Alpha Erased

by Aileen Erin

  It was official. I was stalking my wife.

  A couple years ago, I would’ve told anyone doing anything remotely like this to leave the girl alone. If she was interested, she’d let you know. And yet, here I was, waiting. Hoping she’d give me a chance to prove to her that I was worth talking to her.

  It’d been a few hours since I bumped into her in the hallway, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to see her again. I wanted to talk to her again.

  That’s all I wanted for now. Just to talk to her, to reassure myself that it really was her, to start proving to her that I was someone worth spending more time with.

  Eventually, when I thought she’d say yes, I’d ask her on a date. I couldn’t do it after just one quick exchange in the hallway. I had to build to that, which meant I needed more time with her.

  I had to keep reminding myself that I was starting over, but not from scratch. Because I knew Tessa. I’d lived in her head for almost a year. I knew what she liked and what she loved and what annoyed the hell out of her. Which meant I could win her back.

  I would win her back.

  But staying in this apartment was driving me nuts. It’d only been three freaking hours since I last saw her, and I was already going crazy? How was I supposed to make this work? I was used to doing things—fighting, hunting, teaching, but now I was just sitting here. Waiting.

  Everyone was texting me, asking if I’d seen her yet, but I needed them to back off. I could tell them that I felt great about how this was going—about how I ran into her in the hallway—but that was a stretch. I’d fumbled that big time.

  And I definitely couldn’t tell them that I’d wasted hours imaging ways to run into her so that I could tell her my name and get her cellphone number.

  Maybe I should just go over there. I could ask for sugar for…brownies. Maybe I was making brownies. But then I’d actually have to make them from scratch.

  I was sure I could figure that out if I had to. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? I always used a mix before, but I was sure people somewhere made them from scratch. I could find a recipe online, no problem. I should just knock on the door and—

  And desperation wasn’t sexy. I just had to wait. She’d leave eventually.

  Or maybe I should go knock. I was new here—that wasn’t a lie. I could ask her for a good place to grab dinner. Or—

  A soft click and then a jingle of keys had me turning to the peephole.

  There she was. My Tessa, yet not at all my Tessa. She was taller than my wife, with the wrong hair color, the wrong eye color. Her nose was bigger. Her lips thinner. Her face rounder. But underneath the magic hiding her, that was the one. My one.

  She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a blouse and heels. Heels. That was most definitely not like Tessa. But the messy bun was there. That woman might not look like the Tessa I was used to seeing, but it was her.

  She locked the door and turned toward the elevator. I wanted to know where she was going. We’d gotten her school schedule—which I’d memorized—but she’d already missed all her classes today.

  Last night, Michael and I briefly talked about having someone watch her to make sure no one took her again, but we didn’t want to attract too much of her attention. We weren’t sure if she saw one of us too much before I had a chance to break the magic, if we’d put her at risk.

  There were too many unknowns with this magic—too many ways it could go wrong—and I hated it.

  But we decided that some members of the Wayfarer Pack would come to watch over her. She didn’t know any of them, and they were used to sliding into all kinds of situations. Wherever she was going, they’d follow her. I wanted to trust them with her, but I wasn’t sure I trusted anyone that much.

  I counted to ten and then opened my door. I pretended not to notice her walking down the hall while I locked my door.

  Could she tell that I was watching her out of the corner of my eye as she paused to look at me? I wasn’t sure.

  I slid my keys into my pocket and turned to her. The woman I was looking at didn’t look anything like the one I was missing. Talking to her with the intention of getting her number felt like cheating.

  But I wasn’t cheating. Everything was a lie. Everything I said and everything I saw.

  I gave her a smile, but it wasn’t real either. I was trying, but not lying was one of the things that Tessa and I agreed on. We didn’t like it, and we sucked at it when we tried.

  “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name earlier.” Her cheeks pinked as she spoke. “I’m Cassie.”

  I wanted to tell her that she was wrong. Her name was Tessa Laurent. And she was my wife.

  But I bit all of that back. None of that was helpful right now. I closed the distance between us, holding out my hand.

  She took it, and then I could breathe. I could see her—the real her. I smiled for real then, and she was looking everywhere but at me. It reminded me of the time I bumped into her in a bookstore—before everything happened.

  That had been a really good day. The best day.

  At least this time my smile wasn’t a lie. “I’m Dastien Laurent.”

  “Um. Are you not from here?”

  “No, I just moved in.” My throat went dry. Was she having memory problems? Was she already forgetting me again? How was I going to do this if she was already forgetting?

  She pulled gently on her hand, and I watched her brown eyes as I let her hand slip from my grasp. The magic slid back into place, and there was the average-looking, blue-eyed blonde in front of me again.

  Her gaze darted to mine, and I crossed my arms to keep myself from reaching out to her again.

  “No. I meant the accent. I didn’t hear it before, but when you said your name…”

  “Oh. Right.” Relief hit me so strongly that I had to step back. “I’m originally from France, but I’ve lived in the US for most of my life.”

  “Cool.” She hooked her thumbs in her backpack straps. “Well, I’m off to make up a test I missed. I’ll see you—”

  This couldn’t be it. Thirty seconds and then gone again. I needed more time. I had to have more time.

  “I’ll walk out with you.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think them through. I wasn’t really planning on going anywhere. I’d just been waiting to talk to her. But I had keys and my cell, and I could come up with something if she asked.

  The store. I was going to the store.

  “Okay,” she said, but it was soft.

  I pressed the button for the elevator, and an awkward silence filled the space between us.

  This was one thing that had never been between us. It was never awkward. We could sit together quietly, and it never felt like this.

  I hated magic, and I was really starting to hate the fey. They thought they could take her from me? They thought they could do this to her? To us?

  No. As soon as Tessa was back to herself, the second she was okay again, the fey were going to have a very, very big problem on their hands.

  I heard a rumble and looked at her.

  Tessa’s eyes were wide, and her hand was over her stomach. “That’s embarrassing.”

  I wanted to touch her again so I could get a better look at the real Tessa under the magic, but I didn’t want to risk spooking her. “Did you miss lunch?”

  “No. I ate.” She looked away from me and stared at the ground. “I’m just always hungry.” Her words were mumbled, and if I wasn’t mistaken—she was embarrassed.

  She didn’t need to be embarrassed, but now she had me worried. I didn’t like that she was always hungry. She was still a werewolf. No matter how much magic they put over her to hide her wolf. If she was trying to eat like a human—and had been that way for twenty-one months—then she could be near starvation.

  My heart started to race as I tried to picture how she’d looked under all the magic. This was bad. This could be very, very bad. She might be worse off than Meredith was when her wolf had been suppressed by magic.
/>
  But this wasn’t witchcraft. This was fey magic.

  Merde. I’d been so happy to be able to see her, that I hadn’t paid attention. She didn’t seem like she’d lost any weight. I had to look again. I had to know, or I wouldn’t be able to leave her side.

  The elevator dinged as the doors opened, and I waved her forward.

  As the doors closed, I moved closer to her. “You’re not feeling dizzy, are you? I don’t want you passing out on me.” I used that excuse to touch her shoulder. At first, I saw the same Tessa that I was used to, but then I felt the edge of magic pressing against my hand.

  I didn’t have much knowledge about magic—that was Tessa’s domain—but I’d lived in her head. I knew how it worked. I knew how she worked. She always said it was the intent and belief that made her magic work. A lot of her magic worked in the same way that being alpha worked. It was power, and that was something I had.

  I pushed my power at her, and there was a pop and stinging prick against my hand. Almost like someone had flicked a rubber band against it. I didn’t flinch, even when my wolf told me to pull away, that danger was ahead.

  But when the stinging faded, I saw something very, very different.

  This time, what I saw terrified me, and worse, I breathed in, and the scent of her scared me even more.

  She was saying something, but I didn’t hear her. I couldn’t possibly hear her over the hard pounding of my heart, and the hollow echo of air whistling out of my lungs.

  “Did you hear me?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry.”

  She looked concerned for me, which was ridiculous. She was the one in danger.

  “You don’t have to worry. I won’t pass out. I’ve already hit my quota. You can let go of me.” She laughed like it was nothing. Like her passing out would’ve been no big deal, but it was. Her cheeks were redder than they had been a minute before, and I knew I was making her uncomfortable.

  But what I saw under that magic wasn’t nothing.

  “I’m sorry.” I dropped my hand, shoving both of them into my pockets to hide the shaking. “You just looked a little pale.”

  She winced, and I knew I’d fucked up. I’d made her even more uncomfortable. I needed to fix that, but I couldn’t come up with anything.

  My skin felt cold with fear and panic and dread, and it took everything in me not to take her back up to my apartment and tie her up until we figured out how to break the magic.

  What I’d seen scared me, but the scent that came from her told me something much more terrifying.

  I didn’t have time to win her back because I was too late.

  I was too fucking late.

  My heart was breaking, and I had to hide it, but all I could hear was ringing in my ears from the fear and knowledge that after everything, I might just be too late to save her.

  “—just never enough.” She was talking, and I was trying my best to keep my fear and horror off of my face. “I keep losing weight, but…you know what.” She looked away from me. “You don’t know me, and you most definitely don’t want to know all of this. Sorry.”

  No. I absolutely wanted to know every bit of this. “Why don’t I cook you dinner? Tonight. Come over.” Please. Let me feed you. Like now. Come over now. You don’t need to go anywhere. You don’t need anything except to live.

  But saying that would scare her away.

  She’d be okay until tonight. Maybe. God. I needed the Wayfarers to follow her. To watch in case she collapsed. I’d call the Wayfarer on duty and make sure they kept a close eye on her. They had to be there if something happened. They had to call me if something happened.

  And while she was gone, I needed to make some calls. I needed answers, and I’d get them by dinnertime. “I’m serious. I’m a good cook. You won’t leave hungry.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” she said it so quietly just as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

  I wouldn’t have heard her if I wasn’t a werewolf.

  But I pretended like I didn’t. “Was that a yes?” I asked her as I followed her into the underground parking garage.

  “No!” She took a step away from me. “Sorry. I mean, no. I can’t come for dinner.”

  What? She was turning me down?

  No. She couldn’t. I wasn’t taking no.

  I took a step toward her. “Why not?” I was going to need a very good explanation. Otherwise, I would take her home now, and we’d figure out the rest there.

  She was looking everywhere but at me. Her gaze caught someone who’d just parked, and she gave him a little wave as they walked past us to the elevator.

  “I eat a lot.” Her words were so quiet as she took another step away from the elevator. “It’s embarrassing.”

  This—this—I could fix. I stepped in front of her. Instead of ducking down to look her in the eyes like I usually needed to do, I only had to tilt my head a little. “I got kicked out of an all-you-can-eat buffet once and asked never to come back.”

  “No.” Her gaze finally darted to mine. “You did not.”

  It wasn’t a lie, except I hadn’t been alone. She’d been with me. We’d both gotten kicked out. “I did.” I stood straight again. “I have an off-the-charts metabolism. On one of my slow days, I eat probably three times what a normal professional athlete eats.”

  She searched my face to see if I was joking, but I wasn’t. Not about this. All werewolves required a large calorie intake. It was the cost of the magic to keep both our forms alive.

  “Well, then you eat more than me. It’s just…” She chewed on her lip a little. Something she always did when she was considering what to say or how much to tell a person. She’d give a little sigh when she figured it out, and then she’d start talking.

  So, I watched her and waited for that little sigh.

  And then she sighed, and I held my breath so that I would hear everything that she said.

  “My friend—she’s always disgusted,” she said finally. “And I stopped eating out. I sometimes ordered two things, and then people stared. So, I stopped doing that, but then I’m hungry again in like two seconds, and…”

  She ordered two things? Like two entrees? Or like a salad and an entree?

  I had so many questions, but I didn’t want to freak her out. But even if it was two entrees, she needed more than that. I needed more food than Tessa, but she could still easily pack away three entrees every meal.

  If she’d been cutting down this hard on all meals across the board, maybe it wasn’t the magic that was doing this. Maybe she just needed someone to show her how much to eat.

  “Come over. Please.” I reached for her hand, holding it gently in mine. Now that I’d seen all the way through the magic, her hand felt like a bag of loosely bound twigs. “I always cook a ridiculous amount of food.” I thought of something that might do the trick. “I double-dog dare you to try to eat more than me.”

  Axel was always double-dog daring me to do stupid things, and from what he said—it’d been something that he and Tessa used to do all the time.

  If she was the same girl, she wouldn’t be able to turn me down.

  She looked up at me, biting her lip again. She was seriously considering it.

  And then she pulled her hand free from mine to tug at her hair—pulling it down from her messy bun before slopping it back up.

  There she was. My Tessa. She always messed with her hair when she was trying to make a decision.

  “Please.” I gave her my best smile.

  “Okay. But I’m warning you, I eat a lot. I can pay you back for all the food if you—”

  What? “No.” That wasn’t happening. “You can’t pay me back.”

  Her eyes widened, and she took a step back from me. “But I eat—”

  I stepped closer to her. “And it’ll be my pleasure to feed you.” I cut off her protest. I wasn’t taking no for an answer. Not now.

  I gave her another big smile that I hoped seemed genuine and not at all desperate. “Co
me over. Eat until you’re not hungry anymore. I swear you won’t shock me.”

  She was chewing on her lip again, and I knew that she was about to agree. She just needed a little push.

  I moved out of her way but followed her as she walked to her car. “What’s your number? I’ll text you.”

  The gate to the garage creaked as it opened for another car to enter down the ramp, but I could hear her just fine as she listed it off. I typed it into my cell and texted her a simple “hello.”

  She pulled her phone from her back pocket and checked the text. “Great. What time?” She asked as I watched her save my contact.

  I was in. This was happening.

  Now. Dinner right now would be great. “Maybe about six? Or if that’s too early, seven? Although if you want to come over sooner, I’ll be around.” And now I sounded desperate. “Just text. It’ll be casual.”

  “Okay.” She unlocked her car. I hadn’t noticed until I was standing next to it that the car was the same one she had in Texas. Same color—black. Same model—Tiguan. But most likely a different year.

  Weird, but it definitely wasn’t the weirdest part of all of this.

  I reached past her to open the door for her. “Great. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Okay.” She sounded a little unsure, but I couldn’t see her face. She’d turned to throw her backpack on the passenger seat.

  If she didn’t show, I knew where she lived, and I had her number. I’d convince her to come over.

  I closed the door and then walked up the ramp to the pedestrian exit. She waved as she passed me in her car.

  I sent off a quick text to the Wayfarers’ number to keep a close eye on her. I warned them about the possibility of collapse before I took off running down the sidewalk.

  I didn’t have my AirPods for a real run, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there before I did anything crazy. Like chase her down and beg her to move in with me. I needed to run off all the fear and anger.

  So, I ran. I ran until my heart was pumping with exertion instead of terror. And then I started to slow until I was walking.