"I don't know who he is, Sax." I felt him stiffen above me. "I was raped—"
"You expect me to believe that shit?" he snarled. "I fucked you for years and you never got pregnant." He hesitated, as if he were pulling his thoughts together. "Know what I think? I think you fucked around on me. You wanted a baby, and when I wouldn't give you one you found some fuck who would."
His words broke my heart. If he could believe that I'd fucked around on him, then he’d never really known or trusted me. I had loved him with all of my being. I still loved him. I knew that if I told him the truth he would never trust me again, so I kept it buried.
"You were pregnant when you left."
It wasn't a question, but a cold, hard fact that I admitted with a simple, "Yes."
His snort vibrated against my breasts. "I hadn't touched you, Holly. After the attack I didn’t lay a fucking finger on you."
I could barely take the anguish in his voice, and I clenched my teeth as the silent tears fell from the corner of my eyes to my pillow. Why did he think it was so implausible that my pregnancy had been the result of rape? Was it easier for him to believe that I'd slept with someone else?
Maybe he couldn't bear to think that Ava might be the product of my assault.
"Which one of my brothers do I kill?"
The coldness of his tone frightened me. He meant it. "I never cheated on you," I whispered hoarsely. A sob escaped me. "I love you."
He pounded the pillow next to my head. "Enough," he snarled impatiently. "I don't want to hear that fucking lie out of your mouth again." Even as he growled the angry words, he kept his voice low.
It wasn't a lie, but his tone revealed that he wouldn't believe that it was anything but. That he'd made up his mind, and he was too filled with hate and rage to contemplate any other possibility. Ava could very well be his, but telling him that wouldn't help at that moment. He was fueled by alcohol and another emotion that I hadn't seen in him before. A kind of desperation.
"I loved you." Again in the past tense. His tortured whisper broke me. "I. Loved. You." His mouth moved against the side of my neck as he spoke, the feel of his firm lips causing little tingles down my spine.
I felt his hands glide down the side of my barely clad body where he gripped my hips brutally hard. I remembered how good we were together. How every time we'd fucked, it had felt as if it were the first time all over again. The excitement, the intense ride to completion, had never waned between us. As the hard ridge of his cock rested against my pelvic bone, I thought how easy it would be for Sax to open his pants and just slip into me.
"Fuck…I missed this," came his quiet voice right before he inhaled deeply. "Missed your fucking smell, your laughter, how good it feels loosing myself in you."
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, seeing Mitzi on his lap. "I'm sure you haven't gone without since our breakup."
He stiffened against me, his hands clenched my hips. He pulled back far enough so that I could see the glitter of his eyes as he glared down at me. "You're so fucking wrong, Holly. I never considered us over."
His words made my breathing stop. I had only a second of disbelief, because I knew that Sax was an honest man, and I couldn't doubt the ring of truth behind his words.
I believed him. Why couldn't he believe me? As we lay there in silence I began to be aware of his delicious weight against me, his hands slowly caressing my hips where they'd been hurtful before. When his cock jumped against me I couldn't stop the moan that rushed up my throat. God, how I wanted this man, but I was afraid, so afraid, of his rejection. I couldn’t take that.
"Fuck, Holly, let me in." His words were so low that I barely heard them.
He didn't wait for my response. He dragged my hands above my head and pinned them with one of his against the bed. His other hand slid around my body and around to my ass, squeezing a cheek while he ground his cock against my pulsing clit. There was hesitation in his movements, as if he were trying to make up his mind if he should continue or stop, waiting for me to deny him. He should have known that I was weak when it came to him, and I'd been too many months without him.
I whimpered at the feel of his mouth against me as it grazed the length of my neck and over my shoulders, and then traveled back toward my mouth. As he neared it I opened mine on a breathless sigh of want, willing him to fill that hunger by claiming my lips. He hovered over them, our breaths mingling, everything inside me coming alive. My nipples were so hard they ached. And when Sax finally lowered his mouth onto mine, it was a tentative brush of our mouths. He moved his lips back and forth over mine, testing, sampling, teasing.
"Sax," I whispered breathlessly, and that was all it took for him to take my mouth like a man who was starved for air.
The gentleness and teasing was gone, replaced by beautiful brutality that revealed his hunger and need for me. And I was right there with him, opening my mouth eagerly for our tongues to mesh and play in a dance that drew ripples of pleasure all the way from my core. I was disintegrating from the inside out, melting into a mindless puddle of bliss. I strained against the hand holding me down. Strained against Sax's powerful body pinning me to the bed. I arched wantonly into the hard, throbbing ridge of his cock, begging for something that I couldn't put into words.
Take me! I wanted to cry out. Fuck me! I needed him so badly, needed to feel him inside me again. My body needed a release that it hadn't felt in over a year, and it occurred to me that this was the first time he'd touched me since the attack. I was so ready for him. My pussy was pulsating and wet. As Sax ground his mouth against mine in a kiss that gave pain as well as pleasure, I knew that this was as much a form of a punishment as it was satisfaction.
I bit down on his bottom lip as he pulled away, panting. We were both breathing hard. Our eyes clashed, glittering with emotion in the darkness, our hearts pounding as one. His jaw was taut, nostrils flaring, as I was sure mine were. Would he fuck me now? God, I wanted him to! He knew about Ava now, and the sky hadn't fallen. Maybe, just maybe, we could get through this somehow. Could begin anew.
Even as the unlikely thought flashed through my mind, I remained cautiously optimistic.
"You want me to fuck you now?" he grunted in a cold, hard voice. His softness from before had completely disappeared.
I blinked, startled at his gruff question. This didn't sound like the man I knew and loved. I was seeing a side of Sax that I wasn't familiar with, a rougher version. Had I done this to him? I wanted him, wanted his hands and mouth on me so badly that I knew I was going to make the wrong decision. Knew it because my heart was involved, and part of me was taking responsibility for the way he had changed, acting as if he didn't care one way or another what my answer was. He was hard as steel against my pussy, but I sensed that if he’d wanted to, he could walk away without any problem.
As tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes, I uttered the two words that I knew would devastate me completely. "Fuck me," I whispered. My need for him far outweighed my common sense or survival instinct.
Sax released a low animalistic sound that vibrated through my body. Before I could brace myself, he flipped me over and pulled me to my knees. I gasped at his roughness, and again when his hands ripped my boy shorts from me. He took a minute to put his hands on my ass, clenching his fingers into the fleshy mounds, and then spread my cheeks. My eyes grew big when I felt him move in, and then his mouth was on me, biting and licking me before spearing his tongue inside my anus.
I jerked forward with surprise, but Sax's hands held me tight against him while he thrust a finger inside me and fucked me with it. I whimpered a little at the pain of being stretched. We'd experimented with anal play before, but it wasn't my favorite, although I couldn't deny the unexpected thrill that shot through my body in response to his roughness and take-control-attitude. In the past he had always asked before doing anything with my ass, but now it appeared that he wasn't giving me a choice.
He was taking.
A second finger entered me c
ausing me, to gasp sharply. Was he being rough on purpose? When he began to scissor his fingers I realized what his intentions were. I stiffened. "Sax…" There was no way he could miss the apprehension in my tone.
He leaned over my body, placing his mouth against my ear. "Shut up. I don't have a condom, and I plan on coming inside your body." His tone was so cold, as if he resented what he was doing.
"Damn you!" I whispered.
"We're both damned, Baby."
I felt his hand between us as he undid his pants and pulled his cock out. I felt the scorching heat of it at my entrance, and then the wide head of it as Sax ran it up and down the crack of my ass. I moaned loudly when I felt him tease my clit before running his shaft up and down my slit, gathering up the wetness there. I quivered beneath his administrations, panting hard. His harsh breath was against the nape of my neck. I could feel his muscles trembling as if he were fighting against something.
"Fuck it!" he swore, thrusting forward and sinking his cock inside me as if he couldn't help himself. Sounds of our mutual pleasure echoed throughout the room, the pleasure so intense I had a mini-orgasm around his hot flesh.
"Sax! Oh, God!" I whisper-yelled as he thrust hard and fast a half a dozen times.
His only response was his groans as he pumped in and out, his hands gripping my hips hard enough to leave bruises. Another orgasm bloomed inside me, growing fast and with intensity. Sax's cock hit me everywhere, my body swelled around him like a sponge. I instinctively clenched my muscles, satisfied by his grunt, and then he pulled out. I barely had time to take a breath before he penetrated my anus.
I cried out as the pain of his entry caught me unprepared. Sax didn’t go slow, didn't wait for my body to stretch for him, he didn't seem to care that he was causing me discomfort. Thankfully it didn't last long. He replaced his cock in my pussy with his talented fingers. He worked my clit just the way he knew I liked it until I was a quivering, gasping mess again. My G-spot wasn't ignored either, and between that and the pleasure I was now feeling as he fucked my ass, I detonated with a scream.
I wasn't alone. Sax found his own release at the same time, groaning and grunting as he filled me with cum.
"So fucking tight."
It was the only thing he said when he withdrew from me. I collapsed onto the bed, closing my eyes as I gave in to the pleasant fog that enveloped me. My pussy was soaked. I could feel it between my legs, and still buzzing slightly. I was wet between my ass, too, and knew Sax's cum was leaking out of me. I was too tired to move, and too afraid of what was going to happen now between us. I didn’t fool myself into thinking that sex with him had solved anything.
I waited for the bomb to drop.
"Don't worry, I know this didn't mean anything," Sax began in a gruff voice. "You scratched an itch, that was all."
"You're a liar," I responded calmly, hiding the hurt his words had caused me. "You could have satisfied your itch with Mitzi if that's all this was."
"I said your itch," he snorted. "And what makes you think I didn't fuck her before I came here?"
I stiffened at his cutting words, the vision of them at the bar flashing in my mind.
"You fucking walked away from us. Left me a fucking note when you ran the fuck away to have your kid."
"Her name is Ava," I growled.
"Doesn't matter. What matters is I came back with the intention of moving on without you. You gave me that right, and that's what I intend to do." He laughed and jumped off the bed. "Not going to turn down easy pussy."
What was he saying? That I was easy? As he stood glaring down at me I reached for the covers and brought them up to cover my nakedness.
"You've changed," I murmured with disappointment in my voice.
"Yeah, having the woman you love betray you will do that to a man. And you should know better, Holly. You were my old lady for a long time, long enough to know what we do to fucking traitors. But don't worry, Baby, I'm not going to kill you. Just stay out of my fucking way or suffer the consequences."
I could only lie there quietly and stare up at Sax as he muttered the hateful words in the coldest, most unfeeling voice I'd ever heard him use. The fact that he believed what he was saying tore me up inside. I'd hurt him terribly with my actions, when at the time I'd genuinely thought that I was saving him. I knew now that I’d made a mistake in believing that. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying or making it worse by reacting out of desperation. Now wasn't the time to try and make him understand why I'd done what I'd done.
That was a long way off.
Chapter 6
Sax
I wasn't proud of how I'd used Holly and then walked away, treating her no better than a club whore. My anger and confusion over what had happened to us was turning me into a man that I barely recognized, at least where she was concerned. If her attack had been the reason that she’d left, I would have given her forever to heal and come to grips with it. The rage that I’d felt when it happened had been directed at the fucking bastards and my own inability to protect her, and not at Holly.
Junior, the little fucker, had had us all fooled, and we'd never seen his betrayal coming.
Tamara, who’d been a club whore for years, had fooled us, too. She'd been the bitch who'd betrayed Holly, Raven, and Bobbie on the day they'd been kidnapped, tipping Junior off to their whereabouts. She was the reason they'd been taken from the salon by Junior's hired mercenaries.
I wished that I could kill them both all over again.
Fuck. I wished that none of it had ever happened in the first place.
Annabelle came down the stairs carrying Ava. She was cooing and smiling down at the baby as if the kid were her own. I'd noticed that about her, that she loved children, that she was good with them. I'd heard that she was with Jolene's brother, Danny, now. Apparently, Demon had him on some kind of probation and was watching closely how he treated his sister. If that was true, I doubted that they'd even fucked yet.
The club had gone through some changes while I'd been gone, nothing surprising. Demon had talked about starting up a chapter in Las Vegas when we'd picked up a huge construction contract there, and since I’d been gone he’d put that plan in place. Many of our brothers had relocated there for the work, and LD had been a shoe-in for the new chapter’s president. He could be just as ruthless and dangerous as Demon. He'd always been a scary fuck, but the edges were softer now that he had a woman.
My gaze followed Annabelle as she sat at the table where Bobbie and Raven were having breakfast. The women immediately began to do that mushy cooing shit that women did when there was a baby close by. As they passed Ava around, I caught a better glimpse of her than I had when she'd been sucking at Holly's tit the day before. She had a lot of hair and big brown eyes, and right now she had a big smile on her face as she was fussed over. I could see Holly in her pale, chubby, little face, and around her nose and mouth. But there was someone else there, too, in the eyes, something that struck a familiar cord that I couldn’t put my finger on.
I wondered which one of my brothers Ava resembled, and then quickly shook the thought away. I trusted my brothers. When had I stopped trusting Holly? Christ, I didn't like the feeling that left in my gut. I'd accused her of fucking around on me. If I hadn't been so fucking blind with hurt over her leaving me, maybe I would have been able to accept the idea that her pregnancy had been the product of rape.
But that only explained how she’d gotten pregnant, not why she’d left, and I couldn't shake the thought that something about the situation didn't add up. In all the years that we'd been together, she'd never gotten pregnant. Why now? No, there was something Holly wasn't telling me. Why the fuck was I sitting here stewing over it? Would the truth change anything?
Ava's happy squeal brought me back to the here and now. Holly was coming down the stairs, and the kid had obviously caught sight of her mother. My eyes ate Holly up, noticing again how motherhood had filled out her luscious curves. Her tits stretched the t-shirt she had on
and bounced with every step she made as she came down. Damn, she might not be mine anymore, but that didn't stop my dick from standing up and taking notice of her fine ass.
I recalled the hours before when I'd gone to her room. I'd fucked her good and hard, maybe too roughly. But she wasn’t walking like her ass was sore. Her gaze flickered to me, and I smirked when her cheeks turned pink, just like they’d done when she was younger and we'd first got together.
That's right, Baby. I reamed your ass out good and filled it with cum.
I wasn't going to apologize for that. I'd do it again if the opportunity presented itself, that's why I'd warned her to stay away from me. I knew that I couldn't keep my hands off of Holly. Seeing her again after all this time only proved how much I still wanted her.
After her initial stumble at the sight of me, she pulled herself together and reached for her daughter. The kid squealed louder, wrapping her little arms around Holly's neck and giving her an open mouthed kiss on the chin. I had to fight back a grin as Ava sucked Holly's chin into her mouth. Watching Holly's beautiful face soften with love for her daughter did something to me that I couldn't explain, and I had to look away. I was overwhelmed with feelings of loss and regret that I couldn't deal with right now.
I pushed my half-eaten breakfast away and picked up my coffee cup.
"Church, Brother," Loco announced as he continued past me without stopping.
It was then that I noticed that others were already making their way in the direction of the room where we held church. "Coming, man." I noticed Holly glance my way as I was getting up, but the second our eyes met she quickly looked away.
I hoped that she was gone by the time I came back out.
Demon was already at the head of the table when I entered church. I returned welcome home pats on the back as I made my way through the room. Cole took his spot next to Demon on one side, and Oz was seated on the other. Cole motioned for me to sit next to him. I frowned, wondering what was up. That spot was usually saved for the VP, and I realized at that moment that Demon hadn't mentioned if the club had voted in a new vice president to replace LD once he’d become president of the new Las Vegas chapter.
SAX (Desert Rebels MC Book 4) Page 4
