Descendants of Hagar

by Nik Nicholson

  She be coming in the room almost every night and laying down with me. We sometimes talk til we fall asleep. Other times she just climb in the bed with me, ball up with a pillow and doze right off. This kind of remind me of how it use to be when me and my sisters use to sleep together, but it’s different cause we ain’t family and the energy ain’t the same.

  Even though we both women, she ain getting dressed in front of me. And I cain’t say I feel comfortable being naked in front of her neither. I be feeling shy bout the littlest things now. Iain never had no sister of mine knock on no door neither. Coley be coming to my door asking, “Is you decent?”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  THE STORE

  The soup get heavy in my stomach, so I swallow slow. Iain wont to know it was true, but it is. Now I got to do something. I look over at Coley, who always oblivious to everything going on around ‘a. She smile at me, and I don’t even have the spirit to smile back. Cain’t make no kinda face really. My mood soured. I think, I can at least finish my supper fore I get into it.

  “Linny,” Coley say, grabbing my arm. “You okay?”

  “Nah, I ain’t,” seem to come out too hard, and it’s all the breath I got to push out. “I’m tired of fighting, tired of being alone, tired of having to take stands. Tired of having to explain myself, or apologize, or excuse myself. I’m tired of having to beg people to respect me, and treat me with a little human decency. I keep asking myself what I done to deserve all this.”

  Lost, Coley don’t even respond. She just look over at Mrs. Clara across the room, like maybe she can help. After we sitting awhile, and Mrs. Clara walk by, Coley say, “Mrs. Clara, something is wrong.”

  “Ain’t got no fever.” Mrs. Clara touch my head with the back of ‘a hand, and stare in my face and eyes with real concern.

  “What do I owe you for the meal?” I ask Mrs. Clara, scooting back from the table and smiling sadly at ‘a. “I didn’t wont no attention, that’s why I was staying in the house in the first place,” I remind Coley.

  I don’t want people looking at me. I think I’m mad everybody knew my daddy what’n my daddy, but me. I feel like people owed it to me to tell me, somebody owed it to me to say something. Now I got to deal with all this other family stuff. Now that Cassius Remington ain even my daddy, Iain really even Miemay granddaughter. I shouldn’t be receiving none of these things. Then again, Miemay knew she what’n my grandmama, too, and she ain never tell me, and she left me all these things. Making matters worse, I got to deal with this store business, alone.

  “I wouldn’t never take no money from you. We business partners. I knowed your grandma forever in a day, honey. She asked me to look after yah when she gone.”

  Mrs. Clara’s words push in my thoughts. Knowing Miemay done charged ‘a with taking care of me, make me smile. It warms my heart and breaks it at the same time. I miss being taken care of. My spirit is kissed and moved at the thought of Miemay preparing a way, and leaving a place for me even in ‘a dying. Clearing my throat, I ask, “You said business been real good?”

  “Yes, honey. This railroad, and the cars done changed everything. Shoot, with you opening that filling station round here, I don’t know what to do with all the money I been taking in.”

  Standing, I lean on the back of the chair looking at ‘a. Then I look over at Coley. “Coley, you stay here. I’m going over to the store, and I’ll be back for you.”

  “Why can’t I go?” she protest, and Mrs. Clara look at me knowing.

  “You know Cousin Ernest told me business done dropped off since the boll weevil done ruined so much of the crop.” I look in Mrs. Clara’s eyes, waiting for ‘a to challenge me or confirm him, maybe to tell me anything. The store right down the way from ‘a hotel. She could tell if folks going in and out of there or not. She can tell if business slow. Just with coming in town, and seeing all the foot traffic and strangers, I know business should at least be steady.

  Tasting ‘a words, she look off to the side. Putting the pitcher of lemonade down on the table she rest ‘a weight on one foot. “Humph,” she say, counting the what for’s, what if’s, and maybe’s.

  I’m waiting to see who she is, cause I know she know what I’m asking ‘a.

  “I wouldn’t say business been slow. Matter fact, I’d say it’s been better than steady.” She look me directly in my eyes, and now something got to happen.

  “You been giving Ernest the store share of the hotel money?”

  “Every three weeks, like always.”

  “Have you given him more than you use to give Miemay, or less?”

  “A heap more. The store supply all the food and thangs. Then I got to give the store Miemay share. You know she help me git this thang started. Zion ain’t friendly to no strangers, so what’n nobody thinking bout no hotel. Then I got the regular folks round here, the workers on the road, and the widowed men all coming to eat a meal a few days a week. I been busy. So busy I had to hire a few somebodies to help out, you know. Ion even cook no more.”

  I don’t say nothing. The food getting sour in my stomach. I just smile as I’m letting go of the back of the chair, and trusting my own legs to hold my weight. “Guess I better get over to the store,” I say, knowing I got to say something, do something.

  “You can’t go over there by yourself. You need a man with you,” Coley say, wiping a mouth and getting up with me, like she bout to go find me one or something.

  “She have to go alone, honey. It’s huh business. Cain’t git nobody else to speak for ‘a, or they’ll never respect ‘a voice. She’ll never respect ‘a own voice. This part of being a woman, and a woman holding ‘a own,” Mrs. Clara say to my surprise, cause I know Miemay use to speak for her. Then she smile at me. “Go on. I’ll be over there later.”

  Soon as I get in the road, my boots seem heavy, holding tight to my calves. I look over at the store and see all the people on the porch, the people walking in and coming out. I see the men sitting outside the barbershop. I never noticed how many people were in town when I came before. Never thought about all the eyes watching what’s going on, all the unfamiliar faces taking our stories back to places I don’t even know.

  When I walk in the store, I’m disappointed to see that Uncle Victor, the one everybody expected to get the inheritance, is here, too. He leaning on the counter picking his teeth with a blade of straw. He smile a knowing smile when he see me. His son Ernest behind the register ringing somebody up. People smile and speak, like I’m visiting somebody else’s house. And to tell the truth, it don’t feel like my store. Feel like we both been playing this game.

  See, when I first inherited this store I shoulda came down here and fired Ernest. Or at least I shoulda worked a few days a week so I would know what was going on. But I was so upset about Miemay dying. I was upset Daddy what’n speaking to me. I was hiding cause folks was saying I had tricked Miemay into giving me all ‘a things, and I didn’t wont to be looking at people. I was ashamed. I didn’t even leave off the land cept family days to go help out on Daddy nem plot.

  Then, Iain wont nobody saying I was taking over everything and trying to rule over everybody. Iain wont them to say I was full of myself cause I had all this money. I didn’t wont my family to think I was trying to take nothing from them, or that I didn’t trust them. So I left everything the way it was when Miemay was alive.

  When the books wouldn’t make sense, I’d ask Ernest bout the counts, and miraculously they started to make more sense. He would find money or stock somewhere I hadn’t looked, even though I had looked. I never accused Ernest of stealing, I just balanced the books best I could and did the ordering.

  Sometimes Ernest even acted like he couldn’t add too well, or didn’t understand how to work the weights for dry goods, or that his age was getting the best of him. He’d often say, “Maybe it’s time for me to find different work, cause my mind slipping.” Or while I was going over the books, he be watching over my shoulders coming back and forth saying, “I don’t kn
ow why I wrote seven when it should have been a one.” Or, “I don’t know why I turned that nine upside down like that.”

  Still, I wanted to believe whatever nonsense he was doing he’d eventually stop. The truth is, he always took a lil from Miemay too, cause there were times when things ain add up for her either. Then they blamed it on me being young, or not understanding.

  When Miemay was alive to say ‘a piece, she be saying, “Linny ain’t that young, and she ain’t never been dumb, neither.” That was her way of letting ’im know she what’n completely fooled, and he would, I guess, steal less or do better hiding what was missing.

  Iain never get in it. Miemay was big on taking care of family and people. She would say something like, “If you catch a man stealing, if ain’t nothing unreasonable, and you can do without it, let ’im have it. Specially if it’s some food or something like that. People don’t steal cause they bad, they steal cause they hungry, cause they need.” So Iain been asking bout the books too much.

  Now for some reason though, I wish I had been stronger, done something sooner, or said something. Especially cause they stealing way more from me than they ever stole from Miemay. The truth is, they taking so much it ain’t even really no way to hide it, but Iain wont to fight with ’em. Plus, I been feeling guilty bout getting all Miemay money. I guess, it was kind of my way of making it right in my own mind, not standing up for myself.

  Now I think cause of how long I let it go, it’s finna be a harder fight. Even though I was thinking Ernest would stop stealing, and things would get better, and all this would blow over. I kept thinking his conscience’ll get the best of ’im, and our spirits would lead us all through this disagreeable time, back together, cause we family. It’s cause we family, what I got to do feel impossible.

  “Good evening!” Ernest greet me smiling, but I hear the smart alecky tone, and I know he ain’t sincere.

  “Evening.” I go to the back of the store to get the books. Soon as I look at the log, it confirms what Mrs. Harper and Mrs. Clara say true.

  Still, I feel heavy, my mind weighed down by it all. I keep staring down at the books, because I don’t know what to say or do. Iain never had this kind of problem with nobody. Looking up, I see Uncle Victor in the doorway. Then he go back out.

  I take a pencil with me and start walking up and down the aisles, comparing what’s there to what it say been sold, and what it say need to be ordered. Ernest looking uneasy; he keep adjusting his pants, and rattling his belt. I carry the ordering and sales log in my arm like it’s a child.

  I can already tell by what he say been bought, and how much money he turning in to me something wrong. Store ain’t hardly making a profit, but the store full right now. And the money he give me just barely cover his pay, and the restock order.

  Ernest greet every person coming in. I look around and the store ain been swept, things ain clean as they was when Miemay was alive. I’m hurt cause I don’t expect people to hurt me on purpose. Iain expect family to treat me like this.

  Looking at Ernest again I breathe easy, then go back to the store room. It’s almost bare. I close the door behind me, and think. I got to fire a man twice my age, he got children with children older than me. Respect go a long way around here, but then what happens when people don’t respect you and your things?

  I tell myself, I gotta be clear even if he don’t agree with me. I tell myself, I gotta be firm. There are no deals, or discussions. There will be no talking me out of running this store myself. I know this mean he and his family gone start going miles out to another store. I figure they gone struggle cause he ain got no job. Then again, Iain fire him, he fired hisself.

  I won’t feel bad for what I’m bout to do, cause all the times I been checking the books and pointing out the issues, he had chances to do things different. He decided to keep doing this hisself.

  I’ve always been fair with him, no matter how he feel bout what I got, or how I got it. That don’t have nothing to do with him being a liar. More I think about it, the more I know, it don’t even make sense to try and explain why I’m taking over. He know what he done, and all I’m saying is, he cain’t do it no more. I’m gone just send him home, forever, far as I’m concerned. I cain’t trust ’im far as I can throw ’im.

  Taking a few deep breaths, I push myself from the wooden chair, open the door and walk directly to ’im. “I’m going to take it from here,” I say firm as I can without it sounding disrespectful.

  “Beg pardon?” Ernest lean into the air like he cain’t hear me, or like Iain speaking clear enough for him to make out the words.

  “I said, don’t worry about the store. I’m gone run it by myself. You can go home.”

  My words seem to be said from a pulpit the way they received. The whole store get quiet. I feel all eyes fall on me, on us.

  “Well, I know you ain never ran nothing before,” he spit, coming from round the counter. “So you don’t know it’s gone be hard running a store by yahself.” He laugh, looking over at his father Victor, and then around at the people in the store, like we puppets at a fair being worked for they entertainment. He looking round like he getting ready to show out.

  To nip this drama in the bud, I say, “I need everybody to step out of here for a minute, we need to have a little family meeting.” With that I start to close the blinds, cause I know how Zion work. People be talking bout what we said to each other for months. I’ll be 60 years old and they’ll still be saying, “‘Remember when you and Ernest was arguing in the store?’”

  “What’s going on, crazy lady?” Ernest tease me, laughing mean spirited, like he halfway trying to convince the people to stay, like he own the store or something. Then again, maybe he trying to convince hisself. Working at this store is a good job. It’s one of the few jobs actually pays round here in cash, not crop, or barter.

  “They need to leave,” I say, firmer, looking at the people. Then I realize they don’t know what’s going on, and it ain’t no reason to be any way with them. So I say calmly, “I just need a few minutes with Ernest here, then we’ll be open in a few minutes.” The women look at each other and one man grab his wife and they go out on the porch.

  This store always been a place where people just be standing round, specially visitors. I don’t want to scare business away, then again where else they got to go?

  “Oh, now she wont to have a family meeting,” Uncle Victor add.

  “Need family, to have a family meeting,” Ernest say, smiling.

  Soon as the last person out of the store, I close both the front doors behind them. The bell above the door dings loud in the silence. My heart is heavy and I feel a greater weight as I avoid the stares of curious eyes, while pulling the shades down behind the doors.

  “Gimme yo keys, Ernest,” I demand, being considerate of my tone.

  “Why?” He pretend to be surprised

  “Yall told me business was slow. I understand you think I owe you, and that’s why you done this, but it ain’t right. Just gimme the keys. Ain’t no way around this.”

  “I’ll give ’em to you, soon as you give me what you owe me.”

  “Ain’t got no respect for ‘a elders. Ion know what it is with these youngins these days,” Uncle Victor say, staring in my face.

  “Maybe it’s cause she think she white, she can do anything she want. Or is it cause of who huh real Daddy is?” Ernest add, staring me in the eyes.

  “What I owe you?” I dismiss the insults, Iain come here to exchange words with ’im.

  “I done worked a week and a half. Friday would have been another pay day.”

  “All you done took outta here, you best get out of here fore I call the law.”

  “Yeah that’s what I heard, you know all about the law,” Ernest say.

  “And lawyers,” Uncle Victor jump in.

  “Keys!” I put my hand out and stand firm, looking at him.

  Then he drop ’em heavy in my hands with his fist, and push me out the way, going towards
the counter, then the register and say, “Iain gone be fired like no thief. Iain gone go nowhere til I gits what I earned. Specially not gone give up what I’s entitled to, for some poe-ass nigga done got ‘a worth tricking a old woman. You ain’t got a inkling what it is to do an honest day’s work.”

  I cain’t believe he done pushed me. I don’t budge much as he expect, but I go into the shelves, and stuff fall over the floor. I push myself from the shelves. I follow close behind him.

  He go round to the front of the register, and open it.

  I jump across the counter slamming the cash drawer close.

  Then Ernest howl grabbing his hand.

  That’s when I realize I done slammed his hand in there. When I slide back on my feet off the counter, I hear somebody coming up behind me.

  Uncle Victor slap me.

  Before I know it, I done hit him back with the hand holding the keys. Blood gush from his face, and he step back, staggering.

  Then Ernest come round and hit me again, this time with his fist.

  I reach for something to hold me, but don’t get nothing and fall hard this time.

  “This been a long time coming. Yo Daddy should of been done reckoned with you.” Ernest shout down at me. “You ain’t nothing. Walking round here acting like you somebody.”

  I breathe slow, on the ground, thinking bout what I can get to hit him back. Ain’t nobody gone hit me, nobody.

  “Stay down!” Ernest threaten me.

  My head heavy, but Iain gone let nobody take nothing from me, or treat me any kind of way. I hear the change hit the floor behind the counter, and I’m thinking Ernest hand ain’t hurting that bad.

  My body feel heavier than I remember, but I pull my legs under me. Reaching out, I get holt to one of the shovels for sale. Then I stumble, getting it to sit right so I can use it like a cane, and get my bearing so I can stand.