the girls chin to look her in the eye. Bushy’s foot suddenly shot straight up with that same golden energy enveloping it, her foot hit under Stabby’s chin standing the girl up and then rocketing her into the sky, not quite killing her. The fall took care of that.

  “And that was with my power level at 1,770, just wait until I get over 9,000,” Bushy said confidently, rushing off to find another victim.

  “Really?” I called after her. I couldn’t believe she just used that old anime gag.

  I looked around for my next target. looked to be a spellcaster, hiding in the center of a group of spellcasters.

  I leaped again, looking to close the distance only to hit an invisible wall and bounce off it like a bird to a window. The shock damage wasn’t helpful either.

  “Quick, target that one,” said Archie.

  I shook my head in an effort to clear the ‘Shocked’ debuff, but it did no good. I would need to wait a few seconds for it to fade. I only vaguely saw Archie pointing in my direction and then someone was standing between us.

  When my vision suddenly cleared, I saw Rose standing in front of me, her shields interlocked defensively as spells impacted it. I hopped quickly back to my feet. I wouldn’t be getting through that shield around the casters any time soon, but I needed to try something.

  “Boar Charge,” I intoned, mentally picturing the center of the caster group. It didn’t work exactly the way I wanted it to. The swine formed and charged from outside the shield, each boar impacting the shield, the energy field wobbling slightly at first then shuddering until it burst in a shower of sparks and my last second of channeling allowed for a single charge of boars through the casters, but it was enough. Thanks to the knockdown effect, Archie was interrupted from whatever spell he was casting as were the other spellcasters. With the barrier broken, the players fell on them like locusts on a crop.

  I turned to look for my next target to see the fighting was done.

  “Yeah!” Bushy cheered, hopping from side to side and shadow boxing. “Mama wants more!”

  “Resurrect the dead,” Olaf ordered over the cheers from the other players. “Baby,” he called out, waving the Fairy over to join him. Rose and I naturally joined him while Micaela was wandering around resurrecting the dead friendly players.

  “Thanks for saving me,” said Ba
by.

  “Anytime, Sis,” said Rose happily.

  “Right, so what is the situation?” Olaf asked.

  “There are six emplacements, four Dwarves per emplacement, no players that I saw but that might change by the time we get there. The cannons are staggered, three forward and three back about 10-yards between them. Duncan said a rear approach with a wide disbursement would be best, whatever that means,” Baby relayed the pertinent details.

  “Okay, group leaders, over here!” Olaf bellowed loudly.

  “And why are you in charge?” a player asked, . “I’m a higher level than you are.”

  That was a good question. The easiest answer was that I was paying for their services for the mercenary contract but that would put a target on my back.

  “I’ve been put in charge of the players by Hammerton until this battle reaches its conclusion. In other words, our benefactor put me in charge. So, if you want to get paid when this is all over, you’ll do what I say when I say. Don’t like it, too bad. Complain to management when the battle is done,” Olaf barked loudly for all the players to hear.

  “I was just asking,” said Nico, ducking his head down.

  “Let’s try this again, group leaders, on me,” Olaf called out. It took a minute for the various group leaders to gather, in some cases the group needed to choose a representative which took longer and wasted precious minutes. When they had finally gathered, Olaf began, “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do . . .”

  Chapter 16

  “Low and slow,” Olaf reminded us as we moved north toward our designated target, Olaf set us to take the middle front cannon, meaning we needed to time our attack with the group taking the middle back row, fortunately, that was Icyhot and his people minus Jay and Baby who were flying reconnaissance for us. As soon as everyone was in position Jay would inform Icyhot and he would throw up a fireball to act as a signal flare to attack.