by N. Alleman
I let her be, and she lets me do my job. For the most part.
“Shut up, prick,” she mutters. She gets weirdly defensive sometimes when it comes to Ryder. How the fuck she managed to develop a crush on that prick is beyond me. He’s about as desirable as a mangy cat.
“I don’t get it,” I tell her simply. “You’re so into him. Why don’t you…”
“You don’t know anything, Jake,” she snaps.
I haven’t gotten to know Rosa very well. Beneath her harsh exterior is … well, more hardness, more edges, and more thorns. She’s feisty, loud, and stubborn as fuck. The fighters all want her, yet no one has truly had her yet. It’s like she’s actually saving herself for Ryder, something that makes me want to gag.
“I do know something,” I finally groan in response, and as if on cue, my mind shifts back to Daisy. What is my darling doing these days?
She’s probably still pissed that I left her without a word, but I’m sure she’ll get over me. She’s probably dating again, forgotten all about me.
My hands fist at my sides, and I actually growl out loud, earning a worried look from Rosa. I hate the fucking thought of my Daisy with another guy. She’s mine, and I left her shorting after I staked my claim. Promised to protect her.
My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening. Ryder strides inside like he fucking owns the place—which he does.
“Hello, lovebirds,” he tells us, making Rosa blush and me clench my jaw. He’s wearing expensive clothes again, a sharp contrast to my ratty jeans and a t-shirt.
Rosa sits up straight, gazing at him adoringly.
It’s disgusting.
“Any news for me?” Ryder asks sweetly, sitting at a desk. This is the so-called conference room, a windowless shithole, really. I can make out a faint bloodstain on the carpet where a security guard knocked out some drunk’s tooth a week ago.
“Everything is going as it should be,” Rosa manages to get out, blushing deeply. “Fights are scheduled ninety days in advance now. We have the winnings deposited directly into the account you supplied every Monday by noon.”
Ryder cracks his knuckles. “Thanks, Rosa.”
She beams like a fucking purring kitten. How the hell does a woman as independent as Rosa fall under the spell of a prick like Ryder?
I’ll never understand women.
“Rosa, would you excuse us for a moment?” he asks politely, getting up and showing his back to us. “I’d like to speak to Jake alone for a moment.”
“Oh.” She sounds disappointed, but gets up and walks out of the room, softly shutting the door behind her.
I stare at Ryder’s back, envisioning putting a bullet right between his shoulder blades. How fucking great would that feel?
He rummages through the crummy bar and finally takes out a bottle of expensive whiskey that seems out of place in this rotting old room.
He turns to face me like he doesn’t have a care in the world, which sets me off even more.
“Care for a drink?” he asks, and I nod.
I’m a fan of keeping my enemies close.
Ryder pours us drinks and brings them over inexpensive crystal glasses. He passes me mine with a smirk on his face, toasting me wordlessly. I follow suit.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I ask, already feeling on edge.
He takes a few long moments before finally letting me know what’s on his mind.
“I want to put you in the cage,” he says simply, and my eyes widen.
Seeing my surprise, Ryder follows with an explanation. “I think you’d do really well. In fact, I’ve set up a fight for you in a few weeks’ time. I’m sure you’ll do well, Jake. You wouldn’t want to disappoint me.”
He raises his glass to his lips, his eyes ice old. “Would you now?”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
Someday, I will hurt this bastard for what he has done to me and Daisy.
“I’m not sure I’m up for that,” I practically spit. “That’s not the deal we made, Ryder.”
“Deals change,” he says easily, like it’s the simplest thing in the fucking world to do, just change the course of someone’s life like that. “New rules, new tasks for you. You know what happens if you don’t follow my rules, right?”
I think of the evidence he’d laid out for me before I’d left Daisy. Yes, he’d gotten the cops off my back, but only by calling in some favors. If he put in a bad word against me, I’d be back to square one—a fugitive on the run.
“I know,” I say angrily, barely able to suppress my anger.
Ryder gives me a victorious smile and leans closer, clinking his glass against mine.
I’m furious, fucking fuming. The gall of this man is unbelievable.
“So, you fucking Rosa?” he asks easily, and I nearly choke.
“No,” I reply harshly.
“Oh, how sweet. Saving yourself up for your little darling back at home. Daisy, wasn’t it?”
My knuckles whiten as I clench my fists tighter, and he knows he’s hit a soft spot.
“Maybe I’ll pay her a little visit.”
I’m out of the chair in a second, grabbing the bastard by his shirt and slamming him into a wall. “Don’t you fucking dare,” I growl, barely able to contain myself. “I’ll fucking murder you.”
“Relax,” Ryder manages to get free of me. Barely able to catch his breath, he rasps, “Relax, man.”
Glaring at me, he smooths down his shirt and clears his throat.
“You should fuck Rosa, though. She’s a hot piece of ass.”
“Fuck off, you know she wants you,” I say, massaging my knuckles.
“I do.” Ryder laughs, a deep and dark sound that disturbs me. “Honestly, I prefer them younger … and less willing.”
He winks at me, making me feel dirty as fuck.
Poor Rosa, falling for this disgusting motherfucker.
Something about what he said bothers me, and not just the predatorial aspect, but I can’t put my finger on it.
So I settle for storming out of his office and slamming the door behind me.
26
Daisy
“Goddamn it,” I mutter to myself. I’m only four months pregnant now, and I’m already struggling to do everything I used to.
The doctor told me after the first trimester, the morning sickness and crappy feelings would vanish. Then he suggested I would develop a pregnancy glow.
What a load of crap.
I’m still puking all the time, and I feel worse than ever.
Once I found out I was pregnant, I resolved I was going to get my life together. I was going to get myself a job, a place of my own, and I was going to get over Jake.
I didn’t want to live too far from Karen, but I wanted to get out from under her feet. Now that she has a gorgeous little newborn—my nephew Todd—the apartment is full.
Unfortunately, I’ve been feeling too pitiful to do any of those things. The only plus side is that I’ve been getting some practice being around a baby. I feel a lot more confident now in my mothering abilities, and while I know exactly how hard it’s going to be, I’m also sure I can do it. I’m not going to be totally out of my depth.
I’m out getting some groceries. A simple task, but only a few weeks ago, leaving the house seemed impossible. I wish I didn’t feel so awful, that dizziness didn’t have to hit at the very worst time.
A pair of strong masculine arms wrap around me, and I fall into them rather than hitting the ground. A strangely familiar voice questions me a second later. “You okay?”
For a second, I imagine it’s Jake capturing me in his arms.
“Here, sit down.” The man gently sets me on a bench. “Have some water.”
I gulp down the liquid like it’s the first drink I’ve had in years.
“Thank you,” I say before looking into the man’s eyes.
“Oh. Uh, it’s good to see you again, Ryder.”
He flashes a genuine smile at me, and I ca
n’t help but return it. “I heard that you were pregnant,” he says.
“Yeah?”
“Karen came to show me her gorgeous little Todd and spilled the beans while she was there.”
“Oh, right,” I say flatly. I don’t really know what to say to that.
“Are you okay?” he asks again. “I don’t like seeing you this way.”
“Yeah, it’s just the pregnancy.” I wave my hand dismissively.
“No, I think it runs deeper than that.” He eyes me curiously. “Are you still living at Karen’s place?”
I nod, biting down on my lip. That’s the one situation that I’m really struggling with. I can’t see a way out, and I really need one. I don’t know how I am supposed to be a decent mother when I can’t even provide a home for my baby.
“Okay, how about this…” He starts in a very serious business-like tone. “I own a lot of property. I currently have some empty apartments available. Why don’t I set you up in one?”
“Oh no, I couldn’t.” I shake my head. This solution sounds lovely, but I just can’t. “I can’t afford it.”
“No, I understand. You can’t work when you’re this ill. I’d be happy to come to an agreement with you.”
My eyes widen, and he laughs. “No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter, girl. I was thinking I could set you up with an apartment and give you a monthly allowance to provide for your child.”
I honestly have no idea what to say. There must be a catch, because nothing worth having in life is free.
“I’d be willing to do that on the promise that when you feel up to it, you come and work for me,” he continues. “I don’t mean as a stripper, although you’d be amazing at that, from what my day manager tells me. I need a personal assistant for all of the investors who want to be part of my ever-growing business. So, what do you say?”
I will never in my life get an offer as good as this, but at what cost? What the hell am I going to do?
I don’t know if I can turn down such a good offer.
27
Jake
“Come on fellas, break it up!” I yell over the braying crowd.
People boo me, but I don’t give a shit. I’ve had more trouble than this before. This crowd is nothing, just a few drunken idiots.
I’m running an underground fighting ring. It isn’t ideal, but I’m repaying my debt, every day bringing myself closer to seeing my beautiful Daisy again.
I have no idea what’s going on in her life. I don’t know if she’s happy, how she managed to recover from my cruel abandonment, or if she’s with someone else now.
Oh God, I can’t even think about that possibility. It will crack me into a million pieces.
It’s not that I want her to be miserable. I just can’t bear the prospect of her in someone else’s arms.
“You’re mine. Do you understand?” The words I said to her are still true on my behalf, but there’s no telling how she feels now.
No, I can’t know a single thing about Daisy until I’m done with all this illegal crap.
I don’t know what she’d think if she could see me now.
I’m almost back to the person I once was—the guy who was nowhere near good enough for her.
I may not be out fucking a different girl every single night, but I am drinking a hell of a lot.
It’s how I deal with the loneliness, and it’s taking a toll on me.
“Next!” I yell, inviting the next two competitors to come and beat the living shit out of each other. The only rule is that I can’t let the fight go too far. I have to stop it before someone gets killed.
That works for me, because I’ve seen enough death to last me a lifetime.
My relationship with Ryder has stabilized. I still hate the guy’s guts, but I have to respect the fact that he did save me from going to jail.
Time passes.
Fists fly, and blood splatters everywhere, but it doesn’t affect me.
I do what needs to be done. Nothing less, nothing more.
“Psst.” I hear a familiar, annoying voice behind me.
“Yes, Rosa?” I sigh, turning to face her.
“Placing any bets tonight?” she asks, shifting on her feet.
“Yeah, I suppose so,” I huff, throwing her a twenty. “The guy in the black shirt.”
The gambling isn’t exactly something that I okayed with Ryder, but it’s where I get a lot of my income. The base pay he gives me is crap.
Running a book may not exactly be legal, but none of this is.
“How you doing, Jake?” Rosa asks.
We’ve gotten a bit closer, nothing close to what Ryder suggested, of course. Daisy is the only one for me. But Rosa has turned into a sort of confidant. She’s the only one I trust in this dirty joint.
“Just fed up with this shit.”
“Then why do you do it?” she asks.
“I ask myself the same question every day.”
“I’ll be back with your winnings.” She walks off, having spotted another potential customer. Business first, as always.
Finally, at six in the morning, I finish up and head off to my shithole apartment. I couldn’t afford anything better at first. Now I can afford more, but I can’t be bothered to move.
I wander through the door to see the familiar yellowing walls and grubby beige carpet greeting me. Home sweet home.
I pick up my crappy old-fashioned cell phone to see three missed calls from Ryder. I quickly call him back, knowing that if I don’t, he’ll give me some grunt job to do as a punishment.
“Hey, Jake.”
“Yep?”
“How are things going with the business?” he asks.
“The business is going great.”
I hate it when he calls the fight ring a business. It’s illegal bullshit, can’t dress it up as anything more.
“Do you have some money for me?”
“Yes, you’ll get it on Monday as usual.”
“How many fighters?”
The men pay to get in the ring, which is why this is the question that he’s most interested in.
“Thirty-four.”
“Any … incidents?”
“Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“Good, good.”
“I’m hanging up now. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
I quickly press the end call button. I don’t want to spend more time talking to this guy than absolutely necessary.
Every time I deal with him, I’m reminded he sent me away from Daisy. He could’ve resolved the situation differently, but he likes to play with people’s lives.
We’re pawns to him. And one day, I’ll get my revenge for what Ryder did to me.
I lay back on my air mattress—the only thing I’ve invested in recently—and stare up at the ceiling.
I’m tired and pretty drunk, so it isn’t long before my eyes are closing. The only image filling my mind is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty.
Daisy.
28
Jake
It isn’t long before my dreams drift away from Daisy and back to the memory that I’ve spent a lot of time repressing. In my conscious state, I never think about it, but when I’m sleeping, it always finds a way of haunting me.
I’m a few years younger, standing in front of my old boss. I wanted to work for him for years and years, so I was over the moon to get the job. All I’d known my whole life was fighting. I got expelled from school at a young age for having too many bust-ups, and my life had gone downhill ever since.
Now I was getting paid for it.
“Okay, Jake. I have another contract for you,” he said.
I was beyond excited by those words. I loved pounding on people. It was the only damn thing that made me feel alive. Well, that and fucking random chicks—but no one was offering to give me money for that.
“Here’s the guy’s address. He owes me four grand. You won’t get it, so you know what to do.”
I nodded curtly, already pumpe
d up.
I make it to the guy’s apartment. He isn’t there, so I hang around, waiting for him to show up. I arrogantly strut around his rooms, looking through his belongings. This is standard procedure in this debt-collecting biz. If we find any hidden money, we have to take it. After all, it’s only what our boss is owed. This could be for anything—drugs, stolen goods, escorts. I don’t care what these people are into. I’m just doing my job.
Then I stumble across something so horrific that it drains me of all of my emotions. In one of his bedroom drawers are tons of pornographic photos of children. At first, I have trouble processing what I’m seeing.
It’s like nothing I’ve ever witnessed before, and I toss them back in the drawer, repulsed. I don’t know what to do.
I spot a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand, and I grab it to gulp back. By the time the guy comes home, almost the entire bottle is gone, and I’m just about wasted.
“You fucking…” I start to yell, but he jumps right in.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have your money.”
“This isn’t about the fucking money anymore, you filthy piece of shit,” I slur, staggering toward him.
The red mist has descended, more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced before. My words have rendered him speechless, so he stands there helpless until I hit him.
“Shit!” he screams, reeling back. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“You...”
Punch.
“Fucking…”
Thump.
“Pedophile.”
All I can see as I rain my fists down are the images that were in that drawer. I let my hands go, even when he lets out a strangled, bloodied cry.
And I don’t stop. Even when his teeth fly out of his mouth. Not even when the cracking sound of breaking bones rings out.
I can’t stop.
I don’t know how long I’m punching for, but the guy is long dead before I stop. He’s the only person I’ve ever killed, and it’s been tearing me apart ever since, eating away at my soul.
