by N. Alleman
I briefly consider leaving a note for her, but what the hell would I say?
I can’t give enough detail to comfort her, and I’ll be long gone by the time she reads it. I’m taking the coward’s way out, but what other choice do I have?
With a heavy heart, I put my clothes on.
I can’t let this bullshit break me. I need to do this work for Ryder so that when it’s done, I can return a free man with no evidence against me in regards to the crime I committed long ago.
Things are shitty right now, but I have to believe that I can make this right, because that’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
I manage to collect all of my belongings without making any noise—a lifetime of sneaking out on one-night stands has taught me this skill. Then I creep toward the door, but before I go, I turn and take one last look at Daisy.
“Good-bye, my girl,” I whisper before shutting the door with a quiet click.
It’s time for me to pay my debt.
24
Daisy
Rays of sunlight wake me up, but I’m not ready to open my eyes, so I turn over.
Then I remember where I am, who I’m with, and I reach over and pat the sheets next to me. “Jake?”
My mouth is dry, and when I don’t find him, I open my eyes to discover I’m alone in the bed.
What time is it?
How long have I been asleep?
I bolt upright. The clock on the bedside table says it’s eight-thirty in the morning.
Not nearly as late as I expected.
I find the pajamas that Karen left for me on the floor next to the bed. I never got around to putting them on last night. My desire for Jake took over, and then I fell asleep naked.
As I put them on, I smile to myself at the memory of Jake and his tongue. He was amazing last night, and I can’t wait to find out what else he can do.
He keeps discovering new things about my body that I didn’t even know myself.
I wander into the hallway, expecting to see Jake either sitting in front of the TV or in the kitchen.
Instead, I find both rooms empty.
Where the hell is he?
Something feels off.
Why isn’t Jake here?
Of course, there could be a rational explanation, but my mind is jumping to the worst possible conclusions.
It would be strange to wake my sister up over this, so I pour myself a glass of water and sit on the sofa to wait.
Something terrible must have happened.
A stray tear slips down my cheek.
I don’t even know why. I shouldn’t panic until I know something for certain. The main problem is that this is bringing back all the memories of not knowing where Karen was for all that time.
Finally, someone joins me in the front room.
“Oh, thank God, Karen,” I murmur.
“What’s wrong? Where’s Jake?” she asks, still sounding a bit sleepy and confused.
“I-I don’t know.”
“He’s not here?” She pulls me up from the couch to take a look at me. I’m a mess.
Karen’s expression turns from sympathetic to hard. “Has he run out on you?”
I nod, wishing a massive hole would just suck me in and swallow me whole so that I didn’t have to feel this way any longer.
“That fucking prick!”
Lucas walks into the room and shrugs apologetically. “Maybe he’s gone out for coffee?”
I shake my head. That’s not true, and he knows it.
It’s time to accept Jake bailed on me.
Obviously, the feelings that I thought were there, weren’t. He never wanted me, not really. I should’ve known that. We only knew each other for a couple of days.
His words from yesterday flash through my mind. “You’re mine. Do you understand?”
Why did he say that if he didn’t mean it? Some shitty male ego thing. Maybe he wanted me to fall in love with him so that he could break my heart and give himself some validation.
I think back to the night we met.
He made his true character obvious enough that night. He might as well have told me that he’d say anything to get a girl into bed, so why did I go against my better judgment and let myself get sucked into his web of lies?
Too late now.
I fell for it, and now I’ve been used and discarded.
“Come on.” My sister pats me on the shoulder. “We’ll get through this. I’m here now. I’ll get you through this.”
She stands up and approaches Lucas, whispering something in his ear. Unfortunately for her, my hearing is far from impaired, so I hear every single word.
“I knew that guy was bad news. What a fucking creep. I can’t believe…”
“Shh!” Lucas hushes her, clearly more aware of me than Karen.
He walks her outside, and I’m alone with my thoughts, trying to understand why this has happened. I’ve only known Jake for a short while, but it’s hard for me to believe he’s really gone.
With a soft click, the door closes as Lucas comes back inside. “Are you okay?” he asks, his face soft with concern.
I nod numbly, but, of course, I don’t mean it.
Nothing is okay.
Lucas comes to sit next to me on the couch.
I can’t help but be irritated by him. He’s a coward, not standing up for his own crime, and letting another man take the fall for his murder doesn’t make him a good guy in my book.
“Just leave me alone, please,” I mutter.
He sighs, but doesn’t leave. “I need to say something, Daisy, for the sake of everyone involved.
“I come from a small family. It was just my mom and me. We didn’t have much. My dad, he went into the slammer when I was a baby, and he got killed there before I was old enough to remember my old man.”
I look up at him, but where my sympathy should be, there’s only a black hole devoid of emotion. I’m too involved in my own sorrow to feel bad for Lucas.
“I thought I couldn’t have a child. I got pretty sick as a kid, and my mom … well, she drank and left me alone a lot too. They told me it’d be difficult for me to have kids after one of my illnesses. I didn’t think about it then, but as I got older, it weighed on me.”
His tone grows brighter as he goes on.
“Then I met your sister. She was stunning, perfect, the woman of my dreams. She turned my life around. At first, it was all about protecting her, but a love was born out of the ashes of her previous relationship. And I fell for her hard. Somehow, she got pregnant… Fuck knows how, it’s a miracle baby, this one.”
I force a weak smile on my face.
“I had to protect her. I would never let anyone else take the fall, and yesterday, I had told Karen I wanted to turn myself in.”
I eye him suspiciously.
“We came home to find you two here, and somehow, Ryder fixed the problem,” Lucas finishes. “I know this doesn’t help, but I want you to know, I’m a good guy. And even though Jake walked out, I’ll be here for you and your sister.”
I guess it’s a nice thing to promise, but I don’t care.
Without Jake, nothing seems to matter.
Weeks pass.
I remain frozen in a state of purgatory, unable to move on.
This heartbreak feels worse than anything I’ve ever experienced before. Karen keeps trying to cheer me up, but I’m not ready yet.
Why did you leave me, Jake? Why didn’t you even leave a note? Am I not good enough?
I miss him so damn much it’s like a physical pain.
“Sweetie, do you want something to eat?” Karen asks for about the millionth time today.
I shake my head and look over at her. Her stomach is really swelling now.
She looks like she’s about to burst. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was overdue already, and I can’t believe she still has a few weeks to go. The baby is going to grow even more, and that fact seems crazy, given how big he already appears to be.<
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“You can’t keep going like this, Daisy. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“I’m not hungry,” I mumble.
“I know you’re sad.” Karen sits beside me and grasps my hand. “But this isn’t normal. I don’t want to diminish what you had, but you only knew Jake for a short time. You can’t let him ruin your life. You’ve gotta move on.”
I nod as if I’m listening, but none of it is sinking in. The dizziness is coming on again—it’s been coming and going ever since that fateful day—and I know exactly where it’s going to lead.
I get up and run to the bathroom, hanging my head over the toilet, and the sickness rushes up through me and flows miserably into the bowl. I’m so fed up with all of this, I hate it.
My misery really is making me ill, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Karen knocks on the bathroom door. “Are you okay?”
She’s getting used to this routine by now. She’s been very supportive of me, and I’m not sure how I’d cope without her.
“Yes,” I groan.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I don’t care about anyone seeing me in this state. I don’t care about much anymore.
She tentatively opens the door and steps inside.
“This is what I mean, sweetheart. This is more than just sadness,” she says.
She perches on the edge of the bath, rubbing her rounded baby bump. “I wonder if…” She pauses, trying to choose her next words carefully. “Is there any chance that you might be pregnant?”
“Pregnant? No, of course not,” I insist.
My heart sinks.
Is there any chance of that?
After all, in all of our passionate moments, not once did we consider contraception. It was idiotic, but we’d been so caught up in the moment that it never occurred to us. At least not to me.
Oh, God. I look at Karen’s bursting frame and try to picture it for myself. It’s not just her stomach that’s blossomed, it’s her breasts too. They’re enormous.
Now that I realize that I could be pregnant, I panic.
What the hell would I do with a baby? Could I even look after one?
I’d sure as hell have to sort my life out. I can’t live in my sister’s spare room forever, with no money and no resources, sinking further and further into depression if I have a child on the way.
“I got you a pregnancy test. I’ll leave it here in case you want to see.”
I don’t even look as my sister leaves the room. I focus on that small white cardboard box. The box that has the chance to change absolutely everything.
My heart thumps heavily, and I don’t see that I have any other choice. The idea has been implanted in my mind, and there’s no other way of getting rid of it except to find out for sure.
“Okay,” I whisper to myself. “Do it to prove Karen wrong.”
After I’ve peed on the stick, I sit there and wait for the longest two minutes.
I don’t even know how to feel. My mind is all over the place.
I have no idea what I want the result to be, and that scares me. I’ve never known where my life was heading, and I was never ‘the girl with the plan’, but this will anchor me. It’ll have to. I don’t know how to be anchored, and I don’t know how to be in one place, knowing exactly what tomorrow will bring, but I’ll have to figure it out.
Then my eyes see it. Two blue lines appearing in front of me.
It’s positive.
I’m going to have a baby.
25
Jake
Leaving Daisy is the toughest thing I’ve ever done.
The sight of her sleeping so peacefully, that gorgeous blonde hair spread across the pillow, those full lips splayed will be the last thing I think about each night before I fall asleep.
My sweet, innocent princess.
My feisty, dirty girl.
My everything.
She changed my world in a matter of days, and I’ll never regret what I’m doing, if it protects her from harm.
The one thing I can’t handle is Daisy getting hurt, and that’s why I’ll do what I have to. Whatever that prick Ryder throws at me.
Gritting my teeth, I pick up my ratty bag and throw it over my shoulder.
For Daisy’s sake, I swallowed my emotions and moved the fuck on.
The ride is excruciatingly slow.
She’s on my mind, always. The way her bottom lip juts out when she’s mad, the way her hair smells. Always that intoxicating scent, even when she uses cheap motel shampoo.
My thoughts circle around Daisy for hours, all the way to the next state. I’m safe now. It’s a strange thought, to be able to tell my name to anyone. Sure, I’d probably get some freaked out looks, but officially, I’ve been pardoned. I’m no longer considered a murderer.
I didn’t kill Manny.
I park my bike and take in my surroundings. Few battered vehicles are parked near what appears to be an abandoned warehouse, but not a soul is in sight.
That’s when I hear a whistle.
I whip my head around like a predator ready to pounce.
A figure emerges from the shadows of the building, a woman. She’s tall and curvy with long, curly black hair, the opposite of Daisy. My cock doesn’t move as she comes into view, a stunning, yet hardened beauty.
“You Jake?” she asks, popping her bubblegum. It’s such a strange contrast to her tough exterior it catches me off guard.
“Yeah,” I growl in reply. “Who the fuck’s askin’?”
She grins, exposing two rows of perfect white teeth. “I’m your boss, Rosa. Come with me, we have a good drive ahead of us.”
I want to argue, but Rosa has already turned her back to me and walked away. I realize I don’t really have a choice, so I follow.
Call me a sexist, but I don’t like a woman above me. Unless she’s riding me and I’ve got my hands on her hips, guiding her.
Fuck. I’m thinking about Daisy again.
I stop in my tracks, pissed about my fate.
Rosa finally notices I’m not following, turns around, and whistles for me like I’m a fucking dog.
“Come on,” she says in annoyance. “We ain’t got all day.”
I remind myself why I’m doing this. Why I’ve taken this job from hell.
For Daisy, I need to go with Rosa.
I walk to the cage she’s driving, a minivan, such a ridiculous vehicle it makes me grin despite myself. “You a soccer mom too?” I ask jokingly, and she glares at me, so I shut it. I can follow you wherever we’re goin’.” I nod toward my bike.
“Nah, too loud. I’ll bring you back to pick it up after we’re finished.” She climbs into the driver’s seat, and to refrain from a disagreement on my first day, I take passenger seat silently.
“Buckle up,” she tells me, and I give her a weird look before putting on my seatbelt.
A few minutes later, it becomes painfully obvious why she wanted me to wear a strap. The woman drives like a mad person, turning corners with such ferocity it’s a wonder I don’t barf all over her car seats.
She’s a quiet one, Rosa is.
It probably doesn’t help I’m clutching the door handle like I’ll bolt out of the moving car any second. She notices my green face and laughs merrily, which makes her face a lot prettier.
“Rule number one,” she says, keeping her eyes on the road. “Do not fall in love with me.”
I snort. “Wow. Think you’re that special?”
“Yeah.” She averts her eyes from the road and stares straight at me.
The needle on the speedometer hovers close to one hundred miles an hour, and instead of watching the road, this mad woman is challenging me, digging into my skull.
“I won’t fall in love with you,” I tell her pointedly, all of my thoughts going back to Daisy. Sweet, innocent, young Daisy. So wrong for me, yet so fucking right in every way.
“Let’s wait and see,” Rosa replies, still staring at me.
/> “Watch the fuck out!” I yell, and just in time, she swerves the car and stops us from hitting a tree. I’m about to yell at her when she throws her head back and laughs like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
And for some reason, I start laughing too.
My life is utterly fucked. So what the hell else could go wrong?
I don’t get the benefit of gradually accommodating to my surroundings.
I’m thrown in headfirst.
Make it or break it. I quickly familiarize myself with everything, from the job, to the people, and right down to the damn paperwork.
If I thought Rosa would be of any help, I was wrong.
She doesn’t want me stepping on her toes. One thing has become totally obvious to me since day one—Rosa has a massive crush on Ryder, and he enjoys exploiting it.
Sick fuck. I’ll always despise him for taking away Daisy and what we could’ve had together. But the way he treats Rosa is like kicking a puppy.
Thankfully, I don’t see too much of Ryder around these parts. Too hoity-toity to loiter in undesirable neighborhoods like the dregs of the city.
It’s been weeks now since I’ve been here. Long, arduous, and horrid weeks. Every cell in my body screams her name, begs for her touch, and longs for her pussy. Yet, I’ve done everything by the book, too scared to overstep or break rules and earn Ryder’s reprimand.
The job is just as I imagined it. Highly illegal, dangerous, and dirty. I oversee an underground fighting ring where basically nothing is off limits.
Rosa says these guys just keep going, but I didn’t believe her. Not until my first night, the first time I saw blood spilled and the crowd begging for more.
People are animals. Now I understand why Ryder wouldn’t let Daisy near this place. Doesn’t excuse me being sentenced to it, though.
One night I catch Rosa squirming on her chair as we wait for the festivities to begin.
“Excited to see your imaginary boyfriend?” I tease her, and she punches my arm with a ferocity I didn’t expect from her.
We’ve got something going, Rosa and I. It’s not real friendship, but a sort of camaraderie that at least means we aren’t at each other’s necks all the time.
