“Are you just totally removed from everything here?” Taryn pressed. “Do you have electricity? Running water?”
“We have a bank of solar panels on the other side of the barn that powers our yurts,” said Alex. “For water, I have a five gallon water tank that I fill up in the house and bring out here to wash my hands in the sink or to drink. Anything else I really need, I just go up to the house. We have a full kitchen, multiple bathrooms. It’s an old house, but we’ve worked on it and it’s quite nice.”
“This is really how you live?” said Taryn, putting her hands on her head. It was blowing her mind. When she first met Alex at her office, she knew that the woman’s lifestyle was different from her own. But she never expected something like this.
“Yeah,” Alex replied with a laugh. “Come on, it’s not all that crazy. It’s just different.”
“It sure is,” said Taryn. “I mean, don’t get me wrong—this place is beautiful. It feels really… special, you know?”
“I know,” Alex happily agreed.
“But it… it’s just kind of… out there.”
“A little bit,” said Alex, laughing once again. “I know how it looks. But it makes me incredibly happy.”
“It’s so intriguing,” said Taryn, once more looking around the yurt, spinning where she stood as she surveyed. “You all live in these yurts?”
“No,” said Alex. “Just three of us. There are a few other dwellings on the property that the others live in. Penny and Dev live in old shipping containers that have been built into a home.”
“What?” said Taryn. “Shipping containers?”
“Yeah,” Alex said and grinned. “It’s really cool.”
“Penny was that pregnant woman we talked to?” asked Taryn.
“Yes,” said Alex. “And Dev’s her partner.”
“She was very kind,” said Taryn. “I could really feel it coming from her.”
“She’s an empath,” said Alex. “She understands.”
“What’s an empath?”
“She’s highly sensitive to the emotions of others,” Alex explained. “It’s like she can absorb your feelings and feel them herself. Hyper empathetic.”
“Oh,” said Taryn with a slow nod as she tried to understand.
“I know it sounds a little wacky,” said Alex. “But I’ve seen it and I believe her.”
“So… why did you bring her in to see me?” Taryn asked with a puzzled expression.
“Well,” Alex began, averting her eyes for a moment before looking back to Taryn and smiling. “I just felt maybe you needed help. And that I am supposed to help you.”
This proclamation washed over Taryn like a wave of confused enlightenment. It made her dizzy, and almost like she was having an out of body experience. In the past, she might have taken a comment like this as an affront, maybe even been insulted by it. But as much as she dreaded to admit it, she really did need help. She just didn’t know how to ask for it.
“Listen, I know it’s… strange,” Alex continued. “Strange to think in terms of supposed to this or that, like it was meant to happen or whatever. But things changed in my life for the better because I started letting go of some preconceived notions and just… letting the current take me. I think I came from a place similar to you—I don’t know that for sure, of course—but I feel like that’s the case. So maybe I can help. You’re not freaked out by that, are you?”
“I… no,” said Taryn. “I’m not freaked out.” Though, inside, she was feeling freaked out. Not put off by Alex’s words, but scared about what they might mean.
“Okay,” Alex replied with a simple smile. “Do you want to see more of the farm?”
“Yeah,” Taryn said. “I do.”
“Great,” said Alex. “Let’s keep moving.”
Alex turned and walked to the door of her yurt, while Taryn remained there for a moment. She wasn’t quite sure what had just happened, but it kind of felt like she had hit her head and was now dealing with the ensuing discombobulation of it. She almost wanted to reach for a pill, but she had left them in her car. So instead, she just stood there and took slow, deep breaths and tried to remain in her body.
“Hey,” Alex called back through the door with a smile. “C’mon.”
“Okay,” said Taryn.
Without another thought, Taryn followed Alex out.
Back at work the next day, Taryn sat at her desk and stared deeply into her screen. She watched the market move, occasionally making the appropriate trades, feeling numb from the experience of living her life like never before. It all felt so curated, so bland in a way, and she was finally starting to admit to herself that the path she had chosen was making her miserable. Taryn had known it for some time on a visceral level, but she hadn’t been able to accept it. After spending some time with Alex out on the farm, she realized there was a whole different world out there that she had ignored.
“Ethan,” Taryn said, looking over toward her work colleague.
“Yeah?” Ethan replied without looking away from his screen.
“Are you happy doing this?” she asked.
“What?” said Ethan. “What do you mean?”
“Does being a trader bring you fulfillment?” Taryn pressed. “Does it make you happy?”
“The money makes me happy,” Ethan said.
“It’s nice,” Taryn agreed in a somewhat deflated tone.
“I’ve got a nice house, I can take trips all over the world,” Ethan listed. “I’ve got a boat. Anything I want, I buy it.”
“Yeah,” said Taryn, slowly nodding.
“Money is happiness in our world,” Ethan continued. He hadn’t even looked up from his computer. “So yeah, totally happy, totally fulfilled by this. What’s the point of living if you can’t get all this nice stuff?”
“I don’t know,” Taryn mused.
“Having nice stuff, living a rich life, that’s the point,” said Ethan. “And this gets me there.”
Just then, a blonde woman in glasses, somewhere in her mid-twenties, approached Taryn. She smiled softly and waited to be recognized. When Taryn looked to her, she herself smiled, knowing exactly the news this young woman was bringing.
“Hi Taryn,” said the woman. “You told me to let you know when the flower delivery woman arrived. I just saw her come in.”
“Thank you, Abby,” Taryn said.
Abby smiled again and nodded, then she turned and walked off.
“I’ll be back,” Taryn said. Ethan didn’t respond.
Walking through the office, Taryn excitedly approached the lobby. She could barely contain herself, eyes wide, heart racing. She was feeling alive for the first time in a long while. Turning a corner and entering the lobby, Taryn saw Alex standing there, adjusting the floral arrangement she had just delivered.
“Alex,” Taryn said with a growing smile. Alex turned her head and saw Taryn, her own smile growing as well.
“Hi,” said Alex. “It’s nice to see you.”
“You too,” said Taryn. She walked closer to Alex. “I just wanted to tell you what an amazing time I had yesterday at your farm. To see all that—your greenhouses, that beautiful field of lavender, the yurts—it was just gorgeous. It was very uplifting.”
“I’m glad you came out and that it had such an effect on you,” Alex said, exuding real enthusiasm and earnestness.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about it last night,” admitted Taryn. “And now, back here in the office, I’m kind of going crazy. It feels so oppressive in here, like the walls are closing in on me.”
“I felt the same way,” Alex said, reaching out and touching Taryn’s arm. “That’s why I got out of the office.”
“You never told me what you did,” said Taryn. “Before this. Before the flowers and the farm.”
“Well,” said Alex, moving in a bit closer still, lowering her voice almost as if she were telling a secret. “I worked in advertising, in Detroit. We did work for a few of the auto companies.”
/> “Yeah?” Taryn replied with interest.
“Did you ever see…” Alex began, a curious smile forming on her face. “Those Standard Motors commercials maybe like five or six years back, where they had people on the street come in, look at these cars, and then act surprised that they were SM cars because they were so modern and nice?”
“Yeah,” said Taryn. “I think I do.”
“Well, I worked on that campaign,” said Alex. “And I was actually in one of the commercials.” She laughed softly and shook her head. “It was obviously pretty staged.”
“Sure,” Taryn agreed.
“Anyway, the pressure of advertising was just too much,” said Alex. “The pay wasn’t all that great, but the hours were long. They try to ply you with these amenities or whatever at the office. A ping pong table, beer on tap for an afterwork drink. But it was just driving me crazy. There was no point, you know? I’m just working to convince people to go into debt to buy an upgraded car that they don’t need? It really caught up with me and it just made me sick after a while. I couldn’t do it anymore. The amenities and benefits don’t make up for the hole you feel inside.”
“Wow, yeah,” Taryn said, intently listening.
“It just wasn’t for me,” said Alex. “It wasn’t who I knew I was.”
“I’ve been feeling like that, too,” Taryn replied in confidence, her eyes darting side to side to make sure none of her colleagues were hovering around and listening in. “It’s something that’s been growing for a while. Working here is doing something to me that I can’t articulate.”
“I understand,” Alex said kindly.
“Something has stuck with me since yesterday,” said Taryn. “Something you said. You told me that you felt that I needed help, and that you were supposed to help me.”
“Yes,” Alex said with a smile.
“I think… yes,” said Taryn. “I feel something, too. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m drawn to you. It’s… it’s overwhelming. I feel this deep push inside of myself, it’s something I’ve never felt before.”
“You should come spend some time with me on the farm,” said Alex. “With us. It’s a very positive and kind and accepting group of people I live out there with. It could do you some good.”
“It’s not a cult is it?” Taryn asked. Alex laughed.
“So funny,” said Alex. “It’s not a cult. It’s just a bunch of good people who are working toward the same goals.”
“I just wanted to be sure,” said Taryn. “You know, that it’s not a hyper-religious cult or something. Because… well, I’m gay and wouldn’t want anybody to hold that against me.”
“I told you they are all accepting people,” Alex reiterated. “Sexuality is a spectrum. You have nothing to worry about. I think you should be my guest, Taryn, and come spend a little time on the farm.”
“I want to do that,” Taryn agreed. “I just have to figure out how to make it happen.”
“Okay,” Alex said. Her smile warmed Taryn. It calmed her nerves and steadied her heart. The anxiety she had been feeling for so long dissolved almost completely when Alex was near her. It was as though, through some sort of osmosis, Alex instilled a feeling within Taryn that it was going to be all right.
“Maybe I’ll take some time off of work,” Taryn mused, as though she were trying to convince herself. “With my workload though, I don’t know if I can. I might be able to get Ethan and Huang to cover for me for a week. Maybe two. I’m just not sure.”
“Don’t stress about it,” Alex said. “Why don’t you come out this next weekend and just spend that time with me. Friday night through Sunday. How does that sound?”
“That’s good,” said Taryn. “Okay, I’ll do that.”
“And if you enjoy it and you want to take a vacation from work and spend more time at the farm,” said Alex. “We can work that out later. You know, we could actually use another hand. There’s always so much work to do.” She laughed tenderly.
“Me? Work on the farm?” said Taryn. “I don’t even know where to begin with that.”
“Don’t stress,” Alex repeated with amused compassion. “It’s going to be just fine.”
Taryn took Alex’s words to heart. She breathed deeply and then she smiled.
“Thank you, Alex,” said Taryn. “I’m really looking forward to this weekend.”
“Don’t worry about bringing much,” said Alex. “Just some comfortable clothes and a positive attitude.”
“How about some wine?” Taryn replied. “I have this case of a really great cabernet sauvignon and it could be my gift to the farm.”
“I don’t really drink alcohol that much,” said Alex. “Dev actually brews a fruity saison farmhouse style ale, and some people drink that. But I don’t know if your gift would actually be used. Though the thought is certainly appreciated.”
“Okay,” said Taryn. “So… just some clothes…”
“And a positive attitude,” Alex said. Reaching out, she touched Taryn’s elbow. “I’ll see you on Friday, Taryn.”
“Yes,” replied Taryn. Her excitement was already growing. “I’ll see you then.”
Alex smiled blithely. Then she turned and she ran her fingers through a few of the flowers in the arrangement she had placed. Making her way toward the door, she turned her head and offered one more smile to Taryn. Taryn returned that smile, and she gave a simple wave. Alex had such a relaxed and contented expression on her face, and it made Taryn feel relaxed and contented herself. It lasted for a while, even after Alex disappeared down the hall and into the elevator.
Taryn felt hopeful. It was a nice feeling to have.
It took everything Taryn had to make it through the work week. The thought of getting to spend a weekend out at Verdant Bloom Farms with Alex kept her in a positive mindset, however. She knew that, despite how she might feel at various points at work—lost, rudderless, absent meaning—there was a silver lining to her cloudy disposition. At the same time, Taryn felt a bit nervous about going out to the farm for an entire weekend. Surely she’d meet the others. What would they think about her?
Taryn didn’t even really know what to think of herself. By society’s standards, and by the standards she had set for herself, she had been successful. But it didn’t feel like success. It didn’t feel like much of anything, actually. When Taryn shared these thoughts with a therapist, the woman recommended she try an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety pill. After cycling through a few different pills, none of them being quite that helpful, Taryn found only that Xanax could be used to soften her anxiety. But it just seemed to mask the feelings. Nothing felt truly fixed.
It was even worse to have to hide these feelings at work. Surely, if she showed any sign of weakness she would lose the trust of her superiors, and eventually she would be pushed out. The money was too good for that. But having to put up this facade of unerring strength, it had worn her down. The episode she had had a couple weeks prior was a testament to that. Taryn needed a solution. She needed to find out what was wrong with her.
After work on Friday, Taryn rushed home, she showered and changed, and she packed an overnight bag with a few essentials. She sent Alex a text letting her know that she was on her way, and then she got into her car and hit the highway. Traffic wasn’t the greatest—rush hour on a Friday—but Taryn made it out to Chelsea in good time. She drove that familiar drive, through town, past the Jiffy factory, and off into farmville. Her eyes were wide and a smile was plastered on her face.
When she pulled into the driveway of the farm, the sun about midway down the sky as dusk approached, Taryn saw Alex in the farm stand taking care of some tasks. Taryn smiled and put her car in park. Alex waved at her, and as she approached the SUV Taryn rolled down the window.
“You made it,” said Alex. She leaned an arm on the side of the car and smiled.
“I’m here,” said Taryn. “I’m really excited to come play farm.” Alex laughed.
“Well, don’t think we’re going to
put you on a tractor or anything,” teased Alex. “We’ll probably just have you pick weeds.”
Taryn couldn’t help but admire Alex. She was gorgeous. That tanned olive skin, dark features, she looked Mediterranean and sultry. She was dressed casually in a fitted pair of jeans, leather sandals, and a linen blouse with a plunging neckline. Alex exuded happiness and Taryn could feel it permeating her own being. It was addictive.
“I’ll pick weeds,” said Taryn. “I’ll do anything.”
“Why don’t you drive me up the driveway,” said Alex. “And we’ll go get ready for dinner.”
“Dinner?” said Taryn. “What are we making?”
“Oh, they’ve already got dinner going out back,” said Alex. “Barbecue.”
“The other people? Your co-op friends?” asked Taryn, feeling anxious once again at the prospect of meeting these people.
“Of course,” said Alex. “We always do Friday night dinners together. I’m coming around.”
Taryn unlocked the passenger door and watched Alex walk around the front of the car.
Once they reached the house and parked, the women both exited the car. Taryn grabbed her bag and followed Alex around back. The aroma of barbecue chicken wafted through the air, and it made Taryn feel immediately hungry. There was a long picnic table set up with bowls of food on it—tabouli with bulgar, some kind of corn salad, bright red kimchi, and a few more—and around the table were some of the others who lived on the farm. Taryn recognized Penny, the pregnant woman, and the man with the red beard whose name she didn’t know.
But there were four others as well, and Alex took Taryn around to introduce them all to her. Scotty was the one with the red beard. Astrid was a short, spunky blonde gal who Taryn found attractive and lively. Lucas was quiet, but nice, and seemed a bit older than the others. There was Penny, of course, and she was attached to Dev, a guy with a thin beard and dirty blonde hair in a bun who was in charge of the grill. And last there was Justine, a thicker woman with dark hair and dark glasses, who was always smiling, always adding to the conversation, always involved.
Flower Power Page 4
