The Healer’s Mantle

by Leigh Roberts

  Everyone was exhausted. Urilla Wuti stayed with Adia and the offspring until she was confident both were latched and nursing. Finally, happy that everyone would be alright for a few hours, Urilla Wuti announced she was going back to her quarters. Acaraho had arranged living quarters for her attendants, but the male attendant offered to stay and help him keep watch, for which Acaraho thanked him.

  * * *

  With that, Nadiwani lay down on her sleeping mat, and Acaraho stretched out in front of the stone door. Nadiwani knew no one could get through with Acaraho inside and Urilla Wuti’s attendant outside.

  Before she drifted off, she remembered watching Adia and Acaraho in the delivery room. They were becoming so comfortable with physical contact that her concerns took another giant step forward.

  * * *

  Acaraho woke first and sat up, propping himself against the cold stone wall. He did not want to disturb the others, and especially not Adia. He could not imagine how she was feeling, having to give up two offspring when she was not supposed to have even one. However she had decided which to keep, he supported it.

  No one was happy about Hakani claiming the offspring. And it was unclear what the protocol would be if there were two offspring. That had never happened before. It was uncomfortable enough that Hakani was getting one.

  Acaraho had no intention of letting the situation go on forever, though. He, as well as Kachina, would be vigilant in keeping watch for the first sign of danger or concern, and he would do anything he could to void Hakani’s claim on the offspring.

  Nadiwani stirred next, getting up to check on Adia and the offspring before she did anything else. All three were asleep.

  After checking on Adia, she came over and sat down next to Acaraho. She used Handspeak, so as not to disturb Adia and the offspring. “This is a twist, is it not?” she asked, knowing it was a rhetorical question.

  “It never occurred to me,” he replied, but then thought it should have, because Adia was carrying a lot of weight toward the end. Acaraho realized he was losing his objectivity toward her. He was letting his feelings cloud his thinking, and that was dangerous—for both of them.

  “I do not know how she is bearing up through this. Her heart must be breaking. She has suffered so much already,” said Nadiwani quietly, looking over at her sleeping friend.

  “She is very strong, Nadiwani. I have never met anyone like her,” he said, dropping his guard with the Helper. She and Adia were becoming the family he did not have.

  “I do not want to see her hurt any more than she already has been,” said Nadiwani, and looked up at Acaraho before continuing.

  Taking a deep breath, she said, “The path you are on, the path you two are on, leads to nowhere but heartache. You must know that. Are you prepared to live a lifetime of denial, constantly fighting your feelings for each other? Leading half-lives, satisfied alone with your dreams at night?”

  Acaraho looked down at Nadiwani as she sat next to him. What she said was no surprise to him, and he was relieved to have someone to talk to about it. He was not sure what to say, though. He had the same self-recriminations and struggled with them daily.

  “I do not know what to tell you, Nadiwani. I am not sure how this all really happened. But I struggle with it daily, just as you have said. I do not know what the solution is. I know we can never be together, but I do not know how to be apart, either. Somehow, we will both have to find the line between what we can live with and what we can live without. To pull out of her life now, out of your lives, is not an option for me. I would rather suffer by not having everything I want than suffer by having none of it,” he added gently.

  “I do promise you this, though, Nadiwani. If the time ever comes that Adia wants me out of her life, I do not know how, but I will find the strength to do it. The last thing I want is to cause her any more pain.”

  Nadiwani nodded. It has gone too far. They are in too deep. She knew it had not been intentional; they had not set out to find themselves in this position. At least they are not alone any longer. And perhaps having a limited place in each other’s lives is better than having no place at all, as Acaraho says.

  She could see Acaraho’s feelings for Adia were genuine. She did not know what she would do in their position. She did not know if she would have the strength to keep to that line; to deny their longing for each other for the rest of their lives.

  Healers had ways to deal with their physical needs, but this was far past that. There were no herbs or tinctures able to help once the heart was involved.

  * * *

  Their conversation was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Acaraho and Nadiwani both rose, and Acaraho opened the door as slowly and quietly as possible. He stepped into the corridor.

  Within a few moments, he came back in. The attendant had gone to check on Urilla Wuti and then to rest for a while himself.

  “Nadiwani, how long will it be before Urilla Wuti leaves with the girl?”

  He knew it would be unspeakably hard on Adia, but he also knew the longer her daughter was there, the greater was the chance of detection. They were lucky that the two offspring looked identical. And with the same wrappings, it made it impossible to tell them apart. Acaraho considered that for a moment. How had Urilla Wuti known to prepare two sets of identical wrappings? Or two at all?

  “It will be several weeks, because they should both be feeding from their mother as long as possible,” explained Nadiwani.

  Acaraho was confident that Urilla Wuti had a plan and had already thought this through. She had said the offspring would be raised with someone in another community. As hard as it would be, Acaraho had to convince Adia that once she handed the female offspring over to Urilla Wuti, she must do her best to put her daughter out of her mind. To continue to ask about her would be to risk exposing her existence.

  Eventually, Adia awoke and immediately reached out to check on her offspring. They were beautiful lying there, seemingly content in their warm wrappings. Seeing that she was awake, Acaraho moved swiftly to her side and asked if she was alright. Adia signed back that she was. He told her he was going to go and check on the guard duties and would be back later in the day, and if she needed anything to send word through Awan, who should be back at his post by now.

  What Acaraho needed was sleep, but that was not going to happen for a while. And he needed time to think without all the emotions clouding his thought processes. He wondered how Khon’Tor and Hakani had received the news. He knew the longer Adia had the boy, the harder it would be to give him up. To give up either of them.

  * * *

  Acaraho went to the general eating area, realizing only a few of them knew Adia had delivered her offspring. He also remembered Khon’Tor had never announced that Hakani would be raising the offspring. He assumed the Leader was going through with it, though he believed Khon’Tor wanted no part of it. And Khon’Tor really had no choice—there was no jurisdiction to overrule Hakani’s claim on the offspring. Like Adia, Acaraho feared this was the worst solution possible, and as hard as change was for the People, he believed this was one of the protocols that must be re-examined.

  Khon’Tor was sitting at one of the far tables when Acaraho arrived. Knowing it would be expected, he went across to greet the Leader who was finishing up.

  “Congratulations on the birth of a son,” said Acaraho as he sat down next to Khon’Tor, straddling the bench to face him.

  Khon’Tor caught his breath. His heart stopped cold.

  “Well, you know what I mean. Figuratively speaking that is, as the offspring will be yours to raise,” Acaraho clarified.

  He had been waiting for just the reaction Khon’Tor had given him. He did not care that he was tormenting the Leader. Considering what Adia was being put through, Acaraho felt he deserved a jolt at the very least.

  Khon’Tor shook it off. “Yes, thank you. Hakani is certainly pleased,” he said. “How did the delivery go?”

  “I was not in the room, obviously, but t
here were no complications. The offspring is doing well,” answered Acaraho. “Mostly he and Adia need quiet for the time being,” he added, paving the way for what he was going to say next.

  “Khon’Tor, I know you can understand this is a terrible time for Adia. As males, I do not think that either of us can comprehend the extent of it. And Hakani and Adia have had their share of problems between them. That makes it doubly difficult,” he explained.

  “Believe me, Acaraho. If I could set aside her claim to the offspring, I would,” said Khon’Tor in a rare moment of self-disclosure.

  “I am saying I believe it would be best if you held off announcing the transfer until it is time for it to happen. From what I understand, it will be a few weeks. And I’m also asking that you give Adia as much privacy as possible in the meantime,” he said.

  “I understand. I have no problem with that,” Khon’Tor replied.

  “I do not know precisely how long Urilla Wuti will be staying, either. When I know something, I will tell you,” Acaraho said as he got up to leave.

  As he was about to walk away, Khon’Tor interrupted him. “Acaraho,” he said, “I need you to return to your regular duties, but I understand you have become protective of the Healer and probably wish to maintain as much contact with her as possible,” he said.

  It was more of an acknowledgment than a question. Acaraho nodded and left. Khon’Tor’s charity toward Adia and her circle told him that the Leader felt he had won on every front and was interested in keeping the peace.

  What Acaraho did not know was that Khon’Tor was very happy to have him continue his close involvement with Adia. The Leader knew that members of the community had noticed the unusual relationship and were concluding that Acaraho was the unnamed father of Adia’s offspring. Khon’Tor’s jealousy of Acaraho was growing, and he was glad to support anything that could besmirch Acaraho’s character.

  The Leader knew there would be a backlash of emotion, so there was no rush on his part to let the People know that Adia would have to surrender her offspring.

  However, he would soon have to allow Hakani some freedom during the day. She had to prepare the room and gather supplies for the offspring. For now, meals were being brought to her under the auspices that she was too depressed after her miscarriage to rejoin the community.

  * * *

  A few weeks passed. Both offspring flourished. Access to Adia’s quarters was restricted to Nadiwani, Urilla Wuti, the midwife, and Acaraho. Even Mapiya, who was caring for Oh’Dar throughout this, was not allowed to visit. They could not take a chance on anyone else knowing there were two offspring.

  Urilla Wuti had kept her two attendants at Kthama; the midwife was still helping with the care of the offspring, and the second attendant was doing guard duty with Acaraho.

  * * *

  Nadiwani had selected Keeping Stones for each of Adia’s offspring and she set them back down in their secret place in the Healer’s Quarters. She had started the Keeping Stones when the twins were born—the record of the number of days and significant events that each of the People kept. To avoid anyone discovering that there were two of everything, she had picked identical stones. The female would be going with Urilla Wuti, and until that point, the markings would be the same for each. She took care to make each strike identical to the one on the other stone, feeling that somehow this honored the tie between them of which neither would ever know.

  Though she was currently recording each day, after the first full year larger stones would be selected and the marks would decrease in frequency. It was not proper to use the mother’s line, but she went ahead and put Adia’s family mark on the male’s stone anyway. However, she did not know what to put for the female offspring’s mark. She could not use Adia’s, as that could trace her back to her birth mother. So the mark of the bloodline would be conspicuously absent on her stone.

  Urilla Wuti urged Adia to refrain from naming the girl, cautioning her that it would be hard enough to give her up as it was. Adia had named the boy Nootau. Even though she would have to give him up, as his mother she still had the right to name him. And despite Urilla Wuti’s warning, she had secretly named the girl Nimida.

  Urilla Wuti continued to work with Adia. She connected with her at deeper and deeper levels, stretching her capacity to withstand the Connection. Since they knew they would soon be separated, they experimented with communicating images of symbols between them, each of which represented agreed-upon messages or questions.

  Urilla Wuti taught Adia about the different types of Connection. For example, how one could push visual and emotional messages without touching the recipient.

  As time got close to when the offspring would be taken from Adia, Urilla Wuti knew she needed to help ease Adia’s fears. She decided to do something she had never done before. She would establish a Connection between the mother and her offspring, with herself as the conduit.

  One morning when she thought the time was right, Urilla Wuti approached Adia. She opened every important conversation or Connection with Adia by sitting across from her, holding her hands and sustaining eye contact. This was the signal for both to clear their minds of everything but what was happening between them at that moment.

  Adia was curious because this was not a scheduled session.

  Looking at her with kind eyes, the older Healer explained. “The time is close. You know it is. No one knows better than I, even without our Connection, how difficult this is for you. If I could make it easier, or make it go away, I would. But I have an idea that I think will ease your mind to some extent as time increases the distance between you and Nootau and Nimida.”

  Adia looked away briefly, ashamed that Urilla Wuti knew she had named her daughter; but, of course, she would know, through their Connection sessions. At the deepening levels of Connection they were making, it would be extremely difficult to hold back any corner of their minds from one another.

  “I would like to establish a Connection between you and your offspring,” said Urilla Wuti.

  “But you told me I must never attempt that because an offspring’s consciousness cannot tolerate the experiences adults have endured.”

  “That is true. I would never advise a student to attempt such a thing. But I will maintain and control the Connection, making only the lightest lock. It will not be enough for them to share your experiences, but it will be enough to let you know of their general well-being despite the distance between you,” explained Urilla Wuti.

  “But what if I learn something is wrong and I do not know what?”

  “For myself, I will create a deeper one-way Connection with them. Trust me; if at any point either offspring is in serious trouble, I will know before you do. And I will be able to arrange for help and let you know what is going on.”

  Adia was relieved beyond words. As usual, Urilla Wuti had thought of everything.

  Once Adia understood, they began. Adia had thought they would have to touch the offspring, but again, she was still learning. Urilla Wuti explained that at her side of the portal, Adia would have to close her eyes and remain passive, moving her consciousness neither toward nor away from the other Healer.

  Adia felt the Connection opening. It was a shallow Connection, unlike any other she had experienced. She was receiving from Urilla Wuti, but she could feel that nothing was flowing back from herself. She realized the Healer was acting as a one-way conduit between her and her offspring, allowing information from Urilla Wuti to pass to her while allowing nothing to flow back in return.

  Within a few moments, Adia was aware of another Connection opening; this one small and narrow and opaque. Again, information was coming to her, but nothing was flowing back out. She recognized it as Nootau. She felt how relaxed he was; warm and comfortable. He was content. That Connection faded and then another opened, this time to Nimida. Her daughter was also lying comfortably, on the verge of sleep. She could feel how content Nimida was—neither too warm nor too cold nor hungry. Then, as the other had, the c
onduit closed and Adia instinctively opened her eyes.

  She was enormously relieved. She was so grateful to Urilla Wuti for thinking of this. Adia knew she would drive herself mad if she checked on the offspring constantly, but at least she had some reassurance that she would know if they were sick, cold, frightened, or being harmed in some way.

  Urilla Wuti read Adia’s mind, as usual.

  “You are right; do not open a conduit with the offspring very often. You will always be connected to them, and they need to move on to their own destinies. If the girl develops a higher seventh sense, in time, she will begin to recognize the touch of the Connection, even though they are one-way.”

  Adia nodded her agreement and hugged Urilla Wuti impulsively while thanking her profusely.

  * * *

  Khon’Tor had been forced to let up on Hakani and give her latitude to prepare for the offspring’s arrival. Kachina was helping her with the task.

  Hakani knew Khon’Tor had no fear that she would report what she had suffered at his hand. She would do nothing to confirm the High Council suspicions that this was not a fit home for the offspring. As long as Hakani had the offspring, public opinion would not allow Khon’Tor to set her aside. She had put up with his torture this long, and she was not going to quit so close to regaining control over her life. She was still mate to Khon’Tor, Leader of the People of the High Rocks.

  That afternoon, Acaraho brought word that Hakani had completed her preparations and was asking for the boy.

  Adia could see the wear on Nadiwani was starting to show. She had been handling all the Healer requests as well as helping Mapiya with Oh’Dar. The offspring were robust enough, and there were no more excuses to keep Nootau from Hakani, other than that Adia’s heart was going to break.