Sext Addict: A Sexy Romantic Comedy Reverse Harem

by Virna DePaul

  I grinned. “Perfect.” And I hung up.

  Ellis

  Tessa would text me back, of that I was certain.

  She would text me back in fifteen minutes, maybe half an hour if she managed to find another cup of ramen in the back of her cupboard, and casually state that she would in fact not be participating in a study involving sex with three guys at the same time.

  She was going to bail.

  Tessa always bailed.

  Years ago, Tessa agreed to go to Paris with me for a semester abroad to study French films. She showed up at the airport the day of the flight only to inform me that she’d decided not to come after all.

  Two years ago, Tessa said she’d dress up as a sexy Playboy bunny to go with my Hugh Hefner costume. I bought the costume for her, she looked hot as fuck in it and I told her so, and yet when Halloween night came she showed up at my door with sweatpants and a six-pack of beer.

  Last year I threw Tessa a surprise birthday party at a night club I never would have been able to afford without my connections from the soap opera. I’m fairly certain she would have pulled the fire alarm to evacuate the night club had she not found out about the surprise early and canceled it, and instead had ordered in Vietnamese and watched old films for her birthday.

  Some people are ballers. My best friend, Tessa Stewart, was a bailer. The biggest bailer I knew. By far.

  And I wasn’t even counting every single time Tessa bailed on an audition.

  So, no, I wasn’t too worried about Tessa and that sex study.

  Tessa. Would. Bail.

  Still, I can't believe I’d accidentally added her to my sext string. She’d read all those things that Margo and I had sexted to each other, and for a second, I wondered if it turned her on. And at the thought of turning her on, I felt my cock hardening. For Tessa. It had happened before, but she was my best friend and she was innocent while I was not, so every time I found myself drawn to her, wanting her in every way possible, I reminded myself of both those things.

  My phone buzzed and it was a text from Tessa. Right on time. I sighed in relief. She had come to her senses. It would be a text with just six letters: NVM LOL. Or she'd just been kidding all along, probably to get me back for subjecting her to my sexting with Margo, and it would be a two-letter text: JK.

  Swiping open the message I frowned when I read it.

  TESSA: Yo, can I borrow $15.50? I need it for yoga class tomorrow.

  ELLIS: You hate yoga.

  TESSA: I don’t hate the hot instructor. He has the cutest man-bun.

  Before I could even respond another text popped up.

  TESSA: Oh, and I’m going to ask him to be one of my guys. xoxo

  Holy. Shit.

  Little Tessa Juliet Stewart, who to this day doesn’t understand why I said I had an Eiffel Tower in France during my study abroad semester and not that I saw the Eiffel Tower, was going to participate in a sex study? That little Tessa Stewart who never in her wildest dreams imagined a man fucking her from behind while she sucked another guy’s cock, that little Tessa Stewart was going to participate in a study where she was going to have sex with three guys?

  I was stunned.

  I was jealous.

  I was hurt.

  Because in her quest to shake things up... Be wild for once… Do the unexpected…

  Tessa was willing to ask a virtual stranger, a man-bun wearing yoga instructor, to be one of her three lovers for the sex study.

  But she wasn’t willing to ask me.

  Chapter 4

  Tessa

  My big new start on life began the next afternoon with a shot of vodka from a brown paper bag in the alley behind the gym. I needed all the courage I could get if I was going to ask Cade to be part of my foursome.

  The slightest buzz tingled at my forehead as I finished the little plastic bottle and entered the gym with my shoulders pulled back, my chin held high, my steps confident and bold. I handed Gym Membership Norse Viking God the $15.50 Ellis had Venmo’d me for a day pass then marched past the row of ellipticals, where the Old Tessa would have watched Cade’s class behind the safety of one of the machines. Instead, I walked into the yoga studio.

  Then immediately wanted to turn around.

  People were milling about, waiting for the class to begin. Most were chatting with each other, or stretching, or plopping their yoga mats down in the back, but a small group of women were vying to set up their mat front and center. I picked a spot in the back row, then saw through the open doorway that Cade was standing just outside the door, talking to someone. I took a quick moment to text Ellis, mostly so I’d have something to do but also because he was my best friend and we texted all the time.

  TESSA: What are you doing? I texted Ellis.

  ELLIS: On set but I have a few minutes.

  TESSA: Thanks again for loaning me the money to do yoga today. I'll pay you back in a few days.

  And I would. I had a plan, one I was sticking to. I’d even taken a major hit to my pride to make sure I couldn’t change my mind.

  I’d called my parents. Asked them for a short-term loan to get me through the next month. In exchange, I’d agreed that if I hadn’t gotten on my feet by the end of the month, either by landing an acting job or earning enough money (they assumed I meant through my temp job, not the sex study I was pursuing) to get into a new place, which meant I had enough money to pay first and last month’s rent, and a security deposit, I’d move home.

  The sex study was my only hope financially. But even more than that, going through with it would prove to me I could be brave, brave enough to be New Tessa. To have the life I wanted. To seriously pursue a career as an actress. If it didn't happen, I’d see it for the sign it was, and leave L.A. As much as I'd miss Ellis, as much as I didn't want to move back in with my parents in my hometown up north, I had to be realistic. I couldn't keep scraping by or borrowing money from Ellis. That wasn't the life I wanted or the person I wanted to be. So major changes were coming. I just didn't know if those changes would include simultaneous sex with three guys, or a bus ticket home.

  ELLIS: It's no problem, Tess. But are you seriously going to ask a dude with a man-bun to group-bang you?

  I glanced at Cade, who was still talking to a pretty woman. She had her hand on his arm and seemed to be giggling at something Cade said. Jealousy spiked and insecurity crashed in and suddenly I wondered what the heck had I been thinking?

  TESSA: How do I even go about asking him?

  ELLIS: …

  TESSA: Well?

  ELLIS: You’re seriously asking me for advice on this?

  TESSA: Why not? You’re to blame after all, since you texted me the link.

  ELLIS: I didn’t text it to you. It was a mistake!

  TESSA: Well, damage was done. As for advice, you obviously know how to get sexual results. What with all the sexting and everything. Right?

  ELLIS: …I guess

  TESSA: So?

  I waited what seemed like an eternity before Ellis finally responded.

  ELLIS: Just tell him he’s hot and you want to bang him for science. I mean, you said he’s hot, right?

  I didn’t have to look at Cade again to confirm this. My fingers moved over the screen.

  TESSA: Very.

  ELLIS: Hotter than me?

  Not hotter. Just a different kind of hot. But I didn’t tell him that. In fact, I refused to respond.

  ELLIS: Fine, don’t answer. But he’s definitely not as funny as me, right?

  TESSA: Way funnier.

  ELLIS: Taller?

  TESSA: So much taller.

  ELLIS: Tell me he’s not smarter? I couldn’t bear to hear he’s smarter than me.

  Ellis had graduated UCLA with honors. The man was smart and knew it.

  TESSA: He’s absolutely brilliant. Like, imagine Einstein with a man-bun.

  ELLIS: Well, fuck.

  I grinned at my screen. Ellis sounded jealous but I knew he was just joking. I checked back over my shoulde
r and saw Cade making his way into the studio, the woman gabbing away at his side as he nodded and smiled.

  TESSA: Shit, he’s coming. Shut up.

  ELLIS: Tessa, he can’t hear us texting.

  I tossed my cell phone into my bag and hurried to my feet, pushing down as much fluff of my frizzy hair as I could. Glancing around at the women stretching around me, I attempted a little stretching of my own. This was my chance to impress Cade.

  I bent at the hips and tried to reach for my toes. Feeling the back of my thighs rip apart as I stretched my fingers further down was uncomfortable. Lord, I couldn’t even touch my toes, how was I supposed to take a yoga class?

  Checking from right to left at the other people stretching was a mistake. A big mistake.

  The urge to bail always started the same way, a little itch to leave, annoying and pesky like a blackberry vine scratching my leg. But if I scratched it, even just a little bit, it grew into tendrils that twisted up my legs and squeezed tight my lungs. The only way to free myself was fresh air, far away from where the itch began.

  This was a mistake. This was all a terrible mistake. I had to leave. I had to get out of there. Maybe if I asked nicely, Gym Membership Norse Viking God would give me my $15.50 back. I had to—

  I felt a hand rest gently on my lower back. I froze.

  It was Cade.

  “Let your head hang heavy.” Cade said softly. “And breathe in to where my hand is.”

  I wondered if he could feel how his touch made my heart rate spike faster than running the highest speed on the treadmill. I focused on his hand, how warm and soft and comforting the pressure of his palm was against my back, and breathed in.

  “Good,” he whispered. “Now exhale slowly.”

  In my mind, this single breath allowed me to fold over like a contortionist into a tiny box, but in reality my fingers stretched down maybe an inch.

  “Great work, um...?”

  “Tessa,” I said, standing up. I immediately felt blood rush from my head. I swayed as my vision blurred, and thought for sure I was going down like a sack of potatoes, but Cade’s hands on my elbows steadied me.

  “Whoa,” he said, concerned eyes on me. “Slowly. Everything slowly.”

  I nodded, feeling my cheeks warm with embarrassment.

  “Good?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Welcome to the class.”

  I managed only a stuttering, “Um, thanks you.”

  Yes, um, thanks you.

  Cade laughed. His hands lingered for just a moment before he moved away, almost reluctantly, then headed to the front of the class.

  “Hello, everyone. Just wanted to remind anyone who is interested that I’m hosting an environmental clean-up next week and if anyone—”

  “Cade?”

  A hand popped up in the front. Cade kept his smile in place, despite the interruption.

  “Yes, Patricia?”

  I stared at the woman and wondered if Apple had invented filters for contacts and secretly put one in my eye, because her body was smooth. I mean, not a dimple or bump or panty line in sight. Was I gawking? I think I might have been gawking.

  “Well, Cade, darling,” the woman, Patricia, giggled though I didn’t catch what was funny, “my hip flexors have been feeling a little tight lately and I was wondering if you'd help me with some adjustments during our flow today.”

  Cade nodded.

  “Sure, Patricia,” he returned his attention to the class. “Like I was saying, I’m hosting an environ—”

  “Cade, my hip flexors are a little tight, too!”

  “Mine, too!”

  “Cade, Cade, hun, my hip flexors are really tight actually. Not just a little tight like Patricia’s.”

  I watched, wishing I had a bowl of popcorn and some Milk Duds, as Patricia turned and glared at the girl who’d just spoken.

  “You don’t know how tight my hip flexors are, Stacey.”

  Cade raised his hands. “Let’s go ahead and just start class, alright?”

  I almost sighed in disappointment. How was Stacey going to respond? Whose extensions would tear out first in a cat fight? Whose manicure would be best for clawing and scratching and whose would be best for gouging and fish hooking? I caught a couple of other class members rolling their eyes at one another. Clearly the situation between Patricia and Stacey was an ongoing event.

  “We will start with the sun salutation to get us loosened up and start to regulate our breathing,” Cade said, his voice so calming and soothing.

  The class progressed and it was going sort of, kind of, a little bit alright. I didn’t want to jinx anything, but I was enjoying it.

  Of course, that jinxed it.

  The vodka I’d had earlier sloshed back and forth in my stomach while I moved through the flow: upside down, around and over, back upside down, arched back, curved back, up, down, side to side. I felt like I’d strapped myself into a roller coaster ride.

  By the time it was over and Cade had us all lay down in “corpse pose,” I was breathing in and out to try and control my nausea. Sweating, I followed along as we moved to sitting, lotus style, then Cade was placing his hands together and bowing his head. Everyone else followed suit and repeated his Namaste.

  When we all came to standing, Patricia and Stacey and a few other women surged forward like Cade was the last box of mac and cheese at the grocery store. Not that it mattered. With the vodka swirling in my tummy I couldn’t stick around to ask Cade to fuck me along with two other men anyway. I grabbed my bag to run to the bathroom and that glorious porcelain goddess.

  So what if I didn’t get to talk to Cade? At least I’d finished the class.

  “Hey, hey, where are you off to so quickly?” Cade ran up beside me.

  I stopped, stunned. I thought he’d be stuck in that crowd of wet panties for hours. I pointed to my chest. “Me?”

  He laughed. “You.”

  Cade was talking to me. Cade was standing in front of me. Cade Baxter wanted to know where I was off to so quickly.

  There was no good way to say, Well, very hot man who is light years out of my league and talking to me for some strange reason, I’m off to hurl.

  “I, um, I’m—”

  “Cade!”

  A woman hopped off a treadmill and headed toward Cade. I expected this to be my moment to escape to the bathroom. But as the woman came to a stop next to him, Cade smiled at her and held up a finger.

  “Sorry,” he said, as I tried to sneak away, “just a second.”

  His amber eyes found mine and a new wave of nervous nausea swept over me.

  “Go out with me.”

  I blinked at him.

  “What?”

  “Go out with me.”

  The tall, blonde next to Cade turned her attention to me for the first time. She didn’t say a word, but I heard it loud and clear, “Her?!”

  I found myself unable to speak. I stared blankly at Cade

  He raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

  I somehow managed a nod. Was this a joke? But Cade’s smile after I nodded was so genuine I couldn’t help but believe it was real.

  Cade Baxter had just asked me out. My moment of glory would have been way more glorious had I not so desperately needed the bathroom.

  “I have to go,” I said, turning to run.

  “Wait, I don’t have your number!”

  “Ask Norse Viking God,” I called over my shoulder.

  “Who?” Cade laughed, shouting after me.

  I waved in the direction of the front desk and ran. It took dodging three screaming kids and leaping over two cords from blow dryers to reach the bathroom in time to throw up.

  But when I was done, I had a smile on my face.

  Chapter 5

  Tessa

  It turns out that the internet, while chock full of everything from kittens cuddling with ducklings to porn for those with belly button lint kinks, is rather devoid on the subject of how to ask your hot yoga instructor on your first d
ate to be involved in a sex study with you and two other guys.

  After clearing my browser history to save my parents some inevitable embarrassment should I get hit the next day by a bus or choke on a crouton at some Italian restaurant or faint at the very sight of Cade going on a date with me and hit my head on some curb, I turned to my next best resource.

  TESSA: So we’ve already established you’re good at getting girls out of their panties, I texted Ellis. I'd touched base with him earlier. Told him how Cade had asked me out. His response had been rather lukewarm, but I figured he was still worried I was in over my head, and with good reason.

  By the time I got up and poured myself a mug (didn’t own wine glasses) of wine (from a box, I’m classy that way), he still had responded.

  TESSA: Hello?, I prodded

  ELLIS: Was there a question in there somewhere?

  TESSA: Come on. Be a sport. I need your expertise.

  ELLIS: I thought you wanted to get the yoga instructor out of his boxers not panties.

  TESSA: Well, you’re good at getting guys out of those, too, right?

  I sipped my wine and nervously waited for Ellis to type out his response as the little text bubbles blinked on the screen.

  ELLIS: Okay, young sex kitten, your training begins with a little wax on, wax off of my car windshield. But you can only use your boobs. You must complete this task before you even think about touching the ancient sex sword.

  I rolled my eyes.

  TESSA: You don’t own a car.

  Ellis was quick with his response.

  ELLIS: Fine, you can rub your boobs on my face.

  I tightened my fingers on my mug. I knew he was just teasing, but boy, the images that flashed through my mind just then... I took another sip of refined French wine.

  TESSA: Stop with this Mr. Miyagi shit. My date with Cade is tomorrow. HELP ME!

  ELLIS: Fine. Let’s start with the basics. What bra are you planning on wearing?

  I pulled at the neck of my grey UCLA sweatshirt with the red wine spill on the left sleeve and the Thai peanut sauce spill on the right and squinted to see which bra I was currently wearing. I had a drawer full of ones just like it.