Breakup Boot Camp

by Beth Merlin

  The shower was being held at one of my favorite spots on the Upper East Side, Alice’s Tea-Cup, a sweet little café that served high tea and, in my opinion, one of the best brunches in the city. Grace’s sister-in-law reserved the entire top floor for the shower and was already halfway through decorating the space when I showed up.

  I set my tote down in a booth and took a full turn around the space. “Wow, look at it in here already.”

  Bronwyn rolled her eyes and climbed down off of a chair. “I’m doing the best I can. I don’t understand Grace. If she’d just be willing to find out the baby’s gender, we wouldn’t be stuck with the hideous colors. Green and yellow? Gross.”

  “I think it look nice.”

  “She doesn’t realize she’s going to get all gender-neutral clothes as gifts. I found out what I was having with each of my three kids and then registered appropriately. People just don’t know what to buy you when they don’t know the sex. She’ll end up with a stack of onesies covered in ducks and turtles.”

  “That’s okay, I think Grace likes ducks and turtles.”

  “What do I like?” Grace asked, trudging up the stairs to join our conversation.

  “Bronwyn was just saying she can’t believe you had the willpower not to find out the sex of the baby.”

  “There are so few surprises in life I figured why not keep this one. Besides, David didn’t want to know, and I just didn’t think I could be trusted with that kind of secret. It was safer if neither of us knew.”

  “Very wise,” I said.

  “Very annoying,” Bronwyn chimed in.

  “I’ll forget you said that,” Grace called back to her.

  I took Grace’s hand and spun her around. “You look beautiful.”

  She put her finger over her lips and pulled me into a corner of the room.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I went to try on the dress I originally bought for the shower this morning, and it wouldn’t zip up. This,” she said motioning down her body, “was my Hail Mary outfit. Don’t say anything to Brownwyn about the other dress. She’ll mention it to my mother who I’m hoping has forgotten she helped pick out the dress I was originally planning on wearing. She already thinks I’ve gained way too much weight this pregnancy. If she finds out about my wardrobe malfunction, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  “Your secret’s safe with me. Besides, I think you look perfect, I would’ve never known this dress was the runner-up.”

  “Thanks, Jo,” she said pulling me in for a hug. “I really have missed you. Even when I’ve been on the road, we’ve always been able to at least text one another. I don’t know how you made it unplugged for so many days. I’m not sure I could do it.”

  “There was so much to do at the resort, I practically forgot about the outside world.”

  “I hope that list included Sam, and you were able to put him out of your mind.”

  “Yes and no. A lot of the activities were of course about confronting the breakup, but even more of them had to do with confronting yourself.”

  “Really? Wow. That’s great,” her voice, going up a bit on the last word.

  Grace had never outright confronted me about my drinking or partying, but she was very well aware of my former extracurricular activities. When we started at NYU, she was actually the person who introduced me to the clubs and bars that didn’t check for underage IDs. The difference was that by the time we hit our senior year, Grace’s drinking slowed down significantly as she started to focus on auditions and landing an agent but mine didn’t.

  By that time, my internship was in full swing and it was those paychecks that covered the bulk of my partying and bar tabs. I turned down auditions and meetings just so I could put in more hours at The Gerber Agency, quickly making me Stephen’s favorite, and ironically the one and only intern to be offered a full-time role after graduation.

  Grace though landed an agent and immediately got hired as a performer on the Disney Cruise Lines, which is how she met her husband David. When their contract with Disney ended, they both went on to find roles in touring Broadway shows, building solid resumes in the theater. Grace had just wrapped up the national tour of Miss Saigon, and David was currently playing Raul in the Broadway production of The Phantom of the Opera.

  Grace and I never really spoke about why my career stalled, although I knew she had her suspicions. I curbed a lot of my partying after college, but not enough to ever get things quite back on track. By then, Stephen had promoted me a few times, and I was able to convince the world and myself I was living out my choices, not their consequences.

  “Can we sit down and talk for a few minutes before guests start arriving?” I asked.

  “Yes! Anything to get off my swollen feet.” Grace waved her arms to get Bronwyn’s attention, “Jo and I are going to go downstairs and check if the balloon delivery arrived.”

  “Sure, whatever,” she replied.

  Grace leaned down and whispered in my ear. “For the life of me, I don’t know what my brother sees in her? You’re so lucky you like your sister-in-law”

  “Love. I love my sister-in-law.”

  The restaurant was still closed to customers and the wait staff was busy putting out place settings and tea cups in anticipation of the opening. We asked the hostess if we could take a seat at one of the readied tables. She took one look at Grace’s ready to pop at any minute baby bump and told us to take our pick.

  We sat down, and Grace bent over to massage her puffy ankles. “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” She slowly rolled back up. “So, what’s going on? What did you want to talk about?”

  “I ran into Sam yesterday.”

  She put her hand over her mouth. “What? Where?”

  “The Union Square Farmers Market.”

  “That doesn’t seem very Sam, what was he doing there?”

  “Buying treats for his new dog.”

  “Sam got a dog? Mister I work 16 hours a day? Did he have a stroke or something?”

  “I think he was lonely? I almost felt a little sorry for him. I think he’s changed.”

  “A tiger doesn’t change his stripes. He’s a low-down dirty cheater. Simple as that.”

  “I’m not saying what Sam did was right or how he went about all this was right, and believe me, I don’t forgive the cheating. But it wouldn’t be fair of me to pretend things were as one sided as they seemed.”

  “Wait? What? You were having an affair too?” she asked, her eyes widening in shock.

  “No, no nothing like that. But I haven’t been holding it together as well as I’ve been letting on.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been having a really hard time since my mom passed away, drinking more and picking fights with Sam.”

  Grace reached over the table. “Oh god Jo, if I had any idea…”

  I put my hand over hers. “I know. Sam begged me to get help, but I wouldn’t. The truth is, our relationship’s been on the rocks for a long time, far longer than I let on. I think the engagement was our last-ditch effort to make things work.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  I shrugged, “Try and get my life back on track. What else can I do?”

  A few seconds later the door of the restaurant swung open. Grace’s mother charged in with several of her aunts trailing behind her. “That’s not the dress we picked out for the shower,” Grace’s mother called from across the restaurant. “What happened? It didn’t fit did it? I told you you’d put on too much weight.”

  Grace closed her eyes, took a deep breath and wriggled up from the table. “Let the games begin,” she sighed.

  After the party I helped David and Grace bring the baby shower gifts back to their apartment. They lived in a large one bedroom and had divided half the living room to create a nursery for the baby, a pretty common occurrence in New York City where rents were high, and space comes at a premium.

  We sorted the gifts into two piles: one for the items t
hey were keeping, and the other for the items they were planning to return.

  “I hate to say it, but Bronwyn was right. People were thrown by the gender-neutral thing. We got five bottle warmers and hardly any onesies,” Grace said.

  I put my gift on top of the pile. “That’s not true. I got you some onesies along with the bouncer you registered for. This one’s my favorite,” I said turning it over to show David the words Beach Bum stamped on the back of the outfit.

  “This one’s pretty funny too,” Grace said holding up another onesie with the words Pirate’s Booty on the diaper flap.

  “I found them at this great little store in Topsail and couldn’t resist,” I said folding them back into the box.

  Grace slipped off her shoes and settled into a large armchair in the living room. “Tell us more about Topsail. It sounds so idyllic.”

  “It really was. Beautiful beaches, charming seaside stores, and a lovely theater. I saw a wonderful production of Romeo and Juliet while I was there.”

  David stood up and pounded his hand into his chest. “To be or not to be that is the question.”

  Grace threw a pillow at his head. “That’s Hamlet not Romeo and Juliet, you idiot.”

  He turned to me. “I was never a big Shakespeare buff. I avoided those classes like the plague when I was in school.”

  I laughed. “Topsail also had this incredible farmers market, and the oysters they collect from the inlets around the island are unreal.”

  “I didn’t think you liked oysters,” Grace said.

  “I didn’t.”

  “Well, I’m proud of you. Sounds like you really stepped outside your comfort zone these last few weeks.”

  I shook my head up and down. “I did. I really did.”

  Grace got a mischievous look in her eye. “Does that include dating again? I’m not saying to jump back into anything serious, but you’ve been with Sam for so long, aren’t you excited to see what’s out there?”

  “I met someone actually.”

  “At the Boot Camp? That’s great. I mean they do say misery loves company.”

  “He wasn’t a heartbroken guest. He’s the chef at the resort.”

  “That sounds promising. What happened?”

  “He wanted more than I was ready to give him.”

  “Don’t they always,” she mumbled.

  “I don’t mean that. He lives in Topsail. I live here. I couldn’t see the point in starting something that has an inevitable conclusion.”

  “You don’t know that though. Look at me and David. We met on cruise ship for Christ’s sake and have the most unorthodox careers in the world, and we made it work, didn’t we?” Grace pointed to her stomach. “We even decided to up the ante.”

  “She’s right, Jo,” David said.

  “I just couldn’t see it working. I decided to end things there.”

  “Have you heard from him?” Grace asked.

  “No, and I don’t think I will.”

  “Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea,” David said.

  “Jesus David, that’s the best you can do,” Grace said rolling her eyes.

  “What do you want me to say? Jo, you’re a fine piece of ass, I’m sure when you’re ready to date again they’ll be lined up around the block. Is that better Grace?”

  “No David, not better.” She turned to me. “Can you believe this man is about to become a father?”

  I stood up and put my hand on Grace’s stomach. “I can, and I think he or she is pretty freakin’ lucky they get to have you both for parents.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  The final four actresses in consideration for the role of Grizabella were already lined up across the stage of the Shubert when I arrived holding Stephen’s Caramel Macchiato and dry egg white omelet. I shimmied down the row of chairs to where the team was already seated and passed Stephen his breakfast.

  “Thanks, Jo,” he said sipping on the hot coffee. “Good to have you back.”

  Courtney gave me a quick wave and handed out a pile of headshots and resumes. Stephen had already shared his top choice for Grizabella was Lena Moore, but like most Broadway producers, they still wanted to see a cross section of options before making their final casting decision.

  The creative team was still leaning towards an older actress for the part, not quite as sold on Stephen’s fresher take of casting an ingénue type in the role. There was a clear tug-of-war going on between those who wanted to stick to the tried and true, and those who wanted to present the show in a new light.

  The choreographer took the actresses through a series of dance routines. Lena kept up, but definitely wasn’t the strongest dancer in the pack. She did have a certain charisma that made it difficult for you to take your eyes off of her though. I read down her resume which was mostly made up of small supporting roles in commercials and Off-Off Broadway productions, nothing particularly notable. Getting this role would change the course of her career and life, and you could see in her face, she knew it.

  After they finished dancing, Stephen announced that the actresses would take an hour-long break before returning to the stage to perform two songs. The first, a musical theater number of their choosing, the second, the powerhouse ballad of Cats, “Memory.” Stephen strategically placed Lena last in the order of actresses so she would be the final performer on the producer’s minds going into deliberations.

  I stood up and lifted my tote bag onto my shoulder. “Stephen,” I called out to him, “a Reuben on rye or BLT?

  I didn’t even have to ask him the question, I already knew the answer. On especially tough audition days, Stephen almost always ate a Rueben for lunch, washing the sandwich down with a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda.

  “I’m trying to do this Keto thing my wife’s been pushing. I should probably just have a Chef’s Salad. No, you know what? Get me a BLT,” he said.

  “You sure?”

  “You’re right, get me a Rueben on rye, lean corned beef and a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda.”

  “You got it.”

  I left the Shubert and walked a few blocks north to Stephen’s favorite deli. This time of day there was usually a long line of people snaking out the door and halfway around the block. Fortunately, the counter staff knew me so well that as soon as they spotted me in the doorway motioned me to the front of the line.

  Mike flipped to a clean page of his small pad. “Long time no see, gorgeous. What’s the big man in the mood for today?”

  “Reuben on rye,” I answered.

  “Must be a tough audition day, huh?”

  I grinned, pulled a few cans of cream soda from the large ice box and placed them on top of the glass counter.

  Mike’s eyes scanned my left hand. “You didn’t get married yet, did you?”

  “No, I was away for a few days. Me and Sam, we umm…we decided to call things off.”

  “Well, that’s a shame. Although I never thought that bastard was nearly good enough for you.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “You’ve never even met him.”

  “Didn’t need to.” Mike held up some corned beef from the slicer. “Lean enough for the big guy?’

  “Maybe just a hair thinner,” I said.

  “You got it, just give me a few minutes to warm the sandwich up for you.”

  I stepped away from the counter to make room for the other patrons and spotted Zosia’s face on the cover of The Daily News with the headline “Rumble in the Jungle, Zosia Barry Not Backing Down.”

  I picked up the newspaper, turned to page three, and read the rest of the article reporting on Zosia’s fight to collect half The Jungle’s worth in her divorce settlement. In the story, the reporter detailed the rise of the multibillion-dollar company, and Zosia’s pivotal role in its early days. I was glad to see she’d finally taken control of the narrative and was at long last letting the world know the part she played in creating an empire.

  On the magazine stand, the latest issue of Us Weekly with a picture of Emmy and Ma
tt reunited on the cover and the headline, “Broken Heart Healed, how Emmy J and Matthew Ryder Found Lasting Love.” I smiled and flipped to the page highlighting Emmy and Matt’s reunion and speculation that their time apart would lead to an upcoming proposal. While I knew better than to believe everything I read, the pictures of the two of them in each other’s arms smiling from ear to ear spoke volumes.

  I set the magazine back on the stand and uneasy feeling rushed through me. My two closest friends from Retreat House were firmly on the road to recovery and here I was, still picking up Stephen’s lunch. Mike finished making the Rueben, wrapping it in white wax paper before passing the sandwich over the deli counter to me. He ripped the order from his pad and handed it to me to give to the cashier.

  “You back in town for good now?” he asked.

  I nodded and said, “Back to the grind.”

  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

  “And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that,” I joked.

  “It’s a livin’, right?”

  I thought back to the conversation I had with Todd about combining your day job with your passion and how very lucky he was to have found a way to merge the two.

  “Yeah it’s a living,” I replied.

  He laughed and passed me the brown paper bag with the sodas. “Well, you’re the bright spot in my day, even if I’m not in yours,” he teased.

  I threw a few singles into the tip jar. “Thanks, Mike.”

  The actresses were retaking their marks when I came into the theater. I searched the rows for Stephen and finally found him huddled up with the show’s creative team in the back of the audience. After delivering him the sandwich and soda, I took a seat beside the rest of the Gerber team in the second row.

  “Who’s up first?” I asked.

  Colin yawned and checked his clipboard. “Diana Conners.”

  “She’s good. Has she done much since Grey Gardens though?”