Alpha Erased

by Aileen Erin

  Renew our bond. Cement it again.

  I hated myself for taking away her choice. I swore I’d never bite anyone ever again, and yet, here I was. I’d do anything to have her back.

  Last time I nearly killed her. This time maybe I could save her.

  Save us.

  I bit my hand, and then let the blood drip into her mouth.

  And then I bit her hand.

  I kept doing CPR. Kept hoping. Kept waiting to feel the bond slip into place.

  “What’s mine is yours, and yours is mine. From earth to air to fire to water. Moon and sun. I will be yours to the end of time.” The words were old. It didn’t matter the language that you said them in, but the magic of them always worked. They’d been joining wolf to wolf for thousands of years.

  Usually, a werewolf would see the past of their mate as the bond formed, but this time, I didn’t see flashes from her past. I didn’t see anything. I didn’t feel anything.

  I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need to. I already knew the past. I just needed the bond between us to be found.

  One.

  Two. “Knowing what I have to offer, will you accept me and this bond?”

  Three.

  Four.

  Five.

  Breath. Breath.

  One. I needed her to answer. She was supposed to answer. She was supposed to give her consent to the bond.

  Four.

  Five.

  Breath. Breath.

  I kept doing the chest compressions and looked up at the werewolves.

  “Just finish it,” Lucas said. “The magic will work. She already said yes once. Nothing will change that.”

  I hoped Lucas was right. I really needed him to be right.

  I stared down at my mate. The fake form that she was wearing had faded more, and with my hands on her, I could see Tessa. The real Tessa.

  Her skin was pale, her cheeks sunken in, and there were dark circles under her eyes. It terrified me that she looked like death. Worse. She looked like she’d already been dead for weeks.

  This couldn’t be it. We’d been apart for so long. I couldn’t accept that I might never get to talk to her again before we die.

  Please, God. Let this work.

  “With these words, the bond is complete. I share all my power with my mate.”

  Everyone was silent as we waited.

  There wasn’t a flash of light.

  There was no zing of magic on my skin.

  Tessa didn’t wake up.

  There was just the screaming of my wolf inside me, but he couldn’t do CPR. I needed this form.

  So I shoved him down even when I wanted to scream and cry and smash each one of the candles around this stupid fucking circle.

  Because I couldn’t feel any of the grief yet. I had a job to do. I had to keep giving her CPR because nothing else would save her right now.

  “What now?”

  No one said anything.

  “What now?!”

  Nothing but silence.

  “I’m not giving up. Someone say something.”

  Nothing?

  “Come on! She would never give up if one of you were on the line. She would never—”

  “Wait!” Samantha broke through the circle. “Wait!” She pushed me away, and because I was so desperate that someone could save her, I let her push me away from my mate.

  “Fast.” I pleaded with her. “Whatever you do, do it fast.”

  I counted seconds, knowing time was moving too quickly in my panic. I tried to slow my count, but I couldn’t afford to be too slow. I couldn’t afford to be wrong.

  Samantha held her hands above Tessa, moving them up and down her body.

  “Come on. Hurry.”

  “I’m trying. Just…give me one more second. I just need—here it is.” She yanked something, and I felt like claws had punched through my chest and ripped out my heart.

  “What are you doing!”

  “This might hurt.”

  “That already hurt!” And Tessa was turning blue. “Move!” I started to shove Samantha, but then she stared at me. And I froze.

  Her eyes were two globes of fire.

  What the hell was Samantha?

  “I said one second.”

  She turned back to Tessa and waved her hands. Then she yanked one hand toward her, and this time—instead of flying through the air and smashing into a wall like she had in her apartment—I felt like I’d been ripped from my body. Like something was missing from me. Like I was hollow and empty and all that was left inside my body was a sea of darkness.

  She’d taken my soul.

  “Bite her again. Save her. Now!” Samantha yelled. “I found your bond, and I destroyed it. Start the ceremony over!”

  Okay. Okay. I could do that.

  This had to work.

  I bit my hand again and dropped my blood into her mouth. I bent down to her and bit her lip, just like I had the first time. Her warm, metallic blood passed my lips, and I prayed that this would work.

  “What’s mine is yours, and yours is mine. From earth to air to fire to water. Moon and sun. I will be yours to the end of time.” The words came faster this time, one on top of the other, as fast as I could get them out.

  But this time—this time—I felt the zing of magic along my soul. I felt it reaching out—reaching toward her. I saw her past—bits I’d never seen before. I saw her with her brother dancing around her room in California like an idiot.

  I saw her jogging down a path.

  And then I saw her in class with Cosette’s sister beside her.

  I saw the doctor. Her mother—Helen. I saw witches, and I knew what coven they were from.

  New York. The same coven Claudia had trouble with.

  “Finish the words! She’s passing over to the other realm. Do it now!”

  Samantha’s words brought me back to myself.

  “Knowing what I have to offer, will you accept me and this bond?” This time I didn’t wait for an answer. “With these words, the bond is complete. I share all my power with my mate.”

  The bond slammed into place, and it hurt—my soul was back and so was hers and it was taking up way too much space. It was too heavy, too hot, and if it grew much more, I knew I would explode. There wasn’t enough of me to hold it inside.

  I was screaming. I thought I was screaming, but then I realized it wasn’t me.

  It was Tessa.

  She was screaming.

  Her heart was thumping hard—slow at first, but then speeding up. Her breath was coming harder, faster, and she was alive.

  Oh thank God. She was alive.

  I pressed my forehead to hers. She was still screaming, but I had to find a way to fix this. “Tessa? Please. How can I help? How—”

  “God. Damn. It. That fucking burned. Felt like I was going to explode for a second.” Her hand came up, touching my cheek. “Dastien?”

  A sob came out before I could stop it. “Do you remember—”

  “Everything.” She slid out of my arms and tried to stand, but her legs couldn’t hold her yet.

  She was moving too fast. She was too weak for this. “Wait.” I stood, wrapping my arm around her waist to give her some support while I poured power through her bond.

  She jerked in my arms and then blinked up at me. “God. That’s like guzzling a twenty-four pack of Diet Coke all at once.”

  I didn’t care. I would give her everything I had, and then I’d give her more. But I never wanted to be apart from her again. I brushed a kiss against her lips because she was here and alive and I could.

  “Hey.” Her hand cupped my cheek. “It’s going to be okay. I love you, you know? I’m glad you figured my plan.”

  I pulled away just enough to see her face. She had to be joking.

  Her plan? This was her plan?

  If that were true, then we were going to have a long talk about discussing plans before enacting them.

  Steadier now, she stepped away from me. “Oh, good. Ev
eryone’s here. I love it when my plans work out.”

  “What?” I screamed at her, but it wasn’t just me screaming—it was half the council.

  She gave a little shrug as if telling us all it wasn’t a big deal. Which was complete garbage.

  It was a very big deal. The hell I’d been through—that we’d all been through—she knew?

  She spun to me. She was still way too thin, and I could feel the exhaustion in her, but there was a light in her eyes that I’d missed. I’d missed it so much.

  “No.” She put her hand on my cheek. “I didn’t know exactly what would happen. I’m not sure I would’ve done this if I’d known how long it’d take to get home.”

  I’m so sorry. Her soft voice came through the bond. We have a lot to talk about when we get home.

  I dropped to my knees. She was really here. All the way back. I closed my eyes, and I could hear her thoughts. She was here, and it was everything.

  I missed you. I— There were too many emotions. I couldn’t give them words, not even in my mind. Not even along the bond. It was too much, too big, too raw.

  I know, but we’ll be okay. I swear.

  No. She didn’t understand what it’d been like without her. She couldn’t possibly get it. I’m not sure I believe you. I want to go home. I want to take you home.

  Not yet. Soon. I promise. She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the ground.

  Tessa linked her fingers with mine and turned to our friends. “Well, it’s not exactly as I planned. I’ll explain more later, but we need to do something now. Van? Will you take all of us?”

  Van’s shoulders drooped as he watched Tessa. “Where are we going now?” He sounded as exhausted as I felt.

  “To see Mother. Or the woman who made me believe she was my mother.”

  “You want to see my mother? Now?” Cosette muttered quietly. She stepped closer to Chris, who wrapped his arm around her. “Are you sure that’s wise?”

  “There was a fight starting when I left, and I’m not sure which way time is passing among the courts.” Van flicked his hand, and a sword appeared in it. “It could be over by the time we get there or not started yet or in the middle of the worst of it. Are you sure you still want to go?”

  “Yes. We have to. We have no choice.”

  I opened the bond until I was inside Tessa’s head again. I knew she liked privacy, but the bond was back, and in place, and she wasn’t getting any privacy. Not for a while.

  I could feel the weight of her exhaustion—at how her bones felt too heavy inside her body—and I pushed more power at her because she was so certain that this had to be done now or everything that we went through would be for nothing.

  We had to go now, before it was too late.

  “I’ve waited twenty-one months for this. I lost twenty-one months for this. Your mother is about to be taught a lesson. It’d be best if everyone came with me, but you don’t have to.” She turned to Elowen and Kyra. “I’d understand if you wanted to stay.”

  They shared a look and then turned back to my mate. “And miss the Lunar Court fall?” Kyra said.

  “No.” Elowen crossed her arms. “I think we both want to be there for this.”

  I stepped close to Tessa. “What’s happening? Explain.” Please.

  I will. I promise. But if we don’t go now, we’ll lose our one window. And we both sacrificed too much to let this window pass us by. She pressed her free hand to my cheek. Trust me. Just one more time. Please.

  I peeked into her mind and saw her determination and her strength and her urgency. I understood that we had to do this now. I didn’t understand all of her plan—she was thinking too many things at once—but I didn’t need to. She’d explain the rest when there was time. I trusted her. Always. I’ll follow you wherever you go.

  I know. She gave me a small, sad smile. I counted on it. Thank you for finding me.

  I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t found her. It wasn’t me. I’d drowned without her every day. But that would wait.

  Van stepped toward us. “Everyone, hang on to each other.”

  “Wait,” Cosette said. “Dastien, Lucas, and Blaze. Before you agree to go, you need to be warned. It’s not wise for werewolves to go into the Lunar Court without protections. I can try to—”

  “Dastien and I will be okay,” Tessa said. “I’ve got him, and I have my own ways around your mother’s power now. Lucas and Blaze might need help.”

  “Really?” Cosette seemed suspicious of that, but the confidence was strong in Tessa’s mind.

  “Really.” Tessa grinned, and it was maybe the best thing I’d ever seen.

  I leaned down and breathed in her scent—lavender, vanilla, honey, and something just Tessa.

  Lucas laughed at Blaze. “You think you’ll be okay, old man?”

  “It’ll be a brisk day in Hell when I’m bested by one of the Lunar Court. Especially Helen.” Blaze’s laugh turned to a small smile. “No worries on our account. Lucas and I are quite a bit older than you. One of us might be older than your mother, Cosette. And I believe I can speak for both of us when I say we have our own protections.”

  Cosette gave one of her long-suffering sighs that sounded like bells chiming in the distance, and if I didn’t know her, I would’ve thought she was disappointed. But I knew it was relief. I’d heard her say that she was afraid of giving in to her power over werewolves. She didn’t want to help us if she didn’t have to.

  “Good, but the offer stands if any of you get into trouble.” She linked hands with Chris. “You only need to say the word.”

  Tessa squeezed my hand tighter as she grabbed onto Van. “Let’s do this. Now. The timing is just right.”

  I wasn’t so sure about that. I’d just gotten Tessa back, and now we were about to go face her kidnapper. Without a plan. Without an army. Without a chance in Hell.

  This was probably going to be one of the stupider things we’d done, but I trusted Tessa. If she said she saw this in her visions, then she saw it. I trusted her with my life. With all of our lives.

  I reached out to Chris.

  Within a second, we were all touching. Everyone except Samantha and Axel.

  When Tessa looked at her standing off to the side, Samantha held up her hands. “This is not my bag. I don’t fight. Not the things you do. That’s not how I work.”

  Tessa nodded. “You’ll wait here? With my brother?”

  Samantha shrugged. “Not like I have a great alternative. I’m not even sure where we are, and I don’t have a car. So, yeah. Just try not to take too long.”

  “I’ll take care of her,” Axel said. “But hurry home. I missed you.”

  “We’ll be back soon,” Tessa said.

  I hoped that was true. I really, really hoped. All I wanted was a little quiet time alone with my mate.

  “Everyone ready?” Van asked.

  There was a small chorus of yeses and grunts, and then everything was spinning and tumbling through a black abyss, but I didn’t feel it.

  Because she was back. I could be tumbling through a deep, dark abyss and not feel it ever again as long as I had her. As long as I could feel our bond. As long as we were together, I was home anywhere. Even here in the black, barren space between realms.

  Tessa was back.

  She was back, and she was mine again.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Tessa

  I never ever wanted to do anything less than go to the Lunar Court tonight, but it had to be done. The consequences of not going now would be unspeakable.

  I was so far beyond tired that I was in another realm of exhaustion, and there was this gnawing pit of hunger in my stomach that made me feel weak and woozy. All I wanted to do was walk inside the house in the distance. Through the bits and pieces I’d seen as our bond renewed, I knew Dastien built it himself with my brother and Mr. Dawson. But I hadn’t seen how it looked when finished.

  God, it looked like a dream. I could happily spend the next three years inside it with
Dastien, but I wouldn’t get that chance if I didn’t keep moving tonight.

  I glanced back at my mate. My husband. His hair was longer. He’d added some muscle, which was insane because he already had more than enough. And there was a haunted look in his eyes that made me ache because it was my fault it was there. I did that to him.

  I didn’t remember him while I was gone. I didn’t know that I’d been missing anyone or anything, other than my memory. But there was this emptiness inside me that never seemed to go away. There was this constant pressure that made it hard to breathe or think sometimes. But now I knew what that was.

  It was Dastien.

  I didn’t realize he was my other half when I met him, but he was. After our bonding ceremony, we couldn’t live apart. Not for long. Not if we wanted to live.

  I knew I was too weak to fight anyone tonight. I’d been pushed to the brink of death fighting the queen’s magic for twenty-one long months. It was a poison in my veins, weaving through my soul, sucking the life from my body. It made me forget who I was, what I was, and everything important to me.

  My wolf paid the price of keeping me alive until Dastien found me. But I was with him now. I would eat and rest and heal.

  At least I would if I could do this.

  I had to push through. One more thing and then I could relax for a while.

  So, I took the energy and power that Dastien sent me and prayed it’d be enough.

  One more fight.

  One more night.

  One more and then I was taking a break from all of this. So, I needed to make this one, last thing count.

  When my brother had been hurt and we’d been pulling up to the warehouse, I saw so many different ways this could go. So many terrible ways. Endings with us dying. Endings with fey wars. Endings with so much needless death. Innocents. Humans. Werewolves. Fey. Witches.

  The futures I saw terrified me, and there wasn’t one that ended well. Almost every time we fought, we lost. Even when we won, the cost wasn’t worth it.

  Which meant I couldn’t fight this. I couldn’t start a war with the fey. Not then and not now. I had to find a way to end this.

  The only path to stopping our destruction started with my surrender.