Harlequin Heartwarming December 2020 Box Set

by Cari Lynn Webb, Linda Warren, Mary Anne Wilson

He bowed his head as the weight of her words almost brought him to his knees. He’d lost track of the times he’d tried to talk to her, even after she was married, and he never understood her anger. But now he did. It was clear at the many missteps he’d made in the name of love. At this point, he wasn’t sure what love was. All he knew was that she filled his every waking thought and many of his dreams. Then how could he have treated her that way?

  “I want you to leave,” she said in a calm tone.

  He reached for his jacket. Words gathered in his throat like little soldiers waiting for enemy fire. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing left to say. I should’ve told you from the start, but my pride wouldn’t let me.”

  “You should’ve found a way to tell me when it happened,” he replied with a touch of anger.

  She shook her head. “Oh, no. You don’t get to pull that on me. You made the choices that separated our lives. I don’t believe there’s any way to go forward anymore.”

  Bo walked out the door, unable to defend himself.

  Totally spent, Becky walked up the stairs to check on Luci and then fell across her bed and wondered if this night could get any worse. She’d really thought she could forget the past. Bo had been incredible with Luci and Becky had seen a whole different side of him, loving, caring and compassionate, and dreams of a life with him had tempted her. How could she be so stupid? Bo was grown now and different than the wild living-life-on-the-edge teenager she’d known, but she would never forget that little life who had lived in her for a moment in time.

  She got up, went to her closet and reached for a small box she kept there. Sitting on the bed, she removed the lid and the tissue and pulled out the white onesie she’d bought eighteen years ago. She’d gone with white because she hadn’t known if it was a boy or a girl. On the front of the onesie it said I Love My Daddy. There were white booties to match. She held them to her heart as tears rolled down her cheeks. They’d been a gift for Bo. She lay on the bed, holding them to her chest.

  As she lay there, precious memories washed over her, the good and the bad. Back then she’d understood Bo’s need to get away since his father was in town. Or, at least, she’d tried to understand. He became a completely different person around his father, someone she didn’t like. She’d tried to talk to Bo about it, but he always grew defensive and she’d let it go.

  Looking back through realistic glasses, she knew there was nothing she could have done to change him. The way he felt about his father had been shaped long before she’d met him. Knowing he had issues with his father, she’d still fallen in love with him and tried to be supportive.

  She got up and removed her clothes, grabbed her pajamas and crawled back into bed, clutching the onesie and booties to herself. She’d hurt Bo tonight, but she hadn’t seen any other way.

  He had to know the whole story. He had to know about the child they’d created and lost. Her keeping it locked inside wasn’t doing either of them any good. They had to mourn and grieve for that child together, but she didn’t know if he ever wanted to see her again. That was the big question now: Would Bo ever forgive her?

  * * *

  BO DIDN’T KNOW where he was going and he didn’t care. He just had to keep moving. He found himself at the cattle guard at the entrance to Cole’s grandfather’s place. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Cole.

  “Meet me at the barn.”

  “Huh… Okay.” The two of them had always been there for each other and tonight was no different. Cole didn’t ask any questions because he knew Bo wouldn’t make this request if it wasn’t important. Bo turned off his headlights and drove down the lane to the barn.

  He pushed the door open and a donkey brayed. Mr. Walt’s animals were in the barn because it was cold. There was a donkey, a potbellied pig and a goat. Chickens roosted in the hay and he knew if he looked up there would be a cat perched in the rafters.

  Bo sat on a bale of hay and the pungent scent of alfalfa reached him, reminding him of all the times he and Cole had met in this barn to deal with life and its many problems. They’d first tried smoking here and almost burned down the barn. They’d tried making beer and almost blown up the barn. A lot of their life had been in this barn, making plans. But nothing had prepared him for the shock he had received tonight.

  Cole came in dressed in jeans and a jacket and pulled the door closed. He flipped a switch, flooding the barn with iridescent light. “What’s going on?” he asked as he sat by Bo.

  He got up and paced in front of his friend. “I’m going crazy, man.”

  “Why?”

  “We took Luci trick-or-treating tonight, and Becky and I were getting along really well, but she got called to the hospital. One of her patients had a miscarriage. It affected her deeply. I could see she’d been crying when she got back and then she unloaded a whole lot of hurt on me. Turns out, after you and I left for the army, she found out she was pregnant.”

  “What?”

  “My reaction exactly.” Bo went on to tell Cole everything that had happened while they’d been gone.

  “Why would she keep it a secret?”

  “She was dealing with a lot on her own. I was keeping in touch with my mom instead of her. Why did I do that? I told my mom to tell her hi. Why, Cole? Why did I do that? I should’ve called her. I should’ve done a lot of things, but I didn’t and the truth is now slapping me in the face. I’m just like my father. I judged him and look what I did.”

  “Come on.”

  “It’s true. At least he was there when we were born. I wasn’t there for Becky or the baby. I was off living my dream while she was in pain.”

  “She could’ve gotten a message to you.”

  “Yeah.” Bo sank back onto the bale of hay. “I don’t know whether to be mad at her or me.”

  “Take a deep breath and think about it. She wouldn’t talk to you for years, but now you’re talking and all the bad stuff is coming out. You need to keep talking.”

  “I’ve said I’m sorry so many times that the words are redundant now. There’s not enough sorries in the world to cover this. I behaved badly toward the woman I loved.” He jumped up and started pacing again. His guilty feelings were eating away at him. “You know that saying about paying the piper?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I’m paying through the heart and I don’t think this pain is ever going to go away. I let her down. How do I get over that?”

  Cole didn’t say anything as Bo sat back down on the bale of hay. His senses calmed into a steady numbness. “My father is dying and a man with any guts would go see him, but I keep putting it off. All my life he’s been a thorn in my side, but you know what? That was his life and I couldn’t change it.

  “As a child I took on his role, to try and make our family a family. It didn’t happen and the thorn got deeper. Out of responsibility I took on a lot of my mom’s pain. And that made my hatred of him grow, an uncontrollable hatred that I see now as childish. It wasn’t my problem to carry. I should’ve been dealing with my own issues. I should have been thinking about Becky and our lives. I certainly missed the boat on that one.”

  “You’re sounding very mature and grown-up.”

  “It’s like looking in a mirror and seeing myself for the first time—the real me, the one who lights up like a firecracker whenever he’s around, the guy who made his mom’s life miserable because he would never give up on the issue, and the guy who abandoned the woman he loved and their child. It’s staggering when you look at the whole picture. Like Grandpa always said, I’m the man. Be a man. I guess I proved him right.”

  “I’m not going to listen to this, Bo. You’re taking the blame for everything. I think your mother would agree that you’re the one who kept pulling your family together. And you didn’t abandon Becky. You had planned on coming back and making a life with her. Yes, y
ou should’ve called her, but if you remember, we were rather busy since we chose Intelligence and had to take extra training. Our minds were focused on a war. And if you say you’re like your grandfather or dad one more time, I’m going to hit you.”

  Bo laughed and the sound echoed through the barn, frightening the chickens, which squawked and then settled down. “Remember all the fights we had in this barn?”

  “Yeah. Grandpa Chisum had to break us apart one time with the blast of a shotgun.”

  “What were we fighting about?”

  “I liked that dark-haired girl in tenth grade and you had flirted with her. We had an agreement not to trespass on the girls we dated. When we got back to the barn, I lit into you.”

  “What was her name?”

  “I can’t remember.”

  “Me neither.” Bo threw his arm around Cole’s shoulder. “We had a code of honor and I broke it. We promised each other we would never get married, but once you met Grace…”

  “I was happy to break it.” There was silence for a moment and then Cole added, “I think you have to ask yourself a big question now. Do you still love Becky?”

  Bo didn’t hesitate with his response. “I’m always going to love her. I just don’t know if she can ever love me again.”

  “My advice is, and remember you asked for it, go visit your father and be the man you want to be and not the one your grandfather groomed. Get that garbage out of your system that you’ve been carrying around since the day you found your dad with another woman. And the next step would be to tell Becky how you really feel.”

  “Sounds easy.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But why is it so incredibly hard?”

  “Nothing worth fighting for has ever been easy.”

  Becky meant everything to him and now he had to prove it. Bo got to his feet. “Sorry for waking you up so early. I think I’ll go see my mom for a few minutes before I head back to Austin. Thanks for listening.”

  “Anytime.”

  They walked out of the barn and a lot of the guilt around Bo’s heart eased. As he got into his truck he vowed that from this day forward Becky would always be number one in his heart. He just had to make her believe it.

  It was five o’clock when he drove into his mom’s driveway. The lights were on and he knew she was either going to the grocery store or to church. He had a key, but he didn’t want to frighten her so he knocked at the front door. She answered in a bathrobe.

  “Bo, what are you doing knocking?”

  “I didn’t want to alarm you.”

  She patted his cheek. “You’re such a sweet boy.”

  “Mom, I’m not a boy anymore,” he told her as they walked into the house.

  “I’m well aware of that. Get a cup of coffee and I’ll make breakfast before I go to church.”

  Pouring a cup of coffee, he asked, “Isn’t it a little early for church?”

  “Yes, but I go by the grocery store to make sure everything is running smoothly.”

  For the first time, he realized how strong his mother was. She didn’t need her son running her life or worrying about her. She had that down. She owned it. Mason was her kryptonite and she had that under control, too.

  He shifted uncomfortably in a chair. “Mom, I’d like to ask some questions.”

  She pulled out a chair with a coffee cup in her hand. “Sure. Craig said you and Becky took Luci trick-or-treating. Did she have fun?”

  “Yeah, she was so cute. You wouldn’t believe what she did.” He told his mother how Luci would forget to say trick-or-treat and just introduce herself. As he talked, he realized how much he loved that little girl and he wasn’t going to bail on her. He wasn’t going to bail on Becky, either. He shook his head. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”

  “By the expression on your face, I’m guessing it’s something important.”

  “Were you aware that Becky was pregnant when I left for the army?”

  “What?”

  “I found out last night that Becky was pregnant and she had a miscarriage at ten weeks. It devastated her.”

  “Oh my goodness.” His mom held a hand to her chest. “That’s why she called all the time, asking where you were.”

  “Why didn’t you get in touch with me?”

  “I thought she was just missing you. She never said otherwise. Oh, heavens, what did I do?”

  “She wanted to let me know about the baby.”

  “Oh, son, I’m so sorry. I didn’t pick up on the clues.”

  “She went through it alone, not even telling her father. But she caught an infection and Craig had to call an ambulance. That’s when he found out his daughter had a miscarriage. He was there for her then.”

  “I heard about the ambulance in the neighborhood, and when I asked Craig, he said Becky wasn’t feeling well. She came home, but before I could visit her, they left and were gone for a long time. I didn’t know what was wrong and I didn’t ask. I should’ve asked.”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

  “Craig and I have been so happy that you two were getting along so well.”

  “Yeah, me too, but I don’t know where we go from here.”

  “Why did she tell you now?”

  He told his mom about the lady having a miscarriage. “It brought it back all back and she said she had to tell me.”

  “And?”

  “She asked me to leave and I did.”

  “Oh, son, I’m so sorry.” His mother stood. “I’ll fix you a good breakfast and that will cheer you up.”

  “Yeah, right.” Food fixes everything. While she cooked he went into his bedroom and looked out the window to the Tullous house. It was in darkness. Craig wasn’t up yet. Craig’s sharp attitude toward Bo become clear now. He didn’t want Bo in his house and Bo didn’t blame him. But because of Luci he’d held his tongue. Bo wondered if the man would ever accept him.

  “Breakfast,” his mom called.

  She placed bacon, eggs and biscuits on the table and he dug in. He was hungry.

  “I was going to call you about Thanksgiving,” she said.

  He shoved scrambled eggs into his mouth. “Why?”

  “We’re having the Goodnight Thanksgiving at Lois’s, like always. Mason will be there for the first time in years and your grandmother is worried you won’t come.”

  He took a sip of coffee. “I’ll be there.”

  His mother’s eyes opened wide. “Just like that, you’ll be there.”

  “Yes.”

  She jumped up and hugged him. “Thank you, son. I don’t believe you’ll regret it.”

  He got up and filled his coffee cup. “Who am I to judge? I ran out on Becky and my baby, and that’s about as low as you can get.”

  “Don’t say that. Becky is to blame for a lot of this. She could have told me.”

  “Becky is not to blame,” he snapped. “She went through hell because of me and I never want to hear you say that again.”

  His mother raised her hands. “Okay. I’m getting dressed and going to church. The family could use some prayers right now.” She swung toward her bedroom and glanced over her shoulder. “Are you staying or going?”

  “I’m going back to Austin. I have to work tomorrow and I need some sleep.” He realized he’d been up all night and was beginning to feel the pull of that.

  “I’ll call you with details for Thanksgiving.”

  Details? He just showed up. What kind of details could there be?

  His mom left for church and he sat on the sofa and fell asleep. It was one o’clock when he woke up. He hurriedly took a shower and changed clothes. He seemed to have clothes everywhere. One day he would live in one house with one family and not be such a vagabond. His future dream, but would it be Becky’s?

  As he backed his truc
k out he noticed Craig’s garage door was up. He steered into Craig’s driveway, walked to the front door and rang the bell.

  “Bo.” Craig was surprised to see him.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Bo followed Craig into the house.

  “Have you talked to Becky?”

  “Yes. She’s fine and I’m glad the truth is out. She carried it long enough.”

  “Why didn’t you get her to tell my mother? I’m not placing blame, but I would like to know.”

  “My daughter was lying in a hospital bed with 105-degree fever and crying for her own mother. I would have done anything to ease her pain. She wanted to tell you herself and I gave in to her wishes. She’d lost her mother and then she lost her baby, and there was no way to soothe her injured soul. She didn’t want anyone to know and I respected her wishes. I would do it all over again. You’re the one who left, Bo, and now you have to deal with the consequences. I’m not placing blame, either. The time for blame is over.”

  “How is she this morning?”

  “She sounded okay and she assured me she was. Maybe now that the secret is out you and Becky can talk and go forward or never see each other again.”

  Bo held out his hand. “I’m sorry for all I put Becky through, and you, too.”

  Craig shook his hand and Bo walked out the door to his truck with a butt-load of guilt weighing him down. Talk and go forward or never see each other again. If those were his options, he’d take the former.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  WHEN BECKY WOKE UP, her body felt light, weightless and free. That deep pain in her heart that she’d carried like a badge was gone. Not completely, but it didn’t have the power to reduce her to a pile of tears. Could it really have been that easy? Telling Bo had worked wonders, and now she could put the miscarriage behind her along with the memories of a baby who wasn’t meant to be.

  She tucked the onesie into the box, covered it with tissue and put it in its place in the closet. Throwing it away was out of the question. She hurriedly dressed and went to check on Luci.

  Her baby was waking up, rubbing her eyes. “Mommy.”