My Secret Daddy (Daddy Knows Best Book 1)

by Kelly Myers

  Every limb in my body was exhausted, and a soft tingling sensation of satisfaction settled into my muscles.

  I reached down and pulled the blanket over us.

  “Don’t leave this time,” William murmured into my neck.

  “I won’t,” I said. “I promise.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  William

  The sun was different in the countryside. It cheerfully sent its rays through the window to light up a sleeping Olivia with a yellow glow.

  Or maybe it was her. She made everything brighter and better.

  And she was there, right by my side as I woke up.

  The night before had been intense. I didn’t know what had come over me when I made her beg and call me daddy, but I didn’t care how devious it was, it had felt too good. She had liked it too, I knew it.

  We had something special between us. A mutual understanding. If only I could make her see that it was worth it. Our differences might have made it difficult, but the joy we took in each other’s bodies could be worth it all.

  I knew I was being irrational and asking her to be so as well, but when I was with her, I couldn’t think about long-term plans or commitment concerns. I could only think of her.

  After the night we had shared, one thing was clear: I was incapable of resisting my attraction to her. I would do anything to get to her, and I would certainly do anything to get her away from other men.

  I didn’t know if she was something I needed to get out of my system or if she was my soul mate. I just knew I had to continue seeing her to find out.

  When Olivia woke up, I was already in her kitchen, cooking her a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

  She padded into the kitchen clad in sweatpants and a cropped t-shirt that revealed just a sliver of her stomach. I instantly wanted to take her straight back to the bed.

  Instead I handed her a plate.

  “I didn’t run away,” she said.

  I snorted.

  “Good,” I said. “Neither did I.”

  She cocked her head at me as I sat across from her at her small table.

  “What?” I asked.

  “It’s just interesting seeing you here,” she said. “I’m so used to being alone, I always found it hard to picture other people in my space.”

  “Is it bad?”

  “No,” she said. “I like it.”

  We ate together in a peaceful quiet, and then I took a deep breath. I had to make a declaration.

  “Olivia, I care about you,” I said. “And I want to keep seeing you, and I think you want to keep seeing me.”

  I paused to give her time to answer.

  “I do,” she said. “But-”

  I covered her hand with my own to cut her off.

  “Please let me finish,” I said.

  Olivia nodded.

  “I want you to be mine and mine alone,” I said. “I will do everything I can to not hurt you, and you can walk away whenever you want. The thing is, I don’t think you want to walk away right now. So, I think we should give this a shot.”

  “It won’t work,” she whispered.

  But she was already coming around to the idea, I could tell.

  “We won’t know that unless we try,” I said.

  Olivia allowed herself a small smile.

  “This isn’t fair,” she said. “You’re a lawyer.”

  I leaned forward and brushed a kiss on her lips. I was a lawyer, and this was one case I was determined to win, no matter what tactics I had to resort to.

  “Let’s give this a try,” I said.

  Olivia made a small humming sound and leaned into my kiss.

  “Ok,” she replied.

  We spent the entire weekend at her place. We went for a few walks outside, and we cooked meals together, and we spent hours talking.

  But mostly we spent the time in Olivia’s bed. I wanted to teach Olivia everything, and she was an avid learner. The lovemaking was wonderful, but just as good were the long lazy half hours we spent curled up in each other’s arms.

  I had never been like this with any woman. I had never relished just the smell or feel of someone. With past relationships, things had been transactional. We had each gotten what we needed in a simple exchange.

  With Olivia there was fun and enjoyment and true care.

  When I headed back to the city, there was still a lot unsaid and some lingering tension. Olivia still had that sad look in her eyes which told me that somewhere in the back of her head she was wondering how long this could possibly last.

  I told her I would drive back up to Connecticut the next day, and then take her back to the city when I could. Olivia nodded. For now, that was enough. At some point, it wouldn’t be, but for now I had her.

  I just didn’t know what I was going to do when Olivia decided it wasn’t enough for her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Olivia

  The weeks passed in a blur of movement between the city and Connecticut. William showed me things I had never imagined. Not just sexual things (although there was plenty of that). He showed me how nice it could be to just talk with someone who knew you well over breakfast. He showed me how wonderful it was to wake up from a bad dream with strong arms around you. He showed me what it was to hold someone’s attention and not just be an afterthought or an obligation.

  Soon, August had faded into September, and summer was in its death throes.

  I wondered what the autumn would bring. I was happy with William, really and truly happy.

  And yet I couldn’t forget what my long-term desires were.

  I would have had to be stupid to miss the red flags. He still hadn’t made any plans with me beyond a week in advance. We didn’t go out in public much either. We’d shared a few meals at restaurants, but that was it. He hadn’t introduced me to his friends. I hadn’t introduced him to mine either, but that was because I didn’t even know where I would begin. He was visibly so much older than I was. Also, I didn’t have many friends.

  I was scared to confront him on any of this. I was scared that he would once again say what I feared: that he didn’t know if we had a future. I was also scared that he would say maybe we did. Because I knew that the deeper I got in with William, the more painful it would be if it would end.

  As I rode the train back to Connecticut after spending yet another weekend with William, I wondered why it was my instinct to consider how a relationship would end before it even began.

  It stemmed from my parents’ divorce.

  It had been messy. I remembered during one particular fight, my mother had screamed at my father that she knew the marriage had been doomed from the start. She knew he had never made his previous marriages work, and she was an idiot to commit to him, or think this time would be different.

  I knew that William was not my father. He had never married before, perhaps because he knew in his heart that he wasn’t meant for the institution. He was self-aware. He had also built an entire career around the business of divorce. He didn’t want marriage. He knew it was a mess. If he had wanted it, he would have married long ago, he certainly had his options.

  I looked out the window.

  It would be good to have a day or two away from him. Just to sort everything out.

  I felt like our days were numbered.

  The train came to a stop and caused my stomach to give a queasy lurch.

  I placed my hand on my stomach and frowned. I didn’t usually get motion sickness.

  The train started moving again, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I needed to get to the bathroom.

  I stood up and gripped the backs of seats as I walked down the aisle to the bathroom.

  Throwing up in a moving train’s toilet was one of the least enjoyable experiences of my life.

  Even worse was when it was all over, and I had to consider a few things.

  I sat on the grody floor of the bathroom and did the math. I didn’t know if I was just a week or two weeks late. I had never been good at t
racking my period, and it had never been regular anyway.

  But it definitely wasn’t here. And it definitely should have arrived at least a week ago.

  I was an idiot. Yes, I had been a virgin, but I still knew about protection. I had never gone on the pill because my mother would have had a hernia if I had asked her to take me to Planned Parenthood, but I knew about condoms.

  I frowned. William knew about condoms too. He was older than me, he should have put one on.

  How could a man who was so responsible in all other things fall so short in this?

  Then again, I had never asked. I had been so caught up in the moment that I hadn’t bothered to ask him to find a condom. Everyone knew it was the girl’s job to ask. It wasn’t fair, but it was the truth.

  I clutched my stomach. The twisted part was this was what I had wanted. This whole time with William, I had known we were doomed because he would never start a family with me. We would never have the children I wanted at some point. I’d known I would have to go find someone else for all that.

  The universe had a sick sense of humor.

  I made my way back to my seat in shock. I still couldn’t be certain. I would have to wait another hour until I could get off the train, buy a pregnancy test and take it in the privacy of my home.

  Maybe this was all a fluke. I was jumping to conclusions. My period was just late, that was it. And my stomach was upset because of the sushi William had ordered the night before. Maybe it was just bad sushi.

  Although that wasn’t very likely. William had ordered from one of the finest sushi places in the city.

  I would have to tell him. My whole body cringed just at the thought.

  He would think I had done it on purpose. He would never look at me in the same way.

  He wouldn’t want it. He would do the right thing and offer to pay for it and all that, but he wouldn’t actually want it, and that was the most painful part of the entire wretched situation.

  I wouldn’t let him do that to me. I resolved right then and there that since William wanted no part of raising a family, he would play no part. I would do this on my own. It wasn’t the way I had envisioned it, but I would figure it out.

  By the time I was back in my own bathroom, holding the little stick, I had made an entire plan.

  First I would tell my mother. That would be unpleasant, so I had to get that out of the way as soon as possible. Then I would tell William that I had a lot on my plate this week. Might as well start the distancing right away.

  Then, once I had worked out a more concrete plan for raising a child, I would tell William, but I would do it by email. I couldn’t bear to look at his face when I broke the news. I would lay out all my plans in the email, and I would let him completely off the hook.

  I would explain that I knew he would be willing to help, but I didn’t want that. I couldn’t give my child a half-hearted parent.

  I waited the two minutes, and then glanced at the stick perfunctorily.

  It was positive. Just as I had known.

  The perfect life with the perfect family was gone. The fantasy life with William was gone.

  A whole new life was rising from the ashes.

  Chapter Sixteen

  William

  Something was wrong with Olivia. I could tell something was wrong from a mere text. And I could even pinpoint the moment (or narrow it down to a few hours) that something had gone wrong.

  When she had left my apartment that morning, she’d been fine. She looked bright-eyed and energetic as she sat across from me at the breakfast table, clad in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. She made simple clothes look so very good.

  She had pulled her hair into a ponytail and gave me a quick kiss as she breezed out the door.

  Nothing had been amiss, other than my usual feeling that it was beginning to look like I could not live without her. That I was going to have to tell her soon that I wanted a future with her. The feeling had been growing for a while. I knew it would be difficult with our age difference, but all the obstacles seemed so trivial compared to a lifetime with her by my side.

  I wanted to tell her in a special way. I wanted to see her face light up when she realized she would never have to give me up to pursue her dreams of a family. I wanted to be the reason all the residual sadness was banished from her eyes.

  Then she had texted me when she got on the train: Caught the 8:05, see you tomorrow!

  Nothing wrong there either. I’d texted back a response that I already missed her. Cheesy, but true.

  She hadn’t texted me for several hours. This was not out of the norm. She rarely had her phone on her when she was at work, especially if she was out in the fields weeding or planting.

  But as the afternoon wore on, I began to worry, just a bit. I texted her asking how her day was. She responded right away: It’s good. I actually might not be able to come down tomorrow, something came up at the farm.

  That was when I knew. Olivia loved talking about the farm. She never just said “something came up.” She always provided details and specifics. I let it go and texted that I could drive up to her. She responded in seconds: No, don’t bother, I’ll be at the farm all day and into the evening.

  So then I knew something was off. And it had gone wrong between the hours of nine and four. I felt like a homicide detective trying to solve a murder, but anything that upset Olivia was a crime as far as I was concerned.

  I gave her the space though. If she wanted some time to herself, that was fine. I called her once in the evening, but she didn’t pick up. She texted saying she was really tired.

  A week ago, we had talked on the phone for ten minutes while she fell asleep after a long day of work. She hadn’t ignored my call then.

  I didn’t push her though. I texted her to have a good night and I caught up on some work.

  My biggest fear was that I would wake up to no message from Olivia. That would be truly freezing me out.

  It was worse than that. I woke up to a text from her saying she didn’t think she could see me at all for the entire week.

  I lost my patience. What was she playing at? Olivia knew that I knew her too well for this nonsense. She was hiding something from me.

  I decided it was time to call a spade a spade. I composed a text and sent it: I get the feeling something is wrong, please can you talk to me?

  I hated texting. Life had been fine before cell phones, I was adamant on this. Yes, they made some things more convenient, but when it came to relationships, they only got in the way.

  Olivia’s response was disheartening: I’m sorry, I just need space. I’ll explain everything soon. Please understand.

  I growled and tossed my phone to the side. I could never deny her anything when she said please.

  I would give her space. I would give her exactly a day. Then I would go find her and fix everything.

  Olivia was going to have to learn that my place was by her side. When something was wrong, I was always going to help her. She didn’t trust me to be that for her, not yet. But she would.

  I would let her have a day, and in the meantime, I would run through every ghastly possibility. I was desperate to know who or what had distressed my girl.

  I knew in that moment that I wanted to help Olivia face any challenge for the rest of my life.

  It was time for Olivia to know that too.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Olivia

  My mother’s house made me feel like I was about thirteen again. As soon I stepped over the threshold, I was scrawny and awkward and had bad skin and no friends.

  “Olivia,” my mother said as she stepped forward from the kitchen and gave me a brisk hug.

  She was only about twenty minutes away, over the New York border, but I didn’t visit often. And I never visited spur of the moment like this.

  But it was time. I had fended off William with a request for space, but I didn’t think that would hold him back for long. So I needed to sort out my mother and get to work on my pla
nning.

  “Hi, Mom,” I said.

  She led me into the kitchen where she was cooking dinner. I leaned against the counter and glanced at the worn wooden table.

  This place hadn’t changed. How many times have I sat and done my homework right there at that table while my mom cooked?

  I looked at my mother as she stirred the pot of pasta sauce. She hadn’t changed much either. Her hair was still scraped back into a tight no-nonsense bun, and she still had that cross dangling from her neck. She always said she should have known better than to marry a man who wasn’t Christian.

  I didn’t really think it was a religious thing. I just thought my dad had kind of been a jerk. I knew it wasn’t right to think such things about my parents, especially if he was dead, but I couldn’t help it.

  My mother wasn’t a jerk. She was withholding and strict and slightly bitter, but she usually meant well.

  That didn’t make the conversation any easier.

  “How are things?” she asked. “How’s that farmstand or whatever?”

  She had undisguised disdain for my job. She was always lamenting how with my college education, I could work at a real job with a real office.

  “It’s fine,” I said.

  I took a deep breath. After I told her what I had to say, she was going to wish the farm was the only bad decision I had made.

  “Mom, I have to tell you something,” I said.

  She looked up. My mom was no idiot. Her eyes had sharpened at the tone of my voice. She glared at me as if to say: “Silly girl, what did you do now?”

  “Mom,” I said. “I’m pregnant.”

  For a second, she went absolutely still. I actually got nervous that she was going to faint.

  Then her face crumbled into a look of agony.

  “You whore,” she said.

  “Mom, please,” I said. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I’m going to take responsibility for this.”