Beautiful Darkness

by Kami Garcia

  “Stop that.” I heard Liv's voice and felt the weight of my body slam against the ground before I regained control of it. “For goodness sake, Ridley, don't be stupid.”

  Liv and Ridley were standing face to face. Liv's arms were folded across her chest. Ridley held the lollipop between the two of them. “Settle down, Poppins. Short Straw and I are friends.”

  “It doesn't look that way to me.” Liv's voice was rising. “Don't forget, we're the ones risking our lives to save Lena.” Their faces were lit with flashes of colored light. The Arclight was going wild, pulsing color through the trees.

  “Don't get your knickers in a twist, Mate.” Ridley's eyes were steely.

  Liv's were dark. “Don't be a bloody fool. If Ethan doesn't care about Lena, then what are we doing in the middle of these godforsaken woods?”

  “Good question, Keeper. I know what I'm doing here. But if you don't care about Boyfriend, what's your excuse?” Ridley was standing inches from Liv, but Liv didn't back down.

  “What am I doing here? The Southern Star has vanished, a Cataclyst is calling a moon out of time at the mythical Great Barrier, and you're asking what I'm doing here? Are you serious?”

  “So this has nothing to do with Boyfriend?”

  “Ethan, who is, in fact, no one's boyfriend, doesn't know anything about the Caster world.” Liv wasn't rattled. “He's in over his head. He needs a Keeper.”

  “Actually, you're a Keeper-in-Training. Asking you for help is like asking a nurse to perform open-heart surgery. And according to your job description, you're not supposed to get involved. So the way I see it, you aren't a very good Keeper.” Ridley was right. There were rules, and Liv was breaking them.

  “That may be true, but I am an excellent astronomer. And without my readings, we wouldn't be able to use this map at all, or find the Great Barrier, or Lena.”

  The Arclight went cold in my hand. It was completely black again.

  “Did I miss somethin’?” Link stepped out of the bushes, zipping his fly. The girls stared at him as I pulled myself up out of the mud. “Sweet tea in the toilet. I always miss the good stuff.”

  “What —” Liv tapped on her selenometer. “Something's wrong. The dials are going crazy.”

  Beyond the trees, a crashing noise echoed through the forest. Hunting must have caught up with us. Then I had another thought, fleeting, but it didn't make me feel any less guilty.

  Maybe it was someone else, someone who didn't like us following her. Someone who could control things in the natural world.

  “Go!”

  The crashing grew louder. Without warning, the trees on either side collapsed in front of me. I backed away. The last time trees had fallen in front of me, it hadn't been an accident.

  Lena! Is that you?

  A few feet around us, great moss-covered oaks and white pines ripped up out of the mud, roots and all, crashing back to the ground.

  Lena, don't!

  Link stumbled toward Ridley. “Unwrap a sucker, Babe.”

  “I told you not to call me Babe.”

  For the first time in hours, I could see the sky. Only now it was dark. The black clouds of Caster magic had rolled in over us. Then I felt something, from far away.

  More like, I heard something.

  Lena.

  Ethan, run!

  It was her voice, the voice that had been silent for so long. But if Lena was telling me to run, who was tearing the trees out of the ground?

  L, what's happening?

  I couldn't hear her answer. There was only darkness, those Caster clouds rushing at us like they were chasing us. Until I saw the clouds for what they were.

  “Look out!” I pulled Liv backward and pushed Link toward Ridley just in time. We fell into the brush as a shower of broken pines came falling from the sky like rain. The branches flattened into a great pile exactly where we had been standing. Dust stung my eyes, and I couldn't see anything. The dirt caught in my throat as I coughed.

  Lena's voice was gone, but I heard something else. A humming sound, as if we'd stumbled across the hive of a thousand bees, all looking to kill for their queen.

  The dust was so thick, I could barely make out the shapes around me. Liv was lying next to me, bleeding above one eye. Ridley was whimpering, huddled around Link, who was pinned by a massive tree branch. “Wake up, Shrinky Dink. Wake up.”

  As I crawled toward them, Ridley shrank back. The look on her face was pure terror. Only she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at something behind me.

  The humming sound grew louder. I felt the burning cold of Caster darkness on the back of my neck. When I turned around, the massive pile of pine needles that had almost buried us had formed some kind of bonfire. The pyramid of needles created a pyre, a giant burning platform pointing up into the black clouds. But the flames weren't red, and they didn't produce heat. They were as yellow as Ridley's eyes, and they emitted only cold, sorrow, and fear.

  Ridley's whimpering grew louder. “She's here.”

  I looked up as a stone slab emerged from the hissing yellow flames of the pyre. A woman lay on top of the rock. She looked almost peaceful, like a dead saint about to be carried through the streets. But she was no saint.

  Sarafine.

  Her eyes jerked open, and her lips curved into a cold smile. She stretched, like a cat waking from a nap, then rose to stand on the stone. From down below where we stood, she might as well have been fifty feet tall.

  “Were you expecting someone else, Ethan? I can understand the confusion. You know what they say. Like mother, like daughter. In this case, more and more every day now.”

  My heart was pounding. I could see Sarafine's red lips, her long black hair. I turned away. I didn't want to see her face, the face that looked so much like Lena's. “Get away from me, witch.”

  Ridley was still crying, huddled next to Link, rocking back and forth like a madwoman.

  Lena? Can you hear me?

  Sarafine's haunting voice rose over the flames, and she was there again, standing at the top of the fire. “I'm not here for you, Ethan. I'll leave you for my darling daughter. She's grown up so much this year, hasn't she? There's nothing like watching your child reach her full potential. Really makes a mother proud.”

  I watched the flames crawl up her legs. “You're wrong. Lena's not like you.”

  “I think I've heard that somewhere before — on Lena's birthday, perhaps. Except then you believed it, and now you're lying. You know you've lost her. She can't change what was meant to be.”

  The flames were at her waist. She had the perfect features of the Duchannes women, but they seemed disfigured on Sarafine. “Maybe Lena can't change it, but I can. I'll do whatever I have to do to protect her.”

  Sarafine smiled, and I cringed. Her smile was so much like Lena's, or how Lena's smile seemed lately. As the flames moved up her chest, she disappeared.

  “So strong and so much like your mother. Her last words were something like that. Or were they?” I heard a whisper in my ear. “You see, I've forgotten, because it didn't matter.”

  I froze. Sarafine was standing right next to me now, still wreathed in flames. I knew it wasn't an earthly fire, though, because the closer she came, the colder I felt.

  “Your mother didn't matter. Her death was neither noble nor important. It was simply something I felt like doing at the time. It meant nothing.” The flames rose to her neck and leaped up, consuming her body. “Just like you.”

  I reached for her throat. I wanted to tear it out. But my hand slipped through her, into the air. There was nothing there. She was an apparition. I wanted to kill her and I couldn't even touch her.

  Sarafine laughed. “You think I would waste my time coming here in the flesh, Mortal?” She turned to Ridley, who was still rocking, with her hands clamped over her mouth. “Amusing, don't you think, Ridley?” Sarafine raised her hand and flung open her fingers.

  Ridley rose to her feet, her hands clinging to her own throat. I watched as the s
pikes of Ridley's sandals rose, hovering above the ground as her face turned purple and she choked herself. Her blond hair hung down from her body, like a lifeless doll.

  Sarafine's ghostly form dissolved into Ridley's body. Ridley glowed with yellow light — her skin, her hair, her eyes. The light was so bright, she had no pupils at all. Even in the darkness of the forest, I had to shield my face. Ridley's head jerked up, like a marionette's, and she started to speak.

  “My power is growing, and soon the Seventeenth Moon will be upon us, called out of time, as only a mother can. I decide when the sun sets. I have moved stars for my child, and she will Claim herself and join me. Only my daughter could block out the Sixteenth Moon, and only I can raise the Seventeenth. There are no others like us, not in either of our worlds. We are the beginning and the end.” Ridley's body collapsed back onto the ground, like an empty sack.

  The Arclight was burning in my pocket. I hoped Sarafine couldn't sense it. I remembered the flashing — the Arclight tried to warn me. I should have paid attention.

  “You betrayed us, Ridley. You're a traitor. The Father is not as forgiving as I am.” The Father. Sarafine could only be talking about one person — the father of the Ravenwood line of Blood Incubuses, the father who started it all. Abraham.

  Sarafine's voice echoed over the sound of the flames. “You will be judged, but I will not deny him the pleasure. You were my responsibility, and now you're my shame. I think it's only fitting that I leave you with a parting gift.” She raised her arms high above her head. “Since you are so intent on helping these Mortals, from this moment forward you will live as a Mortal and die as one. Your powers have been returned to the Dark Fire from which they were born.”

  Ridley bolted upright and screamed, her pain echoing through the forest. Then it was gone — the fallen trees, the fire, Sarafine — everything. The forest was just as it had been a few minutes before. Green and dark, full of pines and oaks and black mud. Every tree, every branch, was back in place, as if nothing had happened.

  Liv was pouring water from a plastic bottle into Ridley's mouth. Liv's face was still muddy and bleeding, but she seemed okay. Ridley, on the other hand, was as white as a ghost.

  “That was incredibly powerful magic. An apparition able to possess a Dark Caster.” Liv shook her head. I touched the blood above her eye, and she winced. “And Cast at the same time, if what she said about Ridley's powers is true.” I looked at Ridley doubtfully. It was hard to imagine Ridley without her Power of Persuasion. “In any event, Ridley won't be quite right, not for some time.” Liv doused part of her sweatshirt with water and wiped Ridley's face. “I didn't realize the chance she was taking by coming here. She must really care about all of you.”

  “Not all of us,” I said, trying to help Liv prop Ridley up. Ridley coughed out the water and pulled her hand across her mouth, smearing her pink lipstick. She looked like a cheerleader who had been dunked at the school fair one too many times. She tried to speak. “Link. Is he …?”

  I was kneeling next to him. The tree limb that had fallen on him had disappeared, but Link was still moaning in pain. It seemed impossible that he was hurt, that any of us were, since there was no sign of what had happened here — no fallen trees, not a twig out of place. But Link's arm was purple and about twice its normal size, and his pants were ripped.

  “Ridley?” Link opened his eyes.

  “She's fine. We're all fine.” I ripped open his pant leg even more. His knee was bleeding.

  Link tried to laugh. “What're you lookin’ at?”

  “Your ugly face.” I leaned over him, watching to see if his eyes could focus. He was going to be okay.

  “You're not gonna kiss me, are you?”

  Right then, I was so relieved I almost could have.

  “Pucker up.”

  6.19

  No One Special

  That night, we slept in the forest between the roots of an enormous tree, the biggest I'd ever seen. Link's knee was bandaged in my spare T-shirt, and his arm was in a sling made from part of my Jackson sweatshirt. Ridley lay on the opposite side of the tree with her eyes wide open, staring up at the sky. I wondered if she was staring at the Mortal sky now. She looked exhausted, but I didn't think she was going to get any sleep.

  I wondered what she was thinking, if she regretted helping us. Had Ridley really lost her powers?

  How would it feel to be Mortal when you had always been something else, something more? When you had never felt the “powerlessness of human existence,” as Mrs. English had said in class last year. She had been talking about H. G. Wells’ The Invisible Man, but right now Ridley seemed just as invisible.

  Could you be happy if you woke up and suddenly you were no one special?

  Could Lena? Is that what life with me would feel like? Hadn't Lena suffered enough for me already?

  Like Ridley, I couldn't fall asleep, but I didn't want to stare at the sky. I wanted to see what was in Lena's notebook. A part of me knew it was an invasion of her privacy, but I also knew there might be something in those crumpled pages that could help us. After about an hour, I convinced myself reading her notebook was for the greater good, and I opened it.

  At first it was hard to read, since my cell phone was my only light source. After my eyes adjusted, Lena's handwriting stared back at me from between the blue lines. I had seen the familiar print often enough in the months since her birthday, but I didn't think I would ever get used to it. It was such a sharp contrast to the girly script she wrote in before that night. It surprised me even more to see actual writing, after so many months of headstone photographs and black designs. Dark Caster designs, like the ones on her hands, were scribbled in the margins. But the first few entries were dated only days after Macon's death, when she was still writing.

  emptycrowded daynights / all the same (more or less) fear (less and more) afraid / waiting for truth to strangle me in my sleep / if i ever slept

  Fear (less and more) afraid. I understood the words, because that's how she had acted. Fearless and more afraid. Like she had nothing to lose but was afraid to lose it.

  I flipped ahead and stopped when a date caught my eye. June 12th. The last day of school.

  darkness hides and i think i can hold her / smother her in the palm of my hand / but when i look my hands are empty / quiet as her fingers fold around me

  I read it over and over. She was describing the day at the lake, the day she had taken things too far. The day she could have killed me. Who was the “her”? Sarafine?

  How long had she been fighting it? When did it start? The night Macon died? When she started wearing his clothes?

  I knew I should close the notebook, but I couldn't. Reading her words was almost like hearing her thoughts again. I hadn't known them in such a long time, and I wanted to so badly. I turned each page, looking for the days that haunted me.

  Like the day of the fair —

  mortal hearts and mortal fears / something they can share i untie him like a sparrow

  Freedom — that's what sparrows meant to a Caster.

  All along I thought she was trying to be free from me, but really she was trying to set me free. As if loving her was a cage I couldn't escape.

  I closed the notebook. It hurt too much to read it, especially when Lena was so far away, in all the ways that mattered.

  A few feet away, Ridley was still staring blankly into the Mortal stars. For the first time, we saw the same sky.

  Liv was wedged between two roots, with me on one side and Link on the other. After I found out the truth about what happened on Lena's birthday, I guess I expected my feelings for Liv to disappear. But even now I found myself wondering. If things were different, if I had never met Lena, if I had never met Liv …

  I spent the next few hours watching Liv. When she slept, she looked peaceful, beautiful. Not Lena's kind of beautiful, something different. She looked content — like a sunny day, a cold glass of milk, an unopened book before you cracked the binding. There was
nothing tortured about her. She looked the way I wanted to feel.

  Mortal. Hopeful. Alive.

  When I finally drifted off, I felt that way, just for a minute….

  Lena was shaking me. “Wake up, Sleepyhead. We have to talk.” I smiled and pulled her into my arms. I tried to kiss her, but she laughed and ducked away. “This isn't that kind of a dream.”

  I sat up and looked around. We were in Macon's bed in the Tunnels. “All my dreams are that kind of dream, L. I'm almost seventeen.”

  “This is my dream, not yours. And I've only been sixteen for four months.”

  “Won't Macon be mad if we're here?”

  “Macon's dead, don't you remember? You must really be asleep.” She was right. I had forgotten everything, and now it all came crashing back. Macon was gone. The trade.

  And Lena had left me, only she hadn't. She was here.

  “So this is a dream?” I was trying to keep my stomach from twisting with loss, the guilt of everything I'd done, everything I owed her.

  Lena nodded.

  “Am I dreaming you, or are you dreaming me?”

  “Does it ever make a difference, when it comes to us?” She was avoiding the question.

  I tried again. “When I wake up, will you be gone?”

  “Yes. But I had to see you. This was the only way for us to really talk.” She was wearing a white T-shirt, one of my oldest, softest ones. She looked tousled and beautiful, in the way I loved best, when she thought she looked the worst.

  I put my hands around her waist and pulled her close. “L, I saw my mom. She told me about Macon. I think she loved him.”

  “They loved each other. I've seen the visions, too.” So our connection was still there. I felt a wave of relief.

  “They were like us, Lena.”

  “And they couldn't be together. Like us.”

  It was a dream, I was sure of it. Because we could speak these terrible truths with a strange remove, as if they were happening to other people. She rested her head on my chest, picking mud off my shirt with her fingers. How had my shirt gotten so muddy? I tried to remember but couldn't.