Rush

by Danny E. Allen

  I have a lot of devoted-friends and acquaintances. …Inquiring into their-concerns, ask how they are doing and as to their health, which they express in-confidence. I leave by 10 AM and return-home to find the little-ones, napping in our bed. They stay at a hostel in town yet we have asked if they can stay-with us to keep them, safe. Their-nanny is fully, capable to keep them in-line yet I feel she has too, much control. They respond on word, and feel only assured when she-gives them orders. I try-to keep the youngest-one close, he seems to understand that I am his grand-mother. For that, I identify with him; he sits quietly, when their nanny is around then when she goes away he becomes a nice and sincere, little-gentleman…

  We sit at-home some days, pondering on the things we’ve done in life and look-back at all the friends past and present; and discover old-bits of treasure we’d drifted-away and forgot; and feel-need to rekindle old friendships. We have had a wonderful-life. Among hardships and harboring, alone and in oneliness; those meaningful and those which we had little-control or could, not help. Yet Will think of those needing support, and those who could use it… We wax either-way, like the sands-of-time and the winds, gone and forgotten. Yet afterward, we think how evident, love was a most-important contention… Now, like so many ghosts, they fade back, into oblivion… Yet we live-on…there was much to experience in-life yet we had our share, we don’t knew what tomorrow may bring or what, will happen but for now, we can be satisfied with the best of what life has to offer. We are blessed…

  December 17, 1873

  Dear Diary,

  Patrice has created, several surprises in the last three-weeks, while her moving-back to

  California has be a gift, enough; she has informed me that she has found a house-here and was told by her husband that she had the choice, to decide… With this great-decision, she wants to take-over as manager of my tailor-shop. Saying that she would like to work, and that the kid’s nanny has proven-more than enough, to take-care of the kids. She had taken me aside and explained, exactly what she planned to do. She has proven her self-smart, and worthy of my confidence… I was astonished by her unique and qualifying, ability; she posed many new-ideas she learned in her college-years. She says her instructors where teaching a new-course in business from men, who’d been given tenure in the Jefferson Honors precepts as his estate had bestowed-on her college… She learned of management-design, economic-advancement and resources-science. She had put together, quite a package of appointments that she says would put my business leaps-ahead of the competition. Not knowing I had any, I breathlessly, agreed.

  She actually, had ideas just being introduced at the Chamber of Commerce meetings… She even, went beyond-this. I unequivocally, agreed. Now, she is planning the execution of her taking-over, within the month. As she prepares for a new-years opening, providing-funds; she holds in her personal banking-account, given by her husband and establishing preliminaries of what are possible-‘hitches‘… I am-not surprised that the dimensions she has ordered, has such effectiveness, in such an accurate, succinctness… I wish to see that she does-for not, only am I proud but feel a-bit of spiritedness by her-energies. I suppose she would feel-assured, if I not, get in her-way. I think her returning-home, is evidence enough that she has shown that she cares very-much and that our-love will not be left, un-ended…

  ***

  I sit at-home, when all the children have been put to sleep and ponder about tomorrow. The long lust-for-gold that ate men alive, the duress caused-by the backlash, the sorrow of men, women and children innocent and forlorn. How the good came-out of hardship, and the blossoming of people, place and spirit, so true. The value of men how close to devote and not hinder-others for the greater-good. The growth of society, and home as lightening of-burden, by those that saw the redeeming-of-sophistication. A long and abiding-arm of civility, in the face of-peril, and the heart-of-courage when life seemed, ever un-imminent… Those men who purchase and support this land even when things had seemed a careless, and necessary-instance. The continued-deliberations between people whose choices in life had been a development of our-own. The tantamount-of discipline and striving that men could expand and not-hamper the circumstances-of obstacles, obligations and opportunities so that all, could-find a place. The reality to succeed-is the out-crop of deeded, ‘humanity’…

  My new-investment in my daughter’s talents is quite self-gratifying in, which she is the very, keen and ideally… Having the instrumental, ability to have-recourses at many, different-issues; I have never, considered including significant, alluding to the new-prospects of ‘socialism’, and ‘sophistication’… Sizing-up the unique, and notational-complexities, occurring… In the new-era after the old-mercantilism, there-is the theory of ‘consumerism’, which is the principle-of pricing and value; which-is quite, shrewd. If I could have made myself rich in these arriving, precepts… Patrice says there is an origin-presence, in these-theories that can-make or break, a business. Yet, still she says that all the concepts are not exactly, perfect because several-variables have to either-not exist, or be present at the time…

  She has told me, more on the subject which I find quite, interesting. …Since my-days with Professor Taylor, my-mind is quite sharp to new-ideas and relationships. I and my daughter, talk-into the evening, after supper and she tells me of all the wondrous-things back East. She says that many of the ideas she learned; from business to the Arts, has been adapted-from the government to the university-level, and around the known-world. She says that this common-mentality is bringing us, all together in ways yet heard-of. Saying that Academia, is leading-the-way… Where it was once ‘solely’, introduced; ‘involvements’, have left-a mark only-incidentally… The realm-of-society is now, given a ‘practicing’-’interpretation’ of its workings, boundaries and determinates…like-no other, in definition.

  Patrice and I, have joined-forces in-the-way, of business she is quite frank and honest, as she is always. Then I walked-in on her, crying in the store’s backroom. I sat with her asking what was wrong with her, she said with all her-work, diligence and duties; she has little-comfort accept from her-parents. She says she throws herself into her work to avoid the loneliness of being someone’s wife. She has tried to harbor good-feelings to others, yet she says she cannot go on hiding the truth. Then we sat-down and had a mother-to-daughter talk, I told her that despite of her great-accomplishments and quite, valued-family she should not do what others tell her just to make-them happy. The true-measure of a mother is how much love, caring and support one gives-them. It is not how hard you work in putting-up with things and the overbearing, design of being the lifter of the weight-of the world. For the next 4-months I gave her-time to consider what joy she would get-out of finding what she really, enjoys and seek-to be happy, anyway she’d like.

  I didn’t dissuade her from taking-responsibility of her family or husband yet I did tell her to take-time to understand the allusiveness of her opportunity to-live a life she’d be happy-at in the final-decision. In France, women where told to find-themselves before they-married as such I was given several-years to find what I wanted-out of life and to-seek the terms, under which I could-live them. My choice was to come-to America and find happiness. I did-not know exactly how, yet this adept-freedom; this self-founding, elemental the concept of personal-reality that my daughter should have-had. Although she has shown great-duty and responsibility yet she was taken away-from the self-provision of one’s own endeavoring… I see the need-for atonement-by my daughter for herself; French-ancestry has not been given, way in the right-of-passage which I, and her father have thought would-come out of her ventures back East and the arrival, had maturity-donned in the time before marriage…

  ~~~

  …Fires, have erupted-in the city. Some say there is a arsonist burning house to get back at someone. Lit during the night, as everyone was sleeping… Understanding, why someone would light-fires shows that a new-face of
evil, has been exposed. The fires were lit with burning-oil, and that the culprit had known that no-one could see who they were. The town’s Sheriff has put out a warrant for the criminal. He says he is an individual who gets-off, trying to burn people alive. He says maybe a wild-Indian or individual embittered, by someone wanting revenge… He say that learning, in crime-college that arsonist usually, are the people who sit behind someone who allows them to un-let themselves with personal-reality. Inviting greater self-freedom to do, just as they please. There has been no evidence accept the use of oil and the place of the fires, lit in some backroom. He says the culprit has access to the areas. Perhaps a disgruntled, worker who secretly, wants someone hurt or worse, killed… Yet he says one thing about the arsonist, they can be anyone who likes to see things burn.

  ~~~

  Patrice was out shopping, when I was straightening her clothes which had seemed strangely, filled with soot, I thought maybe she was caught in some cleaning-situation… Then the kids were awakened-by some strange-noise. I went-out to find that Patrice, my Sarah had large bottles of heating oil, I thought maybe she’d agreed to help a male-friend store them till he could fetch them the next-morning. She seemed startled by my seeing her she froze in-place then yelled, at me, like I’d never-seen. I tried to calm her down yet she started weeping, franticly. When I had her seated quietly, she then confessed that she’d been the one-burning the buildings that had been built since her leaving-home. “They were such buildings…not caring whether they’d taken away space from once wide and beautiful town… Why did they ruined the wonderful home-of my youth”…

  She then said that I-helped in so many ways; yet could-not see that the loving-home we’d created, was something she had rather never seen again so she could discover her-own. I was astonished that she had become so divorcing. I told her father and we three went to the Sheriff’s office were he said if we repaid for the buildings, apologized to their owners and see that Patrice gets treatment he would not press any charges due to her up-standing place in the community. I paid all the bills, had Patrice write notes of apology and then we sat, and wrote her husband and within a month he replied with a request to have her sent back to him with the kids, and gave substantial support by saying he will still be moving to San Diego, as she recovers.

  In a month’s time Patrice and her kids were on their way back to Boston, where they were to be taken care of by their father… It was sad to see my grand-babies go yet my daughter had to deal with her needs and hopefully find her way. There is very, rarely anything you can do when your kids have grown into adults. It would have been fine, to see them come-home to me and represent joy and love of the one’s who raised them yet beyond that you can only let them fly as they may, alone…

  End

  Ten

  April 16, 1874

  Dear Diary,

  Pat and Rob are getting-along much, better these days. They have fallen into place, and I, very proud of them. Patrice is my only daughter, and Rob is my son in-law. Though my boys are on their own, I understand that life is too short to waste, frivolously. I have taken-up painting, and Will builds toys from wood for the children who visit, once a month. We now, have new priorities, living by imminent-means. When Patrice satisfied the field-doctor in San Diego’s convalescent-hospital we all had a sigh-of-relief. Patrice, like everyone else has a right to be ill. We should not blame ourselves, because problems come-from different areas, we raised our children to be good and hardy, individuals. My Will’s Irish lineage and my French-background is quite a sanctum in leverage, we’ve come to accept. I’m determine-at the aspects of livelihood, while Will excel at temperament and work. As such we-perform, different-aspects, of our personality. Yet we are both, devoted and instilled-in betterment of what we, do best…

  En-lodging and inspiring, our children is one-thing, which we can not as yet, be certain. We must love them, and be-there for them. I have never, thought my oldest would attempt unlawful-acts, yet she has such deep-love of me and her father; yet returning-home was the turning-point, to do so… I hope, she doesn’t ever-do that again. I believe Rob will take a good-hand, at caring for her and implementing, a definite-desire to move-forward. From what I’ve seen, experiences in life our best endure, alongside a loved-one… I hope Patrice and Rob, do as much with their-relationship than wasting against doubt-by an over-zealous, mother…

  I will lend my-powers of self-control, and best-intent; in care of those who require-attention in their contentions, in life. I hear Pat is doing-well… She spends time planting, growing and involving herself in-care of her children. She is being cared for, by an aide and a caretaker, who looks-after her and her-needs. I have learned that living is an aspect of growth, whether good or bad… That even in best efforts, life is not going to be perfect unless, you are willing to accept and understand that tomorrow may, change…

  Now, as Patrice learns to recuperate, and ascends into self-control; the refinement in deepest-level may alter, with perspective-of-life. That tomorrow may-lead to unlikely, occurrences. Maturity, advances that we take-hold of our self-hood and expand, in the things that make-us succeed or lead-us, to ruin. Yet the things, which make-us succeed is the very, thing allowing us do so; confidence, and nurturing… I look-back at my dearest, daughter’s raising and growth; and see how, like a flower, she sprouted-up and grew into a fine young-lady; going to church and following her mother to the store; to buy food and home, to cook… I, giving her a doll for her birthday, and combing her-hair, while she-sang her favorite-songs from the church hymnal…

  These elaborations, of daughter, of mother, and of self, destiny in-us, all; is ultimately, ourselves… I could not have predicted that Sarah Patrice Schumer would have been one, that committed an act-of-destruction. Yet her devotion-under her mother’s wing saved her, from demise… Rob is a good-man, he shares Patrice’s love for family; not necessarily but assumed she was influenced, by her-mother. Which I can only hope, gives value-in pride and purpose. .. Hopefully, commit in bettering, of the whole. As she has written me on her own-terms, and I can judge the growing-confidence… In what is her-life, and those who love her I can watch the new-Patrice, appear. Which I believe will live-ours and her life-in conscientiousness.

  ***

  ~~Baumgartner G. Mc Masters is a devoted-father and now, he writes and tells me he has custody of his three-children… His girlfriend who became his wife wanted a divorce and they proceeded to a legal-end. Lillia is her name, he writes… She had married him as a secretary to his boss and he became taken-with her and they decided to wed after a long-courtship. He said it had taken, only months before he was totally, smitten with her. He’d married her when his boss said it was time for him to be honest, and take his-role and make her, his wife… The relationship bloomed and within six-months, she was pregnant and making a home out of a little-cottage in Milwaukee’s Lake-District. Bau said that he had gone as far as he wanted in his business, and figured-it was time to get married. My oldest-boy, planned on everything he’d need. He moved to a big-estate near the harbor, brought the land around it.

  And began to redo several rooms for the children. He then, infused to me the duties and doubts of being a soon-to-be, father… As the years past his love for his children grew and his wife’s role, declined. He then realized that he was thinking too much of the children, and not-enough of their mother by then, she was done with him. He just managed to convince her to give-over custody to him. After four years Bau was divorced. He says he is not sorry, he just didn’t have time enough, and if she really, loved him she’d seen that… I suppose Bau, knew his best-interests; but Lillia was their mother, his father should have had a say, in his actions. Yet Bau has his own freedom, it seemed-in every person a true-being in life yet, in each, the threats to our living, that we seemed to avade insight and as well, inhibitions to take-off on our own not fully, knowing where, we’ll end.

  I believe that a lot,
of what my children have experience-is the result of society… The differing-themes of success, judgment and atonement has a lot to do, with human-struggle. As learnt, in philosophy, theory, human-bondage is something of a rouse, as humanity expands the officiating and efficacy of standard and state; altering expression… For humanity is a being-of adaptation. Where once-life was a struggle, and now closer-resolve; leads to closest-frailties of humanness. The ‘great-storms’ of proven, and providing that in-values the ‘values’, and ‘venture’ that illuminates the merger, and mission-of-humanity. Elicited, through prominence and prevalence. Such duty and dimension-causes distraught, and demeaning.

  ~~~If my-sons and daughter import the ‘living’-dimension, that demonstrates aligning, courage, and coursing-intrepidity; as merger…~~

  July 7, 1875

  Dear Diary,

  It is definitely, a sign-of the times, the war has left this country in-recession. The country, as President Hayes has said, is in a decline. He is imminent, conscience of what occurs, in our country. A former-businessman known, as a tycoon. Investing in New York and the new state of Florida. He says that the war of a-decade ago has depleted the economy and advancing West and building the country, through funding against the Indian-wars, growing-society and census-expansion has taken us into-poverty. Many I-have heard are migrating to Alaska to seek-gold again.